Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary
by TheMuseumOfJeanette
Summary: Chaos will ensue when the Bleach characters discover fanfiction. Some may go insane. The 4th and probably 3rd wall will be broken. Requests are closed, I'm not taking any more.    Story is now finished
1. Chapter 1

**I've been itching on doing a Bleach FF story for a while. This is just pointless funny adventures in which the characters discover Fanfiction. I really hope you like it, I was bored one day and, well there ya go I thought of this.**

**Disclaimer: Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary **

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><p>Chapter 1: The Disaster Begins<p>

Ichigo slumped down onto his bed. He was relieved that it was a Saturday, meaning school was out. His house was peacefully silent due to his dad and sisters being out. Apparently a new amusement park had opened up nearby. This was peace, no hollows, no damsels in distress, and certainly no homework. Just a perfect Saturday. It was a little past noon and Ichigo had the day pretty much to himself.

"Man this feels good." Ichigo said aloud, enjoying the quietness.

"I told you before Ichigo, if you lay in bed all day you'll get fat."

Ichigo groaned at the familiar voice. He leaned on one elbow and turned to the person lounging on the floor. "Rukia you're doing the exact same thing."

"Am not." Rukia said defensively before turning back to her magazine.

"Couldn't you've just gone out with my sisters or something?" Ichigo said

"I would've but a hollow might appear at any moment." Rukia replied. "You shouldn't let your guard down Ichigo."

"Yeah you idiot." Another voice said.

"Kon shut up." Ichigo said as he folded his arms behind him. He closed his eyes for some well deserved rest.

"Hmph," The stuffed animal scoffed. "You need to show me a little more respect over here Ichigo."

Rukia's eyes suddenly landed on an odd rectangular object on Ichigo's desk. She hadn't seen that before. "Ichigo, what's that?"

"What's what?" Ichigo replied with his eyes still closed.

"Open your eyes you fool, you can't see what I'm pointing at like that!" Rukia snapped

Ichigo followed her hand to where it pointed to. "Oh that, that's called a computer."

"A... computer?" Rukia repeated.

"Yeah, it's this thing that works on something called the internet. You can do a whole lot with it, like search for just about anything."

Rukia's eyes lit up. "Wow, really? It sounds interesting. Can you... show me this internet?"

Ichigo sighed, so much for relaxing. "Alright, fine." He pulled himself off his bed and sat down on the chair. He pressed the button and soon the screen lit up. "I'll just show you the basics."

Rukia nodded. This machine seemed very interesting indeed. Even Kon was now on the desk with his face on the screen. "Hey, I've seen these before, bout time Ichigo gets one for the house."

Ichigo pushed the toy's face away from the screen. He then beckoned the mouse. "This here is called a mouse."

"Funny, it doesn't quite look like what I've heard of." Rukia murmured as she picked the object from Ichigo. "Where's the tail and it doesn't have any fur?"

Ichigo mentally cursed, this was going to be a long day. "No Rukia, it has no relation to the animal you're thinking off."

"Oh, carry on then."

"As I was saying, a mouse is what you use to move the little cursor you see there." Ichigo explained. "This is called Google, most people use it as their main search domain."

" I see.." Rukia said, eying with interest. "Well, continue."

"You can search for anything in particular." Ichigo added and he pointed towards the letters on the screen. "You see, it has images, news, places, and of course the web."

"Tell her exactly how to search you idiot." Kon scolded.

"Hey! I'm the teacher here you dumb fuzzball, so get." Ichigo said and he tossed him aside. He then pointed towards the keyboard. "After you clicked on the search bar, you type your thoughts with this. It's called a keyboard."

"Interesting." Rukia said. "Why didn't you show me this machine before? It's very unique."

"To be honest it never occurred to me. We're always so busy, and besides I just got this. It's pretty much brand new."

"Understandable I guess, go on."

Ichigo nodded. "Anyway, once you've written down something you press this," And his finger went to the small button. "This is the 'Enter' button, or if you want you can just click on the 'search' icon on the screen."

"There seems to be two buttons on the mouse though, may I ask what the second one does?"

"Oh yeah almost forgot, the second button is mostly used to open new tabs, but it has its other features."

"Like..."

"It can copy and paste things."

"Copy and paste?"

"Say for example there's this big paragraph you want to copy but you don't have time to write it down on paper, you can use that function to copy it and paste it onto a thing called 'notepad' and print it out."

"Incredible, we need something like this for the Soul Society."

"I'll explain the printer stuff for another time though, like when I get one."

"So what are tabs?"

This sure was taking a while, he hadn't expected Rukia to take such an interest in this. Might as well get it over with if he wanted to get some peaceful relaxation. "Tabs are these useful things that- here I'll show you, so pay close attention."

Rukia studied Ichigo's movements as he moved. He moved the cursor as he said it was called, to where the screen read 'Images' and he clicked the second button on the mouse.

"You see where it says 'open new tab', you click on that and," Another screen appeared as Ichigo clicked the mouse. "This extra page opens up."

"I see, like that you can do multiple searches at once, right?"

Ichigo was relieved she was catching on quickly. This meant he wouldn't have to repeat himself. "That's right, though try not to open several tabs at once or the computer might crash."

"Well I get the gist of it." Rukia said. "I think I'm ready to try this 'internet' out."

"Knock yourself out then." Ichigo replied. "If you need me I'll be resting." Ichigo went to resume his position on the bed, secretly hoping not to be disturbed again. Right as he was about to lay down Rukia spoke up.

"Ichigo go get us some snacks."

"I'm not your maid Rukia, get it yourself."

"Don't be like that."

Ichigo groaned. "Fine." He headed downstairs to get them some snacks. He returned moments later with some hotdogs and two sodas. "Mind giving me a hand here?"

Rukia was to attached to her new discovery that she ignored Ichigo's request. "Kon give Ichigo a hand."

Kon beamed up. "Anything for my precious Nee-san." And he took the sodas and placed them on the desk.

Ichigo handed her a plate. "Here ya go, now leave me alone."

"Thanks." Rukia said without facing him, her attention had been stolen by the computer.

By now Ichigo had lost any feelings of wanting to lay in bed, so he flipped his TV on and began eating his own hotdog. Not really caring what the channel landed on.

It was about ten minutes later that Rukia bothered him.

"Hey Ichigo,"

"What do you want now?" Ichigo asked with annoyance.

"You have to check this site out, it's called Fanfiction."

"Rukia you don't have to tell me every site you're on you know."

"You don't know what you're missing, it has several sections of stories."

"Whatever, I can care less."

Rukia scanned the page with big sparkling eyes. "I wonder if they have Chappy the Rabbit stories, ohh I gotta see."

Ichigo had finally landed on a decent movie channel when Rukia interrupted him again.

"That's weird, there's this section that has our names on it."

At this Ichigo turned his head to her. "Eh, really? Are you serious?"

Rukia motioned for him to come over. "Yeah, come take a look for yourself."

Ichigo clicked the TV off and headed towards the computer. Kon had also stopped what he was doing and joined Ichigo by the computer.

"Now what were you going on about?" Ichigo asked as he peered at the screen.

"Look I see your name, my name, Renji, and all of our other friends too." Rukia replied

"That's odd, and you said this site is about stories right?" Ichigo said

Rukia gave him a puzzled look. "Do you think these stories involve us?"

"Well I'm assuming so, I mean if it has our names on them." Ichigo responded with a hint of confusion.

Rukia quickly pulled out her Soul Society cellphone and began punching in some numbers.

"What're you doing Rukia?" Ichigo asked.

"What does it look like I'm doing dummy, I'm calling Renji."

"How the heck am I suppose to know who you're calling?" Ichigo retorted.

Rukia was about to respond but Renji spoke through the other line.

_"Rukia what do you want, I'm swamped in this damn paperwork."_

"Renji this is more important than paperwork I can assure you that."

_"What are you saying, what's wrong?" His worried tone was evident._

"I need you to head on over to Ichigo's place as fast as you can, it's an emergency."

_"Alright I'm on my way."_

With a 'click' the call had ended.

"Great more visitors." Ichigo mumbled.

Rukia turned to Ichigo. "What do you say Ichigo, want to read some of these stories while we wait."

"I guess so." Ichigo said.

"Which should I put first?"

"Nee-san you should read one that has me as the star." Kon suggested and he jumped towards Rukia, but she swatted him away.

"Just pick any one." Ichigo said.

"Okay." Rukia replied and she examined the stories. After a few seconds she landed on of the stories. "Let's read this one."

Ichigo sighed inwardly, this Saturday was definitely not going the way he had wanted it to. These stories however should be interesting to say the least.

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><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**And so ends our first chapter. Sorry about the shortness, but this was just to get us started. The fics come on next chapters and yes there will be more characters. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay people I'm back, let's get this show on the road. Now I want to say that I will NOT be using stories that people have written, these will all be made up stories. I'm not going to bash and criticized people's hard work. Besides I don't want a wall of flames.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary **

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><p>Chapter 2: Our First Story<p>

"Okay Ichigo you ready?" Rukia said. She had to be sure that Ichigo was in top condition. These stories were about them, so it was weird.

"Yeah." Ichigo reassured her before turning to Kon. "Are you ready Kon?"

"Of course, I can take on anything." Kon replied.

"Okay Rukia, go for it."

"Fine, I'll read." Rukia said.

**The Story**

**By IAmTheBestWriterEver**

**Summary: oh jus freaking readed. Its da bestest story **

"Hmm... a lot of errors." Rukia thought.

Ichigo scoffed. "What kind of lame title is that and can the author's name be anymore arrogant? Plus that summary is so stupid."

"Be quiet and let Nee-san read," Kon cut in.

**Hi every1 I'm new to Fanfiction and this is my 1st story. I hopes u lik it, wat am I sayin of course u r gonna lik it otherwise u stink**

"See what I mean by arrogant," Ichigo said.

"And what kind of author insults their readers, it makes no sense." Rukia added.

"Maybe it'll get more interesting in a moment." Kon said. "Keep reading."

**Every1 was all at Ichgo's hoyse enjoying-**

"Hey, my name is not Ichgo!" Ichigo angrily cut in. "It's Ichigo, Kurosaki Ichigo! Get it right."

"And who's everyone?" Kon added. "Can't this person go into detail more?"

"Oh pipe down." Rukia said.

**Ichgo and his friends Orihine, Uyuru, and Chad were havin a rly fun time-**

"Seriously does this author not know how to spell our names!"" Ichigo cut in again. "I mean at least they got Chad's name right."

"They must be pre~tty stupid if they were to misspell Chad's name." Kon said

Ichigo snickered. "That's for sure."

"Trying to read here." Rukia interjected.

**Wen sudenly a halow appeared n started breaking things-**

"A halow! Jeez it's a hollow." Ichigo snapped, already getting irritated. "And c'mon, 'breaking things' couldn't they have used a better phrase? That doesn't suck me into the story at all."

"It actually does the opposite." Rukia said.

"Not to mention the spelling sucks." Kon replied.

"Yeah, it's as if they have their heads rammed in their cellphones, use proper spelling." Ichigo added.

**Ichgo took out cone and-**

Ichigo burst out laughing. "Bwahaha! Cone, cone! That's what we use for ice creams."

"Oh shut up Ichgo!" Kon taunted.

"Trying to read here." Rukia angrily said, she was annoyed by the fact that she hadn't been mentioned. Although given the aspects of the story, her not being present wasn't exactly a bad thing.

**Turned into a Soul Shinigami-**

Rukia twitched. "What in the world is a Soul Shinigami?"

**And began beatin up teh halow. He beat it up and it eventually died and went back to Hueco Mundo. (Dats where halows go once they lose in case u didnt kno) Then he went back inside da house to party.**

"Hollows don't go into Hueco Mundo once they get exterminated." Rukia pointed out.

"That was it, where's the battle scene?" Ichigo said. "And how nice of my so called friends to not help me out when there's a rampaging hollow on the loose."

"I'm more surprised that they actually spelled Hueco Mundo right." Kon said. "And can't the author put some damn commas?"

"since when do I party after I beat a hollow?"

Rukia chuckled. "And what's with the 'when the hollows lose' part. We're not playing a game."

**Ichgo that was super cool Orihine sed. Yeah it was awesome Uyuru sed afterwards.**

**Thanx I'm super cool lik dat. I'm the bestest Soul God out der Ichgo sed.**

"Wow Ichigo, you sure are full of yourself." Rukia said.

Ichigo twitched. "I DO not talk like that! I would never say such kiddie things and I'm not full of myself alright."

"And how does it go from Soul Shinigami to Soul God?" Rukia added. "This story is preposterous and makes no sense."

"And where are the quotation marks?" Kon aaked. "Is this author serious?"

"I sure hope this author doesn't aspire to be a writer." Ichigo said.

**Ichgo dat wuz totaly epic bro Chad sed**

Ichigo frowned. "Are you kidding me? Chad doesn't talk like that." He was visibly annoyed by this author's lack of knowledge.

"Everyone is horrendously out of character." Rukia said.

"And I didn't even get a line." Kon said. "But I'm kinda glad. This author might screw up my reputation."

Ichigo snorted. "Yeah Kon wouldn't want to ruin your oh-so-heroic image."

"Why you, you'll pay for that." Kon retorted. He jumped onto Ichigo's head and began pouncing on him. "Eat that!"

"Get off me!"

Rukia sighed at their childish acts and continued reading.

**Thanks Chad I rock Ichgo sed**

Ichigo twitched.

**Okay Ichgo since u beat that meanie halow lets throw a rly big party to celbrate Orihine sed**

**Dat sounds super awesome Ichgo sed **

**Am I invited cone sed**

**Like hell u r. Piss off Ichgo sed and he flung him out da window**

Ichigo couldn't help but smirk. "Hehe gotta admit, the author nailed that reaction."

"Oh kiss my ass you bastard." Kon snapped.

"Man this writing is so stupid." Rukia murmured.

**Ichgo dat wasn't nice of u Orihine sed**

**Yeah not awesome man Uyuru sed **

**Totaly not wicked dude Chad sed**

"God damn it, the characterization is killing me slowly I swear." Ichigo grumbled.

"Imagine me who's reading this trash." Rukia said.

"Yeah Ichigo, it's Nee-san who should be suffering the most."

"Are you serious Kon, her character has had the mercy of not being in this piece of crap."

Rukia raised a finger. "Can't argue with you on that one."

**I dont care if dat wasnt super cool dis is my house so my rules u r not my bosses okay so bite me i hate u all dont tell me wat to do I thought we were bst friends u big jerks dats wat u are big jerks Ichgo sed**

**His soul energy was gettin crazy**

Rukia took a big inhale of breath. "Would of appreciated a comma or two."

This time it was Kon's turn to laugh. "Hahah! Talk about mood swings Ichigo."

Ichigo hid his face in his hands. "Man just make a hollow eat me already."

"What is soul energy, don't they mean spiritual pressure?" Rukia said.

**Calm down dude Uyuru sed**

**Bro u gotta chill Chad sed**

**Yes Ichgo plz calm down Orihine sed. She was close to crying now**

"Jerk, how can you make Inoue cry like that?" Rukia muttered in disgust.

Ichigo facepalmed. "It's not me idiot."

**Suddenly another halow came. This one was the bst friend of the previous halow. You know the one from before**

"Yeah because previous and before are two different things." Kon sarcastically said

Rukia crossed her arms. "Since when do hollows have best friends?"

**Oh no a halow Orihine screamed**

"Whoa they actually put screamed instead of 'said'." Kon joked.

**Ichgo u gotta do something bro Chad sed**

**Yeh or else it wud be uncool Uyuru sed **

"Guess it's back to said."

**Oh now u wanna b friends wen a halow appears rite Ichgo sed **

**Ichgo its not lik dat n u kno it Orihine sed**

**Screw u guys Im not helpin none of u stupid people Ichgo sed**

**The halow picked up cone and ate him alive he was to scared to run away so he died**

Ichigo and Rukia began laughing at how poorly they made Kon look.

Kon began stomping his feet. "Stupid author and their stupid lame story!"

**Bro plz help us Chad sed and he almost began to cry**

**Yes plz Uyuru sed and he was close to crying to**

"Since when did Chad and Ishida turn into some wussies?" Ichigo said.

"Geez Ichigo, they're begging for their lives and you don't even bat an eyelash." Rukia spat

Ichigo facepalmed again.

**The halow broke da window n took Ichgos friends. He had 3 hands so he can carry all 3. He then ate Chad**

**Dude wtf man we're gonna die Uyuru screamed. save us now**

**Plz Ichgo we need u Orihine sed **

Rukia grabbed Ichigo by his shirt. "Ichigo! Inoue and Ishida are about to die, help them."

For the third time Ichigo facepalmed

" man, is Ichigo seriously the only one guarding Karakura town or what " Kon said

**No I wont help u at all u will all get eaten Ichgo sed. So long u monsters dats wat u get for bein bad friends **

"Says the douchebag who's letting his friends become dinner for a hollow." Kon taunted.

"Mmhmm," Rukia nodded.

**Oh no man Uyuru sed and da halow ripped his hed off wit his big teeth blood gushed out of his decapitated body**

**Ichgo just laughed like a maniac **

**Plz save me Ichgo Orihine sed and she was sobbing badly**

**Ichgo shook his hed no way Jose he sed **

Kon began laughing. "Did you really say 'no way Jose'? Ahahaha man you're lame."

"And you're a horrible friend." Rukia added.

Ichigo facepalmed for the fourth time.

**Finally the monster ate Orihine and went back into Hueco Mundo**

**Ichgo den realized wat happened He snapped out of his crazy mental condition**

**Every1 was dead his friends were dead**

"Gee, I wonder what gave you that impression Ichigo," Kon said.

"Shut up already Kon!" Ichigo replied.

**Ichgo den began crying like a baby**

**I killed my friends n my sister Ichgo sed**

"Orihime isn't my sister!" Ichigo snapped " Yuzu and Karin are my sisters."

"This author is seriously wrecked." Kon mumbled.

**Why did I kill dem Ichgo sed. I hate my life and I hate halows**

**Dont worry friends n sister I'm going to meet up with u. He den went into da living room and grabbed a knife**

"Why are knives in the living room?" Kon asked.

**Friends Im so sory but im going to u Ichgo sed He den took da knife and stabed his hed**

**Thats da end hope u Likes it Reviews r sooooooooo welcome!**

Kon fell of the desk in laughter. "Ahaha! Oh man this story is too funny."

"And they expect reviews." Rukia added.

Ichigo just wanted to disappear at that moment. This story had ridiculed him in so many ways.

"And not one Soul Reaper came to assist you." Rukia said. She then clenched her fists. "I didn't even get a cameo appearance."

"I bet this author put this under humor, right?" Kon said in between laughs.

"The sad part is that it's under romance and adventure." Rukia replied.

"Those genres don't even mesh with the story." Kon complained.

Ichigo grumbled. "I think it's safe to say that this author is the stupidest person ever."

"No kidding," Rukia agreed.

"Man this is so humiliating." Ichigo groaned.

Rukia lightly jabbed his chest. "Don't worry Ichigo, I'm sure there's better ones out there. Stories that depict you in a better light.

"Yeah let's put a better one next time."

Suddenly something blew in from the window. Both Ichigo and Rukia immediately got ready to fight, but quickly stood down when they realized who it was.

"Rukia I came as fast as I could." The red head said.

"Renji! I'm glad you're here." Rukia said.

"So what's the emergency?" Renji asked.

Rukia pointed to the screen. "This Fanfiction dot net is the emergency."

Renji eyed the machine. "What you got there?"

Rukia smirked. "It's a computer." It felt good to know things before others.

"And what the hell is Fanfiction?"

Ichigo smirked deviously. "We'll show ya."

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><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**That concludes our first story. It seems the trio landed on the bad Fanfiction stories. What will they encounter next and with Renji along too. More characters to come.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for reviewing, I didn't think anyone would find my crap funny. Anyways, onwards!**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary **

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><p>Chapter 3: The Thing Called Slash<p>

"So you're telling me this big emergency you called me for was this box?" Renji stated.

"It's a computer! Not a box." Rukia scolded.

"Yeah pay attention." Kon added.

"What's a computer?" Renji asked.

Rukia smiled. "Well, a computer is this powerful device which uses something called the internet to-"

"Just tell him about the site already." Ichigo cut in.

"Don't interrupt me Ichigo, that's rude." Rukia snapped. She turned back to her confused friend. "Long story short Renji, it has many different stuff you can do. The reason I called you was because there's this particular site we found. It has stories on many things, but there's a section that has all our names on it."

"That's strange." Renji said.

"We just read the most horrible sucktacular story ever." Kon said.

"Really, that bad?" Renji asked.

Ichigo winced at the memory. "Yes, it was such a piece of crap."

"Let's read some." Renji suggested. This topic now had his interest.

Ichigo grinned. "Sure, in fact I think you should read it."

"Uh, alright." Renji replied and he took Rukia's spot on the chair. "How does this machine work exactly?"

Ichigo gave him a quick rundown of the system. "Yeah, not much to it right."

"I got the hang of it." Renji said. "Now let's see, which one looks interesting?"

Rukia sighed inwardly, she was to traumatized to read another story.

Renji examined the stories and grinned when he spotted an interesting one. "Hey, how's about this one?"

"What's it say?" Rukia asked.

**The Story of Two Warriors**

**By SwordGirl22**

"Hey, the title seems pretty cool." Ichigo said.

"The author name doesn't sound to bad." Kon added. "It sounds normal."

"Renji read the summary." Rukia said.

"Oh, yeah." Renji said.

**Summary: Ichigo discovers his true feelings. Contains I/R SLASH **

"Oh great, me again." Ichigo grumbled. "And what the hell does it mean by 'discovers his true feelings'?"

"What's I/R slash mean?" Kon asked.

"Slash? " Rukia repeated. "Hey I know, it probably revolves around a battle."

Ichigo sighed in content. "Yeah you're right. I mean we do fight with Zanpaktou, it must be a reference to that."

"Well then, what's I/R mean?" Renji asked.

"Must be a typo," Ichigo answered. "Keep going Renji."

**It was a dark rainy night-**

"How original," Rukia cut in

"Ssshhh!" Renji retorted.

**Ichigo didn't seem to be bothered by it though. His inside feelings felt a lot heavier then the cold pouring rain.**

"I wonder what's eating you?" Renji said

"How should I know?" Ichigo replied.

"What ever it is it must be big." Rukia added. "I mean otherwise you wouldn't be out in the cold rain."

"Yeah, and on a dark rainy night too." Kon joked.

"Just get on with it." Ichigo demanded.

**He had been bottling his emotions for sometimes now. It was eating him alive. He couldn't keep these feelings of love-**

"Love!"" Ichigo blurted out in disbelief.

"Ahahah! Oh this is rich." Kon said.

Renji soon joined in the laughter. "No way Ichigo, I didn't know you had it in you."

"Boy these authors sure like to pick on Ichigo." Rukia deducted. "Though I must say, it has my attention."

"Speak for yourself." Ichigo mumbled.

**inside anymore. He had to tell the person of his affections already. This feeling was worse then battling hordes of hollows.**

"Oh I beg to differ." Ichigo said.

"At least this author spells good." Rukia replied.

"I wonder who the mystery lady is?" Renji taunted.

"Kiss my ass." Ichigo mumbled.

**But how could he declare his love for-**

"Here it comes," Kon cut in and Rukia edged closer to the screen.

Ichigo just shrugged. "Whatever it's not like it could be any worse then the previous story."

**that hot-headed Soul Reaper.**

"Ahh, so it's a Soul Reaper eh." Renji said.

"A hot-headed Soul Reaper to be precise," Rukia corrected. "Hmm.. who do you think Renji?"

Renji began putting the hints together. "It has to be... maybe captain Soi Fon or Nanao."

"Could be." Rukia replied.

Renji then eyed Rukia with suspicion. "Hmm.."

"What's with that look?" Rukia snapped.

"Or it could be you Rukia." Renji teased.

"W-What?" She stammered. "How could you even assume that?"

Ichigo was sure he was going to get a migraine by now.

**Ichigo was starting to regret calling that Soul Reaper to his house, but he couldn't hold it in anymore.**

**"I can do this." Ichigo assured himself **

**He had told the person to meet him as soon as possible, so he rushed to his house. Nobody was home, which made things a lot simpler. His annoying sisters and dad would just ruin the moment. How he hated them.**

"Exuse me!" Ichigo snapped. "I don't hate my family and only my dad is annoying."

"Someone has family issues." Kon said.

Ichigo flung the toy to the wall. "It's not me you idiot, it's the story."

**Finally the little door in the sky opened up and-**

Renji twitched. "The little door in the sky, really?"

"Do they mean the Senkaimon?" Rukia wondered aloud.

**the Soul Reaper appeared. Ichigo could feel his insides on fire. He was getting cold feet. He has never been this nervous before. He was scared now.**

Kon who was back on the desk chuckled. "Geez ya wimp, you sound like a girl."

Renji snickered. "No kidding."

Ichigo could just die at the moment. He thought his humiliation would have ended. Why was he being so tormented?

"Well I'm still waiting on the action." Rukia said.

"Yeah, with a summary that says slash you'd think there'd be some hollow slicing by now." Renji added. "But I have yet to see one hollow in this story."

"Yeah all we get is an emo Ichigo." Kon said.

Rukia frowned. "What a misleading summary."

**The special Soul Reaper flew down slowly towards Ichigo's window. This only made Ichigo grow even more nervous. Maybe he should just call the whole thing off? No! He couldn't. It was now or never.**

**Finally the person entered his room. They were now facing each other.**

"Oh damn it, this suspense is killing me." Renji muttered.

"The author sure does embody suspense." Rukia said.

**Ichigo was about to speak, but the person beat him to it.**

**"Yo Ichigo, what's the rush for?" **

"Definitely not Nanao or captain Soi Fon that's for sure." Renji said. "They obviously don't talk like that."

"Not necessarily." Rukia cut in. "Maybe the author is writing them out of character."

"Whattaya mean out of character." Renji asked.

"It's when a person is portrayed in a way they would normally never act." Rukia explained.

"Yeah true." Kon added. "The author before made everyone horribly out of character."

"My money so says it's you Rukia." Renji teased.

"Shut up!" both Ichigo and Rukia hissed in unison.

**Ichigo decided now was the time**

Everyone gulped in anticipation.

**"Look uh.. I called you to tell you something very important."**

**"What's that?"**

The four edged a bit closer.

**"It's something I've never felt before." **

**"You can tell me anything Ichigo, you know we're friends." **

"Way to use the f-word on him Rukia, guys hate that." Renji joked.

"He is NOT confessing to me!" Rukia shouted.

**Ichigo's confidence was a little shot down when the word 'friends' was said.**

"Told ya so."

"Whatever."

**He was still determined to do this. He decided he was just going flat out say it.**

"Here comes the bogus love confession." Kon said.

"Oh Rukia I wanna say that I love you." Renji joked with a mocking voice.

"Hey shut up!" Ichigo yelled

"Yeah shut up." Rukia said.

**"C'mon Ichigo, cat got your tongue."**

**"I love you Renji!"**

Quiet. So quiet. That's what the atmosphere in Ichigo's room now mirrored. It was as if their voices had been stolen away by some demonic force.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

The deafening silence was then broken by a petite girl and a stuffed plushy.

"Ahahaha!" Rukia was clutching her sides in an attempt to hold her laughter. "What was that you were saying Renji?"

"Oh man that's to funny." Kon said whilst laughing.

The color had practically been drained out of Renji. "W-What the hell is this?"

Ichigo buried his face in his hands. "Man just kill me already."

Renji gritted his teeth. "This piece of crap is about to be demolished!" And he began taking out his Zanpaktou. "Roar! Zabima-"

He was cut off when Ichigo roughly pulled him back. "Whoa what do you think you're doing Renji?"

"Destroying the crap outta this thing." Renji snapped trying to pry Ichigo off.

"That- crap- cost- money." Ichigo managed to strain out whilst holding the crazy red head.

After a few more curse words Renji slowly calmed down.

Rukia began patting his back. "That's it Renji, breathe."

Renji took a big inhale and then exhaled. He repeated the process a few more times before speaking. "Okay, okay, I think I'm okay."

"You okay there big guy." Kon asked with concern. "Almost lost you there."

Renji gave a weak smile. "I'm alright guys."

Suddenly the doorbell rung.

"Ichigo were you expecting any company?" Rukia asked.

Ichigo shook his head. "No, but I'll go check. You stay and make sure Renji doesn't go crazy again." With that he trotted down the steps and opened the door.

"Hi Ichigo." The bubbly voice said while the other person greeted him with a nod.

"Orihime, Uryuu? Hey, what are you doing here?" Ichigo said before motioning for them to enter.

"Well Ichigo, I was out grocery shopping so I can make some red bean paste and I found Uryuu along the way. He was kind enough to help me with my bags, even though I said I'm fine, but he's so kind and a gentleman too."

Both teens eyed her.

"Oh silly me, I'm rambling again aren't I? We past near your house and decided to stop by for a visit. Oh I hope it's no trouble."

Ichigo chuckled. "Heh no not at all."

"Hey! Ichigo who is it?" Rukia called out.

"Is that Rukia?" Orihime asked.

Ichigo nodded before addressing Rukia. "It's Orihime Rukia, and Uryuu too!"

"Perfect timing, bring them up!" Rukia ordered.

"Why not?" Ichigo said. He then turned to his two friends. "Guys come upstairs, there's something we want show you."

Once upstairs Orihime and Uryuu noticed Renji was there too.

" Renji, you're here too." Uryuu said.

"Yeah I was called on emergency affairs." Renji replied.

"Hi Orihime!" Kon yelled happily.

"Have you guys ever heard of Fanfiction?" Rukia asked, quickly cutting to the chase.

"No." Uryuu said. "What about you Orihime?"

"No I haven't either?" Orihime said.

"It's this site where people post up stories that they create." Ichigo explained. "The weird part is that they have a whole section on us."

"Huh, really?" Uryuu said in disbelief.

"Wow how cool!" Orihime said obviously not noting how strange it was.

"What kind of stories?" Uryuu asked

Renji grinned. "Why don't you see for yourself Uryuu?" He allowed him to sit in his place on the chair. Renji wanted to see how the usual calm Uryuu would react to this.

"Try to pick a good one." Rukia suggested and she couldn't stress that enough.

"Okay, let's see." Uryuu said as he began reading the stories listed.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**Well that ends another one. Poor Uryuu doesn't know what he's getting himself into. More Characters will arrive soon.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm glad you guys find this story funny. I've been getting some character requests, so I'll see how to work it out.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary **

* * *

><p>Chapter 4: The Mary Sue Project<p>

"Well, find one yet?" Rukia asked.

"Not yet Rukia." Uryuu answered. "Oh wait, here's one."

"Oh boy I can't wait." Orihime added.

"Read it already." Kon said impatiently.

Uryuu ignored his rudeness but read nonetheless.

**The New Soul Reaper**

"Sounds good." Kon said.

"A new Soul Reaper, this should be good." Renji added.

"Oooohh what if it's me?" Orihime said.

"Or me, I haven't made one appearance." Rukia complained.

"You're already a Soul Reaper Rukia." Ichigo said.

"Oh that's right." Rukia replied sheepishly.

**By MarryMeKomamura**

Rukia gagged in disgust. "Do they mean captain Komamura, I sure hope not?"

"Ew!" Ichigo spewed.

Renji managed to control his vomit from falling out of his mouth.

**Summary: Soul Society gets a new Soul Reaper **

"Did the summary even say anything that the title didn't?" Uryuu said.

"So far so stupid." Ichigo muttered.

**Once upon a time-**

"How original." Rukia said again

**there was this female Soul Reaper. She was the most beautiful Soul Reaper out of all the girls. Her hawt body resembled a perfect hourglass shape. She had perfect well rounded curves, with DD breast and hawt toned tan legs.**

"Whoa what the hell?" Renji cut in. "She sounds way to perfect."

"Another arrogant author." Rukia said.

**She made Matsumoto and Yoroichi look as ugly as Kenpachy. **

All but Orihime chuckled at that.

"Hey, that's a little mean to say." Orihime said.

**Her hair was a nice silver color that shined with the rays of the moonlight. Every male Soul Reaper and human wanted a piece of that hawt thang.**

"Uh, 'hawt thang'?" Ichigo repeated and he decided to shrug that one off.

Rukia gritted her teeth. "Do these authors know anything about the Soul Society at all? Humans cannot see Soul Reapers!"

"Dumbass author." Renji said.

**The women all hated her becuz they were jealous of her. The Women Association denied her entry because she was too pretty.**

Rukia scoffed. "This is so stupid."

"The Women Association sure are mean." Orihime mumbled and Ichigo facepalmed again.

**Her name was Emerald Gem Beauty and-**

"Emerald Gem Beauty! What kind of freaking name is that?" Kon hissed.

"That's a funny name." Orihime said.

"Well I'm not expecting much, given the author's name that is." Uryuu added.

**she was 17 years old. One day the old fart Yamato Gensai Shigeko tried-**

"How dare she! " Both Rukia and Renji shouted.

Ichigo chuckled. "Hehe old fart."

"It's captain commander Yamamoto Genryusai Shigekuni, get it right." Rukia snapped

"I don't blame her for getting that long ass name wrong." Ichigo said, only to receive a kick to the stomach by Rukia.

"Show some respect Ichigo."

**to ask Emerald out, but she declined. The nerve of that old bat.**

Rukia and Renji both clenched their fists.

**So he got rly mad and banished her from the Soul Society. Every guy began crying for her departure and some even committed suicide.**

"That's a little rough." Uryuu said.

**The girls all cheered because they hated her perfect beauty. **

Orihime pouted. "Wait just a minute, I don't hate anyone."

**Emerald Gem Beauty had a hard life. She was born in Rukongai and all the men always tried to go out with her. Every girl bullied her becuz they were jealous. It sucked because she didn't ask to be hawt and perfect.**

Rukia rolled her eyes. "Must've been so hard."

"This is nothing like what me and Rukia had to struggle by while living in the Rukon." Renji said.

**She was now in the human world. It was winter so it was snowing cats and dogs. She needed some shelter or she'll freeze.**

"Now, now, no rush. She should enjoy the snow." Rukia said with a murderous glint in her eyes.

"Uh.. Rukia are you okay?" Orihime asked.

**Finally she went near a house, which was apparently a clinic.**

Ichigo paled.

**It was none other then the sexy Ichigo's house.**

"Oh come on!" Ichigo yelled in frustration.

Kon who was zoning out the story perked up. Any torture of Ichigo deserved his attention.

**She knocked on the doorbell and Ichigo opened it. As soon as his eyes landed on Emerald Gem Beauty he froze. This was the most beautiful person he had ever seen. He almost came in his pants.**

Uryuu stopped reading to release a snicker, while Rukia, Renji, and Kon weren't so kind. The three busted out laughing.

"What does that mean, what's so funny?" The clueless Orihime said.

Ichigo blushed in shame. "Nevermind."

**"She was so pretty." He thought. Even better then the plain and simple Rukia.**

Rukia twitched. She slammed her fists onto Ichigo's head. "You idiot! Is that what you think of me?"

Ichigo rubbed his aching head. "No, it's the story not me."

"Nee-san is not plain and simple you asshole." Kon angrily said.

Orihime stared at Ichigo sadly. "Ichigo, how can you think such a horrible thing?"

"For the hundredth time, it's not me!"

**"Are you okay?" Ichigo said and he pulled her inside. "What's your name?"**

**"I'm Emerald Gem Beauty and you?" She sexily said.**

**"I'm I-I-Ichigo Ku-Kurosaki." He was to stunned to talk. Her name was so hawt**

**Suddenly Uryuu appeared and-**

Uryuu frowned. "So I'm randomly at Ichigo's place?"

**he was shocked by what he saw. There in the hallway was the hottest girl he had ever seen. Even hotter then his girlfriend Tatsuki.**

"Wow Uryuu, I never knew you and Tatsuki were dating. Congratulations." Orihime said.

"I would never go out with her!" Uryuu snapped. "This story is beyond ridiculous."

"That's the last person I'd think you were dating, at least mention someone you actually spend time with." Rukia added.

**Ichigo saw how Uryuu was staring at his goddess and put a protective arm around her sexy waist. "Uryuu get out, I have business over here."**

**"But I can help."**

**"No! Go now!" Ichigo roared. He was ready to go Bankai on him.**

**Uryuu coward away.**

"A Quincy would never run from a Soul Reaper regardless of the situation." Uryuu angrily said.

"And that wouldn't provoke me into using my Bankai." Ichigo added.

**Ichigo took Emerald to his room and she sat on his bed.**

**"So what happened to you?" Ichigo said.**

**Emerald began to cry. "I was banished from the Soul Society by the old man."**

**"That bastard, I'll kill him!"**

"I wouldn't believe some stranger right off the bat, and if she was banished it must've been for a reason." Ichigo hissed. "Man my character is so stupid."

"And he doesn't even question her being a Soul Reaper. He just ingests the information as if she just told him she works at a toy factory." Uryuu added.

"Sounds just like our Ichigo." Renji joked earning the stink eye from Ichigo.

**"Ichigo I have nowhere to go." And she jumped into his arms.**

**Ichigo blushed but hugged back. "You will stay with me."**

Renji snorted. "Oh sure Ichigo, you allow a random stranger into your house but kick us Soul Reapers out."

"Yeah, jerk." Rukia said.

Ichigo facepalmed again.

**"Thank you Ichigo."**

**Then a hollow appeared and wrecked the house. Ichigo screamed like a girl and backed away.**

Again the group except Orihime laughed, much to Ichigo's displeasure.

**The hollow grabbed Emerald and brought her close to his mouth.**

"Eat her, eat her." Rukia chanted.

**" Leave her alone! " Ichigo shouted and he turned into a Soul Reaper,-**

Ichigo grinned. "Alright! Some action."

**but was thrown aside like a used diaper.**

The bedroom erupted into laughing fits and Ichigo slumped down to the floor. "You gotta be fucking kidding me."

"Oh no Ichigo, don't give up." Orihime said.

At least someone remained by his side. He smiled and turned to Orihime, but quickly scowled when she was facing the computer screen.

"Keep fighting Ichigo."

**Emerald became visibly angry and began discharging sexy lightning out of her body.**

"How is lighting sexy?!" Uryuu said.

**The hollow began disappearing and as it died it dropped Emerald. She was falling high so she could die,-**

"Yes!" Rukia cheered.

**but Ichigo caught her.**

" AWWW! "

Orihime threw a fist in the air. "Good job Ichigo, you're a big hero."

"Where's a hollow when you need one?" Ichigo muttered.

**"Are you okay Emerald?" Ichigo said close to tears.**

**"I'm fine Ichigo, but you didn't find me strange at all?"**

**"Never! You're perfect!"**

Rukia rolled her eyes. "Spare me."

**"Thank you Ichigo, you're so sweet."**

**"Emerald.. I gotta say something."**

**"Go ahead." And she winked hawtly.**

**"I love you!"**

"It's been five seconds that I know her, yet I love her! How freaking stupid."

"Wpw she got a love confession from Ichigo." Orihime murmured with a hint of envy.

**"I love you too Ichigo." **

**The two began making out in Ichigo's bed.**

Orihime blushed. "Oh my."

"What, not even a first date," Renji joked.

"And they don't even care that the roof is missing from the hollow attack." Uryuu added with a mocking look.

"Nothing says romantic like a missing roof." Kon joked and it caused more laughter.

**They then lived happily ever after.**

"How original." Rukia muttered

"How is it that she gets banished as her punishment, but Nee-san gets the damn death sentence?" Kon spat.

**The end**

**I hope everyone loved it! It was a good story too! Review!**

"Don't count on it." Rukia said.

"That's it." Uryuu said in disbelief. "Are you telling me that was her idea of what a good story means?"

"This author was so bent." Renji said.

"It wasn't that bad." Orihime replied.

"So who's reading next?" Kon asked.

"What're you all up too?" a voice called out.

The group turned to see Ikkaku and Yachiru coming in through the window.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**So now we have Ikkaku and Yachiru entering our little group.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay folks, I'm back. Thanks for supporting my story guys. As requested by many folks, here's an IchiRuki fic **

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary **

* * *

><p>Chapter 5: Pairing Included<p>

"Ikakku? Yachiru? What are you two doing here?" Ichigo asked

"Hi Ichi!" Yachiru happily said as she jumped on his shoulders.

"Well captain Kuchiki ordered us to find out why Renji just ditched his paperwork?" Ikkaku explained.

"Oh damn it! I forgot." Renji said.

"So why did ya ditch?" Ikkaku asked.

Kon nudged Renji. "Looks like we have our reader."

Renji smirked. "You wanna know what happened, huh. You see I got caught up on this thing here." And he beckoned the screen.

"What's that box?" Yachiru asked.

"Its a computer." Rukia boasted. She knew and they didn't, this made her feel powerful.

Ikkaku had completely forgotten what he was sent for and examined the computer. "It looks strange, what's it do?"

"We're reading Fanfiction stories." Orihime happily said. "That include us "

"Seriously? That's so weird, does-"

"Clm it baldy! I wanna hear a story." Yachiru said.

"Why don't you give her a go?" Uryuu suggested. He didn't intend on reading again.

"Alright, so how's it work?"

Everyone turned to Ichigo.

Ichigo sighed and began giving Ikkaku a quick tutorial on how it works.

"Go ahead." Renji said. "Pick out a good one."

Ikkaku clicked on a story that seemed interesting enough. "How's about this one?"

"Read it baldy." Yachiru demanded.

**A Soul Reaper's Problem: The Rukia Files**

Rukia's eyes lit up in excitement. "It's finally my turn."

"Yeah.. to get burned." Renji whispered to Uryuu who chuckled.

**By BigFanGurl288888888888888**

"Are the on-going 8's really necessary?" Uryuu said.

**Summary: Rukia plans on making her deepest wish come true,-**

"I'm going to be sent into an alternate world, where Chappy the Rabbit runs a farm filled with other chappies!" Rukia squealed in delight.

Everyone (except Orihime and Yachiru) gave her a confused look.

Rukia coughed and fixed her composure. "I mean, carry on."

**even though it will be hard. She won't quit because she is very determined.**

Rukia nodded approvingly. "That's true."

"Why is her character complimented?" Ichigo grumbled. "It's so unfair."

**Rukia laid in her bed in the Soul Society and-**

"We don't have beds in the Soul Society." Renji said.

"Be quiet Renji." Rukia retorted. He would not ruin this for her.

**stared at the ceiling. She had a lot going on in her mind. This emotion she had couldn't be put into simple words.**

**It was more complex then simple words. She had this deep desire in her. Rukia wanted to make this urge come true no matter what.**

Rukia smiled at how nicely she was being written.

"I don't believe this." Renji muttered.

"Nee-san is such an amazing person." Kon said.

"Rukia you're determination is so strong. I hope your wish comes true." Orihime added.

"Thanks Inoue."

**Rukia sat up abruptly. "This is so hard." She was kind of nervous. **

**How does one go about this anyway. It's not something that can be easily done.**

"Yeah Rukia you're lame wish can never come true, so quit." Ichigo said.

_*PUNCH*_

Ichigo clutched his stomach in pain.

"I'm no quitter." Rukia defended.

**Rukia wasn't known to be a quitter.**

Rukia smirked. "See."

**She had to go to the real world, but it was very late. This meant she had to sneak out. She couldn't postpone this any longer.**

**What if her brother heard her?**

"Nii-sama.." Rukia panicked, "I have to sneak out and make sure Nii-sama doesn't hear?"

"Ooh that's gonna be tough." Renji said.

"Sure is." Ikkaku added. "That guy has eyes in the back of his head or something."

"No uh." Yachiru cut in. "I sneak in and out of your house everyday. Byakushi has yet to catch me."

Rukia sighed in content. "That's reassuring."

**This was going to be harder then expected, but it still won't make her falter. Nothing stops her.**

"Man you sound so exaggerated. They keep inflating you." Ichigo said. "That's such an unreachable dream."

_*PUNCH*_

" I told you before, I'm no quitter "

**But Rukia is no quitter.**

"See."

Uryuu raised a brow. "Okay that's weird "

"Where are the bunnies?" Yachiru whined.

**She silently crept through the long hallways.**

"Hmm... couldn't you have just flash stepped out of there? It'd be easier that way." Uryuu said.

**She couldn't just flash step out of there because her brother would notice the spiritual pressure being used.**

**"What moron would suggest such a thing?" Rukia thought.**

Uryuu sweatdropped.

"Yeah four eyes, who'd suggest that," Kon laughed.

"Does that answer your question?" Rukia said.

**She safely ducked past her brother's room and avoided being caught.**

**Not even her brother can stop her from getting what belongs to her. She's to strong for that.**

"The ass kissing is very evident here." Renji said.

"I'll say." Ichigo replied. "It's as if Kon wrote this piece of crap."

_*PUNCH*_

"Jealousy is a horrible trait." Rukia said as the two boys rubbed their head injuries.

"Yeah." Kon added.

**She opened the Sekaimon and successfully entered the human world. **

**Here is where it'll all go down. The events that would change her life were here.**

**"Okay, I'm here." Rukia said.**

**She ran past the roofs to reach her destination.**

"I don't get it, do you already know how to reach your goal or what?" Renji said. "Cos' it seems like you do."

"That's a big plot hole." Uryuu added.

"Not to mention there's no challenge." Ikkaku said.

"Jealousy, jealousy, jealousy." Rukia repeated.

"Just read already." Yachiru said.

**As each step was made a flood of emotions kept flooding in. **

**Anxious. Nervous. Happy. Even a little fear.**

"How could you be scared of a world with freaking rabbits? Ikkaku said.

"Jealousy, jealousy, it's jealousy," Rukia continued.

**This was what she was feeling right now. She had to accomplish this though. Rukia is no quitter.**

"Thanks, we get it." Uryuu said.

**Finally she reached her destination. Rukia jumped down to the floor, landing gracefully onto the surface. With no injuries, she was very agile.**

Renji snorted in disgust. "Ass kissing at it's best."

_*PUNCH*_

Rukia appreciated the flattery she was being given. Absolutely nothing was wrong with this story.

**What if he wasn't home?**

Apparently she had spoken too soon.

Rukia paled in horror. "HE?"

Ichigo snickered. "Oh yeah, now we got a story."

Uryuu who had been half asleep quickly discarded his tiredness. "Indeed we do."

"Ruki's got a boyfriend." Yachiru sang.

"Noo I don't!" Rukia defended.

**No he had to be home. He wouldn't wander around at this time. He was probably just sleeping. She crept inside the window-**

"Whoa! Stalker." Ichigo joked.

"I think it's very admirable." Orihime said. "Go Rukia! Follow your heart."

Rukia frowned. This story was going from good to bad at a rather quick pace.

**and stepped inside the room. **

**Her previous thoughts were true. He was sleeping. **

**She stared at the peacefully sleeping teen. This was the wish she wanted.**

"Aww how cute." Orihime cooed.

"That isn't my wish!" Rukia cried.

"This story is so sappy." Ikkaku complained.

**The person smiled in their sleep, almost as if noticing her presence.**

**"Ichigo." she whispered.**

"OH COME ON!" Ichigo shouted, not caring if his neighbors heard.

Kon sighed sadly. "Damn! Here I was wishing it were me, no pun intended."

"Ichi and Ruki sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G." Yachiru began chanting.

Ikkaku chuckled. "Maybe this might prove to be more entertaining then I had originally thought."

Rukia blushed in embarrassment. "Oh geez."

**Ichigo woke up and noticed Rukia.**

**He smiled. "Hey Rukia."**

"I'm not even going to question why Rukia is in my house in the middle of the night."

**"Ichigo there's been something troubling me for a while now."**

**Ichigo quickly sat up on his bed. "Is Renji messing with you again?" **

"Since when do I mess with Rukia?"

"And since when am I incapable of defending myself?" Rukia added.

**"It's not that Ichigo... it's something more important then anything."**

**"It sounds important,- **

" hello Mr. Obvious " Kon said

**what's on your mind?"**

**"Ichigo we've been friends for a really long time and-**

"What have I said about the f-word Rukia?"

**you're really important to me."**

**"I know that, you're important to me too."**

"First comes love, then comes marriage then comes Ichi in a baby carriage." Yachiru continued singing.

**"But I... I want us to- to," Rukia trailed off. She seemed so confident before.**

"Bet you wish you were a quitter now."Uryuu jested.

"Bite me." Rukia muttered.

**"Rukia, tell me what's wrong?" Ichigo said. He was worried about her.**

**Rukia turned her head away. It'll be easier to say if she doesn't stare at his beautiful brown orbs.**

"Hahaha! Man oh man." Renji laughed.

Now it was Rukia who buried her face in her hands. This was to humiliating.

**"Ichigo there's something we need to talk about." Rukia said.**

**"Sure, you can tell me anything."**

**"You see I have... well, it involves you."**

**Ichigo's eyes went as huge as two skyscrapers-**

"Eww yuck." Yachiru said.

**in surprise. "Wha- me? Really, what about me?"**

**"Well Ichigo, I've been getting these emotions and they all revolve around you." **

**Ichigo was now confused. "Say what?" This made Rukia even more nervous.**

A vein popped into Rukia and she cuffed Ichigo upside his head.

"What the hell was that for!" Ichigo barked.

"Quit making this harder for me to say." Rukia retorted. "Must I spell it out to you?"

Uryuu nudged Renji. "I think Rukia is starting to lose her sanity."

Renji nodded. "Yeah I've been thinking the same thing for a while now."

**"Ichigo I think... No, I know."**

**"Know what?" **

**"My feelings."**

**"Feelings about what?"**

"Ichigo you sure are stupid." Kon said.

"Seriously how many more hints do you need?" Ikakku added.

Orihime frowned. "Oohh she's so lucky." She whispered.

**"About... you."**

**"Me! What do you mean?"**

Kon shook his head. "See what I mean?"

**"Ichigo I discovered that... I'm in- in- in love with you!" She whispered.**

"It says 'she whispered' yet uses exclamation points." Ikkaku joked.

**"You're in love with me!" Ichigo shouted in surprise.**

**"Yes I am!" Rukia screamed.**

**"I love you too!" Ichigo screamed.**

"And not one sleeping neighbor complained about the shouting." Renji sarcastically said.

"That awkward moment, when two lovebirds finish shouting their love out like maniacs." Ikkaku said.

Rukia sighed in content. "Good it's over, that feels like a load off."

Renji eyed her with concern. These stories seemed to be affecting her in a very bad way.

**Ichigo lowered his head in, while Rukia stood more up.**

Renji chuckled. "Shorty."

_*PUNCH*_

**Their mouths came closer, their lips inching nearer. Finally both were now kis-**

"OKAY STOP IT!" Orihime yelled.

Everyone eyed her strangely.

Orihime blushed at her uncharacteristic outburst. "I mean.. Ichigo and Rukia have suffered enough as it is."

Rukia smiled in relief. "Thank you Inoue, I agree with your words."

"I second that." Ikkaku added. "If I read anymore of this sappy junk I'll kill myself."

Renji sighed. "I feel the same way."

They then sensed a very strong spiritual pressure as well as a very weak one.

"What is the meaning of this?" A very familiar voice spoke.

Rukia's eyes widened in surprise. "Nii-sama?"

"Captain Kuchiki!" Renji said.

"Hey nobody noticed me?" Hanataro whined.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**Yes fangirls, it's Byakuya... oh and Hanataro too. Of course I didn't forget him.**


	6. Chapter 6

**To Zankuro-sama: I'm glad you like my story and find it funny. As for asking some authors I might, except I'm very lazy XD **

**I'm getting quite a lot of character requests, I'll try to include your requests.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary **

* * *

><p>Chapter 6: Senseless Incest, but is it Incest?<p>

"C-Captain! What are you doing here?" Renji stammered

"What the heck? Byakuya?" Ichigo said.

"And Hanataro!" Hanataro announced, but was ignored.

"Yay! Byakushi is here!" Yachiru cried in delight and she latched herself onto his arm, much to his annoyance.

"I was wondering why my lieutenant just abandoned his post, as well as his work. Therefore I sent the 3rd seat of the 11th division, Madarame Ikkaku to find out the problem." Byakuya explained. "But then his whereabouts go missing as well."

"Oops." Ikkaku muttered to himself.

"So I was sent on orders to evaluate the situation, bringing Yamada Hanatoro. Should the situation arrive where one needed healing of course."

Ichigo then noticed Hanataro. "Oh, hey Hanataro. You should've told me you came here too."

Hanataro simply sighed.

Byakuya frowned at the sight. "I see now that there was no emergency at all."

Renji raised his hands in defense. "Wait just a second captain, there uh, is a reason for me being here."

"And that reason is also why I stayed too." Ikkaku added

Byakuya said nothing and Renji took it as his cue to continue.

"You see captain, there's this uh, well," Renji pointed to the computer. "I was studying that."

Byakuya turned his gaze to the device he had never seen before. "What is it?"

"That Nii-sama is a computer." Rukia explained. It felt especially nice to know something her brother didn't.

"Computer? What purpose does it serve?" Byakuya asked.

Rukia was eager to explain. "It's a special machine that can find all sorts of information."

"Interesting, carry on."

"We found this page that... bare with me on this one," Rukia warned. "That has information on... well, us."

Byakuya's eyes widened by just a few millimeters. "How is that possible?"

"It's more like it has stories on us." Rukia corrected herself." Nii-sama it'll be best if you see for yourself."

"Indeed. This is an interesting matter."

Ichigo pulled Rukia to the side. "Are you nuts, he'll flip out."

Rukia scowled. "Nii-sama isn't the type to lose his control."

"In any case, I'm not reading to him." Ichigo said before turning to the growing numbers in his room. "So who's reading?"

"..."

Nobody dared to read and risk annoying Byakuya.

Ichigo frowned. "Someone's gotta do it."

"..."

Ichigo's frown grew deeper. "Seriously."

"..."

A vein now appeared on Ichigo. His eyes then landed on Hanataro. A glint of mischief sparkled in his eyes. "Hanataro, how'd you like to test this thing out?"

"Sure." Hanataro said oblivious as ever.

Ikkaku smirked at Ichigo's smart idea and motioned for him to sit. "Here ya go."

"Thanks." Hanataro said as he sat. "But how does it work?"

Everyone turned to Ichigo again.

"Can't one of you guys do it, I've explained it to you all already."

"..."

Ichigo scoffed. "Well don't everyone volunteer at once." He then went on and explained everything to Hanataro.

"You got it?" Ichigo asked with a face that said 'you better have'.

Hanataro shrunk under his piercing gaze and nodded quickly. "Y-Yeah."

"Well get to reading then, ya turkey." Kon ordered.

Hanataro began scanning the list of stories. He finally found one. "How about this one?"

**The Tale of Two Soul Reapers **

**By IchigoPawnsRenjiAlways**

"Excuse me!" Renji snapped.

Ichigo smirked. "Finally, a compliment."

**Summary: Rukia has- **

"What, me again!" Rukia yelled, but quickly refrained from saying anything else when her brother sent her a scolding look. She calmed herself down.

Uryuu sighed happily. "Thank goodness it's not me again."

**been having these strong feelings for a certain someone.**

This immediately got Byakuya's attention. He sent Rukia a cold glare. "What is the meaning of this Rukia?"

"N-No it's not true." Rukia replied.

**This story will be about how she tries to let the person know of her feelings.**

Byakuya walked closer to Rukia. "Who is it, tell me now? The superiority in his voice was evident."

Rukia backed away. "I told you it's not true."

"It'll be much easier to read and find out." Uryuu said.

Rukia released the breath she was holding as Byakuya had stepped away.

**Rukia paced back and fourth through the sidewalk-**

"I would never pace back and fourth like a crazy person." Rukia said.

"Man, and it's in public too." Ikkaku added.

**thinking. She was to busy thinking that she didn't notice someone walking up to her.**

**"Hey there Rukia."**

**"Urahara,-**

Byakuya slightly twitched. He would never allow that insane man to be with Rukia.

"Whoa, that is gross. He's like double your freaking age." Ichigo said.

Orihime tried, but she just couldn't make a compliment to defend the situation like she had been doing.

**what brings you here?"**

**"I was just passing by, and noticed you."**

**"I see."**

**"What's on your mind Rukia?"**

**Rukia blushed. Her silence made Urahara grin. "Or is it, who's on your mind?"**

**This made Rukia blush even harder.**

"And our mystery man is Urahara." Renji joked but quickly clammed up when Byakuya gave him a death glare.

Kon snorted. "Where am I in these stories? Am I chopped liver or something?"

"Apparently." Ichigo joked.

"You know chopped liver makes for a very good topping on a peanut butter and ham sandwich." Orihime said.

"Ew, it sounds yucky." Yachiru said speaking for everyone without even realizing.

"No it isn't, really." Orihime defended.

**"N-Nothing is on my mind." Rukia said.**

**"Oh I think not." Urahara replied as he edged closer to her. "C'mon tell me."**

It took everything in Byakuya to hold himself from running off to the Urahara shop.

**"It's nothing." Rukia insisted.**

**"Hey Urahara stop teasing her." Yoruichi called out.**

**"Sorry, sorry." Urahara apologized to his angered girlfriend.**

"Oh thank goodness." Rukia quickly said.

Byakuya only released a small sigh of relief.

"Hmm.." Hanataro said. "If it's not Urahara then who is it?"

"I wonder?" Kon replied.

**Rukia excused herself and dashed away from the two.**

**She walked through the sidewalk and eventually came upon her friend. The calm and cool glasses-wearing boy.**

All eyes fell on Uryuu.

Uryuu visibly paled. "I'm not the only one who wears glasses."

**Rukia smiled. "Hello there Uryuu." **

Uryuu fell silent.

"I knew Uryuu liked Rukia." Orihime said.

Everyone could sense the death intentions hidden under Byakuya's calm face.

"Since when has this been going on?" He asked. It was bad enough that the object of Rukia's affection was a human, but a Quincy as well. Didn't they supposedly hate Soul Reapers?

"Nii-sama I can assure you that I have no feelings for Ishida." Rukia said.

"Likewise." Uryuu added.

**"Hello Rukia." Uryuu said. "What are you doing around here?"**

**"Just doing some random walking around, like I always do."**

"I don't take random walks." Rukia cut in.

**"I see, you know Rukia... I noticed you've been having a lot on your mind." **

**Rukia sighed, Uryuu always read her like a book. Yet that was the reason why she really liked-**

At this Byakuya unsheathed his Zanpaktou.

"Oh no!" Renji said.

"Pencil is so gonna get it." Yachiru cheered.

Uryuu backed into the corner. "H-Hold it."

Rukia went in front of Uryuu and opened her arms up as a shield. "Nii-sama wait!"

"Stand aside Rukia." Byakuya said. It was obvious by how Rukia was protecting him that she had feelings for the boy.

"I'm sorry Nii-sama but I will not."

Uryuu sweatdropped. "Though I appreciate your concern Rukia, it's only making things steer in the wrong direction."

Hanataro sensed the killing intent and quickly read the other part.

**her friend Uryuu.**

Hanataro made sure to put extra emphasis on the word 'friend'.

Uryuu sighed in relief as Byakuya sheathed his sword.

"My apologies."

**Rukia was way to nervous to tell him about the feelings she was hiding. She decided she would never say it.**

**"Uh.. sorry Uryuu but I just remembered I have something to do." With that she rushed off. He was right though, something was on her mind. Finally Rukia decided that she'd make her feelings a reality.**

"You sure change moods quickly." Ichigo joked.

Renji laughed. "It must be that time of the-"

_*PUNCH*_

**With her newfound confidence, Rukia rushed towards Ichigo's house.**

"NOT AGAIN!" Ichigo and Orihime both yelled.

"Huh, why are you mad Orihime? " Ichigo asked.

"Who me? I'm not mad." Orihime quickly said.

"Kurosaki Ichigo," Byakuya cut in. This truly enraged him, but he still kept a calm face.

Ichigo immediately took the hint. "Now wait up! We don't want to jump to conclusions."

Byakuya allowed himself to relax, even though his insides were boiling. He would NEVER allow Rukia to be in a relationship with that brat. She'd have a better chance marrying off a hollow.

**She had to talk to Ichigo. She found him on his bed reading a game magazine.**

**"Ichigo, I gotta tell you something."**

"Here we go again." Ikkaku muttered.

**"What's up Rukia?"**

**"Ichigo I wanted to tell you that..."**

Byakuya was clutching his Zanpaktou.

**"I'm going to the Soul Society for a while." Ichigo smiled. "Sure, go ahead."**

**"You don't find it so sudden?"**

**"Not at all, you've been acting a little strange lately and I've been worried. If this makes you act like you always do, then I can accept it."**

Rukia smiled in flattery. "Ichigo, I didn't know you could be so thoughtful "

Renji playfully elbowed Ichigo. "Yeah, ya smooth operator."

"Gimme a break already." Ichigo grumbled.

"It was pretty sweet though." Hanataro added.

**This definitely made Rukia grow more confident. She gave Ichigo a quick hug-**

Orihime twitched.

**and was soon in the Soul Society.**

"Okay time out," Ikkaku cut in. "So it's not Urahara, Uryuu, or Ichigo, then who is it?"

"It must be someone she's very close to in the Soul Society." Hanataro concluded.

"Who fits the bill?" Renji asked not realizing everyone was coming to a conclusion. Rukia slumped her head down as everyone stared at Renji.

"W-What are you looking at me for?" Renji barked. "You can't assume it's me."

Yachiru smirked. "Ichi you got competition."

Byakuya knew Rukia had a close relationship with his lieutenant, but he had hoped that it was strictly friendship. Renji may be a skilled Soul Reaper, but he was nowhere near a suitable husband for Rukia.

**She rushed past her own 13th division and headed towards the 6th division barracks.**

Renji began sweating. "I-It still proves nothing."

"Yeah, nothing but your death." Ikkaku joked.

"Burn!" Kon said.

Ichigo allowed himself to genuinely smile for a change. "Ahh, it feels good not to be the center of attention."

"I agree." Uryuu said.

**Renji noticed Rukia running towards him.**

**"Yo Rukia." He said with a grin.**

Renji gulped.

**But Rukia dashed past him.**

"IT'S NOT RENJI!" Everyone but Byakuya yelled. He opted for a raised brow.

"Heh, told ya it w-wasn't me. I wasn't scared one b-bit." Renji declared, but his shaking legs contradicted his words.

"So who else does Nee-san know in there?" Kon asked.

Ichigo began smirking. "Someone has a dirty little secret."

"You're crushing on one of the 6th division members." Ikkaku said more like a question then a statement.

"No!" Rukia snapped.

**She exited the 6th division barracks and headed outside.**

"So it's not from the 6th division?" Kon said

Yachiru stomped her foot. "I give up! I just can't solve this mystery."

"It sure is a tricky one." Hanataro added.

**She reached her destination and was panting a little. It was a pretty long run.**

**"Finally." Rukia said as she stared at the Kuchiki mansion.**

Rukia's body felt severely cold at that moment. Surely it was a coincidence or an error. It must be one... right?

**Rukia was as happy as she was nervous. She could feel his spiritual pressure. Yes, Byakuya was definitely home.**

"O~kay." Ichigo awkwardly said.

Byakuya stayed silent with his usual cold demeanor.

**As luck would have it, she found him right as she turned the corner.**

**"Nii-sama." Rukia said trying to hold in her excitement.**

**"Rukia," He greeted. "Weren't you in the world of the living?"**

**"I was, but I came back because... I really missed you Nii-sama."**

"I don't think I like where this is headed." Uryuu said.

Rukia was beyond mortified by now.

**"I see, I missed you too."**

**Rukia perked up. "You really did?"**

**"I don't lie Rukia."**

"Technically you do," Ichigo corrected and almost squealed when Byakuya began eyeing him with kill intent.

**I sense something is troubling you."**

**"There is something actually," Rukia started and she took his silence as a cue. "I feel so shameful for having these feelings. I shouldn't, but I can't help it."**

Everyone was now a safe distance away from Byakuya. Except Rukia who seemed rooted to the floor.

**"Nii-sama.. I've fallen in lo-**

Suddenly Rukia was pushed out of the room and into the hallway by Byakuya. The rest of the group stayed inside the room as Byakuya slammed the door shut.

Rukia stared at the ground and could feel his powerful gaze shrinking her down. The silence was agonizing her.

"Rukia," he finally spoke. "I won't repeat myself so it'd be wise to discard any distractions you have."

Rukia nodded, still averting her gaze. "I understand Nii-sama."

"Rukia you are my sister, I can guarantee you the bond will never go further then that so-"

"It's not like I want it to!" Rukia cut in, but she quickly clammed up. "My deepest apologies Nii-sama, what I meant to say was that... I enjoy being your sister and I wouldn't be comfortable with any more or less of that."

"Then we're in agreement." Byakuya replied. He was happy to hear she had no romantic feelings for him, but of course he didn't show it.

"Yes we are."

"Then let us return."

"Wait!" Rukia said, halting his movements. This was one of the only times her brother showed emotions, so why not take it to her advantage. For all she knows it could be decades before they have another family moment. With a daring voice she spoke. "How about.. a hug?"

Byakuya was a little taken back by this, so Rukia tried again. "You know as a sign of us making amends. It's what... brothers and sisters do."

Against his better judgments he made sure the door was closed. He then released a sigh and slightly opened his arms up. Rukia smiled at her success. She took the initiative and ran into his arms. She basked in the warmth of the hug. "I love you Nii-sama."

"I love you too Rukia, now shall we,"

"Wait, a bit more." Rukia said. This was a rare brother/sister moment, so what's wrong with wanting it to last longer.

"Rukia" Byakuya said again, this time more irritated. Rukia didn't budge at all and he opted on just waiting for her to finish.

"Okay, we can go." Rukia finally said. Her smile wore off when she entered the room again.

"Renji you have any 3's?" Uryuu asked.

"Uh no, go fish." Renji replied before turning to the opened door. "Oh hey Rukia."

Rukia scowled at the group playing cards. "So I was gone and you weren't worried at all?"

"Oh quit being such a drama queen Rukia." Ichigo said. "Now let's get back to business."

"Look what we have here," A feminine voice said.

The group turned to see Rangiku, Yumichika and the young captain Toshiro.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes <strong>

**I don't like Byakuya and Rukia as anything more then siblings and I'm not even going to try and cover that up, or lie. BUT I can respect if you like them, cuz technically it isn't incest.**

**I got some requests in the beginning chapters to add Hitsugaya, so here he is. People have also been requesting some espada members, so I'll try to work that in somehow.**


	7. Chapter 7

**I wanna make it clear that I hope this doesn't offend anyone. I'm seriously not aiming for that. I'm only tryna get a laugh outta you guys.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary **

* * *

><p>Chapter 7: The Really Long Author Notes and those Non-Informative Summaries<p>

"Rangiku! Yumichika! Toshiro!" Ichigo exclaimed in surprise.

Toshiro scowled. "That's captain Hitsugaya to you."

Kon immediately jumped towards Rangiku. "I must have those luscious valleys of-"

He was cut off when Rangiku swatted him away with a fist. "What's going on over here?"

"Uh, I was going to ask the same thing." Ichigo replied.

Toshiro decided he'd explain. "Some time ago lieutenant Abarai disappeared and captain Kuchiki sent for Ikkaku to get him."

"But then all of a sudden, Ikkaku and Yachiru never return." Rangiku added. "And Captain Kuchiki was sent with Hanataro."

"Wow, I was noticed." Hanataro thought.

It was now Yumichika who spoke. "My captain sent me along with Captain Hitsugaya and Rangiku to check the problem out when the aforementioned two never returned either."

Toshiro crossed his arms. "But what we come to discover is all of you fooling around."

"And I can't believe you guys threw a party without inviting me." Rangiku complained.

"I can assure you three that we weren't fooling around." Byakuya stated.

"Well then, what is the meaning of all this?" Toshiro replied.

"We're on Fanfiction." Orihime happily said.

Toshiro raised his eyebrow. "Hmm.. Fanfiction, what is that?"

"It would be best if you had a demonstration." Byakuya said and he turned to Ichigo.

"Huh, me? Again!" Ichigo said. "Why must I be the one who attends to all of you?"

"It is rude and unkempt for the host to ignore his guests." Byakuya simply said.

Ichigo frowned. "Guests? I don't recall inviting any of you here, it was just me and Rukia till the rest of you arrived."

"Nonetheless we are the guests." Byakuya said.

Ichigo facepalmed. "Whatever, let's just get this over with."

He thus began informing the new arrivals of their adventures in Fanfiction dot com. He explained all from the first story.

"It sucked so badly " Kon said.

To the 'slash' story.

"It had nothing to do with Zanpaktous." Renji angrily said.

To the 'Mary Sue' story.

Rukia began hyperventilating. "Don't remind me of that horrible story."

To the love story of Ichigo and Rukia.

"Let's not bring that up now." Orihime suggested.

To the story of Rukia's mystery lover.

Uryuu made sure to move away from Byakuya.

Ichigo took a deep breath once finished. "So, there ya have it."

"Sounds... eh, interesting." Toshiro said.

"I must read one!" Rangiku said.

Yumichika stared at her in disbelief. "Are you crazy Rangiku, look at their condition." He pointed to Rukia muttering in a corner about how to kill Emerald, Orihime twitching slightly and repeating 'it was just a story' and Uryuu who stayed an unusual distance away from Byakuya.

"Don't be silly Yumichika, they're just stories. It can't do any damage at all." Rangiku reassured.

"Idiot." Yumichika thought.

Rangiku sat on the computer chair after Hanataro moved. "So who's going to show me how this works?"

" ... "

Ichigo made an 'X' gesture with his arms. "No! It's not going to be me again!"

"Need I repeat my previous speech again Kurosaki Ichigo?" Byakuya said.

"Fine! I'll do it." Ichigo said and with a groan he showed Rangiku how things work.

While Rangiku searched for a story Ichigo pulled Rukia to the back, much to Orihime's dislike.

"What is it Ichigo?"

"I'm getting really annoyed by having to repeat myself over and over again, so I got a request."

"Oh, what's that? "

"Can you write down like an instruction manual or something for me?"

Rukia thought for a moment before giving him a smile. "Yeah, leave it to me."

"Good." And with that they returned

"This one sounds interesting." Rangiku exclaimed.

"What's it say Rangiku?" Orihime asked.

**The Soul Reaper Adventures **

**By ByakuyaIsHawt**

"Byakushi you have a secret admirer!" Yachiru said as she climbed onto his shoulder.

"I'm not interested in such trivial matters." Byakuya stated.

"You're such a meanie." Yachiru replied. "But only I can be on your back!"

**Summary: my dog's Birthday was yesterday peoples! This is my first FF story people. I suck at summaries but I love corn!**

Uryuu eyed the screen quizzically. "And so the story is about?"

"And I care about your dog because?" Ikkaku added.

"This summary serves no purpose and gives no information whatsoever as to what the story will be about." Byakuya said.

"Nii-sama is right," Rukia agreed.

"Well that was pointless." Yumichika murmured.

"Oh give it a chance." Rangiku said.

**Me: hi everyone this is my first story here on Fanfiction-**

"You just told us that on the summary you dumb bitch." Ikkaku muttered.

**and I don't know what I'm doing. My dog's Birthday was yesterday btw.**

Toshiro scowled. "Yes, we know that."

**I know you'll like it though**

**Miyukoloco: I doubt that**

"Wait, who's Miyukoloco?" Kon asked.

"Such an ugly name." Yumichika said.

**Me: shut it you! Everyone this is Miyukoloco.**

"Oh I'm sorry, my small brain needed for you to introduce him cos' I didn't just read that name 5 seconds ago." Renji sarcastically said

Rukia snickered. "Silly author."

**He's my invented character.**

"Basically he's her imaginary friend." Ikkaku joked.

**Miyukoloco: hey! I object to that**

"What is this a court? Get on with the story." Uryuu cut in.

**Me: shush! I have to start the story**

"That would be nice." Toshiro said.

**Miyukoloco: that can wait,-**

"Don't mind us readers." Rukia said in an irritated way. "We can wait forever."

**you have to apologize to me**

**Me: but why should I**

**Miyukoloco: because you called me fake**

**Me: I said invented **

**Miyukoloco: whatever -pouts- just say sorry**

**Me: nope**

**Miyukoloco: say it! I'm not fake, I'm real**

"Sure you are." Ichigo said.

"This is something friends should not do." Orihime said. "She should apologize."

**Me: okay you're real -whispering- real dumb**

**Miyukoloco: I heard that**

**Me: haha sorry, sorry**

**Miyukoloco: okay that's much better**

"Are we on the story yet Matsumoto?" Toshiro asked.

"No captain, we're still on the author notes."

**Me: so Miyukoloco, what do you think of my awesome story. Pretty good right**

**Miyukoloco: it was a dumb piece of crap**

"Interesting, she's insulting herself." Byakuya said.

"Someone has multiple personalities." Ichigo joked.

"Those aren't healthy." Hanataro said.

**Me: whatever let's start**

"Yes!" The group cheered except for Byakuya and Toshiro, who chose on sighing in relief.

**Lala: -walks in- WAIIITT!**

**Me: -to readers- this is my other character**

Ikkaku slapped his head. "Wonderful, another imaginary friend."

**Lala: -high on sugar- HELLO EVERYONE!**

"Since when does sugar get you high?" Uryuu said.

**Me: really? Pipe down**

**Lala: NEVER! **

**Me: ...**

**Miyukoloco: ...**

**Lala: ...**

**Me: ...**

**Miyukoloco: ...**

"Okay, okay enough! We get it." Hanataro said

"Matsumoto is it the story yet?" Toshiro asked again with less patience.

"Nope, not yet. Still the author notes."

**Lala: I win!**

**Miyukoloco: to think we're related**

**Lala: zip it airhead**

**Me: she told you LMAO**

**Lala: LOLROTFL**

**Me: LOLLMAOROTFL**

**Lala: ROTFLMAOLOLLML**

Byakuya pensively stared at the screen. "What do those words mean? I can't seem to pronounce them?"

Ikkaku slammed his head on the wall. "Just start the freaking story already you psycho bitch!"

Renji grabbed his shoulders. "Ikkaku relax! I know what you're going through, I almost lost it to. Don't let it beat you."

"And I thought Rukia was losing it." Uryuu mumbled.

Toshiro grumbled. "Are we in the story yet?"

"Not yet captain." Rangiku replied.

**Me: ROTFCOPTER **

**Lala: we're so funny**

**Miyukoloco: no you aren't, you both r stupid**

"She insults herself yet again." Byakuya said.

**Me: ...**

**Lala: ...**

"Here we go again." Kon mumbled and instead he busied himself by staring at Rangiku's bosom.

**Me: ...**

**Lala: ...**

**Miyukoloco: you're annoying**

**Me: -ack-**

**Lala: -cough-**

**Miyukoloco: LMAO**

**Me: ...**

**Miyukoloco: LOL**

**Lala: -sigh- help**

**Miyukoloco: LMAO**

_*THUMP* _

Ikkaku had just fainted.

Yumichika ran over to his friend. "Ikkaku! Are you alright?"

Hanataro examined the body. "It's alright he just passed out. Poor guy, he must've been put into shock."

Ichigo carried the guy and placed him on his mattress. "Don't worry Ikkaku, they can't get you anymore. Just sleep it off."

"I think it's safe to say, that's enough reading of that story." Toshiro said.

"You won't believe this captain!" Rangiku interjected. "But the author's notes are longer then the story itself."

"Such a lazy author." Rukia said.

"That story stunk." Yachiru whined.

"Not to mention it was hideous and atrocious." Yumichika added. "Such a disgusting work."

"That's putting it mildly." Ichigo said.

Toshiro pushed his lieutenant out of the way and sat down on the chair. "This won't occur again, because I'm picking the story."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes (no pun intended)<strong>

**I don't mind an author's note or an OC character (I have them too). It just annoys me when they drag on and on, or when they're longer then the story.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Okay sorry for not adding a character before, but bare with me. I got a few more requests, seeing as how I've already pre-written some chapters already I might not be able to quickly add your requests. BUT I will add them cuz some are really interesting.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary **

* * *

><p>Chapter 8: It's A Crack Pairing Folks<p>

Kon groaned as Toshiro sat. He was happily staring at Rangiku's valleys until the small fry butts in.

"I'm picking out the story, alright?" Toshiro said.

"No arguments here." Renji responded.

"Just don't pick out a repulsive one." Yumichika added.

"So long as I don't have to read I'm fine with anything." Rukia said.

"Do your best and pick a good one Toshiro." Orihime cheered.

Toshiro nodded and began scanning the list. There were several stories here, but he planned on picking a decent one. "I found one."

**The Moonlight Surprise**

"Hey that's a catchy title." Rangiku said.

"It doesn't sound half bad." Ichigo replied.

**By HanatarosGirlfriend91**

"Hanataro has a girlfriend?" Renji blabbed out.

"No way!" Kon yelled.

"Well, I don't really." Hanataro said. "But it's nice to know... that well, someone cares."

"Don't worry Hanataro, believe in yourself." Orihime said.

"Get on with it already." Ichigo grumbled.

**Summary: two Soul Reapers are in love.**

"I can't read this crap." Toshiro said.

"Too bad you picked it already." Yachiru replied.

"I read mines to the end." Uryuu said. "You have to as well."

Toshiro sighed.

**Everyone this story will be including crack pairing okay.**

"What does crack pairing mean?" Orihime asked.

"Your guess is as good as mines Inoue." Rukia answered.

"I sure hope it doesn't revolve around drugs." Uryuu said.

"What are drugs? We're talking about crack here pencil." Yachiru said. She was still on Byakuya's shoulder.

"Just keep going captain." Rangiku said.

**Upon the dirt road was where a female Soul Reaper was situated at.**

"Please don't be me." Rukia prayed.

"Another story where the characters aren't mentioned till later," Renji breathed out

Ichigo frowned. "Man these guessing games are getting me so pissed."

**She was currently patrolling that area in the human world. It was nighttime.**

**"Oh great." Rangiku mumbled.**

Rangiku perked up. "Its me! Captain hurry! Keep reading."

Rukia released the breath she was holding. "It's not me, thank goodness."

Ichigo silently chuckled. "Hey Renji, she doesn't know what she's getting into."

"Hehe this'll be good " Renji replied

**It was cold out here and yet her stupid, short, dumb captain-**

Toshiro's grip on the mouse tightened. "You best watch what you say Matsumoto."

**sent her out here. She could be out drinking with Kira or Shuhei.**

Yumichika chuckled. "They really nailed your character Rangiku, a lazy, drunk woman."

Rangiku shoved him aside. "Quiet you!"

**She was so bored doing nothing. There were no hollows in this part of Karakura town.**

**"I should go and bug Ichigo."**

"Why am I always in these stories?" Ichigo yelled

"Hey! Be glad a babe like Rangiku is thinking about you, ya idiot." Kon retorted.

Ichigo began stretching the plushy out. "What did you say fuzzball?"

**Although he'd probably complain about her bugging him. She might as well go to Orihime's house. She cooks the best meals.**

Everyone but Orihime and Rangiku paled.

"Aww thank you Rangiku." Orihime cooed.

"It's true though." Rangiku said.

**"At least the moon is pretty." She mumbled.**

**It was a full moon and the light glowed radiantly from it.**

"So that's what the title references to." Hanataro said.

**Rangiku began moving through the buildings and checking the area. It was all fine and secure. That was good, but boring too. **

**"Man, I hope a hollow appears."**

"Such a reckless idea. Why would one encourage the appearance of a hollow?" Byakuya said.

"Its a figure of speech y'know." Rangiku replied.

**She actually wouldn't mind a hollow attack. It was so boring here. Nothing to do.**

**Her wish came true when suddenly a big disgusting hollow appeared.**

**"Now we're talking." Rangiku siad-**

"Oh a typo." Kon pointed out.

**and she pulled out her Zanpaktou. **

**"Growl Haineko!"**

**Her sword disappeared and turned into a dangerous cloud of smoke.**

**It easily sliced the unsuspecting hollow into bits.**

Rangiku smirked. "Heh, job well done."

Orihime smiled. "Good job Rangiku."

**But then a horde of hollows began popping out. **

**"Oh shit."**

"Foolishly wishing for hollows to appear is very careless of you." Byakuya said.

Rangiku sighed. He needed a day off.

**Rangiku began battling off the hollows, but they kept on coming.**

**"Damn it." She said as one clawed at her arm**

**She evaded an attack only to be sliced from the back.**

"So there's no backup?" Ichigo said.

Uryuu chuckled. "Such a Soul Reaper error, a Quincy wouldn't get into those predicaments."

Every Soul Reaper in the room gave him a glare.

**Her sleeve was half broken and she tore it off.**

Kon glued his eyes to the screen. "Oh yes rip her clothes off."

Rangiku tossed him to the wall.

"He never learns. "Ichigo mumbled.

**This was like an infestation. Now she was beginning to regret her previous wish.**

"This only proves my previous statement." Byakuya stated.

"Byakushi is right." Yachiru said as she embraced him. "Byakushi is always right."

The girl hadn't released Byakuya since his talk with Rukia. He wished he was carrying some candy to get her attention on something else besides him.

"I'm pretty sure I'd sense if a freaking horde of hollows appeared." Ichigo said.

"Yeah," Uryuu agreed. "And where am I, or Chad, or Orihime? We've all got the ability to sense hollows."

Rangiku rolled her eyes. "Well whenever you feel like playing the hero and helping me tell me."

"You brought this on yourself." Byakuya scolded.

**" damn it, there's to many of them " Rangiku murmured as she clutched her wounded arm.**

**Where was backup when you needed it?**

"You tell me." Renji said.

"Hopefully this'll teach you a lesson." Byakuya added

"That's if you don't die." Uryuu joked.

"Oh no! Rangiku you can't die." Orihime cried. She pulled her friend into a hug. "Please don't die!."

Rangiku returned the hug. "That's it Orihime, cry it out on my chest."

Ichigo facepalmed.

**Rangiku backed into a wall as the horde began charging in for her.**

**"Is this it?" she wondered.**

"Such an unfitting and pitiful end." Yumichika said. "If you're going to die at least go out beautifully."

"Hehe those hollows are definitely gonna leave a mark." Ichigo joked.

"She's going to feel that in the morning," Uryuu joined in.

"Oh well, it was nice knowing you," Renji laughed.

**Suddenly a wave of pink flashed through her eyes.**

"Pink? " Rukia repeated.

"Yay! It's me." Yachiru cheered.

"Or it could be captain Kyoraku." Toshiro said

"My guess is captain Kyoraku." Renji added

**"A cherry blossom?" **

"Yup, definitely Shunsui." Ichigo said.

Rukia wasn't so sure it was captain Kyoraku. She eyed the person next her suspiciously.

**"Scatter-**

Byakuya's eyes slightly widened.

**Senbonzakura"**

"Nii-sama! It's you!" Rukia said.

"This oughta be interesting." Renji muttered.

**In mere seconds the horde of hollows disintegrated into nothing.**

"Tou make it sound so easy." Rangiku mumbled.

**"Captain Kuchiki!" Rangiku said. "What good timing you have!"**

**"You were careless Matsumoto Rangiku." **

**"Iknow, I know but at least you showed up in the nick of time." Rangiku said. She was getting a little more and more nervous as he descended towards her.**

Rangiku furrowed her brows. "Huh?"

Toshiro allowed a small smirk. This now had his interest.

**"Are you alright?" He asked **

**"Y-Yeah, I would've been a goner if it weren't for you. So... thanks."**

**"There's no need to thank me."**

**Rangiku blushed. "But there is, I really do owe you one." Why of all people did it have to be him who saved her?**

"Are you not grateful that I saved you?" Byakuya asked with confusion.

Rangiku sighed at how dense he could be without even knowing.

**It didn't help her inner turmoil that he was so handsome-**

Yachiru frowned. "Ohh I don't like what's going on here." And she tightened her hold on Byakuya.

Renji tried his best to hold in his amusement. For once his captain was getting a little torture.

Little did he know that Ichigo was doing the same thing. It felt good to see the stoic Byakuya put into this sort of predicament.

Even Toshiro and an amused smirk.

**and he was now standing close to her. An idea popped into her brain.**

"Funny, I was under the suspicion that you didn't have one of those." Yumichika said.

Rangiku elbowed him to the side.

**She felt daring now.**

**"I think I know just how to repay you."**

**"I told you it wasn't necessary, but if you insist then go ahead."**

Rangiku ran a hand through her hair. "Oh geez, I think I know where this is headed to."

"I think we all know that by now." Hanataro replied with a small chuckle.

"Wait, we do?" Orihime obliviously said.

And yet again Ichigo facepalmed.

**Rangiku daringly placed a hand on Byakuya's chest.**

Byakuya furrowed his brows. "What do you think you're doing Matsumoto Rangiku?"

Yachiru glared at Rangiku. "Yeah, what's the big idea?"

Rangiku shrugged the accusations off. "It's not me doing it, it's the story."

"I never knew Rangiku held these feelings for Nii-sama." Rukia mumbled.

**This unnerved Byakuya on the inside but he stood strong on the outside.**

**"What are you doing?"**

**"I'm repaying you." Rangiku answered and with that she pressed her lips onto him.**

Ichigo couldn't hold it in anymore. "Ahaha! Oh man! Rangiku and Byakuya, no way!

Renji was quietly snickering to himself.

"You never told me of your feelings for Rukia's brother." Orihime said.

"I am not interested in your feelings." Byakuya politely said, or as polite as one could be when rejecting someone with supposed feelings.

Rangiku never actually thought of Byakuya in that sort of manner, although he was handsome.

"Believe me captain Kuchiki you've got nothing to worry about." Rangiku assured.

Orihime nudged Rangiku. "Don't let Byakuya's personality get to you, I'm sure if you try-"

"Don't worry Orihime," Rangiku cut in. "I'm not really interested in captain Kuchiki."

"You better not be!" Yachiru snapped and she huddled closer to the annoyed Kuchiki.

Uryuu adjusted his glasses. "Although I must say, this wasn't so horrendously written."

"That's kinda true, except it'll probably never happened." Ichigo replied.

"For once I agree with you, boy." Byakuya added.

Suddenly two strong spiritual pressures were sensed outside of the Kurosaki clinic and it made everyone tense up.

"Hey Soul Reapers! Get your asses out here!" A familiar voice yelled.

"It can't be." Ichigo said.

Hovering outside were none other then the 4th and 6th espada.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**Yes ladies and gents, I've been getting loads of requests to add some espada members. **

**Honestly, I'm a secret Byakuya/Rangiku supporter. Don't tell anyone.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Yes everyone the espadas are here. It's no joke I tell you. Since I've done an IchiRuki fic I think it's only fair that I do this for my IchiHime fans. Even though this pairing isn't exactly my cup of tea**

**Ladies and Gentleman: Due to Grimmjow's potty mouth, viewer discretion is advised **

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary **

* * *

><p>Chapter 9: The IchiHime Long Walk<p>

"Grimmjow! Ulquiorra!" Ichigo said.

Immediately the Soul Reapers pulled out their Zanpaktous as the two espada entered.

"I hope you bastards are ready to die." Grimmjow said.

"I can assure you it would be you who dies." Byakuya replied

Rukia stood by her brother. "Without any hesitation either."

"You've got a lot of nerve to barge in over here." Uryuu said.

"You've made the choice of walking into your deaths." Toshiro added

Grimmjow chuckled. "Don't make me laugh small fry!"

Toshiro twitched.

"Don't talk about my captain like that!" Rangiku defended.

"Such trash." Ulquiorra said.

"Says the freakshow!" Renji barked.

"Can't we all just get along?" Hanataro cried from behind Ichigo.

"Seriously though, there must be a healthier solution to all this." Kon randomly added.

Grimmjow pulled out his Zanpaktou. "So which pansy wants it first, or all at once. I don't give a shit really."

Ichigo cracked his knuckles. "No need for the others, I'll show you the door myself."

Orihime stood next to Ichigo. "Do we have to do this?" It was obvious she was worried.

Ichigo placed his hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry Orihime, I promise it'll be quick."

"Yeah, for me to rip your head off." Grimmjow retorted.

"Lord Aizen would be pleased with such nuisances disposed of." Ulquiorra added.

Yachiru hopped onto Ichigo's head. "Are you guys here because of Fanfiction?"

Grimmjow passed a glance at Ulquiorra before turning to Yachiru. "What the hell is a Fanfiction?"

"Their stories about us!" She cried happily.

"Us?" Ulquiorra repeated with a very small hint of interest.

"Yup,us." Yachiru said.

Grimmjow scowled. "Is this shit some game or what? I've got no time for this piece of-"

"Wait," Ulquiorra interjected. "If these stories do have information on us we can't simply ignore it."

Grimmjow glared at him. "Are you serious, I came to kill."

"Contain yourself Grimmjow, for you are acting like a fool." Ulquiorra replied and he turned towards the group. "Before I dispose of you worthless trashes I want to see this Fanfiction you speak of."

"HUH?" Ichigo said speaking for everyone.

"You heard him dumbass! Now hurry up!" Grimmjow snapped.

Renji pulled Ichigo back." Let's just let these guys read these stories." The group was huddled in a circle with their backs to the espada, as if to block them out.

"Are you crazy Renji, the hell would that do? Ichigo replied.

"I agree with him Renji." Rukia said and she poked her head up to make sure the espada members weren't trying to peek. "What would that do?"

Renji sighed. "You don't get it do you?"

"Spit it out Renji." Rangiku snapped.

Renji snickered. "Look we've- well at least me, Ichigo and Rukia have been reading these stories for a while."

"And," Toshiro beckoned him to continue.

"And, look what it's done." Renji replied and he pointed to the surprisingly still sleeping Ikkaku. "We've been driven to some sort of insanity, so let's give them some mental torture."

Byakuya was surprised by his lieutenant's clever idea. "I see, very well thought out."

Rangiku patted his back. "Good job Renji."

Renji chuckled. "It was nothing, now let's do this. Right Ichigo?"

Ichigo gave him a fist bump. "Oh yeah," and with that he turned to his guests. "Fine you can see."

"Damn right we could!" Grimmjow retorted.

Ichigo beckoned for Grimmjow to sit. This will please him for sure.

Grimmjow sat on the chair and stared at the computer with confusion. "How does this shitbox work?"

Everyone faced Ichigo.

This time Ichigo smirked and he turned to Rukia. "Hey Rukia you did that favor I asked?"

Rukia nodded happily. "Yes I did," and she pulled out a flip book. She handed it to Grimmjow with a grin. "Just flip through it, the pictures would explain it."

"He'll never understand your sucky pictures." Ichigo joked.

_*PUNCH* _

Grimmjow began flipping the pictures and Ichigo prepared himself for the curse words to fly out, but shockingly they didn't.

"Okay I get it." Grimmjow mumbled before placing the book on the desk.

"No way? " Ichigo muttered.

Grimmjow glanced through the stories before clicking on one. "Let's check this one"

**The Connected Links**

**By BiggestIchigoFan**

Ichigo grumbled. "Why me?"

Grimmjow laughed. "You have fans? Haha I can already tell this will suck."

Ichigo was about to snap, but Rukia halted him. "Don't let him get to you Ichigo, it's probably going to backfire on him anyway."

Ichigo smiled at her. "Yeah, you're right."

Orihime pouted. "Oh how come Rukia can cheer him up so fast?" she mumbled. She decided to work on her comforting skills.

**Summary: Ichigo and Orihime are very much in love-**

Orihime perked up.

"Just freaking kill me already." Ichigo muttered.

Grimmjow gagged. "I am NOT reading this lovey-dovey shit! I'm going to search another-"

"NO! You will read that story!" Orihime snapped with a dark aura around her.

Everyone backed away slightly in fear and Grimmjow nervously continued.

**and this is me showing it. There will be fluff everyone.**

Ulquiorra furrowed his brows very slightly. Fluff just didn't mix well with his insides.

**Ichigo was walking home one day from school and-**

"Gets his ass hit by a truck." Grimmjow joked causing a few laughs.

"Hey shut up! " Ichigo snapped and he turned to his group. "And why are you laughing?"

**was happy to know that-**

"He sucks at fighting," Grimmjow cut in again and caused more laughter.

"Kiss my ass!" Ichigo barked.

**there were no hollows out. He could use a break from the battles.**

**"Hey Ichigo wait up." a friendly voice called out**

**Ichigo blushed lightly when he recognized the voice.**

Orihime pushed to the front of the group.

Rangiku was right next to her eagerly waiting to see the next part.

**"Oh uh, hey Orihime."**

**Orihime smiled at him. "Hi Ichigo, can I walk with you?"**

**"S-Sure you can."**

**Orihime was relieved to find him alone. He's usually seen 24/7 alongside Rukia.**

"We're not always together." Rukia said.

**It was nice to walk with him. Just the two of them, together. She was glad Rukia wasn't here to interfere.**

"Why would I care about your affairs?" Rukia added, now more irritated.

"Sshhh!" Orihime said.

**What Orihime didn't know was that Ichigo was feeling the same thing. He was glad to be walking with her. He felt content that Rukia wasn't bugging him.**

An angry vein was now on Rukia. "Oh so I bug you huh?"

Ichigo raised his arms up in defense. "Hey don't take it so serious."

"Someone has women issues." Grimmjow mocked.

Ulquiorra was beyond bored by now. This had yet to amuse him.

**"Thanks for letting me walk with you Ichigo. It makes me feel happy."**

**"It's n-n-n-nothing,-**

"I don't stutter like that" Ichigo growled.

Toshiro sighed. "This is so boring, it's supposed to hurt them not us."

"One's voice is meant to be spoken in a beautiful way, not in an ugly stuttering voice." Yumichika said.

**you can walk w-w-with me whenever you want Orihime."**

**"Thanks Ichigo, you don't know how happy t-this makes m-me feel." Orihime replied as she held her tears back.**

"It's just a fucking walk, relax." Grimmjow irritatedly said.

Renji and Uryuu laughed at that.

"It's not just a walk." Orihime mumbled.

**It was quite cold this time of year and Orihime shivered slightly. This didn't go past Ichigo.**

" **Orihime are you cold?"**

**Orihime didn't want him to worry so she quickly shook her head. "No it's nothing Ichigo, I'm okay I promise"**

**Ichigo didn't believe her excuse and he placed his jacket around her.**

"Aww how sweet," Grimmjow mocked

"Just shut up already." Ichigo replied.

"**Ichigo I'm fine."**

**"No you're cold, just take it okay."**

"**Thanks Ichigo."**

**They continued walking and Ichigo stared at her lovingly. She was so pretty. He really liked her. Really, really, really, really, really,-**

"We get it." Uryuu said in annoyance.

"There is no need for the constant repetition." Byakuya added.

**really liked her. He wanted to make her realize his feelings.**

"This is such bull." Ichigo muttered.

Kon began tuning out the story and began staring at Rangiku's bosom again.

Renji was half dozing half listening to the boring story.

Rukia was half listening, while she began doodling chappies on Ichigo's wall.

Hanataro found Rukia's drawings to be more exciting than the boring story.

Byakuya in order to be polite didn't make his boredom that obvious, like the others did.

**He was so nervously nervous.**

"I'm not even going to address that." Uryuu said.

**They passed the houses, stores, other students, more houses, trees-**

_*THUMP*_

Renji had fallen to the floor.

Rukia kneeled by him. "Are you okay Renji, speak to me."

"Zzzz..."

"He's sleeping," Hanataro pointed out.

"Man this is such a boring ass story." Grimmjow snapped.

"No kidding." Toshiro exclaimed.

Rangiku being Orihime's wing-woman spoke up in her defense. "You can't just stop there, you have to finish it."

**and more stuff. Ichigo felt warm when he was around Orihime.**

"**I really like walking with you Orihime."**

"**Let's always walk together Ichigo."**

"**Yeah " Ichigo cheered.**

"**Okay, from now on we'll always walk together." Orihime said.**

_*THUMP*_

Uryuu had now literally fallen asleep too.

Byakuya wouldn't succumb to such rude actions. He was raised to be respectful. He turned his head and noticed the small lieutenant was dozed off on his shoulder.

At least some good came out of this horrible story.

**"Yeah, because I like walking with you."**

"**Thanks Ichigo, so do I. Walking is fun."**

**"Yeah it is pretty fun, especially with you."**

**"Me and you Ichigo." **

_*THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP*_

Toshiro, Hanataro and Yumichika were now out like rocks.

Only Ulquiorra, Grimmjow, Ichigo, Byakuya, Orihime, Rukia, Kon and Rangiku were awake.

**They then reached Orihime's house.**

**Orihime smiled. "Thanks for walking me to my house Ichigo." **

**"Don't mention it." Ichigo said.**

**Orihime then handed him his jacket back. Their hands touched and a spark ran through them.**

"This story is as worthless as you pieces of trash. It has nothing to prov. " Ulquiorra stated. "Who ever thought of this story deserves to be skinned alive."

"I'd do the honors." Grimmjow added.

" it's not that bad " Orihime whispered

**The two blushed but didn't remove their hands. Instead they leaned in closer towards the other (AN: OMG YES!)**

**Their lips came together in a kiss.**

"Yes!" Orihime cheered but shut her mouth up when everyone stared at her.

**The End**

**I hope you enjoyed! Reviews are needed!**

"That was the biggest piece of crap I've ever seen! Seriously it was shit!" Grimmjow shouted.

"The ending was stupid and I was so out of freaking character." Ichigo complained.

Rangiku sighed at how Ichigo was indirectly shooting down Orihime's happiness. "I thought it was really cute."

Ichigo turned to the sleeping people. "Hey get up! It's over already."

Renji woke up and stretched his sore arms out. "Man that was a good nap."

Soon the others began rising as well.

Byakuya frowned upon noticing the puddle of drool Yachiru had left on his haori. Yachiru yawned and opened her eyes. "That was a great nap story! It put everyone to sleep."

Orihime slumped down in the corner. "It wasn't that bad."

"I'm picking another one out!" Grimmjow demanded and he clicked the back button.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**As I said before, I'm not an IchiHime fan at all. But that was for my IchiHime fans. I don't mind the pairing though, don't get it twisted.**


	10. Chapter 10

To lightning027:** oh yeah it is dot net, I'll fix it when my lazy ass gets a chance **

To code ninjahinja: **wow I can't believe Ichigo isn't on your likes, I love Ichigo. My favorite though are Rukia, Byakuya, Ulquiorra, Stark and Shunsui**

To novicestar: **I did an IchiRuki one already, but I can assure that there'll be more**

**Okay folks, thanks for reading this story. I appreciate the positive feedback and I hope I don't offend anyone. Guys I'm going to take a few requests in a few later chapters.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary **

* * *

><p><strong>How do you guys feel about an UlquiHime request?<strong>

* * *

><p>Chapter 10: Hanataro the Sex King (WTF?)<p>

"Try not to pick a horrible story again." Yumichika pleaded.

Renji placed his arms behind his head. "Yeah, that story sucked some serious ass."

Uryuu rubbed his still tired eyes. "Pick one that doesn't make me fall asleep."

"Alright! I hear ya!" Grimmjow retorted.

It was at that moment that Ikkaku had finally woken up. "What's with the screaming! I'm trying to sleep!"

"Ikkaku you're awake." Ichigo exclaimed, glad his friend was alright.

"Of course I'm awake I-" He paused and finally took a good look at the room. "WHAT ARE THE ESPADA DOING HERE!"

Ichigo sighed. "Can someone please explain it to him?"

"..."

Ichigo clenched his teeth. "I'm not doing it."

"..."

"I'm really serious." Ichigo growled.

"..."

"Fine then!" Ichigo snapped and he began explaining the plan to Ikkaku.

"Oh I see, heh not bad." Ikkaku said as Ichigo finished.

"Yay! Baldy's finally awake." Yachiru cried as she snuggled onto Byakuya's head.

"Wouldn't you be more comfortable on the mattress?" Byakuya suggested. He was already annoyed by her latching on to him.

"No way! It's not as comfortable as you." Yachiru replied

"Hey Rangiku wake Toshiro up." Renji said as he noticed Toshiro still sleeping.

Rangiku smiled. "I know just the trick." She placed her cleavage onto the ice user's head.

It took a few seconds until Toshiro began squirming. He angrily pushed her away and took a deep breath. "Matsumoto!"

Kon tried to jump onto her cleavage but was punched aside.

"Have you found one yet!" Ichigo angrily asked

"Hold your freaking tits! I'm looking" Grimmjow retorted.

"Hurry the hell up!" Ichigo barked.

"That's it!" Grimmjow barked and he pounced on Ichigo. The two began rolling around in a cloud of smoke on the floor.

Uryuu sighed and took a seat on the chair. "I guess I'll carry on from here."

He clicked on a story. "Le's see this one."

**The King of All **

Ulquiorra narrowed his eyes. "King? So it has information on lord Aizen?"

"Aizen will never be king!" Ichigo hissed as he headlocked Grimmjow.

"You think you'll be able to thwart him with your weak powers?" Ulquiorra replied. "Do not make me laugh."

"Damn right I'll stop-" Ichigo was cut off when Grimmjow threw him over his shoulder.

Ichigo flipped himself onto his feet. "Damn bastard!" He charged in again but felt someone grabbed his arms.

"Enough already Ichigo."

Ichigo looked down at Rukia. "He started it."

"It doesn't matter, now can we act like grownups and hear the story." Rukia replied.

Ichigo jabbed a finger towards Grimmjow's direction. "She saved your ass."

"She saved your ass!"

"Just continue Uryuu." Kon said.

**By HanataroIsSexylicious**

Renji fell to the floor laughing. "Ahaha! What! Yeah right!"

Ikkaku was laughing just as hard. "Oh man, this girl obviously suffers from brain damage if she thinks he's good looking."

Grimmjow peered around the group. "So who's Hanataro?"

Hanataro timidly raised his hand. "I am."

"Oh," Grimmjow said and soon he was on the floor alongside Ikkaku and Renji. "You gotta be kidding me ahaha!"

Hanataro sighed.

**Summary: Hanataro the smexy,-**

This time it was Ichigo who joined the trio on the floor laughing. "What the hell! Hanataro? Smexy? Hahah!"

Grimmjow wiped his teary eye. "Oh man that's a good one."

"How childish." Ulquiorra said.

**Hawty,-**

"As if," Renji joked.

**Strongest warrior-**

"BWAHAHA!" The boys laughed again.

Ikkaku was holding his sides. "You! A warrior! Man there's so much wrong with this."

Hanataro slumped in the corner, which was now pretty much the emo corner. "Cmon guys."

**in the entire Soul Society is living the good life.**

"Yeah in his wet dreams." Grimmjow joked, igniting more laughter.

Byakuya scowled. "Need I remind you that there's a child present?"

"Byakushi what's a wet-"

"Never ask that again."

**This is set a few years in the future.**

**Hanataro was now living in the human world and not in the Soul Society anymore. He could do whatever he wanted because nobody told him what to do anymore.**

"My ass." Ikkaku said.

"I'm finding this hard to believe." Uryuu added.

"You and me both." Toshiro said.

**His house was in Karakura town since he was use to that place and was familiar with the area. **

**He was sick of the Soul Society already anyway. Especially since he had pretty much slept with every Soul Reaper out there.**

Ichigo was pounding the floor with his fist whilst laughing. "Hahaha!"

Renji was rolling on the floor. "Wow!"

Hanataro pulled his knees up in shame.

"Ew! He did not sleep with me!" Rukia yelled.

"Or me!" Rangiku added.

Ulquiorra eyed Hanataro. "Basically he's a walking virus-infected filth."

This caused many to burst out laughing even though Ulquiorra said it with no joking intention. Which made it even funnier.

**No longer was he the same old scrawny twerp he use to be.**

Hanataro twitched.

**Now he was handsome and had the girls fawning for him.**

"Not me!" Rangiku snapped.

**He was very muscular and-**

"No uh, he's as skinny as pencil over there." Yachiru said.

Uryuu frowned at that.

By now Hanataro was beyond embarrassed.

**could lift things up with ease.**

"Yeah right," Grimmjow cut in. "He probably can't even lift his own ass up to take a dump."

"No kidding." Ikkaku replied.

"Hey let's not pick on him." Orihime said.

**Hanataro folded his arms behind him in content. He had just had the best night with some hot girls.**

"Ya' sure it wasn't yourself you had fun with?" Grimmjow mocked

"Faced." Renji said.

"Burn!" Kon added.

**"Hey get up already." Hanataro said**

**The sheets began rustling and soon Orihime popped her head out**

**"Morning baby." Orihime greeted **

"What!" Orihime cried. "I would never do that with Hanataro."

Hanataro twitched again.

"Oh! No offense Hanataro."

"Offense taken."

**The sheets moved again and this time Rukia popped out.**

"Excuse me?" Rukia snapped.

Byakuya stood in front of Rukia and sent a massive death glare at Hanataro. "Have you lost your morals Yamada Hanataro?"

"Yeah! Keep away from Rukia!" Renji said.

"Damn right keep away from Rukia!" Ichigo added.

**"Hanataro you were amazing last night."**

"Pfft.. syke." Kon said.

**Suddenly the sheets began moving again. Now it was Rangiku who sprang out.**

"Like hell!" Rangiku yelled.

Toshiro stood up fiercely in front of his lieutenant. "What! What's wrong with you Hanataro? You perverted freak!"

Hanataro was now shaking erratically. As if he were possessed.

"Um... are you alright?" Orihime asked.

No response.

**"I never knew you were this good in bed Hanataro." Rangiku said. This was definitely her best night. She had gotten laid before. She had already slept with Gin, Aizen, Byakuya, Komamura, Toshiro Yamamoto,-**

Ikkaku whistled. "D~amn."

"How dare she portray me in such a degrading way!" Rangiku hissed.

"That's gross!" Ichigo spewed. "You slept with two traitors, Byakuya, a fox, an underage kid, and an old guy."

"It's not true dumbass!" Rangiku retorted.

"So there are two virus-infected filths among you." Ulquiorra said.

"Bite me!" Rangiku snapped.

"Hold up there's more," Uryuu cut in.

"Incredible." Yumichika murmured.

**Kon,-**

"YES!" Kon cried out.

Rangiku banged her head on the wall.

**Shuhei, Kira, Kenpachi,-**

"And the list goes on." Renji joked.

Grimmjow chuckled. "I think it'd be a shorter list if they had just named who you didn't sleep with already."

This caused a chain of laughs to occur.

Rangiku continued banging her head on the wall, as if to suppress the story.

"Rangiku please stop, you're hurting yourself." Orihime said.

**Mayuri-**

"Ew!" Rukia gagged.

Rangiku kept on banging against the poor abused wall.

**Shunsui, Ukitake, Tetsuzaemon, Keigo, -**

(An hour later)

**The president, the mayor, and the Rukon district.**

"I think it's done." Uryuu said.

"Is it really done?" Ichigo asked while the entire group (except Rangiku who had long since passed out from the head bangs and Hanataro who was still shaking like a zombie) played Monopoly.

"Hey you landed on my property Ichigo! Pay up you broke bastard." Grimmjow yelled.

Ichigo turned to the game. "Oh crap, how's about I make you a deal. I'll- "

"It's done," Uryuu cut in. "Come back."

"You got saved assbag." Grimmjow muttered as Ichigo placed the board game away.

Everyone went back near the computer.

**But Hanataro was definitely the best of the best for her. She had a lot of experience so she knew what she was talking about.**

"Believe me we know." Uryuu said.

**"I'm good at everything baby." Hanataro replied**

Ikkaku snorted. "Sure you are."

Hanataro hissed quietly like a ravaging snake about to lunge at his pray.

"Um guys, I don't think Hanataro is okay." Orihime warned but nobody paid attention.

**"Yes you are." the girls said.**

**Hanataro rose from the bed and stood in front of the room.**

**He flexed and made sure his ladies gawked at his hawt naked body.**

The males in the room momentarily stopped to throw up in the corner.

**"Okay ladies I'm going to put my clothes back on."**

**"Nooo!" They cried.**

**"Don't worry ladies." Hanataro said as he put his clothes back on. "I've got a treat for you girls."**

**"What?" They said**

**"Since you were all good last night I'm going to award you with a striptease-**

"CUT!" Ichigo shouted. "I think that's a wrap people."

"Thank goodness." Uryuu mumbled.

Ulquiorra mentally thanked his precious lord Aizen.

"Why would anyone write something on such an awful, bad-fashioned, and ugly person like Hanataro?" Yumichika asked.

Again Hanataro twitched uncontrollably.

"Yeah he's so ugly not like you Byakushi." Yachiru added and she embraced him tighter, much to his irritation.

Hanataro dashed to the kitchen in search for a knife (since his sword only heals), but again nobody paid attention.

Yachiru finally dropped down from Byakuya's shoulder (VERY much to his pleasure) and paced around. "This story was so dumb."

Rukia sighed sadly. "Are all these stories really this bad?"

Ichigo gave her a small smile. "Don't tell me you're giving up already Rukia?"

Rukia shook herself out of her daze. "No, no I'm not. We've only just begun and- OH MY GOODNESS HANATARO!"

Behind Yachiru was the dark looming shadow of Hanataro with a machete in hand.

"Holy hell!" Grimmjow shouted.

"What're you looking at?" Yachiru asked, oblivious to the psycho behind her.

"This is for calling me ugly bitch!" The crazy Hanataro yelled.

Renji and Uryuu tackled him to the ground and tossed the machete away from him.

"Hanataro's lost it." Kon squealed.

Renji managed to tie him onto a chair. "Well that should hold him."

"Mmmmphh!" Hanataro muffled through the tape on his mouth.

Yachiru ran onto Byakuya's shoulder. "Did you see that? That was so scary and weird." She snuggled closer to the elder Kuchiki. "Now I'm never leaving your side Byakushi!"

"Joy." Byakuya thought.

Through this whole insanity moment Ulquiorra hadn't batted an eyelash and Rangiku was still unconscious.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**Yes people, Hanataro is going through a mental breakdown right now. Will he be able to cope through it?**

**Like I said some stories are pre-written already, but I WILL take requests soon. So send some if you'd like.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Another chapter is here my friends. Read and enjoy. This was a request from **_Rndd_** and **_ManyFaces _**for a yuri story, but I added a twist.**

**Sorry about the grammar errors, hopefully the grammar Nazis don't chew me up**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary**

* * *

><p>Chapter 11: A Quadruple Femslash<p>

"MMMMHHmm!" Hanataro tried speaking, but failed miserably due to the tape.

"Oh I hope he gets better." Orihime said.

"It's pretty amusing to see him squirm." Ulquiorra replied with absolutely no emotion.

Renji laughed. "I kind of agree hehe."

Orihime turned to the unconscious Rangiku lying on the floor. "And Rangiku is still passed out."

"She'll come to." Toshiro said. From experience he knew how Rangiku would pass out after her sake induced escapades. "Just give it time."

"What story should we read next?" Kon asked.

"I'm not reading again, it's someone else's turn to do it." Uryuu said.

Rukia turned to Ichigo. "Hey! You haven't read yet Ichigo. You do it!"

Ichigo scoffed. "My house my rules, so you read Rukia."

"I can read I guess." Yumichika suggested but the two ignored him.

Rukia glared at him. "I live here too you know! So that saying goes for me too!"

"Guys. " Uryuu called out, only to be ignored too.

"Oh yeah! Well you live here as a 'guest' and not as a house member, so it doesn't work for you!" Ichigo retorted.

"Guys. " Renji called out a little louder then Uryuu, but was ignored nonetheless.

"Oh really! Well if I'm a guest then you're my host and a host isn't suppose to be rude to a guest!" Rukia snapped.

"GUYS!" Ikkaku shouted.

"What!" Rukia and Ichigo said in unison.

"We have a reader already." Toshiro said. "So stop your stupid bickering."

Grimmjow chuckled. "It was kinda entertaining, more then these stories that is."

"Geez, you two argue like a married couple. " Renji added.

"Wha- you don't know what you're saying." Rukia stammered.

Ichigo just shrugged it off. "Shut up Renji."

Orihime crossed her arms. No they don't.

Byakuya shot daggers at Renji. "Never repeat that again Renji."

Renji sweatsropped. "Y-Yeah, okay captain."

Yumichika took a seat on the chair. "Now where's that instruction manual?"

Rukia beamed up. "Oh, here you go."

Yumichika began reading through the flip book.

Ichigo shook his head. "How can you even understand that chicken scratch?"

_*PUNCH* _

Ichigo rubbed his chin. "It was only a joke."

Rukia crossed her arms. "Well, it wasn't funny."

"Rukia," Orihime called out.

"What is it Inoue?" Rukia replied.

Orihime beckoned to her unconscious friend in her arms. "Can you help me place Rangiku on Ichigo's bed?"

Rukia smiled. "Of course I can help you." And the two began carrying Rangiku to the bed.

"Hey I got one." Yumichika said.

"What's it say?" Toshiro asked.

**A Hot Encounter**

**By GirlzOnGurlzRocks**

"Aw yeah!" Kon cheered. "I'm liking this author name!"

Grimmjow chuckled. "We got a story."

**Summary: this will be very hott people. It will be a Rangiku, Orihime, Rukia, and Yoruichi femslash (A/N: AWW YEAH!)**

Yumichika furrowed his brows. "What's a femslash? Anyone?"

"I've got no idea." Toshiro said.

Grimmjow shrugged. "How should I know? I just got here."

Ichigo turned to Rukia and Orihime who had missed the summary and he grinned mischievously. This will be payback on Rukia.

Renji turned to Ichigo. "Hey didn't that story we read have the word 'slash' in it?"

Ichigo shushed him. "Don't let Rukia hear you, hehe. This is payback."

Renji smirked. "Yeah, this will be sweet revenge for her hitting me."

"Just read it prettyboy!" Kon demanded. "If an author with such a blessed name wrote this, then it must surely be good."

Yumichika decided he'd figure it out along the way.

**One day Rukia,-**

"What! Me again!" Rukia called out as she approached the computer.

**Orihime, Rangiku, and Yoruichi were hanging out like they always do.**

"No offense, but when did we start randomly hanging out together?" Rukia said.

"It is a little strange." Orihime replied as she stared at the peacefully sleeping Rangiku.

Kon was sitting happily by the screen. This was sounding better and better as it progressed.

**They were in Ichigo's room.**

"Why is everyone always in my room!" Ichigo shouted.

"..."

Everyone in the room stared at him, as well as the tied up Hanataro.

"Oh... uh, no offense guys."

**He wasn't home. He was out doing whatever it is that he does. (A/N: Don't really care about him)**

Byakuya smirked at that.

Ichigo scowled. "Then why use my house, dumb moron."

Kon laughed. "And here I thought only I felt that way about him."

**It was a boring day today. Seeing as how there were no hollows out. It was boring. So very boring, sooooo boring.**

"Just like this story." Uryuu grumbled.

"MMMHHMM!" Hanataro screamed through the tape.

"Was it really necessary to tape his mouth?" Rukia asked.

"Of course!" Yachiru snapped. "He's gone psycho Ruki. He wants to kill me!"

"But he can't kill with his mouth." Renji added.

"Shut up and get on with the story!" Kon cut in.

**"Who's as bored as me?" Rangiku asked**

**"We all are." Orihime answered **

**"There must be something we could do." Yoruichi said**

"How's about cleaning my room, since you're freeloading in it." Ichigo muttered.

"Or how's about making me a sandwich." Grimmjow rudely added. "I'm hungry!"

"How immature." Toshiro said.

**"Hopefully some hollow appears and makes things interesting." Rukia said **

"Why is it that encouraging hollows to appear amuses you women? " Byakuya asked. "Did I miss something?"

"Nii-sama I wouldn't purposely wish for hollows to appear, I'd much prefer to have them not appear at all." Rukia said.

"But wouldn't we be out of a job if they did suddenly stop appearing." Renji added.

"In my case, I'd be losing my part-time job." Ichigo said. "Hmm... what then?"

"Do you think fighting hollows is our only profession?" Byakuya scolded. "There's much more to us then that, don't forget that."

"If you say so." Ichigo replied, still not really convinced, but arguing with Byakuya was pointless. It'd get him nowhere.

**"Oh, but I can't fight hollows" Orihime whined. "I need Ichigo every time."**

**(A/N: it's true she sucks, I only like her for her huge rack ;) don't act like you don't)**

"What! " Orihime said. "I'm not weak."

"How disgusting." Rukia snapped.

Uryuu frowned. "Don't let it get to you Orihime, it's obvious this author has no brain."

Orihime gave him a hug. "Thanks Uryuu, you're so nice."

"D-Don't mention it." Uryuu replied.

"What kind of moron would say such a thing about Orihime?" Ichigo said.

Grimmjow snorted. "She is pretty weak."

Orihime pouted. "If I'm so weak then why does Aizen want my powers so bad?"

"Exactly!" Ichigo added.

Grimmjow began laughing. "You really think he wants you! He's only trying to capture you cos-"

He was cut off when Ulquiorra slammed his hand on his mouth. "Carry on with the story." He then gave Grimmjow a glare. "Don't go carelessly opening your mouth, unless you plan on ratting out our ideas."

"Oh whoops, my bad." Grimmjow apologized.

**"That's not true." Yoruichi lied. Even she knew she sucked.**

**"What can we do for fun?" Rukia said.**

**It was then that Orihime began staring at Rukia with a hungry look.**

"Huh?!" Orihime said.

Rukia shot the poor girl a look.

Orihime swung her arms apologetically. "No you got it all wrong! I'd never try to eat you Rukia. I'm not a cannibal I swear."

Ichigo facepalmed yet again. "I don't think that's what the story is trying to say."

"Yes, yes, yes." Kon said with his eyes glued on the screen.

**Rukia noticed her looking at her and began to blush. Orihime was looking pretty hot. The crazy thoughts were in her mind. She had to control her desires.**

This time Orihime shot Rukia a look.

" I... I w-would never." Rukia stuttered.

**Rangiku then began eying both girls as well. Rukia was looking good in that extremely short mini-skirt.**

"I beg your pardon!" Rukia snapped.

Byakuya gave Rukia a stern look. "I hope you aren't parading yourself like this behind my back. Need I remind you that you are a Kuchiki?"

"Nii-sama I don't dress like that!"

"Yes, yes, yes." Kon chanted.

**Yoruichi smirked as she noticed everyone was having the same exact thoughts as her. This was perfect.**

**"Ladies I just got a fun idea."**

**"What is it?" Rukia asked, she was ready to pounce on Orihime and rip her clothes out.**

Rukia gagged.

"What thoughts run in your minds?" Ulquiorra asked.

**Yoruichi walked to the center of the room and began stripping.**

A massive nosebleed dangled from a lot of the males.

Byakuya made a mental note to never allow Rukia to be near that were-cat.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Kon repeated much louder.

**All of the other girls began cheering.**

**"Yes! That's hot!" Rangiku said and soon she was stripping as well**

Everyone shot a look at the slumbering Rangiku.

"Oh yes! My fantasy's come true!" Kon yelled.

Ulquiorra, Byakuya and Toshiro were the only ones out of the males to stay to unresponsive to the smutty work.

Yumichika was the only one to be disgusted by the 'not beautiful' behavior.

Meanwhile Rukia and Orihime were trying to hide their embarrassed faces.

**Slowly they approached each other from where they were at. Rukia tossed all her clothes on the floor.**

Rukia winced but said nothing.

Byakuya made sure to stand next to Rukia to make sure nobody could see her. It was as if he really thought she was wearing nothing on.

**Orihime began tearing at her clothes and soon they were discarded as well. The girls were now all naked. (A/N: Yeah buddy)**

Orihime blushed and began hiding herself behind Byakuya too.

Renji pulled at his collar. "Whoa uh, getting kinda hot in here. Don'tcha think? "

"I'll say." Grimmjow said.

**They approached each other and were soon oh so close. They were all so horny and began kissing and hugging each other.**

"Woo!" Kon yelled.

Grimmjow began snickering. "Oh yeah, take your tops off ladies."

Renji had a deep blush on his face. "Man!"

**Rukia stuck her hand in her name brand backpack-**

"When did I get a name brand backpack?"

**and began pulling out four big dil-**

"Enough!" Rukia angrily interjected and she tore the mouse away from Yumichika.

Yachiru stared at Byakuya. "Um, Byakushi what's a dil-"

"Don't ask and never repeat that word!"

"Another pointless story." Ulquiorra said.

"What was that crap!" Rukia yelled. She clicked the back button and read the summary. She then glared daggers at Ichigo. "Why you!"

"The hell did I do?" Ichigo said.

"You saw my name was on there and you knew it had the word 'slash' in it, yet you did nothing! That's what!"

Ichigo noticed Rukia had a dark look. "Uh.. Rukia, you're scaring me right now."

Rukia shoved Yumichika off the seat and began chuckling in an evil manner. "Heheh oh you should be scared Ichigo." And she began searching for the next story.

Just then the dozed off Rangiku began waking up. She stretched her arms out. "Wow that was a good nap, did I miss anything?"

Grimmjow flashed her a grin. "Not much except you were featured in a hot-"

Ikkaku cut him off by nudging him. "It's best not to tell her, trust me."

Grimmjow shrugged but said nothing.

Rangiku scanned her surroundings. "Why is Hanataro tied up and why is Rukia laughing like a crazy person?"

"Muahaha, Ichigo you will pay!" Rukia said whilst chuckling in a crazy way.

"What is going on here?" A voice said.

Ukitake and Shuhei had appeared.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**Okay guys that's a wrap. Another chapter is complete. Okay peeps, Ukitake and Shuhei are here! What does the crazy Rukia have in store for Ichigo, find out next chapter. **

**Yes, you can make a request and you just might see it up here.**

**I'll tackle the ones that I got first, but I'll try to get around all.**


	12. Chapter 12

**As requested by **_BleachBoy and ParanoidHollow_** here's a Hitsugaya/Karin story and I've added another couple in there as well. One of the ones that **_Gemini24 _**previously****requested. Enjoy :) **

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary **

* * *

><p>Chapter 12: The Double Date<p>

"Captain Ukitake, Shuhei!" Ikkaku said.

"What're you doing here?" Ichigo asked.

Normally Rukia would always greet her captain with a huge smile, but it seemed as though she was attached to the computer.

Ukitake found that a bit strange, but then his eyes landed on the espada. "What!" Both him and Shuhei pulled out their Zanpaktous.

"Hold it!" Ichigo cut in.

"Ichigo what're you doing, their our enemies!" Shuhei said.

Ichigo shot a look at his group. "Mind giving me a hand here?"

"..."

"C'mon! There's no time for this!"

"..."

"Fine! " Ichigo snapped and he approached the two Soul Reapers. "Here's the drill."

After a few minutes he finished. "Are you still following me here?"

"I... guess, it is something hard to ingest." Ukitake said.

"Yeah, I mean stories on us." Shuhei added.

Ichigo crossed his arms. "I know, I know. So, what brings you here?"

"You see we've been getting reports that a large number of our comrades went here to the human world, but haven't reported back." Ukitake explained.

"I see." Ichigo said. He'd pretty much heard all this before.

"I was sent here to investigate." Ukitake added.

"Huh? Then why are you here Shuhei?" Ichigo asked.

Shuhei blushed a little. "Uh you see, well I heard that Ukitake was coming here.. so I came too."

Renji began chuckling. "Sure it had nothing to do with the fact that Rangiku is here to?"

"Of c-course not!" Shuhei retorted.

"MMMPPHH!" Hanataro screamed, still tied up. He hoped Ukitake would free him.

"Why is he tied up?" Ukitake asked.

Yumichika sighed. "Some of us haven't been able to completely stay sane." And he eyed the crazy Rukia still searching. "It's such a shame."

Rangiku waved at Shuhei. "Shuhei you're here! Good to see you."

Shuhei placed a hand behind his head. "Y-Yeah."

Ichigo sighed at the cramped room. "Well, find a seat wherever you can."

"Oh Ichigo, I found one." Rukia said.

Grimmjow smirked. "I think your girlfriend has gone insane Ichigo."

"Oh you would know right!" Ichigo replied. "And she isn't my girlfriend!"

"Nor would she ever be." Byakuya added.

"So what's it say Nee-san?" Kon asked.

**Twice The Love**

"No please Rukia." Ichigo pleaded. "C'mon I thought we were _nakama_?"

"Oh we are, but there's nothing wrong with torturing your friend once in a while."

"There's loads of stuff wrong with that!"

**By GrimmjowIsTheStrongest**

Grimmjow smirked. "Well, can't argue with that. I am the strongest."

"I beg to differ." Ulquiorra said.

"So do I." Ichigo added.

"Likewise." Byakuya stated.

"Agreed." Renji said.

Grimmjow scowled. "You can all suck my-"

"Okay carry on Rukia," Uryuu cut in.

"With pleasure." Rukia replied. She knew the summary would irk Ichigo up. She just felt somewhat bad for the others who would suffer from the story too.

**Summary: Uryuu has managed to set up a meeting place with Toshiro. They're both going to meet up at a restaurant with their dates**

"Dates!" Uryuu and Toshiro yelled.

"As if you two can get one." Grimmjow said.

Kon laughed at that.

Ichigo released the breath he didn't even know he was holding. "Rukia you had me going there, I really thought you were going to get me."

"Don't be so happy yet." Rukia said, she knew who the two main characters were.

Ichigo gulped. "So you're uh, serious about this?"

"Dead serious."

**Uryuu was the first to arrive at the restaurant. He made sure to arrive early. Now he was waiting for his best friend Toshiro-**

"Since when is he my best friend! We hardly even talk." Uryuu said.

"No kidding." Toshiro added.

**and his girlfriend Nemu.**

"Say what?" Uryuu said. "Since when was I involved with her!"

"Guess we got another crack pairing." Renji said.

Byakuya winced at hearing that.

"Pencil has a girlfriend, pencil has a girlfriend." Yachiru sang.

"No I don't!" Uryuu replied.

"Well this is interesting." Ukitake said.

**Uryuu leaned on the wall and waited. Finally after a while Toshiro showed up.**

**"Hey Uryuu."**

**"Hey, took you long enough Toshiro"**

"That's captain Hitsugaya to you!"

**"Sorry I was a little held up, but I'm here now Uryuu."**

**"Don't worry about it, so it seems the girls are taking their time again."**

**"You know how they are Uryuu, everything has to be perfect."**

**"I'm surprised you actually got a day off."**

**Toshiro chuckled. "I managed to finish my work ahead of time. I have to seeing as how my lazy, good for nothing lieutenant won't do any work."**

"Hey! That's not true." Rangiku cried.

"Actually that's the only truth to this story." Toshiro replied.

"I still don't see any butchering of myself." Ichigo added. "Are you sure you're not just trying to scare me Rukia?"

"Oh just give it a minute."

**"That's true I guess," Uryuu replied with a laugh **

**"It's good to kick back like this once in a while." Toshiro said and a rare smile appeared on his face.**

**"Yeah, it's good to relax. Especially since there aren't any threats going around."**

**Everything around Karakura had calmed down. Ever since Ichigo had entered Hueco Mundo and killed Aizen-**

"WHAT!"

Ulquiorra was now in shock. "You mean lord Aizen gets defeated by..." He couldn't even finish that sentence.

"You mean I beat Aizen!" Ichigo cheered.

"Alright Ichigo!" Renji cheered as he patted his friend on the back.

"You're amazing Ichigo." Orihime happily said.

"MmmHmm!" Hanataro agreed from his chair.

Ichigo then began doing 'an in your face' dance at the espada in the room.

It went on for about 10 seconds until Ulquiorra tripped him.

**the world had been in peace. Only an occasional hollow here and there, but nothing much. Everyone was relieved that the traitors and the espade had been disposed of.**

Ulquiorra and Grimmjow winced.

**"Hey guys." a feminine voice called**

**Uryuu smiled. "Finally they arrive."**

**"I agree." Toshiro replied **

**Nemu approached Uryuu and gave him a kiss on the cheek.**

Uryuu blushed and pushed his glasses up. He was glad Nemu wasn't here.

**Toshiro turned to his girlfriend as she approached him. "Took ya long enough."**

**"Hey shut it." **

**Toshiro laughed and embraced his girlfriend Karin.**

"What!" Ichigo yelled and Rukia smirked.

Ichigo glared at Toshiro. "What the hell is this about Toshiro!"

"How the hell should I know!" Toshiro barked.

Shuhei chuckled. "Things are picking up." And he made sure to sit next to Rangiku.

**"Sorry I took so long.. little Shiro." She joked**

Toshiro winced. That only sounded right when Momo said it.

**"Hey! I'm not a kid y'know." Toshiro said and they all shared a laugh**

**The four had become good friends after the war had ended.**

"Not likely." Uryuu said.

"Wow, you and Karin? I'd never expect that." Rangiku said.

"There's nothing going on between us!"

"I always thought you liked Momo." Ikkaku added.

"What's wrong with you guys!" Toshiro snapped.

"How the hell do you even know Karin?" Ichigo said.

Toshiro swung his arms up. "We played one freaking game of soccer! These authors are just throwing everything out of proportion!"

"You just realized that?" Kon said.

**They entered the restaurant and ordered their food.**

**The restaurant was a nice simple place and wasn't to fancy. The four sat on one of the booths by the window.**

**"So Toshiro, I heard Momo's been trying to get with you again." Uryuu said **

**"Yeah she doesn't get it." Toshiro said **

**Karin frowned. That stupid bitch couldn't take a hint. She was such a slut.**

Toshiro twitched at the insult to his friend, but said nothing.

Renji on the other hand didn't stay quiet. He slammed his hands on the desk. "How dare she say that about Momo! Ichigo I don't give a rat's ass if she is your sister, she'd best watch her freaking tongue." He didn't appreciate his friend getting insulted, especially a kind friend like Momo.

**Not to mention she was dumb, clingy, and oh so very weak.**

Renji scowled. "What! Momo is a damn lieutenant, how is that weak? She'd flatten your sister in two seconds flat!"

"Hey, easy!" Ichigo snapped.

"I'm just calling it like I see it!" Renji retorted.

"It's true though, she isn't weak." Shuhei added.

**"I can't stand her." Karin said. "Sorry if she's still your friend or anything."**

**Toshiro shrugged. "Don't worry about it, we're not really friends anymore." **

**"Glad to hear that." Karin replied**

**"Me too, I never really liked her." Uryuu added**

"I never even properly met her, I wouldn't make an assumption like that without even knowing her." Uryuu said.

"Yeah that's not nice." Orihime added.

"Like I'd ever abandon Momo like that." Toshiro said.

**"She isn't as annoying as Ichigo though." Toshiro said **

**Karin sighed. "My bro isn't that bad." **

**"Says you, I agree with Toshiro." Uryuu said.**

**"Yeah I never really forgave him after he broke Rukia's heart." Toshiro said with a glare**

"Ichigo broke my heart?" Rukia repeated and she placed a hand on her chest. "Strange.. I can still feel it. It doesn't sound broken."

Byakuya ignored his clueless sister and gave Ichigo a cold look. "What did you do to Rukia?"

"I didn't do squat to her!"

**Nemu sighed. "Yes, Rukia hasn't been the same ever since that day."**

**Toshiro gripped his cup roughly. "When he rejected her for Orihime."**

"Yes! " Orihime cried, but nervously quieted down when all eyes fell on her.

Ichigo backed away from Byakuya. "N-Now hold on just a minute, I wouldn't do that to her."

"Kurosaki Ichigo, you should never hurt my pride like that." Byakuya replied.

"He hurt me not your pride!" Rukia said.

Byakuya mentally sighed, didn't Rukia get it.

"Heh what's wrong Soul Reapers, trouble in paradise I see." Grimmjow joked.

"Hey, mind your own business." Ichigo said.

"Oh dear, these stories really are strange." Ukitake concluded.

**Karin grabbed his hand. "Relax Toshiro, I know how you feel." She knew Toshiro felt bad about Rukia because she was his fellow Soul Reaper, and Uryuu felt bad because him and Rukia were friends for a while. **

**Honestly speaking though, Karin was glad Ichigo had picked Orihime. She was never really all that fond of Rukia.**

Rukia twitched. "Is that right! I guess now I'll only be buying chappies for Yuzu and me on Christmas."

Renji scoffed. "And yet it was Rukia who almost died tryna rescue her."

"Clearly the lack of logic is evident." Ulquiorra added.

"Teach your sister some respect Kurosaki Ichigo, or she may turn out like you." Byakuya said. He would not tolerate any disrespect directed at his sister Rukia.

"She is to judgmental." Toshiro added.

"Says the guy who insults and dumped his own childhood friend." Ichigo retorted.

"Burn!" Kon yelled out of the blue.

**"Let's not think of Kurosaki, or we'll ruin our time here." Nemu said.**

**"True, true." Uryuu replied and he swung his arm around her. "We only have a few time to spend with each other."**

**The couples ate their food and departed the restaurant.**

**Uryuu bid farewell to his girlfriend as she entered the Senkaimon, but not before she gave him a kiss on the lips.**

Uryuu blushed even more and hid his face in his hand.

"Aww you two are so sweet together!" Rangiku said. "I just might play matchmaker."

**Toshiro was now alone with Karin. He walked her to her house.**

**"Hey Toshiro I got the house all to myself." Karin said with a suggestive smile**

**Toshiro smirked. "Then I should join you." And they headed towards the bedroom-**

Ichigo grabbed Toshiro by his shirt collar. "Hey what do you think you're doing! Karin is underage!"

"I'd never do that, I don't even like her!" Toshiro barked.

Rukia began laughing evilly. "Muahaha yes, yes step into the dark side Ichigo."

"Great, now Rukia is losing it." Uryuu mumbled.

"Who's reading now?" Yumichika asked.

"Hey you haven't read Orihime, it's your turn now." Ikkaku demanded.

Orihime backed away in fear. "Oh.. do I have to read them?" These stories made you go crazy.

Rangiku knew it might be to much to handle for Orihime to read, but she didn't exactly want to take the bullet and read. Her eyes landed on Shuhei. Jackpot.

Rangiku placed her hand on his, making him blush. "Why don't you read Shuhei, it seems like a task only you can do."

"Y-You think so." Shuhei replied.

She nodded. "Of course, only you Shuhei."

With a grin Shuhei stood up. "I'll read!"

_The boy had been seduced._

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**There we go guys, I did two requests in one. Hooray for me! Don't be shy, if you got a request feel free to tell me :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Okay buddies it's on to the next big chapter. This was requested by **_phireye _**and a few others liked the idea too. Sorry for not posting it earlier.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary**

* * *

><p><strong>For anyone wondering, Ichigo's room has been shown to house about 18 Soul Reapers. Unless I'm the only one who watched the Zanpaktou Rebellion arc.<strong>

* * *

><p>Chapter 13: The Notorious UlquiHime<p>

"Alight, stand aside Rukia. I'm reading." Shuhei said proudly.

"Yes boy, let the hate flow through you." Rukia said.

"Yo Ichigo, I think your girlfriend has gone crazy." Grimmjow stated.

"She isn't my girlfriend! And she's just been watching to much Star Wars." Ichigo replied.

Uryuu raised his eyebrow. "How did Rukia-"

"My dad gave her his whole DVD collection of Star Wars." Ichigo answered. "I caught her up all night once watching them."

"Ichigo how can you let Rukia stay up all night, that's not healthy." Orihime said.

"Hehe, sorry Orihime." Ichigo responded.

"It seems emperor Palpitine has left a negative effect on her." Uryuu said.

"Damn it Shuhei pick a good one! Or we'll all end up like Rukia." Ikkaku ordered.

"Good. Use your aggressive feelings, boy. Let the hate flow through you."

"Damn it Rukia, you're not emperor Palpitine!" Ichigo said.

Ukitake edged towards Rukia. "Are you okay Rukia, you seem very off."

Byakuya pulled his sister towards him. "I want all of you to keep away from Rukia. Until she gets better, she'll be on my watch."

Rukia patted Byakuya's arm. "You've done well, lord Vader. As a reward you may continue your search for young Skywalker."

Byakuya eyed her with a confused look. "We may need Hanataro to assist Rukia, she's not well."

"Byakushi are you crazy! He's a killer!" Yachiru yelled and she pointed towards Orihime. "Just get jiggles to help you."

Hanataro frowned at that. His ticket to freedom just went down the drain.

Renji sighed, everyone seems to be going nuts around here.

"C'mon, hurry up." Grimmjow murmured.

"Hold your horses." Shuhei retorted.

"Just make sure it doesn't involve me." Ichigo pleaded.

"Or any sort of ugly or disgusting behavior." Yumichika added.

"Geez barbie, no need to get your panties all in and out." Kon said.

"Be quiet you!" Yumichika snapped.

"I can feel the hate... good, good. Embrace it and follow me to the dark side." Rukia said.

Byakuya lightly shook her. "You must control yourself Rukia."

"Who is this Rukia you speak of lord Vader?"

At this Byakuya glared at Ichigo. "This is your fault Kurosaki Ichigo."

Ichigo held his hands up. "Hey, hey I didn't give them to her!"

"But you allowed her to watch those cursed films, now look at what it's done." Byakuya replied.

"This 'is' your fault y'know. " Toshiro added.

"I should've never left Rukia under your care, you're clearly irresponsible." Byakuya said.

"So... then it's kinda your fault too." Uryuu said.

Byakuya sent him a death glare.

"Shutting up now."

"Alright I found one." Shuhei called out.

Ichigo released a sigh as everyone began tuning into the story.

"Read it Hisa-hisa." Yachiru said.

**Expect the Unexpected **

"Yes, I agree." Ulquiorra said.

"No duh, that's kind of obvious in a life like ours." Ikkaku added.

**By UlquiorraIsTheSexiestEspada**

Grimmjow broke out laughing. "You! Sexy! Yeah right, as if."

"This is almost as laughable as the Hanataro bullcrap we read." Renji added.

"No kidding." Ichigo said.

Hatataro squirmed angrily through the chair.

Ulquiorra ignored their comments completely. If it had nothing to do with their plans to assist lord Aizen then he wasn't interested.

**Summary: the hottest espada Ulquiorra, who is a billion times hotter then Ichigo and Grimmjow put together-**

Both Ichigo and Grimmjow burst out laughing upon hearing that.

Ulquiorra ignored them yet again.

**is in for a real surprise. This is set in Hueco Mundo. Orihime is again captured by Aizen.**

Now this definitely got Ulquiorra's attention and pretty much everyone else's.

Ichigo stood in front Orihime. "You bastards! I'll never let you take her!"

Grimmjow grabbed Ulquiorra by his shoulders and began shaking him. "How? How do they know every freaking plan!"

Ulquiorra stood speechless, he didn't have an answer for that.

"Ichigo." Orihime muttered as she stood behind him. She had a feeling Aizen wanted her, but she never thought she'd actually be captured.

"Don't worry Orihime, that's not going to happen. It won't ever." Uryuu reassured her.

"That's right! Cos' we won't let it." Renji said as he grabbed the hilt of his Zanpaktou.

"That's for sure!" Rangiku added.

Rukia eyed the swords. "Ah, yes. The light sabers, a Jedi's precious weapon. Use it to harness the hatred within you."

"Damn it Rukia! Not now!" Ichigo said.

**It was a dark and stormy night-**

"Wait, it can actually be stormy in Hueco Mundo?" Ikkaku asked.

Normally Rukia would've added her 'how original' comment, but in her state that wasn't going to happen.

**in Hueco Mundo. There wasn't much to do right now, since everything was going accordingly.**

**Ulquiorra was keeping watch since he was the only one who wasn't lazy.**

"Actually, Stark is the lazy ass." Grimmjow corrected.

**Everyone else was out doing whatever it was that they usually do. Szayel was out doing his crazy experiments. Ulquiorra found him severely weird and creepy.**

Ichigo scoffed. "Says the ghost with a hole in his body."

"Burn!" Kon said.

"Hey! I resent that hole thing." Grimmjow snapped, obviously sensitive about that topic. Nobody insults the hollow hole.

"You're insults have no effect on me, thereby making you pathetic." Ulquiorra said. Although he couldn't help but agree with that statement said about Szayel.

**Grimmjow was out doing his meaningless killing in the human world. **

"I resent that too!" Grimmjow spat defensively.

**Stark was sleeping like always, Nnoitra was somewhere trying to find and kill Nel, nobody knows what Halibel does so he was clueless to her whereabouts.**

**Aaroniero was off trying suck someone else's soul off. Zommari was off meditating somewhere, and Yammy was doing God knows what.**

"You're kind of a stalker to know what everyone's doing." Ikkaku said.

"It's called intellect you foolish trash." Ulquiorra replied.

"Keep telling yourself that." Ichigo added.

**Duty to assure Aizen's plans fell strictly on him. That much was obvious. He had to make sure everything went well.**

"Suck ass." Grimmjow mumbled. Ulquiorra was always doing what ever Aizen told him. It disgusted him.

Toshiro on the other hand was amused by the espada's loyalty. "Matsumoto you can learn a few things from this story."

"Huh? Whattaya mean?" Rangiku replied.

**Just now he was on his way to check on one of his lord's tasks. The human girl. She was being kept in Las Noches, inside the bottom cell.**

Ichigo took mental note of that.

**He was making his way over there as usual, but.. lately things have been off for him. Day by day as he checked on her something inside his chest would stir.**

Rukia turned to Ulquiorra. "It's the hate, don't fear it. Embrace it."

Ichigo sighed. "No Rukia, no. I don't think it's that."

**This had been occurring for quite some time now. That cursed woman would always try to spark a conversation with him. It irritated him to no end.**

"Well, excuse me for being polite." Orihime muttered.

**Sometimes he felt like giving this task to someone else, but an order is an order. He doesn't quit easily like Grimmjow always does.**

Shuhei momentarily paused to laugh, as well as the others.

Grimmjow glared at Ulquiorra. "The hell you mean by that, I never quit!"

Even Ulquiorra was finding it hard not to laugh at that.

**He reached the room where they were holding her. He paused momentarily at the door. After a few seconds he opened the door to find the girl staring out the window.**

**Ulquiorra was known to have no emotions, but why did he get this weird feeling when entering this room.**

**"Oh it's you..." Orihime mumbled.**

**"Looking to see if your friends are coming to save you."**

**When Orihime didn't respond to him he continued. "They aren't coming to save you, nobody is."**

"Like hell!" Ichigo yelled. "I'll never abandon Orihime or any one of my friends!"

"You are mistaken young Skywalker, you will submit to me willingly."

"Rukia I'm not Luke Skywalker and this is about Orihime not me!" Ichigo responded.

Ukitake was very worried about his subordinate right now. He bent down and placed his hand on her shoulder. "Rukia you must come to your senses."

Rukia slapped his hand away. "Do not touch me, you wouldn't want to be fed to the sand people now would you."

"Kuchiki, your sister isn't looking so well." Toshiro said.

"I can see that." Byakuya replied, slightly irritated.

**"I wouldn't want them to come." Orihime replied.**

**Ulquiorra would never admit it, but her sadden face caused his insides to tightened.**

Ulquiorra furrowed his brows slightly. "What?"

**"Do you not wish to be rescued?" He asked.**

**Orihime shook her head. "Not at the price of my friends."**

**"A wise choice, for they'd only be walking into their deaths." **

**Tears threatened to fall from Orihime's eyes, but she stubbornly refused to let them fall. She can't show weakness.**

**Upon seeing her tears his insides clenched again. What was this strange emotion. Why did this woman make him feel unbalanced?**

Shuhei paused to raise a confused eyebrow.

Renji and Ichigo exchanged glances, both mirroring a look of confusion mixed with expectancy.

Ulquiorra now had his previously closed, unamused eyes open.

Orihime was very confused.

**"Are you afraid?" He asked.**

**"I.. I don't know? I don't know anymore? I'm being surrounded by all sorts of feelings, and I just don't know which to act on." Orihime said.**

**He found it amusing that he was feeling the exact same way as her.**

**"Are you afraid... of me?" he just had to ask. His hand moved of its own volition and moved closer to her.**

**"I... I'm not. " Orihime truthfully responded. She reached her hand out towards his outstretched one.**

**Soon his pale hand met with her hand. Her hand above his felt soft. He'd never felt such a soft hand.**

"Whoa! The hell is going on here?" Grimmjow said in confusion.

"Now I'm very confused." Uryuu added.

"Is he coming onto Orihime?" Rangiku asked.

Ulquiorra frowned. "What nonsense is this?"

Ichigo noticed the cuarto espada's turmoil and smirked to himself. This might just play in his favor. Renji was a genius for suggesting the espada to read these stories. Just look what it did to the tied up Hanataro and the Star Wars possessed Rukia.

Little did he know that every one had an amused expression just like his, excluding Rukia that is. She was to busy thinking of how to get everyone to embrace their hate and join the dark side.

**For a while they stayed like that. Holding the other's hand; in silence.**

**"Why is your hand so soft?" The question may have sounded comical to another, but he really found it intriguing.**

**"Well, yours is soft too."**

**He paused at this. "Is it really?"**

**"Yeah, it is."**

Ulquiorra paused and grabbed Orihime's hand.

"W-What are you doing?" Orihime stammered.

"Is my hand... soft?"

"Uh..."

Ichigo slapped Ulquiorra's hand away. "Don't just do things so suddenly like that."

**"I find you very interesting for some reason woman." Ulquiorra said.**

**Orihime was taken back by that. "Why?"**

**"I can't answer that, for I myself don't know either."**

**Orihime lowered her head; her bangs covering her eyes. "I think if we had met somewhere else, we could've been... friends"**

"I'm finding this not so hard to believe." Ikkaku said, somewhat impressed by the way the story was written.

"It's actually being portrayed in a rather beautifully way." Yumichika replied.

"I have no need for such a meaningless thing that you humans call companionship." Ulquiorra stated.

"Good, good my boy. Rid yourself of such emotions and harness your hate."

"Damn it Rukia! Cut it out already." Ichigo demanded.

**This stunned Ulquiorra and he unconsciously removed his hand from hers. The warmth that was previously there was replaced by a cold breeze. One that actually stung.**

**He had to leave. He turned towards the door and began walking to it. Why did the path to the door seem so much longer all of a sudden? Was it always this long?**

**Finally he reached it, but another factor was thrown into the situation. He was halted and he looked down towards the arms encircled on his waist, preventing his escape.**

Grimmjow's eyes went back and forth from Ulquiorra to Orihime. "Did I miss something?"

Orihime blushed and went behind Byakuya, whom was now used as a means to hide from others when embarrassed, and raised her hands up. "I don't know what's going on, really."

"You have a power that resembles lord Aizen's Kyoka Suigetsu; you can manipulate minds." Ulquiorra said, as if that were the reason why his character was acting weird. "I will inform my lord about this."

"You're wrong! I can't do that." Orihime replied.

"Then are you assuming I would behave in that manner of my own accord."

"N-No! I- it's.. you- oh now I'm confused." Orihime fumbled for words.

**"I want you to stay." Orihime whispered.**

**"Release me." Ulquiorra ordered, but she only strengthened her hold.**

**"I don't want you to leave, I want you to stay with.. me." Ulquiorra wanted to leave, but that warmth that had been on his hand was now being felt throughout his body. This feeling was something else. It's something he's never felt before.**

**Slowly he turned him around. He was staring into her eyes. Had they always been this bright? "Am I amusing to look at?" He didn't mean to be funny, but she chuckled anyway.**

**"Ulquiorra, I feel... safe around you."**

**"I am loyal to lord Aizen, that's where my purpose lies. Don't think I'd do anything else."**

"Jerk." Renji mumbled.

"Douche." Ichigo added in a low tone.

**"I don't expect you to, it's just how I feel." she replied. Again his body clenched at her saddened expression. Suddenly she began to inch her face closer to his.**

Everyone leaned closer to the computer.

Ulquiorra narrowed his eyes. "What do you think you're doing woman?"

"N-No I wouldn't do that." Orihime replied.

**He had no clue what she was doing. Was this a trick? Suddenly his lips was met with a soft touch. It was all clear now. She was kissing him. He'd never experienced this.**

"Bwahah! No way!" Grimmjow mocked.

Toshiro raised his eyebrow. "This is... new."

Ichigo began laughing. "Since when were you interested in Orihime?"

"My, my I didn't expect such a thing." Ukitake said.

Ulquiorra was slowly trembling. What was this person doing to his character?

**The kiss was quick and ended before he even knew it. It was him who broke the silence.**

**"Run away with me."**

"Nonsense!" Ulquiorra shouted, scaring everyone by his uncharacteristic behavior. "I would never betray Lord Aizen for this woman."

**"I'm in."**

**Okay peeps that's the end of the story. It was suppose to be a oneshot. Thanks for reading.**

A dark aura engulfed Ulquiorra. "I shall rid this author of their pathetic life."

"Hey relax now, no need to go crazy." Ichigo tried calming the espada down.

"Yes, yes embrace the hate." Rukia said.

"Rukia you aren't helping." Ukitake replied.

Uryuu sighed. Everyone was going to go insane here eventually.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**Okay thanks for sending these requests guys. I really want to take all your requests, because you guys have some interesting ideas.**

**Nel and Nnoitra will probably be my next guests.**

**Jeanette out!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hello guys, here I am with another story. This was requested by quite a few of you guys, and I've been neglecting it for to long. A special thanks to **_ookamikage14 and byaichi _**for these specific ideas I threw in **

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary **

* * *

><p>Chapter 14: A Grimmjow and Ichigo Love Story<p>

"This author has mocked my loyalty for lord Aizen, for that I should kill them." Ulquiorra spat.

"Oh, I thought words didn't effect ya." Grimmjow joked.

"It doesn't, but when someone questions my loyalty for lord Aizen that's when they cross the line."

"Geez, settle down." Renji said. "My character has suffered something far worse then yours."

"Indeed," Byakuya agreed. "My character was accused of immoral behavior."

"Oh you think yours is bad, well I've been made into a whore!" Rangiku added.

"None of you has suffered like I have." Ichigo barked. "And you Rukia, had to go and throw salt in my wounds by showing me a horrible story with my sister in it."

Rukia chuckled. "Foolish Skywalker, you're only playing into my game. Feed on your hate."

Ichigo wanted to get back at Rukia, but seeing her in this state made his motives all fly out the window.

"It wasn't such a bad story though." Ikkaku said.

"Compared to the previous ones, it really wasn't that bad." Uryuu agreed.

Ulquiorra scoffed. "Only trash would appreciate other trash."

"Shut up you ghost! I'm no trash." Ikkaku spat.

"I'm not risking reading a crap story, so one of you guys read." Shuhei suggested.

"I already read." Toshiro retorted. "I'm not reading another one."

"Somebody has to do it." Renji replied. "But don't any of you go and look at me."

Grimmjow shoved Ichigo onto the chair. "You read! You haven't read."

"Fine, fine!" Ichigo said.

"I hope you pick one involving Byakushi." Yachiru cried happily.

"No thank you." Byakuya politely declined.

**Two Warriors, Two Hearts**

"Sounds lame and sappy." Kon said.

"It could be a heart to heart talk between two Soul Reapers." Shuhei replied.

"There's nothing wrong with that." Ikkaku said.

"It says warriors. It could be us espadas." Grimmjow added.

"But you freaks don't have hearts." Renji mocked.

"Burn!" Kon yelled.

"We don't need them." Ulquiorra defended his fellow espada.

**By ILoveSogyoNoKotowari**

"Hey, that's my Zanpaktou. I'm flattered." Ukitake said with a smile.

"Careful, it might turn on you." Yumichika warned.

**Summary: this will be a love story between Ichigo-**

"NOO!" Ichigo shouted. "Damn it! Why'd I have to land on this crap!"

"Keep reading you wimp." Grimmjow demanded with a grin. "We all read ours through the end."

"Yeah, he's right." Renji added.

Grimmjow grinned at Ichigo's pained face. This will please him.

**and Grimmjow.**

The color was drained out of Grimmjow. No it couldn't be, it just couldn't be. There had to be a mistake. Was this karma? He chuckled in a nervous way. "Hehe... on second thought, you don't have to read it."

"Like hell, keep reading." Ikkaku laughed

Kon beamed up happily. "More Ichigo torture."

**This will be about their love life, but don't worry because it won't be a slash story.**

"Thank you!" Ichigo cried.

"What're you happy for dumbass, it's a story directed at us." Grimmjow said.

"It is, but it just said it isn't slash, so it won't be us together. It'll probably be revolving around us, but it won't be us 'together'."

Grimmjow breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh okay, that's good."

**The main characters will be Grimmjow and a F/Ichigo.**

"What's a 'F/Ichigo'?" Uryuu asked, as he read the summary from behind Ichigo.

"Like I care." Ichigo answered. "So long as it doesn't have any slash I'm okay."

**Grimmjow was stuck in his room in Las Noches. There was absolutely nothing to do here.**

Rangiku rolled her eyes. "Gee I wonder why there isn't anything to do in a barren desert."

Ikkaku laughed at that. "I know right."

**He wanted to head into the human world. That was where his other half was. That was where his priority was.**

"Other half my ass, I don't do none of that soft crap you humans do." Grimmjow stated.

"You should know that your priority lies only in lord Aizen's rule." Ulquiorra said. He obviously only paid attention to the last bit of the story.

**He shot his head up from his bed. "Screw Aizen's rules, I'm outta here."**

Grimmjow smirked proudly. "Ulquiorra, that there is my answer to your Aizen bull speech."

**Unlike Ulquiorra, he didn't have his head shoved so far up Aizen's ass.**

The group broke out into fits of laughter.

"Burn!" Kon said.

Ulquiorra winced slightly. He told himself that there wasn't anything wrong with being loyal.

**He didn't care if he broke a rule or two, hell he didn't care if he broke them all. Grimmjow leaped out of his window and onto the desert.**

**Nothing would keep him away from doing what he wants. Nothing or no one would stop him from seeing his love.**

Grimmjow twitched. "Hold the damn phone, I'm not in love with any damn person!"

"The story thinks otherwise." Uryuu joked.

" hmm.. I wonder who it is?" Yumichika asked.

"The poor girl." Ichigo joked.

"Kiss my ass." Grimmjow retorted.

**This was escalating into the danger zone. He wasn't just putting himself in danger, but he was risking his lover too. If word gets out that she's seeing him then the Soul Society would probably execute her.**

"Ahh, so it's a Soul Reaper." Ukitake said.

"What! I hate all of you Soul Reapers!" Grimmjow snapped.

"Join the club." Uryuu mumbled under his breath.

Byakuya frowned. "What Soul Reaper would dare squander their job for a filthy Arrancar?"

"You must all join the dark side." Rukia ordered.

That was it, Ichigo couldn't see her like that anymore. He grabbed Rukia by her shirt. "Hey I need you to snap out of it. Are you listening Rukia, come to your senses already!"

Byakuya stepped in front of Rukia. "Keep your distance, boy. I said I would be in charge of Rukia. This is a Kuchiki matter."

**The relationship was really risky. If anyone found it they'd be doomed. It was so forbidden but that made it even more exciting. **

**It was like a rush of excitement; it was a thrill like no other. This was now more important to him then killing and fighting.**

"No way!" Grimmjow roared. "Nothing is more important to me than strength."

"The story thinks otherwise." Uryuu joked again.

"Cut that out four eyes!" Grimmjow retorted.

**He opened up a Garganta and found himself in the human world. He made sure to always be discrete when coming here. **

**He wouldn't want Ulquiorra to rat him out. That guy was Aizen's lap dog. He always did what Aizen told him to do. Sometimes he wondered if Ulquiorra jerked off to Aizen or something.**

The room exploded into laughter except for Ulquiorra.

Ulquiorra narrowed his eyes at the laughing Grimmjow. "A worthless animal like you would never understand the concept of loyalty." He wouldn't admit that he was slightly offended.

"Oh shut your ass up." Grimmjow replied, whilst still laughing.

"Yeah Mrs. Aizen." Ichigo jokingly added.

Everyone erupted into laughter once again. Ulquiorra reminded himself that there was nothing wrong with loyalty, and lord Aizen valued his loyalty. These people knew nothing.

**Grimmjow ran through the buildings and soon found himself onto a specific clinic.**

"Oh great, my house I bet." Ichigo grumbled.

"Couldn't escape forever." Yumichika said.

**He knew she would be in here. It was always at this time that they'd meet up. It was in secrecy that their love was made.**

"So you let your lover casually live in Ichigo's house, heh must really love her." Ikkaku sarcastically said.

"That's stupid! I'd never do that." Grimmjow replied.

"The story thinks other-"

"Don't!"

**He landed on the Kurosaki roof. She was here. He could feel her.**

It then dawned on the group and all eyes fell on Rukia.

"Why are you looking at me, have you finally decided on joining the dark side?"

"It must be her, who else lives with Ichigo?" Uryuu stated.

Byakuya deadpanned, it must be a mistake. Rukia would never stoop so low as to involve herself with an espada... right?

"Never!" Ichigo shouted. "I'd never let you get mixed with Rukia!"

"Pshh, I'm not into your girlfriend bastard."

"Damn right you're not into her!" Renji angrily added. He'd never allow that espada monster to put Rukia's life in danger.

**This was practically a routine for them, so he was glad the window was opened like always. He found her sitting at the edge of the bed.**

**She looked beautiful as always, even in pajamas. **

"I think it really is Rukia." Ikkaku said.

"Nee-san wouldn't do that!" Kon whined.

"No, it's not Rukia!" Ichigo shouted in Rukia's defense. He'd never believe that Rukia would do something that would make her a traitor.

"I agree with you Ichigo, Rukia isn't like that." Ukitake exclaimed.

"Who's this Rukia you keep repeating?" Rukia asked.

"Ohhh I want the old Rukia back." Orihime said.

**Her long hair swayed with the wind from the opened window. **

**"Yo," Grimmjow greeted.**

**"Hey." She replied with her fiery tone.**

**Tgat's why he was drawn into her. She had this fierce personality that challenged his.**

"It.. is Rukia." Ichigo mumbled in defeat. He knew better than anyone how strong Rukia's personality was.

"Must be a pretty hard blow for you to take." Toshiro said with slight empathy.

"Aww don't be sad Ichi." Yachiru cooed.

**Her long orange hair blew softly with the wind. Her brown eyes lit up with the light from the moon.**

"It's not Rukia!" Ikkaku said in surprise.

Toshiro eyed his lieutenant. "Matsumoto you wouldn't mess around with an espada, right?"

Shuhei stood fiercely in front of Rangiku. "No! It isn't her, she'd never do that!" He was obviously jealous.

"But it said brown eyes, I don't have brown eyes." Rangiku defended.

Uryuu narrowed his eyes in a pensive look. "I don't think I like where this is headed to."

**Grimmjow approached his love and the two began to embrace one another. They leaned upwards into a forbidden kiss.**

**"I love you Grimmjow."**

**"I love you too.. Ichigo."**

That was it, that was the breaking point for poor Ichigo. All the years of keeping his emotions inside had been destroyed by Fanfiction dot net.

"NEVER! I am a guy!" Ichigo angrily said and he pointed a finger at Grimmjow. "I'd never date this bastard not even if I were a girl!"

"I hate your ass too! Don't think that you're the only one humiliated by this shit!" Grimmjow shouted.

For the first time in his life Ulquiorra allowed himself a small smile. "Trouble in paradise Mr. and Mrs. Jaggerjack?"

"Shut up!" Ichigo and Grimmjow snapped.

"Oh God the disgusting image of a female Ichigo is burning my brain." Kon cried.

"You and me both." Toshiro agreed.

Byakuya tried with his greatest strength not to allow the image into his head.

**"Grimmjow I'm tired of keeping this a secret from everyone, especially Rukia. I never keep secrets from my best friend."**

**"I know that, I'm tired too. We'll find a way I promise. I'll gladly abandon Aizen for you Ichigo."**

"As I mentioned before, you can't possibly grasp the concept of loyalty. This only further proves my statement." Ulquiorra stated.

**"Oh Grimmjow I love you." Ichigo said and she kissed her lover. **

**"I do too Ichigo, so much." Grimmjow replied.**

**Suddenly Ichigo got nervous. "Um.. I have something to tell you."**

**"What is it honey bunny?"**

Grimmjow twitched.

**Ichigo began rubbing her arm in an attempt to control her nervousness.**

**Grimmjow smiled. "C'mon you can tell me anything, you know that."**

**"I'm just going to blurt it out." Ichigo said.**

**"Well if that works then yeah, go ahe-"**

**"I'm pregnant!"**

The air around the room suddenly felt so thick. It could be cut with a knife. It felt suffocating to Ichigo. Had he really just read what he just read, or is he dreaming? Is he in some sort of surreal world?

His musings were interrupted when he heard the group explode into laughter.

"Ahah man this is rich!" Kon laughed.

"Please kill me." Ichigo pleaded silently.

**"Ichigo you've just made me the happiest man alive. Nothing can top this moment of happiness."**

Grimmjow snorted. "I can think of a few."

**Only time would tell what would happen tomorrow, but Grimmjow knew he'd overcome it.**

**"I'll protect you forever Ichigo."**

**"Thank you my love, I need it."**

"I'm no damsel in distress." Ichigo said

"Well.. you're half right!" Shuhei joked, causing more laughs.

Ichigo blushed in shame as he realized he should've phrased it differently.

**Okay that's it for the first part. I'll put part two when I get the time. Make sure to review. Don't worry guys Grimmjow loves his Ichigo.**

It took Ichigo everything he had not to vomit once he had finished.

Grimmjow gritted his teeth. "I'm about to show this author how much I hate this punk." With that he began pouncing on Ichigo.

Ichigo began punching him back. "Son of a- you think you hate me more then I hate you!"

"Guys relax." Orihime said as they continued whacking each other with punches.

"Yes, feed on your hatred for one another." Rukia said.

Grimmjow kicked Ichigo in his stomach and made him stumble back, as Ichigo was pushed back he accidentally shoved Rukia back. This caused her to bump into the wall and it knocked her out.

Byakuya's eyes widened as he noticed his sister was unconscious. He turned back angrily towards the two responsible.

Both Ichigo and Grimmjow pointed a finger towards the other. "He did it!"

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**And we come to the end of another chapter. Again, I'd like to thank you guys for your awesome requests.**

**Thanks to **_ookamikage14 _**for the fem. Ichigo idea and **_byaichi_ **for the pregnancy idea.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Thanks everyone for reading my junk. I'm glad I can get a laugh from you guys. This was a request by **_Captain Takahasi, an anon reviewer, and__novicestar. _**I can't believe I missed doing a story on him.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary **

* * *

><p>Chapter 15: Byakuya's Historic History<p>

...

...

... "Ru..."

...

...

... "Ruki..."

...

...

"Rukia!"

"I..chi..go?" Rukia slowly came to and noticed all eyes were on her. Pain shot up through her head and she instinctively touched her head. "Ow my head, what happened?"

"I'm sorry Rukia, I accidentally bumped you. These stories were making you go crazy." Ichigo answered and he gave her a small smile. "But I'm glad you're back."

The tied up Hanataro nodded his head in agreement.

"Rukia are you okay?" Ukitake asked from beside Ichigo's shoulder.

"Captain Ukitake? When did you get- ow! Damn it I can't remember anything." Rukia groaned as she rubbed her bruise.

Ichigo extended his hand out to her. "Forget it, we're all just glad you're alright." He then noticed the two espada. "Most of us anyway."

Rukia gladly took Ichigo's hand and stood up.

As she stood up Byakuya placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Rukia are you sure you're well?"

Rukia touched the hand on her shoulder and smiled. "I'm fine Nii-sama, don't worry."

Orihime pulled Rukia into a teary hug. "Oh Rukia I'm so glad you're okay. I was worried that you'd never return."

Rukia smiled under her friend's hold. "I'm okay now Inoue, thank you for worrying about me."

Ichigo glared at Grimmjow. "Hey! Apologize to Rukia."

"Get bent, I ain't apologizing to no one." Grimmjow stated.

This caused Ichigo to smirk. "Oh I see, you can't do a simple apology. Don't sweat it then, it's obviously to much for you."

Grimmjow clenched his teeth and he shoved past Ichigo, towards Rukia. "I'm only saying this once, so listen up! I-I'm... sorry, there happy?"

Byakuya gave Rukia a look that a parent normally gives a seven year old. "Now Rukia, what do you say after someone apologizes to you?"

Rukia smiled at Grimmjow. "Apology accepted."

Rangiku patted Grimmjow's shoulder. "There, now was that so hard?"

Grimmjow turned away and crossed his arms; a small blush on his face. "Oh gimme a break."

Kon jumped up and hugged Rukia. "Oh thank goodness Nee-san, I'm so happy you're back to normal."

"Now that Rukia is alright, who's reading?" Yumichika asked.

"Who hasn't read yet?" Ichigo said.

Ukitake lightly raised his hand. "I guess I can give it a shot. Where's the manual?"

"Oh right here." Shuhei replied and he handed him the doodled flip book.

"Seriously, you guys really understand that?" Ichigo said.

_*PUNCH*_

"G-Good to have you back Rukia." Ichigo said while holding his stomach.

**The Untold Diaries of a Man**

"What kind of man has a diary," Grimmjow joked.

"The title doesn't literally mean 'diaries'." Uryuu said.

"Moron." Ichigo mumbled.

**By RenjiIsBetterShirtless**

Renji rubbed his head sheepishly. "Hehe, well I have been working out."

**Summary: okay guys I'm going to be telling you the past of our hottest captain. That's right everyone, it's a story about Byakuya.**

Byakuya frowned.

"Yay!" Yachiru cheered. "It's about you Byakushi, aren't you excited?"

"No." Byakuya bluntly said.

"You're no fun." Yachiru whined.

"This'll be good." Ichigo whispered.

Rukia couldn't help but smile at the summary. She had always wanted to know more about her brother's past, but she wouldn't dare ask him. Now this golden opportunity was given to her.

**This will be set before Ichigo becomes a Soul Reaper, so he won't be in this story.**

"Yes!" Ichigo cheered happily. "No butchering of my character in this story, no siree."

**The main focus is Byakuya and how he met his old wife Hisana.**

Byakuya stiffened at the mention of his beloved wife.

"This is definitely gonna be good." Ikkaku said.

"I smell a beautiful romance." Yumichika added.

"I smell a lame'o sap story." Kon mumbled.

**It was in Rukongai where Byakuya met the love of his life.**

**He was walking around that area after he had finished taking care of some hollow infestation. He was making his way back home. **

**All the people stared at him. It wasn't often that someone of nobility would walk by.**

Renji snorted. "That's for sure."

"Sshh! Some of us are trying to hear." Yumichika cut in.

"Yeah pineapple!" Yachiru snapped.

**Byakuya never particularly associated with this part of the Soul Society.**

**It was only about ten minutes into his walk that he saw her. A beautiful woman sitting down on some beat up bench.**

**Her eyes were downcast and he can see sadness in them.**

"I gotta say though, this story is the only one sucking me in." Uryuu said. He was actually interested in hearing about Byakuya's past.

"I agree." Toshiro added.

**His body moved without his consent and began making his way towards her. She hadn't realized he was there until he was in front of her.**

**She finally looked up at him and she seemed stunned by him. "Who are you?"**

"Surely these authors have something better to do then egg their way into our affairs." Byakuya said, trying to hold in his irritation.

Maybe Renji was going insane, but he was enjoying the effect that Fanfiction was having on his captain.

**"I am Byakuya, of the Kuchiki family."**

**"You're one of the great noble families." the girl said. Nobody was oblivious to the Kuchiki name.**

"Speak for yourself." Grimmjow said.

"Yeah, I can guarantee you that nobody in my world knows it." Ichigo added.

**"I am, what is your name." **

**"My name is Hisana."**

Rukia frowned. "I thought this was about Nii-sama, I don't really wanna hear this." Rukia didn't feel comfortable hearing about her deceased sister. It wasn't exactly a topic she liked to talk about.

Ukitake paused and turned to the group. "I guess we don't have to read it..."

"Like hell!" Grimmjow shouted in the captain's face. "We all read ours to the end! We've all suffered major blows too, so I'll be damned if you don't finish yours!"

Ukitake sweatdropped. "Okay, okay I was just making a suggestion." And with that he turned back to the computer.

**Such a beautiful name it was. She had such a soft voice, but it carried a certain sadness to it.**

**"But what is a Kuchiki doing in these parts?"**

**"I'm a Soul Reaper, I was merely doing my job as one. It's what we do."**

"And you say there's more to Soul Reapers then killing hollows." Renji said.

**"Oh, you're a Soul Reaper huh."**

**"May I ask why you're so sad?"**

**At this he noticed her lower her head in sadness. "I'm.. looking for someone."**

**"Looking for someone?" He repeated. "Who are you looking for?"**

**"My sis- somebody important." Hisana said and she stood up. "Which reminds me, I can't just rest here. I have to continue searching, it was really nice talking to you Byakuya-sama."**

**"Wait," Byakuya called out, successfully halting her. He shouldn't, he knew he shouldn't... but. "Come back here tomorrow."**

"Surely you don't want to hear this." Byakuya calmly said.

"Oh I disagree." Ichigo replied with a mischievous smile. "Why wouldn't we?"

"No way, we don't wanna stop!" Yachiru said as she hugged Byakuya.

On the outside Byakuya kept an unmoved face, but the inner Byakuya was throwing a huge tantrum inside his body.

**She turned back around with a confused look. "Huh?"**

**Byakuya blushed-**

"Haha! As if!" Ichigo joked.

"AWW!" Yachiru cooed. "Byakushi is in love."

A vein popped into Byakuya's head.

"I'd really like to see how a blush would look on you." Rangiku said as she examined his face.

"I didn't even think you were capable of that." Ikkaku added.

**lightly. "What I mean is.. well, you don't have to if you don't want to."**

**Her expression finally changed from a melancholy one to a small smile. "I think I'd like that, same time tomorrow."**

**Byakuya watched her as she disappeared from his sight. For some strange reason he was glad that he was able to brighten her day, if only for a little while. Maybe he can make her smile if he were to come everyday. **

"This is such a cute story." Rangiku said.

"Yeah it is." Orihime agreed.

"This author should mind their own business." Byakuya stated.

"At least you aren't in some male turned female story! Be glad you're being spared the horror of it all." Ichigo snapped.

"No kidding captain, these stories are brutal." Renji said.

"And at least you aren't horribly out of character either." Uryuu added.

What they didn't know was this was more painful to Byakuya. He'd much rather be in those types of stories (as bad as it sounds) then be reminded of his deceased wife.

**It had then become a thing for them. The two would meet in that same place at the same time. Bit by bit she'd smile more, and it made him swell with pride knowing he was the reason for her happiness.**

**He was able to be at peace with her. Something very hard for him, given his strict laws and obligations. She was like an escape from all of that and for once he was happy.**

**But... even so, there was still that same sadness to her. One that, no matter how much he said, or how much he tried, would never disappear.**

**She had told him who she was looking for. He understood now why she searched with all her might. It was her sister whom she was looking for.**

"Damn it," Rukia cut in. It wasn't like she held bitter feelings towards her sister, but she just didn't like hearing about her. "The story sucks."

"It is kinda sappy for my tastes, but like I've said we all finished ours." Grimmjow replied.

**"Byakuya-sama I really enjoy spending time with you."**

**"I enjoy being with you too, it's relaxing."**

**"If only this moment could last forever... it'd be great if this feeling could last forever."**

**Byakuya stared at the sky, even he wanted this to go on forever. "Yeah."**

**After a moment, Hisana spoke. "Well, can't stay here forever. I must keep looking, I feel lucky today." **

**In her haste to get up she stumbled forward and Byakuya caught her in his arms.**

"Here it comes!" Ichigo announced.

Rukia turned back to the screen. "Hmm.. on second thought, it might not be so bad."

"You humans and your emotions intrigue me." Ulquiorra said.

Byakuya was now irritated. These authors were just to damn nosy.

**"Sorry! That was really clumsy and.." she trailed off as he gazed her down.**

**"Hisana."**

**" ...Byakuya... sama"**

**The two began leaning towards each other. Slowly the distance was closed and their lips met.**

"Wow Nii-sama, that's very romantic." Rukia said in a cheerful voice.

"Ahahah!" Ichigo laughed. "Who would've thought you'd be the romantic type."

Grimmjow lightly nudged Byakuya. "Way to bag her ya stud."

This only caused for Byakuya's vein to grow slightly.

**Once they separated, Hisana's face was beet red. "B-Byakuya-sama I.. you.."**

**He chuckled slightly at her flustered expression. "No need to be embarrassed, I enjoyed it."**

**She placed a hand on his chest. "But.. is this okay? I mean you're royalty and I'm-"**

**"I don't care what the nobles would think. Nothing will get in between us."**

"Byakushi why can't you be like that more often, now you're such a meanie!" Yachiru said.

Ichigo scoffed. "It sure as hell would've saved me the trouble of fighting you to save Rukia."

"I knew I smelled a good romance story." Yumichika said. "I was right."

"It's pretty good." Shuhei added. "Don't you agree Rangiku?"

"Better then a lot I've seen so far." Rangiku replied.

**"Thank you Byakuya-sama.. for giving me peace and happiness. I can only feel these things here, with you. I really care about you, but.. my sister, I can't just-"**

**"We'll find her.. together we'll find her."**

"And you never found her, it's quite the tragic love story" Ukitake said sadly.

"I wasn't so bad though," Rukia said. "Cos' I had Renji with me."

Renji playfully ruffled Rukia's hair. "And we managed well, even when we were kids."

**"Thank you so much!" And she gave him a happy embrace. "You don't know how much this means to me Byakuya-sama."**

**He smiled softly. It really was him who was thankful. He knew a relationship like this would go against his family name, but he could care less about the rules.**

**Breaking the rules never felt better.**

**Fin**

**Hoped you liked it people ;)**

Yumichika wiped a tear away. "That was such a beautiful story. I loved it."

"I bet ya did, creampuff." Grimmjow mocked.

Rukia's eyes sparkled. "Nii-sama you're past was so romantic. I bet we'd be one cool family if you had found me."

"Things would have been good," Byakuya agreed. "But I'm content enough with knowing that I found you Rukia."

"Uh..." Rukia blushed and smiled sheepishly.

Ichigo gave a small smile himself when he noticed the two siblings. He was really glad that they were a lot closer now.

Suddenly a voice rang through the air. "Itsygo!"

"Huh? Is that.." Ichigo trailed off and opened his window. Right as he opened it he felt something collide with his stomach.

"Itsygo I'm so glad I found you!"

"Nel? What're you doing here?"

"You see Nel was playing with Dondochakka and Pesche, but Nel got lost. Then I was looking for them and I was found by Nnoitra. I ran over here so Itsygo can protect Nel."

Ichigo took everything in. "I see."

"Hey little shrimp, show yourself!"

"Oh no Itsygo! He's found Nel!"

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**Again, I can't believe I hadn't done a Byakuya and Hisana story ~_~ anyways, I'm glad I did one now. Thanks **_novicestar, Captain Takahashi, and anon_** for reminding me.**

**I had planned on having Nel and Nnoitra as one of Ichigo's er.. guests since I started this story.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Alright friends, I'm back! Thanks everyone who put my story on alert and who favorited it. I really appreciate that. This is going to be an OC story, I haven't done one based on an OC.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary **

* * *

><p><strong>Ladies and Gentleman: Due to Nnoitra's even bigger potty mouth then Grimmjow's, parental discretion is advised<strong>

* * *

><p>Chapter 16: A Look Into Future of the Past<p>

"Itsygo hide me please!" Nel pleaded as she buried herself in his shirt.

"Don't worry Nel, nothing is gonna hurt you."

"Itsygo you're Nel's hero."

Nnoitra slammed through the window and broke the glass on his way in. "Where are ya! I know you're wimping out here."

"You just broke my frigging window!" Ichigo yelled angrily.

Nnoitra ignored Ichigo and instead focused on his two fellow espada. "Yo, so this is where you two have been. Aizen's been wondering why you two just suddenly never returned."

"Oh shit I forgot about him." Grimmjow said.

"I didn't." Ulquiorra stated.

Nnoitra chuckled. "I honestly began thinking you two were off screwing each other."

"Do you want me to kill you!" Grimmjow snapped. "Don't ever assume I'd do some shit like that!"

Ulquiorra sent him a death glare. "You have such a vulgar mind."

"I'm only messing with ya, anyways have ya seen a little brat enter here."

"Uh.. do you mean that brat?" Grimmjow replied as he pointed to Nel.

Nnoitra cracked his knuckles. "Round two bitch, get ready."

Nel stuck her tongue out. "You're a goner, because Itsygo is gonna protect Nel."

"And you broke my window asshole!" Ichigo snapped.

Nnoitra began laughing. "You really think this guy will be able to save you, hah don't make me laugh. I'll kill him first then."

"Bring it!" Ichigo said.

Nnoitra was about to charge in, but noticed his Santa Teresa was stuck by the window. "Shit.. no room in here."

Grimmjow motioned for him to come. "Just get in and check this out."

Nnoitra shrugged and attached his Santa Teresa up towards Ichigo's roof, making a huge noise.

"You're tearing up my house moron!"

"Like I give a shit." Nnoitra replied and he approached Grimmjow. "What is it?"

"The reason I've been stuck here was cos' of this thing here." Grimmjow explained and he pointed to the computer.

"The hell is that shitbox?"

"It's called a computer dumbass, but that's not the point. We're on something called Fanfiction dot net, and it's got these stories on us."

"Say what!"

"It's true." Ulquiorra added. "I wouldn't expect you to comprehend this though."

"Shut up! It's just taking a minute to sink in that's all. It ain't everyday you hear this shit."

Renji shot Ichigo a smirk. "Looks like we have ourselves a reader."

Ichigo grinned deviously. "Oh yes we do."

Nel plopped down onto Ichigo's shoulder. "So Itsygo, do these stories have anything on Nel?"

"Trust me, you wouldn't wanted it to."

"You should read and test it out." Ikkaku said to Nnoitra. He was down for some espada abuse.

"Yeah go ahead, unless you're scared." Ichigo said, knowing it'd provoke Nnoitra.

"I'm not scared of shit, especially not some overrated box!" Nnoitra retorted.

Ukitake moved out of the seat and Nnoitra sat himself down. "This chair is so freaking short."

"Actually you're to tall." Shuhei replied.

"Yeah, I can't even see pass you." Rukia added.

Toshiro mentally thanked Rukia for speaking his exact thoughts aloud.

Yachiru pouted. "How are we suppose to see over you spoon head?"

"That's a good question." Yumichika said.

"It is actually. " Ulquiorra agreed.

Everyone began getting into a discussion about Nnoitra's size situation, causing Nnoitra to clench his fist angrily. In one quick motion he picked up the computer chair and flung it out the broken window, and onto the street.

_*BEEP BEEP BEEP*_

"My car!" A person yelled from outside.

"There! Now I'll just sit on the floor so you can see, ya fucking happy!"

"Are you crazy!" Rangiku shouted.

"Hey!" Ichigo barked. "That freaking chair costs money you dumb bastard!"

"Not to mention we were using that to sit our asses on!" Grimmjow angrily yelled.

"Than how's about next time you don't talk as if I'm not standing an inch away!"

"Guys!" Uryuu called out, getting the group's attention. "We have another chair."

"Huh where?" Ukitake asked.

Uryuu pointed to the one Hanataro was tied to. By now Hanataro had long since fallen asleep.

"No way pencil! He's crazy!" Yachiru cried.

"We don't need one yet anyway, cos' he's reading right now." Renji said. "We can settle it when he finishes."

"Fine." Ichigo muttered. "Let's just read."

**The New Clash of 3001 **

"Whoa cool! A futuristic story." Kon said.

Grimmjow grinned. "A battle huh, it's about time we get into some fighting."

"This sounds interesting." Nnoitra muttered.

**By HitsugayaFanGirl62**

"Captain, you have a secret fangirl." Rangiku said.

Toshiro grimaced. "I'm not interested."

**Summary: this will be a story based on the future. It's 1000 years into the future. A new Soul Reaper tale is about to begin.**

"This sounds pretty good." Uryuu said.

"Finally." Ikkaku breathed. "Something about fighting."

"But hopefully not to much fighting." Orihime said. "People get hurt in fights."

"Orihime." Ichigo grumbled. "It's only a story."

**The world was different now, very different. Tora-**

"Who?" Yumichika asked.

"It must be another invented character. " Ikkaku answered.

Rukia began hyperventilating. "No please, not another Mary Sue."

Ichigo rushed over to her with a paper bag. "Hey easy Rukia, here breathe into this."

Rukia breathed into the bag. "Thank you Ichigo."

**stared at his surroundings.**

"Good, it's a guy." Rukia said. "There's no way it can be a Mary Sue."

**The buildings were so tall, as if going on forever. He looked to his side and noticed a swarm of fish swimming beside him.**

"Is he in some sort of aquarium?" Rangiku asked.

"He must be." Ichigo answered.

**Nowadays everyone would see the marine animals. The cities were underwater after all.**

"What underwater! That's so cool." Orihime cheered.

"It is very intriguing." Byakuya agreed.

"Imagine a fight underwater, that'd be one hell of a battle." Nnoitra said.

**Tora walked around the cities. He was an orphaned boy, who somehow was able to see spirits. Some were kind people and others were jerks, he'd mostly avoid those.**

**He could also see some other scary spirits. One that looked like grotesque monsters. Being only twelve years old it all surprised him.**

"He almost reminds me of your powers as a kid Ichigo." Rukia said.

"Yeah I guess he does." Ichigo replied.

**Tora would always ditch the orphanage because the kids would bully him. Nobody would believe him about his stories.**

"Gee I wonder why?" Uryuu sarcastically said.

**He'd always come out to watch the marine life through the huge dome-like transparent wall. Life was underwater ever since the land was overrun by several rabbits.**

"My dream come true!" Rukia squealed, but coughed nervously when everyone stared at her.

"Okay, what ever respect I had for this story just went down the drain." Grimmjow said.

"Yeah, rabbits really?" Toshiro murmured.

"Corny ass story, made me get my hopes up." Nnoitra muttered.

**Tora began walking through the streets, it was late at night. He didn't want to go back to the orphanage.**

**Suddenly a man came towards him. "Hey young man, are you lost?"**

**"No... I'm just taking a walk."**

**The man approached him and leaned down. He extended his hand out to him. "Come, I'll take you home."**

**Tora took his hand and-**

"He gets kidnapped by this obvious child molester." Kon said.

"The lesson is don't trust a stranger at night." Shuhei added.

"Everyone knows you're not suppose to talk to strangers." Yachiru said.

"This story is such shit." Nnoitra spat.

"You humans are so quick to trust someone." Ulquiorra said.

"You're not exactly making it better with your comments." Ichigo groaned.

**the two began walking. They then-**

"Get hit by a truck. The end." Grimmjow joked, making the majority of the group chuckle.

"What did I just say, damn it!"

**came upon the corner. It was then that Tora sensed something strange.**

"Finally! It's about time he realizes he's with a rapist." Ikkaku exclaimed.

"I'm not kidding, no more unnecessary comments."

**There was something eerie in the air.**

"More like next to you." Renji joked.

"Shut up already!"

**Before he knew it, the same monster that he's been seeing appeared from a hole.**

**"Oh no!" Tora shrieked and he backed away in pure fear.**

"Tch, pussy." Nnoitra muttered.

"He's only twelve remember!" Rangiku snapped.

"Still a pussy." Nnoitra replied.

"Oh whatever, you wouldn't understand."

**"What's wrong?" The man asked.**

**"Can't you see that? There's a monster!"**

**The man gave Tora an odd look-**

"I bet that's not the only look he's been giving that dumbass kid." Grimmjow laughed.

"If he had half a brain he would of been noticed that already." Renji added.

Ichigo sighed. "Obviously nobody listened to me about the comment thing."

**"I don't see anything."**

**The hollow charged his arm down and Tora pushed the man out the way; the hollow carved a hole in the floor with its attack.**

**"What was that!?" the man cried. Now he began trembling with fear.**

"That place is just crawling with pussies." Nnoitra said.

"That's for damn sure." Grimmjow added.

Byakuya was beyond reminding everyone that there were children present. He just hoped these children weren't paying attention to those particular words.

"MmmMmm!"

"Hanataro's awake." Yumichika pointed out.

At the mention of Hanataro, Yachiru buried herself on Byakuya's shihakusho. "Oh no!"

**The man stumbled to his feet. "We have to run boy!"**

"Pus-"

"Nnoitra we get it!"

**As the man began to run the hollow grabbed him. He of course couldn't see anything, so he began screaming.**

Nnoitra opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off by the group. "We get it already!"

"I wasn't gonna say that damn it!"

"Oh, what were you going to say then?" Ukitake said.

"I was going to say that all this story's shown us is some punk ass kid and a pedophile, but I haven't see any of our asses yet."

"He's right, none of us have made an appearance yet." Shuhei said.

"I don't expect much from this trash story, in fact I stopped taking it serious at the mention of a rabbit overpopulation." Ulquiorra replied.

"I did too." Toshiro agreed.

"This story stinks Itsygo." Nel whined.

"They all do Nel." Ichigo replied. "They all do."

**"Stop!" Tora yelled. He felt so helpless. What could he do? All of a sudden a short girl with a sword appeared.**

Rukia paled and began praying that it wasn't her.

**She began battling the monster. Life wasn't the only thing that evolved from time to time; this was a new breed of hollow. **

**The hollow roared and a jetpack came out of his back.**

"What." the group all muttered. It wasn't said in a question-like way, nor as a statement. It was just a pure 'what'.

**"Oh no!" screamed Rukia.**

"Nooo! " Rhe real Rukia yelled. "Damn it why me, I don't believe this!"

**The hollow used his jetpack to speed over to Rukia and it tackled her down. It then aimed its claw towards the unsuspecting Tora; Rukia saw this and jumped in to take the blow. It left her seriously wounded and she leaned down on one knee.**

**"Hey are you alright lady?" Tora asked.**

Ichigo frowned at how this was starting to sound very familiar. He was about to speak on it, but Rukia cut him off.

"I've just been stabbed by a hollow with a jetpack, what do you think! " Rukia snapped. "He is such a dense kid."

"You just realized that." Shuhei stated.

**"You have to run boy." Rukia muttered.**

**"I can't just leave you here lady."**

**"Just go! This hollow will kill us both. Don't worry about me, just run already."**

**"No! Give me your sword lady."**

**"Do you think you can fight that hollow, don't be stupid boy!"**

**Tora ignored her and picked up the sword, but Rukia caught it before he pulled it up.**

Nnoitra snickered. "Yhe kid grew some nuts in the midst of a few sentences."

**"I'm going to save you lady, don't be so damn stubborn."**

**Rukia chuckled despite herself. "It's not 'lady', boy. My name is Rukia and if you're serious, then I'll give you my powers."**

"I knew it!" Ichigo shouted. "This is a complete repeat of how I got my powers!"

"I wouldn't give him my powers!" Rukia said.

"Well.. you gave them to Ichigo." Renji replied.

"That was different!" Rukia yelled defensively in his face.

Shuhei cocked his head in disbelief. "But Ichigo just said that's it's the exact same way he-"

"Different!"

**"Let's do this then Rukia, and it's not 'boy' it's Tora." **

**Rukia plunged her sword into Tora and he-**

"Dud. The end." Grimmjow joked again, earning several laughs.

**was able to turn into a Soul Reaper. He carried a Zanpaktou as big as him.**

"It must be a very small Zanpaktou then." Ulquiorra concluded; making everyone laugh, even though it wasn't his intention.

**Tora jumped up and sliced the hollow in half with his Zanpaktou.**

Ikkaku rolled his eyes. "Oh really, I thought he was going to use his hands for that." The sarcasm was very evident.

**"Incredible." Rukia mumbled. "He was able to defeat that hollow with one blow."**

"Man you must feel like such shit then. I mean if a kid can outdo you then you must suck." Nnoitra said.

"I don't suck!" Rukia retorted.

**And that's how the story of the new substitute Soul Reaper began.**

**The End**

Everyone stayed silent after the horrible copy story ended.

"So... what did you think?" Ukitake finally said, breaking the silence.

Glances were exchanged several times amongst the group, each silently asking someone to speak.

"The story was very weak." Ulquiorra stated, being the one to talk. "It had potential, but in the end trash will always be trash."

"Agreed." Yumichika said.

* * *

><p><strong>Author Notes<strong>

**If you didn't know, the title of this chapter was a pun. It was to signify that the story was a complete copy of Ichigo's. That's why I put the future of the past. Y'kno cuz the future was the same as the past.. oh nobody gets it :(**


	17. Chapter 17

**Alright folks, back for another chapter. Sorry to keep ya waiting. Now let's get the show on the road.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary**

* * *

><p>Chapter 17: The Corny Talk-Show (Part One)<p>

"That was the biggest pile of shit I've ever seen! It was so stupid." Nnoitra snapped.

"No kidding, how dare they mock my day of becoming a Soul Reaper." Ichigo added.

"Yeah! It was suppose to be something special, now it'll just remind me of that story every time I think of it." Rukia said, cringing at the thought.

"Let's read another one then." Nel suggested.

"I sure as fuck ain't reading another one!" Nnoitra grumbled. "One of you read. L"

"I already read." Rangiku fiercely replied with her arms crossed. "I'm not reading again."

"Ulquiorra." Grimmjow called out. "Let's go, you're up."

"Excuse me?" Ulquiorra replied with a cold tone.

"You're ass hasn't read, so get up there." Grimmjow said.

For once Ulquiorra began to panic inwardly. He truly didn't want to read. Look at what had transpired to the short girl, and the still tied up boy, it had even driven the orange-haired Soul Reaper woman to knock her own self out with head bangs. He feared what it'd do to him. With his mind made up he pointed to Orihime. "I believe she hasn't read either."

Orihime cringed and hid behind Ichigo. "That may be true.. but it's your turn."

"If I recall it was your turn before, but the trash standing over there," a pause occurred so that he can point at Shuhei. " Took your turn."

"I heard that!" Shuhei snapped.

"Y-Yeah but still... it's your turn now." Orihime replied with no intention of reading.

"Oooh I got an idea!" Yachiru said. "Let's do a vote."

"Good idea." Yumichika exclaimed. "All in favor of Orihime reading raise your hand."

Ulquiorra raised his hand. He then impatiently eyed his fellow espada who hadn't even lifted a finger. "Really?"

"I wasn't even planning on participating in this shit, since I could care less bout both of you." Grimmjow said. "So consider this a favor you damn well better pay back." He raised his hand.

Nnoitra still didn't budge though. "What's in it for me if I help you against your pet-sama."

In a quick second Ulquiorra had sonido'ed both Nnoitra and him to Ichigo's roof. Ulquiorra didn't beat around the bush. "As much as I don't like you, if you help me on this I'll make sure Kurosaki or any other trash won't jump in between you and the child."

Nnoitra most definitely knew he'd get rid of Nel one day, but he knew first he'd have to get rid of her little Ichigo and her other friends. Now this golden opportunity appeared before him, so with a grin he spoke. "Deal."

In a quick instant they were back inside the room.

"I'm all for that girl reading." Nnoitra said.

"So that's three hands for Orihime." Yumichika replied. "Now all in favor of the espada reading raise your hand."

Everyone but Ulquiorra, Grimmjow, Nnoitra, and Hanataro (who fell asleep again) raised their hand.

Ichigo began snickering. "Looks like the people have spoken."

"This clearly isn't fair since you obviously outnumber us." Ulquiorra stated. "It's bias towards us espada."

"Yeah!" Grimmjow snapped. "Take out the stuffed cow and the brats and let's take it from there."

"I'm a lion you blind asshole, forget your glasses in Hueco Mundo or something." Kon retorted.

Uryuu twitched, slightly offended by that.

"And you may only raise one hand per person, while we can use two; our total of hands will then be multiplied by two." Ulquiorra added.

"No way!" Renji barked. "You're tweaking way to much."

"Take it or dump it." Nnoitra retorted. "Or we can settle this with a fight between me and Nelliel." He obviously had a one-track mind.

"Itsygo you have to agree!" Nel whimpered.

Ichigo and his group huddled together. "Ee still outnumber them."

Rukia peeked to make sure the espada weren't trying to listen in. "Ichigo is right, if you do the math we still outnumber them."

"That's right. They have six hands altogether." Uryuu said. "Excluding Kon, Nel and Yachiru, we have thirteen; when multiplied by two they'll only have twelve. But Ichigo for this to work we'll need Hanataro too."

"I know that, look if they wanna throw some tweaks in then so can we." Ichigo replied.

"Then there's nothing to worry about." Ukitake finished.

"Thank goodness." Orihime mumbled.

"Let's make it happen then." Ikkaku added.

Finally Ichigo turned back to the espada. "Okay we have a deal, but Hanataro will also count for one vote."

Ulquiorra mentally smirked, but his face didn't change. "Agreed."

"So all in favor of the espada reading raise your hand." Yumichika repeated and group raised their hand.

"With Hanataro's vote that's thirteen. You only come to twelve when multiplied. You lose." Ichigo said with a grin.

The three espada members smirked.

"What exactly is so amusing?" Byakuya said.

"I'll show you." Ulquiorra replied with an unusual sense of confidence. He motioned for Nnoitra to step forward. "Or rather he will show you."

Nnoitra smiled his usual smile, which sent shivers down Ichigo's group. Nnoitra pulled down his huge weapon. "Pray.. Santa Teresa."

A cloud of smoke fogged the room, but it was when that smoke cleared that changed things.

"N-No freaking way." Ikkaku muttered.

Standing in front was a new Nnoitra, one that unfortunately possessed four more extra hands.

Ulquiorra gave a very faint smirk. "It seems we have ten hands altogether and with the multiplication rule we have twenty hands, so it's you who loses."

"Oh no." Orihime whimpered.

Nnoitra reverted back to his regular form right as Grimmjow spoke.

"Hah!" Grimmjow laughed and he pointed a mocking finger towards them. "Espada - 1 and you losers - 0!"

Ichigo glared at Byakuya. "And that Byakuya, is why rules are meant to be broken."

"Don't worry Inoue, it might not be that bad." Rukia tried making it easier for Orihime.

"I hope you're right Rukia." Orihime replied, still not fully convinced. "Um.. I need a seat."

"Allow me." Yumichika said and he cut the rope around the chair. This led to Hanataro to wake up. "Huh? What, I'm free! Finally!"

"Byakushi!" Yachiru cried and she hugged Byakuya tightly.

Hanataro then took a good look around. "I see we have more visitors, huh." He then approached Yachiru nervously. "Um.. Yachiru, I'm really sorry I tried to kill you with a machete. Can you please forgive me?"

Yachiru was about to say 'no', but she knew what these stories can do to a person. "I guess I can give you a second chance."

Hanataro smiled and patted her head, glad their friendship had been rekindled.

Orihime sat herself down on the chair and took a deep breath before reading.

**The Tonight Show With Jena Lenon**

"How original." Rukia said.

Ichigo smiled knowing she was back to her old comments. No more Star Wars commentary.

**By ByakuyasWifey32**

Rukia was taken back. "Nii-sama what's that suppose to mean?"

Byakuya frowned. "I am nobody's 'wifey'. My priorities are strictly between Soul Society and you Rukia, never forget that."

"I see, I didn't really believe it Nii-sama." Rukia said with a smile.

**Summary: this is going to be me and my talk show. I'm going to be interviewing everyone from Bleach.**

"From what?" Ukitake said.

"The hell is a 'Bleach'?" Grimmjow asked.

"It's a substance used to clean clothes." Uryuu answered.

"How the fuck does it relate to us then?" Nnoitra added.

"That's just it, it doesn't relate to us." Ikkaku replied. "This author is obviously retarded."

**Jena walks in on the show and sits on her chair.**

**Jena: hello everyone and welcome to my show. Today we'll be interviewing our favorite people. They'll be answering fan questions and will be unveiling their darkest secret.**

Everyone gulped.

**Our first guest is Ichigo!**

"No!" Ichigo cried, while everyone else blew a sigh of relief.

**Ichigo walks on the stage holding a bottle of sake. **

"Say what?" Ichigo said in disbelief.

"Kurosaki Ichigo, I can care less if you are a drunk, but you better not be influencing Rukia with your bad habits." Byakuya said.

"I'm not a damn drunk!" Ichigo retorted.

Uryuu laughed. "The story thinks otherwise."

"Will you cut that out Uryuu!"

**Jena: so Ichigo, I take it things haven't been so good for you.**

**Ichigo: *drunk* no they haven't, not since Orihime left me.**

"I would never dump Ichigo!" Orihime shouted and quickly blushed afterwards. "I mean, not like we'd ever date or anything."

**Jena: you must be devastated, but the audience and I would like to know your biggest secret.**

**Ichigo: *he sighed* the truth is I never loved her, I always loved Rukia**

"What, it can't be!" Orihime said

"Huh?" Rukia said in confusion.

"That ain't a secret, we already knew that! He had best say another one." Grimmjow demanded.

"I'm not in love with Rukia! How many times do I have to say it!" Ichigo barked. "Why must people insist we're going out?"

"Heh, could've fooled me." Ikkaku said.

**The crowd gasped in surprise.**

**Jena: oh my goodness Ichigo, that's quite the confession.**

**Ichigo: *takes a big drink* it is, but I don't care. I hope she sees this too.**

"I did see it, unfortunately." Rukia mumbled.

**Jena: okay Ichigo thanks for your time, now you can go backstage and drink away**

**Ichigo: okay **

**Ichigo in his drunk state walked and fell right off the stage. Security comes and tosses him out the way.**

Ichigo slumped down on the floor as the group began laughing

**Jena: now for our next guest. Everyone welcome Toshiro!**

"It's captain Hitsugaya! Say it right!" Toshiro shouted. Realization then hit him. "Oh wait.. it's me."

**Toshiro walked in with his usual expression. He calmly took a seat.**

"Hmm... doesn't sound to bad." Toshiro said.

**Toshiro: hey sistah how you doing!**

The horrible characterization caused everyone but poor Toshiro to laugh.

**Jena: *weirded out* so Toshiro, the fans wants to ask you some questions.**

**Toshiro: go ahead and ask away, I'm down.**

**Jena: question number 1 comes from HitsugayaXMomo, it says 'Toshiro do you have a girlfriend?'**

**Toshiro: *waves a hand* sorry babe, but I don't kiss and tell.**

Toshiro twitched.

**Jena: okay then that question was more or less pointless *crumples it up*. Now next question comes from IWannaMarryShiro, it says 'Toshiro why are you so short?'**

**Toshiro: *frowns* that's nobody's business. I am me, I am nobody else! You dig, I'm me! Since when did size matter huh, does size matter? No, it doesn't because it doesn't! Size ain't everything yo! *rant goes on***

**Jena: *motions for security* um thank you Toshiro.**

**Toshiro: *didn't hear* and another thing-**

**Security comes and takes him away as he continues his rant.**

Orihime tried her best not to laugh, but the others weren't so polite and all laughed.

**Jena: that went well**

**The audience laughs.**

**Jena: anyways, let's bring out our next guest. Everyone welcome.. *frowns as she reads the paper* great.. here's Yumichika.**

"Why does she seem uninterested in me?" Yumichika asked, more annoyed by that then the fact that he was about to get butchered.

**Yumichika comes out and sits.**

**Yumichika: *in a gay voice* hiiiii!**

"Excuse me!" Yumichika barked, while the others laughed.

**Jena: sorry but I don't wanna interview you. You're like the most unpopular character and your hideous.**

"What!" Yumichika shouted. "How dare she slander my name, I'm not gay and I most certainly an NOT hideous!"

"Could've fooled me." Kon joked

**So Yumichika, why don't you go to the backstage. Everyone knows your big secret is that you're in love with Ikkaku.**

Ikkaku shot Yumichika a disturbed look and backed a couple feet away.

"It's not true moron!" Yumichika growled.

**Yumichika: that's exactly what I'm gonna do! *runs away crying like a girl***

Grimmjow was grabbing his sides in an attempt to hold his laughter. "Hahah! Oh man that's rich!"

**Jena: okay peeps we got time for two more guest. Please welcome Uryuu and Kon!**

"No! No!" Kon cried. "I take it back, I don't wanna be in the stories, not after all I've seen. Have mercy."

Uryuu was just as scared. He had hoped this nightmare wouldn't include his character.

**Uryuu walks in with Kon on his shoulders.**

**Jena: hello there Uryuu-**

**She is cut off by Uryuu who hands her a joint.**

"What! " Uryuu snapped. "I don't do drugs!"

Grimmjow snickered. "The story thinks otherwise."

Uryuu frowned. "Wow, you know from the other side that kind of is annoying."

**Uryuu: *shoves the joint in front* come and get high with me, it's awesome.**

**Jena: eh... since when did you smoke?**

**Uryuu: since Kon introduced me to it**

**Kon: *completely baked* heh yeah totally, it's super sweet! *falls over***

Kon jumped onto Rukia's arms and began wailing. "It's not fair Nee-san! It's not!"

Rukia rolled her eyes. "Cry me a river Kon, we've all been humiliated already."

**Jena: ehh.. I think that'll be all for today. Comeback tomorrow for an all new episode!**

**Cameraman: and CUT! that's a wrap people!**

**Hope you liked it. Next chapter will be more awesome.**

"Somehow I doubt that." Toshiro muttered.

Nnoitra was cracking up. "That author really pegged you dumbasses. Did you see the shit she made you do?"

"I don't need a reminder now thank you very much." Yumichika retorted spitefully.

"Hey, there's a second chapter." Orihime said.

"You mean there's more of this shit?" Grimmjow said. "Heck, it'll probably have more insults to you."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**Yup guys, for the first time in my story the gang will be reading a two-part story.**

**More junk will be asked and more hilarious secrets will be revealed.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Okay folks, here's part two of the previous chapter. Thanks guys for all your support and following my story up till now.**

**To **_Lady Death the Kid_**: thanks for being my 200th reviewer *throws confetti* YAY!**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary **

* * *

><p>Chapter 18: The Corny Talk-Show (Part Two)<p>

"I can't believe there's a freaking part two." Ichigo said. "I barely survived the first one."

"Oh dear, why the author would want to continue this story is beyond me." Ukitake added.

"It does need some work." Shuhei said and the group eyed him with a blank stare. "Okay, it needs a lot of work."

"Well... should I read it?" Orihime asked

Ichigo shrugged. "If you want, they're done raping my character, she can do whatever she wants now."

"I say read it, it's fun seeing you people get insulted." Nnoitra agreed.

The others began protesting, but Orihime had already begun reading.

**AN: I don't own any character from Bleach,-**

"Why does she keep referencing to a freaking cleaning material." Uryuu snapped.

"Cos' she's retarded, remember?" Ikkaku answered.

**but if I did I'd rape Byakuya *drools***

Byakuya made a look mixed of distaste and being creeped out.

"How dare she talk about Nii-sama like that!" Rukia shouted.

"This bitch is seriously bent." Nnoitra said with a laugh.

**Chapter Two: More Guests!**

"Wow, must've broken a real mental sweat on the title there." Kon sarcastically said.

"Given her brain capacity, I'd say yes." Ulquiorra replied, earning some laughs.

**Jena walks on stage as the curtains open.**

**Jena: hey people! Welcome back!**

**The audience yells out how much they love Jena and want her babies.**

Rangiku took a moment to choke on that.

**Jena: who doesn't want my babies,-**

"I don't." Shuhei said.

"Yeah and I can name a few more too." Ichigo added.

**but let's start this show already. Today we'll be having all new secrets revealed.**

"I shudder to think." Rangiku muttered.

"Don't worry Rangiku, I'll be here to make sure you're alright through it all." Shuhei reassured.

"You're so reliable Shuhei." Rangiku replied, making Shuhei blush.

**Our first guests will be Rangiku and Orihime!**

Both girls paled.

**Orihime and Rangiku jumped onto the stage. They both took a seat on the couch.**

**Jena: hello ladies. Orihime you know Ichigo was here yesterday, why was it that you dumped him?**

**Orihime: well I always knew he loved Rukia,-**

"No I don't!" Ichigo snapped.

**so I felt it was time to let him go.**

**Jena: I see.. so I hear you and Rangiku have a few secrets to tell us.**

**Orihime: oh yeah, me and Rangiku are strippers now.**

"Bwahaha!" Nnoitra fell on his sides laughing.

"I am not a stripper! What's wrong with these damn authors!" Rangiku yelled.

"How's about a lap dance," Grimmjow joked eying Rangiku suggestively. This earned him a bloody nose courtesy of Rangiku.

"I'd never do that." Orihime said, getting more and more irritated by the sentence.

**Rangiku: we're also prostitutes because we love being sluts**

Nnoitra was laughing his head off by now, along with several of the others.

"How disgusting." Ulquiorra said.

"It isn't true dumbass!" Rangiku barked.

Shuhei placed a hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry Rangiku, I don't believe that junk." Even though a part of him was telling him if it were true then his chances with her would be easier.

**Jena: my oh my, is there more?**

**Orihime: yes there is, me and Rangiku are now... lovers!**

"NOO!" Rangiku cried. "We're not lovers! Does this Fanfiction dot net allow any moron to become an author?"

"Apparently." Byakuya said.

Orihime whimpered. "Rukia you said it wouldn't be so bad."

Rukia patted her shoulder. "Forgive me Inoue, I didn't mean to get your hopes up."

Ichigo stared at his friend with sympathy. "Do we have to make her go through with this?"

Grimmjow being the one who would always speak on those questions, angrily got in Ichigo's face. "Hell yeah! We all read ours to the end, how many fucking times must I say it?"

Ichigo frowned. "This is definitely going to bite you in the ass later on."

**Rangiku: but we also sleep with other people too, it's the ideal life for us **

"Man.. that CAN'T be healthy." Hanataro said.

Rangiku slumped down in the emo corner.

**Jena: well thanks for your time guys and I wish you the best.**

**The girls leave holding hands.**

**Jena: alright guys, time for our next batch. We've been hearing a lot about our Soul Reapers, so it's time we hear from our espada.**

The room silenced at that. Nnoitra immediately stopped his laughter, Grimmjow quickly began regretting his previous declaration, and Ulquiorra visibly tensed.

All the others smiled with mischief. The tables have just been turned.

**Let's introduce our first espada of the day, Grimmjow!**

"Now what was it you said about reading the stories all the way through," Ichigo joked.

Grimmjow began sweating a storm. "Heh.. you didn't really think I was serious.. right?"

**Grimmjow jumps onto the stage.**

**Jena: hi there Grimmjow, how's life been? What's you're big secret?**

**Grimmjow: *smiles* it's been great and awesome. My big secret is that everything's been good since I married Szayel.**

"WHAT!" Grimmjow roared as everyone laughed.

**Jena: I'm glad to hear that, what got you to do that**

**Grimmjow: after Ichigo rejected me, I decided to move on get together with my babycake.**

Nnoitra leaned on the wall and started another laughing fit.

"I'll kill that bitch!" Grimmjow barked as he charged at the computer.

Ichigo and Renji held him back.

"Breaking my computer won't make her dead you dumbass!" Ichigo said through gritted teeth.

**Jena: must've been a tough break, getting rejected and all.**

**Grimmjow: it's cool. I knew he had always loved Rukia,-**

"I don't care anymore, I just don't!"

**So it wasn't so hard. Like I said, I've got my babycake. **

**Jena: I bet you're the man of the house.**

**Grimmjow: of course! I'm the big man on campus in and out of bed.**

The males took a moment to puke through the broken window that Nnoitra had broken.

"That is disgusting." Ulquiorra stated. "I do not wish to know that."

"Yeah you're the one who's suffering, huh." Grimmjow sarcastically muttered.

**Jena: *shakes Grimmjow's hand* thank you Grimmjow for chatting with us today. Say hello to the wife for me.**

Nnoitra gagged.

**Grimmjow exits the stage.**

**Jena: now our next espada is.. Ulquiorra!**

Ulquiorra began trembling slightly.

"Phew.." Nnoitra mumbled. "Dodged a bullet."

**Ulquiorra moon walks onto the stage.**

Ichigo, Uryuu, and Orihime began laughing at the mention of moon walk. The others were more or less clueless.

"How is it possible to moon walk? What is a moon walk?" Ulquiorra asked in confusion.

"Beats me." Hanataro replied.

"The mental image, the mental image!" Uryuu said in between laughs.

**Jena: hiya Ulquiorra **

**Ulquiorra: sup, groovy place**

The room burst into laughter.

"And I thought I was out of character. " Toshiro mumbled.

Ulquiorra frowned.

**Jena: how have you been, especially with you're job as a ballet dancer.**

Ichigo began rolling around laughing. "Aw man, I just pictured you in a pink tu-tu."

Ulquiorra's eyes glowed with death intent.

**Ulquiorra: yeah it's totally groovy. I love the color pink, so it fits me well.**

"Me too I love pink!" Yachiru said happily.

"So do I." Rangiku agreed.

"Tch a pussy ass color." Nnoitra said.

"I beg to differ." Byakuya replied. "The color pink can be quite deadly in the right hands."

"I don't care!" Ulquiorra snapped. "I don't use that color." He grabbed his white espada uniform for emphasis.

**I'm going to give you a demonstration.**

**Jena: okay Ulquiorra go for it.**

**Ulquiorra begins skipping around the stage. He dances around but falls off the stage like a moron.**

**Security flings him out the stage.**

Ulquiorra growled in distaste, but said nothing; even as everyone laughed at him.

"You guys have just got your asses torched." Nnoitra laughed.

**Jena: ouch, that's gotta hurt. Anyway moving on, let's bring out... Nnoitra!**

Nnoitra immediately silenced himself.

"Looks like someone else's bout to get torched." Ikkaku said.

Nel smiled to herself.

**Nnoitra walks in with his usual scowl on his face.**

"Seems not to bad." Nnoitra said.

"That's what I had thought too, then I quickly realized I was screwed." Toshiro replied.

**Jena: welcome Nnoitra, I'd like to ask you some questions.**

**Nnoitra: shoot.**

**Jena: why do you hate Nel so much?**

"Come to think of it, why 'do' you hate Nel?" Ichigo asked.

"Yeah, Nel hasn't done anything to you!" Nel added.

Nnoitra scoffed. "My reason is simple. Seeing a girl outdo me; a man is plain pitiful, I can't stand it. That's all there is to it."

"You're being a sexist." Shuhei said.

"Call it what you want. Maybe you're okay with getting your ass handed to you by a girl, but not me. I won't lose to anyone." Nnoitra fiercely replied.

"You know," Ukitake started. "Hate sometimes can be misinterpreted for something else."

Nnoitra shrugged him off. "My feelings are and always have been the same. How can that possibly be misconstrued?"

The poor guy didn't know how wrong he was.

**Nnoitra: *sighs* the truth is that... I really LOVE NEL! **

The color was now drained out of Nnoitra. He was starting to feel nauseas. Sweat built around his hands. He felt sick to his stomach.

He felt mortified. This somehow felt worse then losing. How could his feelings be misinterpreted. He made it clear, didn't he? So why... His insides boiled with rage and he snapped.

"I'll fucking kill that bitch!" Nnoitra roared and he charged for the computer.

Grimmjow and Ichigo held him in place as he yelled out obscenities.

Byakuya being the adult, calmly placed his hands on Yachiru's ears, preventing her from hearing the curse words flying out of Nnoitra like water from a fountain.

Rukia followed her brother's example and did the same for Nel.

Ukitake eyed the young children. "Should we really have children present here?"

Toshiro twitched. "You better not place me in that category."

**Jena: I had a feeling that was it. You should tell her how you feel, I'm sure she feels the same.**

**Nnoitra: *surprised* you think so?**

"Nnoitra loves Nel?" Nel said. "Ew, ew, ew!"

"I don't love you, you little bit-" Nnoitra was cut off by Ichigo who elbowed him. Ichigo wouldn't allow Nel to hear those bad words.

**Jena: yeah, tell her Nnoitra. You must.**

**Nnoitra: you know what.. that's exactly what I'm about to do.**

**He runs out the door screaming how much he loves Nel.**

Nnoitra grabbed his head in frustration. "No I don't, no I don't, no I don't!"

Ichigo shrugged. "You'll get use to it." He's been accused of loving Rukia several times that he's use to these things already.

**Jena: I wish him well. Now for our final guests, let's give a big round of applause for Renji and Byakuya! **

Renji and Byakuya quickly braced themselves for some permanent damage to their character.

**Both males enter and take a seat.**

**Jena: *drools as she sees Byakuya wink at her* **

Byakuya had never been this creeped out in his entire life.

Renji however was relieved. This insane author might be to into his captain that he might just get forgotten.

**Hello boys, good to have you on my show. Renji let's start off with you. I heard you've been well, what's the story?**

**Renji: I dumped Momo.**

"What! " Toshiro shouted. He would always look out for his best friend Momo. He'd never allow her to get hurt.

"No it's not true." Renji defended.

**Jena: *staring at Byakuya and not paying attention* uh huh..**

Byakuya kept looking around the room. It was as if he could feel someone's eyes on him.

"Stupid virtual girl. Byakushi is mine!" Yachiru yelled and hugged 'her' Byakuya possessively.

**Renji: *notices the stares* eh.. I'll just make my exit.**

**He slowly exits the stage.**

"Yes! " Renji cried. "I'm so smart, no damage to my character."

"No fair!" The people who had been butchered yelled out.

**Jena: So Byakuya looks like it's just you and me.**

**Byakuya: want to ditch this place and do it.**

At that the room broke out into laughing fits. The characterization for Byakuya was just as horrible as Toshiro's.

Byakuya frowned.

"Nii-sama would never do that!" Rukia yelled, being the only one not to laugh. "This woman has such a disgusting mind."

**Jena: *nods like crazy* okay everyone cut! The show is canceled for today. **

**The credits start rolling and the screen cuts off.**

**The End**

"Arrgh damn it!" Ichigo yelled. "Why do all these stories suck like hell?"

"I'm wondering that too." Rukia agreed.

"I'm picking the story now." Byakuya suggested, surprising everyone.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**Yup, it's Byakuya's turn to read. Ulquiorra dodged yet another bullet.**

**See ya later!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Okay champs, I'm back. Here to deliver you another chapter. Thanks **_phireye (and ParanoidHollow for agreeing)_** for another awesome suggestion. Seriously you are a genius.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary **

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><p><strong>Wow 9,746 hits! Go Jeanette!<strong>

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><p>Chapter 19: The Truth or Dare Catastrophe<p>

Everyone stared at Byakuya as if he had sprouted a second head. He was actually volunteering to read.

"Nii-sama.. are you serious?" Rukia asked. She had to make sure he wasn't going crazy.

"Yeah captain. This fanfiction isn't a joke. Are you really going through with this?" Renji added.

"Yes, I believe I haven't read yet. It's best if I get it over with already."

"A wise choice." Ulquiorra replied. "You should do that and get it over with."

"You just don't wanna read." Kon said.

Orihime gladly moved out the chair and motioned for Byakuya. "Here you go take a seat."

Byakuya gave her a small nod before sitting down on the rather comfortable chair. "Now where is that manual?"

Rukia timidly handed him the flip book. "I know my work hasn't reached your capacity... but I hope you can understand it."

Byakuya read the flip book. "Rukia do not sell yourself short, your artwork is good."

Rukia made a sound of delight. "Nii-sama."

Ichigo snickered. "Since both of you suck at artwork, then that must not mean much."

_*PUNCH*_

"Geez Rukia can't you take a joke?" Ichigo exclaimed, holding his stomach.

"Yay Byakushi is reading." Yachiru cheered and she plopped herself onto his lap.

Byakuya had long since given up on trying to get rid of her. She didn't listen and did as she please, so he instead focused on the flip book.

Shuhei folded his hands behind him. "I wonder what story captain Kuchiki will find?"

"A stupid one I bet." Grimmjow replied.

"That's all we've been reading so far." Uryuu added.

"You guys got it easy though," Ichigo said. "Me and Rukia have been reading crap stories for a while now, right Rukia?"

"Yeah," Rukia agreed. " you guys can't complain. Compared to me and Ichigo, you haven't seen nothing yet."

"You think maybe we might just land on a good story." Hanataro said.

"Not with our luck." Toshiro replied.

"I found one." Byakuya called out.

"Let's hear it." Ukitake said.

Byakuya obliged and began reading.

**The Game of Truth or Dare**

"Truth or dare?" Ulquiorra repeated

Rukia winced. Her time in the real world had served to teach her what type of games humans played, and this was one she's heard of.

Ichigo, Uryuu, and Orihime were also familiar with the game. This wouldn't be pretty.

"Maybe it won't be so bad." Rukia said to the three humans and they nodded in response.

**By SadisticAuthor666**

"I take it back."

**Summary: everyone will join in for a game of truth or dare. What will be said, well you gotta read and find out.**

"No duh." Kon said. "It's not like you're going to tell us the story through the summary."

"I know right, obviously we gotta read it." Renji agreed.

"Sshh! Byakushi is tryna read."

**Everyone was at Ichigo's house,-**

"Is my house a hotel or what!?" Ichigo snapped.

**when Shuhei suggested they play truth or dare.**

"Huh? Why would I suggest something I know nothing of?" Shuhei said.

**"How about we play a game of truth or dare, what do you say?"**

**Everyone in the group agreed since they were bored.**

"Wait up, who's 'everyone'?" Nnoitra asked.

"You never know with these stories. They never thoroughly go into details." Toshiro replied.

Everyone mentally prayed they weren't in it.

**"Why not?" Uryuu replied.**

"Damn it I'm in it!"

**"Let's do it then." Rukia said.**

"Damn it I'm in it too!"

"Oh no! Since it's my house that means I'm in it too!"

**"I'm first!" Rangiku suggested.**

"Damn it I'm in it! Haven't I suffered enough?"

A vein popped onto Toshiro. "Quit calling out if your name gets mentioned. It's getting annoying."

**"That's not fair. We'll determine who's first by spinning a bottle and take it from there." Toshiro said.**

"Damn it, I'm in it!" Toshiro spat, forgetting what he had previously said.

**"Sounds fair I guess." Ichigo said and he spun the water bottle. It landed on Grimmjow.**

"What the hell, since when did I become all buddy-buddy with ya?"

"How does this game work anyway?" Ukitake asked.

Ichigo decided he'd cover that. "You see, the game is pretty simple. One person-" he was cut off by Rukia who pushed him out of the way.

"It's my captain, so that means I'll explain it." Rukia said, she then turned to Ukitake. "The game centers around two main concepts; the dare and the truth."

"The dare and the truth?" Ukitake repeated.

"Yeah those are the things that you're asked. Depending on what you pick, you either state a truth or you're made to do a dare."

"That can't be good." Hanataro concluded.

**Ichigo smiled evilly. "Okay Grimmjow, truth or dare?"**

**"Dare, punk!"**

**"Okay, I dare you to make out with Shuhei."**

Shuhei paled and he grabbed Ichigo by his shirt collar. "Err! Ichigo what's the matter with you?"

"Hold on, I wouldn't say that!"

"Heh, the story thinks-"

"Not now Uryuu!"

**"Okay!" Grimmjow eagerly brought Shuhei into a passionate kiss.**

The real Grimmjow gagged and began making retching noises.

Shuhei hadn't taken it so well either. The room suddenly felt smaller to him and he felt like puking. He quickly stuck his head out the broken window and began taking deep breaths.

**"So it's my turn now huh," Grimmjow said and the group nodded. "Okay then." He spun the bottle and it landed on Toshiro.**

Toshiro gulped.

**"Okay squirt, truth or dare?"**

**"Um, uh.. truth."**

"Pussy." Nnoitra said.

"Can it, it's called picking the lesser of two evils!"

**"Alright then, who from this room would you wanna be stuck in an elevator with?"**

**"Um.. uh.. it would have to be Rangiku."**

"WHAT!" Toshiro shouted.

"Aww captain," Rangiku cooed and she brought the small boy into a bear hug.

Shuhei slumped down in the emo corner. "Why can't I get stuck in an elevator with Rangiku?"

Toshiro was shaking trying to gasp for air.

**"My go now!" Toshiro spun the bottle and it landed on Orihime.**

"Oh no. " Orihime whispered.

"Don't worry, I'd never make you do something you wouldn't want to." Toshiro reassured.

**"So Orihime, truth or dare?"**

**"I'm feeling brave, so dare."**

**Toshiro snickered. He had always wanted to make her do something she would never do. "Give us a peek under your shirt."**

"It's not fair!" Orihime cried. "Toshiro you big liar."

"Damn these stories!" Toshiro snapped.

**All the males cheered as Orihime lifted her shirt up. It lasted for about ten seconds until she put it down.**

**"Okay it's my turn." Orihime said before anyone could speak and she spun the water bottle. It pointed to Uryuu.**

"Oh great." Uryuu mumbled. "At least I can't expect something malicious from Orihime."

"That's right." Orihime reassured.

**A malicious smile appeared on Orihime.**

Uryuu buried his head in his hands. "You have got to be kidding me."

Ukitake sighed. "I think it's best not to speak one's thoughts, because the exact opposite always happens."

**"Uryuu, truth or dare?"**

**Uryuu was smart, he wouldn't risk doing a dumb or humiliating dare. "Truth."**

"Pussy." Nnoitra said.

"Hey! My reason was given." Uryuu retorted.

**"If you were alone on an island with Rukia would you sleep with her?"**

Byakuya paused to glare at Uryuu.

"Of course not! I wouldn't do that!"

Rukia blushed. "Inoue how could you ask such a filthy thing?"

"No no, I'd never say that." Orihime defended.

**Uryuu smirked and winked at Rukia. "Of course I would."**

"Like hell!" Ichigo cut in. "You crazy pervert, I'd never let you do that!"

"Damn right!" Renji added.

"Yeah you scum." Kon snapped.

"Agreed." Byakuya said.

Uryuu practically shrunk under their gazes. Rukia sure had some protective bodyguards.

**Rukia shrugged off Uryuu's gaze. Uryuu spun the bottle and grinned when it landed on Ichigo.**

**"Oh no." Ichigo muttered.**

**"Oh yes. So Ichi, truth or dare."**

**"Heh, I'm no pansy. Dare."**

**"Alright, I dare you to go to Urahara's house and tell him he had you at 'hello''**

Ikkaku laughed. "This I wanna hear."

Byakuya mentally agreed.

Ichigo shot daggers at Uryuu. "Bastard."

**The gang followed Ichigo to Urahara's shop and hid as he knocked.**

**Urahara appeared at the door. "Oh, hey Ichigo. What do you want?"**

**Ichigo looked away. "Urahara.. y-you had me.. at hello."**

**A moment of silence occurred.**

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

"Lind of a long pause." Hanataro said.

Rukia lightly shook her brother's arm. "You don't have to stop Nii-sama, just skip through it."

"That is disrespectful." Byakuya calmly replied.

Everyone groaned.

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

"Any minute now." Nnoitra angrily mumbled.

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

**It then happened. Urahara began beating Ichigo merciless. He slammed Benihime on the poor boy's head and finished up by tossing him on his garbage.**

**"Sick little fucker."**

The room exploded into laughter, so much that poor Ichigo covered his ears.

"That pause was worth it." Nnoitra joked while snickering. "So worth it."

"This story is so freaking stupud!" Ichigo yelled.

**When the gang approached Ichigo he was bruised all over.**

**"So, shall we continue the game." Rangiku suggested. **

**"Yeah, let's go." Toshiro replied and they left back home, leaving Ichigo in the trash.**

"Some damn friends you are." Ichigo grumbled.

Ulquiorra smirked lightly. "Heh, told you you were trash."

"That's a little much." Rukia said. "I wouldn't just ditch Ichigo in a garbage can."

"Neither would I." Orihime fiercely added.

"I would." Grimmjow said.

**The End**

**Hope you guys enjoyed that awesome story.**

"Awesome story!" Nnoitra said in disbelief. "Is this dickhead serious? This story isn't even worth wiping my ass with."

"No kidding." Ichigo added.

"It was kinda funny." Renji said.

"Only because you weren't in it." Shuhei replied.

Renji grinned. "I'd like to keep it that way too."

Byakuya stepped away from the chair. "I did my time reading these stories from hell, someone else take over."

All eyes landed on Ulquiorra.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**Poor Ulquiorra has been dodging the reading bullet for quite a while. It looks like the group has had it already.**

**FYI: Saying 'you had mr at hello' is like saying love at first sight  
><strong>


	20. Chapter 20

**Alright folks, back for another chapter. This is probably going to be the most disturbing fic the group has read. Honestly I find these fics severely gross and if you're a fan of this type of story (which I doubt) I'm sorry for offending you. This is a topic the group hasn't touched and they're suppose to see all the types of fics that fanfiction provides.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary**

* * *

><p><strong>Ladies and Gentleman: Due to this chapter being the most disturbing, both viewer and parental discretion is advised. No children or those with a weak mind should read.<strong>

* * *

><p>Chapter 20: The Horrors of Mpreg<p>

"No." Ulquiorra said calmly.

"You're the only one who hasn't read." Ikkaku said.

"Yeah, everyone else has read already." Yumichika snapped.

"It'd only be fair if you read as well." Ukitake added in a polite manner.

"I refuse to read." Ulquiorra replied.

"Pussy." Nnoitra muttered. He'd be dammed if Ulquiorra didn't read.

"I will not stoop to your level Nnoitra."

"What's the matter, you chicken or what?" Ichigo taunted.

Grimmjow snickered. "Yeah, ya scared."

Yachiru childishly pointed at Ulquiorra. "You're a chicken, you're a chicken."

"You're words don't affect me." Ulquiorra said, but his clenched fists contradicted his words.

"Hey Rukia, why don't you draw me a chicken Ulquiorra," Ichigo joked.

"Way ahead of you Ichigo." Rukia replied and she held up a sketch of a cartoon looking chicken with Ulquiorra's head.

The group laughed.

"Hang on, hang on," Nnoitra joked and he taped the picture onto an emotionless Ulquiorra's face. The gang laughed even more.

Yachiru began skipping in circles around Ulquiorra. "You're a chicken, you're a chicken."

Grimmjow and Renji began making chicken noises and soon Ikkaku and Ichigo were clucking along with them.

"I will not humor you and your pathetic childish antics." Ulquiorra said. If one studied him well then they'd see his eyes were slightly narrowed.

"Don't you think this is a tad bit immature?" Ukitake said, only to be ignored.

The boys were all hysterically laughing at Ulquiorra's predicament.

Uryuu was chuckling to himself.

Finally after a couple of minutes Ulquiorra tore the paper of his face and ripped it apart.

"Hey!" Rukia snapped. "You can't just break my masterpieces like that!"

Ulquiorra ignored her and shoved past the group and onto the seat.

"Where is that manual?" He ordered.

Rukia passed him the flip book.

He studied the unfamiliar doodles. "Okay, I understand how this contraption works."

Ichigo was at a loss. "Really? Do you guys really understand that chicken scratch?"

_*KICK*_

"Never insult someone's hard work." Rukia said.

Ulquiorra began scanning the lists of story. There were so many, but he wanted to read a good one.

Shuhei nudged Renji. "This ought to be good."

"That's for sure." Renji replied.

"I found one." Ulquiorra called out.

**The Blessings of Life**

**By XXXYaoiMenAreSmexyXXX**

"Itsygo, what are 'yaoi men'?" Nel asked.

"Dunno." Ichigo replied uninterestingly.

**Summary: The wonderful thing called babies. A great miracle, especially with two loving parents.**

"So I'm assuming it's obviously about a pregnant woman and her lover." Ukitake observed.

"Tch, I don't wanna hear this shit." Nnoitra grumbled.

"It's to late." Grimmjow murmured. "He picked it out already."

"Please be me and Rangiku, please be me and Rangiku." Shuhei silently prayed.

**The story of two lovers readying for their life as parents. Contains IchigoXUryuu SLASH.**

"NOO!" Ichigo and Uryuu shouted.

Renji threw a fist in the air. "Alright, no Renji in this story!"

"Not slash, not slash, anything but slash!" Ichigo repeated over and over again.

Nnoitra began laughing. "I'm glad I haven't been added in some crap like this."

"You and me both." Ikkaku added.

**Ichigo and Uryuu get ready for parenthood. This contains Mpreg.**

"What the fuck is 'Mpreg'?" Nnoitra asked.

"Never heard of it." Byakuya answered.

Nnoitra glanced around the room for an answer, but everyone shared the same clueless look.

**Don't like DON'T read! You hear me FLAMERS DON'T LIKE DON'T READ!**

"Good! Let's stop reading, since we certainly don't like it." Ichigo suggested.

"It's to bad." Ulquiorra replied. "I've already picked it." In actuality he was down for some sweet revenge on his enemy.

Ichigo easily picked up on this. "Bastard."

**On another note, this is my fifth IchigoXUryuu story. That means I'm a dedicated fan.**

"No it's doesn't bitch!" Ichigo growled. " Who writes such crap?"

"Heh, apparently her." Toshiro answered.

"It was a rhetorical question damn it!"

**Uryuu laid on Ichigo's bed alongside Ichigo. The two lovers were happily laying next to each other. Ichigo had his arm draped around Uryuu's abdomen.**

Uryuu grimaced. "Abdomen..." That sentence just sounded really wrong.

"Oh God this is gross." Kon said.

**"Our baby will be great." Ichigo said. "I hope it's a boy."**

**Uryuu raised a brow. "Oh, so you want a boy Ichigo?"**

**Ichigo blushed. "Well.. heh yeah."**

"Why a kid?" Ichigo moaned. "It's already painful to know it's slash, but I don't wanna imagine me and Uryuu as par..." He trailed off unable to finish the sentence. He felt sick.

Rukia eyed her friend with sympathy. "Don't worry Ichigo, at least with the kid it might just draw the attention away from the slash."

Ichigo managed to give her a weak smile. "Hey, you're right. Thanks Rukia, I needed that."

Rukia was glad to see him feeling a little bit better. "What are friends for, eh Ichigo."

**Uryuu giggled like a schoolgirl-**

"Hah!" Nnoitra chuckled.

Uryuu flinched at his depiction.

**and kissed Ichigo on his cheek. "O know we'll be great parents."**

**Ichigo grinned. "Of course we will."**

"Wait!" Nel cut in.

Everyone faced her.

Nel timidly scratched her tiny head. "Um.. where do babies come from?"

Silence.

Nnoitra groaned. "Seriously? That's freaking obvious. They come from a woman's vag-"

Both Ichigo and Renji elbowed Nnoitra, successfully halting him from finishing that sentence. Children did NOT need to hear that.

Being from the medic squad Hanataro was familiar with these types of things. "Usually it happens through eh.. a special process. In this case it'll most likely be adoption or surrogacy."

"Yes, indeed." Ukitake added.

**"Hopefully it has my eyes. " Uryuu said with a smile.**

**"Yeah, you're eyes and my hair."**

"Impossible." Hanataro stated. "There can only be one dad, depending on who's the sperm donor that is."

**Ichigo nuzzled his head on Uryuu's neck, sending goosebumps down his body. Ichigo breathed down his neck. It was so warm yet cold at the same time.**

"Byakushi, how can Ichi have warm and cold breath at the same time?" Yachiru asked. "Oh, unless he's some sort of dragon or wizard."

"No, it's because this was written by a brainless person." Byakuya politely corrected.

"So true," Shuhei agreed.

**Ichigo and Uryuu were about the same height and both were built muscular, but Ichigo took the dominant role.**

"LALALA! DON'T WANT TO KNOW THAT!" Ichigo yelled, slamming his hands to his ears.

"Poor Ichigo." Orihime muttered.

"I'm suffering to you know!" Uryuu snapped.

Grimmjow chuckled. "Maaann, this is obviously written by some deluded 13-year old virgin girl."

**That was the reason to how this blessing had happened.**

As calm and indifferent as Ulquiorra naturally was, he couldn't help but narrow his eyes. That sentence just sounded... so wrong.

**Ichigo laid his head on Uryuu's engorged belly. He could feel the life inside kicking.**

Ichigo's eyes dilated to the point where some thought of going over there and shoving his eyes back into place.

Uryuu took in a sharp intake of breath. He, unlike Ichigo had been paying attention to the small hints. He just prayed it was wrong.

It wasn't just them who had been affected by the tragedy. The group's expressions kept going from confused to disgusted. Even Ulquiorra and Byakuya had several emotions on their faces.

"But wait," Yachiru spoke. "I always thought only girls can have babies." Nel and Orihime nodded frantically in agreement.

Nobody, not even Nnoitra dared answer that.

**Uryuu was going to have Ichigo's baby. This was what he had always wanted.**

"W-Wha.." Uryuu just couldn't form coherent words.

**It may have been unplanned, but a blessing nonetheless.**

"W-Wh-Wha.." It was as if Uryuu had been deprived of his ability to talk.

**It was almost time for the baby to come. He heard stories on how it was a very difficult and painful process, but it was all worth it.**

That was Uryuu's breaking point. "You sick little bitch!" He charged towards the screen, but his legs gave away and he fell halfway. "How can someone do this? Why!"

"Oh no, Uryuu isn't well." Orihime cried.

"None of us are." Grimmjow replied. "Not after hearing that."

"Dear lord." Ukitake breathed out. "This is so sick and-" He couldn't finish his speech as he went into a coughing fit. "This is to much."

Rukia rushed to her captain. "Captain Ukitake!"

Ukitake lifted a hand in front of her. "I'm okay Rukia, I'm okay."

"My goodness, this is an abomination." Yumichika said. "A disgusting abomination."

**Ichigo was just as happy as Uryuu. He loved children.**

"I fucking hate children!" Ichigo snapped. It was then he heard a small whimper. He turned to the teary Nel and realized what he said. "No I uh, didn't mean you Nel. I like you."

"What about me!" Yachiru whined.

"Oh um.. I like you too."

Rangiku glared at Ichigo. "I assume you like my captain as well right!"

Toshiro gritted his teeth. "Matsumoto!"

**No one had a clue how it occurred, but nobody cared at all.**

"I sure do!" Uryuu snapped.

"I'm pretty sure I'd be asking questions if I saw Uryuu- scratch that, any man pregnant." Shuhei said.

Kon cringed. "Can you imagine the baby shower?"

**Suddenly Uryuu felt a wetness in his lower region.**

Nnoitra began laughing. "Forget your diapers or something sweetheart."

Grimmjow laughed alongside him. "Yeah, or are you on your time of the month, huh honey."

Uryuu lowered his head in embarrassment.

**His water just broke.**

"Do they mean his drinking cup?" Nel asked.

"I think so." Yachiru replied.

Again, no one bothered to explain.

**"Ichigo! The baby is coming!"**

**Ichigo jumped out of the bed and dialed for the hospital.**

**"Hang on babe."**

**"Hurry! I'm going into labor!"**

"I'm curious, where will it be coming out from?" Byakuya said.

"Ahh!" Renji shouted. "Damn it captain, I don't need to imagine- damn it I'm imagining it!"

"Oh God I'm imagining it too!" Kon cried.

Ichigo thanked the heavens he wasn't the pregnant one.

"What kind of moron would write this?" Toshiro asked, holding in his disgust.

"Obviously someone who doesn't know about birth." Hanataro answered.

"Like I said," Grimmjow stated. "13-year old virgin girl."

Ulquiorra clicked on the username. "The bio says she's 22-years old."

Nnoitra whistled. "Daaamn, you're humanity is fucked."

Ikkaku sighed in relief. "That's why I'm proud to be a Soul Reaper."

**The ambulance arrived and rushed Uryuu inside, with Ichigo never letting his hand go.**

**"I'm scared Ichigo."**

"Considering where that baby is coming from, I'd be scared too." Hanataro cried, folding up his legs.

"Hey, who's to say that's where it's coming out from?" Shuhei said with fear.

"He's right," Ikkaku agreed. "For all we know that shit might be coming out of his ass."

At that Ukitake started another coughing fit. This was to much strain on the poor sick captain.

**They had to inform their friends eventually. Ichigo knew that, but right now all he was worried about was his lover.**

**End of chapter 1**

"Why did it have to be a multi-chapter?" Uryuu cried.

"It's ten more chapters to be precise." Ulquiorra replied as he examined the chapters.

"We don't need to read the rest of that shit!" Nnoitra bellowed in disgust.

"Don't read anymore." Uryuu weakly mumbled while on his knees. "I just.. I just can't take it."

Orihime could feel her tears threatening to fall as she watched her friend's defeated form. She turned to Ulquiorra with a pleading look. "You have to stop this, please."

Ulquiorra honestly felt nothing at seeing his enemies in pain, but this excuse for a story was actually affecting him too. "I see no need in continuing to read this anymore."

Ichigo smiled happily. "I never thought I'd tell you this, but... thank you!"

Ulquiorra stepped away from the chair. "I've done my turn, someone else go."

Everyone but the children (who luckily don't have to read) froze in place. There was no way to escape this by making someone who hadn't read, read. They had all read already. Someone had to volunteer... but who?

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><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

***looks at readers* good, you're all alive. As mentioned before, I can't stand these types of stories but sadly it's part of Fanfiction.**

**I know you guys are requesting for more peeps, but I gotta remind ya that Ichi's room is jam packed with people. I mean they gotta have some room to maneuver.**

**I'll think of a way to solve the space situation though, so believe in me dattebayo! (Been watching Naruto a lot)**


	21. Chapter 21

**Sup people, I'm here yet again. You've all been wonderful reviewers and I can't believe this story has gotten this far.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary**

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><p><strong>I can't remember who suggested I do a fic with Aizen vs. Ichigo, but thanks. This one's for you.<strong>

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><p>Chapter 21: The Ultimate<em> (Not Really)<em> Showdown

There was a silence in the room. An atmosphere of pure silence. The chair laid vacant right next to the computer. No movements whatsoever was made to fill the void.

Can you really blame the group though, this site was hell. It held traumatizing contents that could drive even the strongest Soul Reaper mad.

The only noise came from a slightly whimpering Uryuu and Ichigo.

"Oh Ichigo." Orihime mumbled. She then faced the traumatized Uryuu. "Uryuu..."

Nobody dared take the chair, not after what happened. If something can cause Ichigo and Uryuu to fall on their knees then it can't be good.

"It seems we have a situation here." Byakuya said.

"A very ugly situation." Yumichika added.

"Indeed we do, the question is how do we solve this situation?" Ukitake asked.

"S-S-Simple." Hanataro stuttered. "Someone has to read."

Nnoitra picked the small boy by the back of his hakama. "Well if you're so interested, why don't you read ya small fry."

Hanataro squirmed under his grip. "No I don't wanna read, not again."

Nel jumped up on Nnoitra and began hitting his back. "You big bully! Pick on someone your own size."

Nnoitra frowned, offended by the comment. He dropped Hanataro nonetheless and tossed Nel towards a limp Ichigo. "I'm not reading!"

Ulquiorra's lips tilted upwards slightly. "Shall we vote on it again."

"No way!" Renji interjected. "We're not falling for that again. I don't get fooled twice, nope not me."

"What else do you suggest?" Grimmjow asked.

Nnoitra eyed the children. "Well..."

"No way! They're children, they can't handle all this!" Ichigo barked. His big brother instincts taking over.

"Ichigo!" Rukia said in surprise. "You're okay?"

"I'm not." Ichigo replied. "But I just can't let Nel or Yachiru go through what I went through." After his outburst Ichigo fell right back on the ground.

"Ichigo!" Rukia rushed to his side. "You and Ishida need to rest."

"No, I'm okay Rukia." He tried to get up again only to be pushed back by Rukia.

"I mean it Ichigo, quit being so stubborn." Rukia ordered and she forced Ichigo onto a sitting position. "Now rest alright."

Ichigo managed to lightly laugh. "Heh, and you call me the stubborn one." He happily closed his eyes for the nap he had wanted since the start of this day.

Renji followed her example and helped Uryuu onto a sitting position as well. "You need a little rest too, from all that mess you went through."

"Thanks Renji." Uryuu said, before closing his eyes.

Renji turned to the group. "So, how're we doing this?"

"..."

"Someone has to volunteer or something? Any takers?"

"..."

Renji sighed. "This is hopeless."

"I'm telling you, we need to take out that 'children rule'." Nnoitra said.

"We can't! " Ukitake snapped. His love for children made him very protective of them.

Kon began snickering. "Man it really sucks to be you guys right now."

All eyes suddenly went on the plushy.

Kon froze as he noticed their stares. "Why are you looking at me for? Don't even consider me an option, besides I'm to short anyways."

Ikkaku grinned. "Not necessarily, we could just put you in Ichigo's body."

"What are you saying?" Rukia asked. "Right now Ichigo isn't in his right mind, you can't just force him to leave his body!"

"Yeah, what's wrong with you?" Orihime added.

"You're not touching Itsygo!" Nel said.

"Unless one of you wants to take his place then I see no other method." Nnoitra replied.

At their hesitation, they continued for Kon.

"C'mon guys, can't we talk this out?" Kon begged.

Rukia stared at Ichigo, he looked so peaceful. If she didn't do anything he'd be doomed. "Wait!"

Grimmjow already had the poor plushie in his hands when he heard Rukia. "What is it now?"

"I'll... I'll read."

Byakuya was at a loss. Why? Why would Rukia put her sanity at stake for that human boy? If things went bad she could manifest into that Star Wars thing again. Was he that special?

Grimmjow tossed Kon over his shoulder. "Well aren't you a loyal girlfriend. If you insist then." He ignored her glare and beckoned the chair.

Rukia gulped, her confidence slowly fading away as she approached the chair.

Why did she have to tell Ichigo to explain this machine to her? Why did she have to call Renji? Why did she start these chain of events? Wait... That's just it, it was her fault Ichigo was in pain. It was up to her to take this bullet for him.

With an unbreakable resolve, she pushed forward and sat on the chair. "Let's do this."

Ukitake placed a hand on her shoulder. "I'm proud of you Rukia. You have courage like no other and you truly value your friends."

Rukia nodded as she scanned the stories. "I got one."

**The Battle Begins: Ichigo vs. Aizen's Army**

"Whoa, this I gotta hear." Ikkaku said.

"Hmm.. me too." Grimmjow muttered.

Byakuya faced his sister. "You've picked an intriguing story Rukia. I'm impressed."

Another time Rukia would've soaked up the compliment, but right now she was to indifferent.

**By EspadaSuxIchigoRox**

That one little line caused Rukia to smile. She knew from that moment that this would please her.

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?" Grimmjow snapped.

**Summary: I know we're not up to this episode on Bleach-**

"There's that reference to the cleaning substance again." Ukitake pointed out.

"Is that a show or something?" Hanataro asked.

**yet, but this is my take on how it'll play out. This is going to be a battle between Ichigo the Great Hawty and Aizen with his espada army. Oh btw the espada and Aizen suck like crazy, they're the gayest bad guys evah!**

Rukia's smile grew into a full out grin. "It isn't looking good for you guys."

Ulquiorra frowned. "Is this person serious? If I were to ever find her, I'd show her how much I don't 'suck'."

Nnoitra cracked his knuckles. "I'd kill the brat if I ever found her."

**The espada and Aizen had left Hueco Mundo and entered the human world. They decided it was time to attack.**

"About damn time!" Nnoitra said. "Finally we enter the human world to attack and not just sit around doing nothing, but waste time."

Nobody noticed the big irony in his speech.

**The ninth espada will not appear though, cuz Rukia killed him.**

Rukia paused to smirk. "Heh."

"Huh?" Grimmjow said.

"Alright Rukia!" Renji cheered.

**The hawty that is Ichigo-**

Orihime frowned. Great more competition for getting Ichigo.

**is waiting for them to come. The Soul Society wanted to help, but Ichigo insisted he'd be able to handle it by himself.**

"What a dipshit, he's going to get fried." Nnoitra mocked.

"Hopefully I do the honors." Grimmjow boasted.

Ulquiorra shook his at his companions. "Did you two forget the name of this author?"

"This is stupid." Toshiro said. "The Soul Society doesn't take orders from a reckless fool like Ichigo. We wouldn't acknowledge his request to go in all 'Rambo Resurrected'."

Orihime raised a brow, wondering how Toshiro even knew that phrase.

"Rukia wasn't the only one who studied your films." Toshiro answered.

**"You foolish punk." Aizen the loser said.**

**"You're the dumbass here Aizen, you just walked right into your death." Ichigo replied.**

**"I'll attack first." Yammy shouted. The fat ugly blob-**

"Heh, can't argue with that one." Nnoitra laughed.

**attacked. Ichigo easily (without Bankai too) carved a hole in his stomach. All the food started coming out of his fat ass and he died.**

**Ichigo turned to the others. "So who's next?"**

**"Ahhh!" Szayel screamed like the bitch he is.**

"Heh, can't argue with that one either."

**The next to die was Zommari. He didn't see it coming. Ichigo used flash step to catch him off guard and sliced his ugly head off, blood gushed out.**

"Now hold on," Nnoitra argued. "Wasn't that guy suppose to be quick?"

"He 'IS' quick." Ulquiorra replied. "This story is trying to ridicule our names."

"Oh it sure is." Kon joked. "That's what you get for trying to pick on me."

**"We have to run!" Szayel cried. "He'll kill us."**

**Grimmjow almost shrieked when he saw Ichigo approaching cause he was such a bitch,**

Grimmjow clenched his fists as everyone laughed.

**but he was trying to be tough. He took out his sword and charged at Ichigo. "I'll get you!"**

**"Bankai!" Ichigo shouted and his Tensa Zangetsu appeared. He disappeared and appeared behind Grimmjow. Ichigo sliced Grimmjow's hand right off.**

**Grimmjow screamed like a little girl-**

"WHAT!" Grimmjow roared.

Rukia chuckled. "This is what you call revenge."

Grimmjow eyed the short girl nervously. "Come on, I wasn't really gonna force the kid." He had to stop her this was to much pain on his image.

**and began begging for his life. "Please don't kill me! I won't do it again I promise!"**

**Ichigo smirked, he was such a pussy. He almost felt sorry for these losers. "See ya." In one quick motion he cut Grimmjow in half.**

Rangiku broke out laughing. "Haha! It's funny when it's not aimed at you."

"I've been thinking the same thing." Renji said.

**Barragan the old retard was shaking like a leaf and just died of a stroke.**

It was impossible not to laugh.

**Next Nnoitra jumped in. (AN: he's one of the lamest espada. He only got that huge ass sword as an excuse for his tiny penis)**

Nnoitra blushed in anger as the room burst into huge laughter. "How dare she? I'll rip that bitch to shreds if I ever- WHEN I find her!"

"What ever you say baby penis." Rangiku joked, causing more laughs and more red to appear on Nnoitra.

**He charged in towards Ichigo and fired a cero from his mouth.**

**Ichigo swung it back to him by slamming his Tensa Zangetsu at it.**

Orihime beamed up. "Wow! You can play baseball with Zanpaktous and ceros, that's awesome!"

"No you can't." Yumichika replied. "This woman is beyond stupid."

"Nobody can block my cero!" Nnoitra barked.

**It severed his legs and Nnoitra began crying like a pussy.**

Nnoitra was clenching his fists so hard that they began turning white. "That bitch!"

Shuhei snickered. "Guess all those times of you calling everyone that is coming back to you."

"Shut up pussy!"

**"Please have mercy! I know I suck."**

Rukia paused to start a laughing fit.

"Arrgh! Don't mock me!" Nnoitra snapped and he aimed a punch at the computer.

Renji blocked the punch. "Don't forget what Ichigo said dummy, breaking the computer won't work!"

**He begged. Ichigo grinned. "Too bad for you, you should've never attacked Karakura."**

**He cut Nnoitra's waist and severed him in half. The guts and blood all flew out.**

"Ew!" Yachiru said.

"Kind of a sadistic piece we got here." Hanataro added.

"I just gotta call bullshit!" Nnoitra shouted. "I can never be killed!"

Nel stuck her tongue out. "Haha, that's what you get for picking on Nel."

"Shut your mouth you brat!"

**The slut Halibel was next. (AN: she's the slut of the team, everyone's banged her already. I mean have you seen her clothes.)**

Grimmjow scoffed. "Trust me guys, if she was a slut I would've been plowed her a long time ago."

"You and me both." Nnoitra muttered.

"such vulgar minds you have." Ulquiorra said.

**She sluttily took out her sword-**

"Is that even a word?" Rangiku asked. "How in the world do you even take out something 'sluttily'?"

**and charged in. Ichigo didn't exactly wanna beat on women, so he just cut her arm off.**

"Oh that's a nice alternative." Ikkaku said sarcastically.

**Aizen was starting to shake like a leaf. His army was easily dying. All he had left was Starrk and his manwhore Ulquiorra.**

Ulquiorra twitched. Why did people think that? What's wrong with being loyal to a leader?

**"Come at me!" Ichigo shouted.**

**"Nah I'm to tired." Starrk said. (AN: Yup, Starrk is the only badass espada)**

"What the fuck!" Nnoitra snapped. "The one who never fights is her definition of 'badass'."

"Stupid bitch." Grimmjow added.

"I gotta admit though, that does sound stupid." Shuhei said.

A yawn caught their attention and they turned to the two awakened boys.

Ichigo stretched his arms out. "Man that was a good nap." He stared at his cramped room. "Oh yeah... almost forgot."

"Ichigo, are you okay?" Orihime asked with concern.

Ichigo patted her shoulder. "I'm alright Orihime, sorry for worrying you."

Orihime gave him a smile and turned to her other friend. "What about you Uryuu?"

"I'm okay, the horror is behind me now." Uryuu replied.

"Itsygo!" Nel shouted and she embraced Ichigo.

Ichigo noticed Rukia on the chair. "Why is Rukia reading?" They then proceeded to inform Uryuu and Ichigo what they had missed.

"You're girlfriend took the bullet for you." Grimmjow said.

Ichigo was beyond flattered, but that didn't mean he wanted anyone at risk for him. "You didn't have to do that for me Rukia."

Rukia crossed her arms. "I can handle myself, and besides, a Kuchiki never stays in debt."

"This isn't your fault Rukia." Ichigo said. "So, don't go thinking it is." He knew she'd blame herself for this, he could read her like a book.

"Despite what you say Ichigo, I feel like I have to do this."

**Starrk began walking towards a roof for a nap.**

**"Wait! Where are you going?" Aizen called out.**

**"Forget him." Ulquiorra said. "I'll kill this guy for you."**

**"You're right, I have confidence in you."**

**Ichigo readied himself for Ulquiorra. He had wanted to kill him badly for hurting Orihime.**

**Ulquiorra went in for the attack. "I shall kill you for lord Aizen!"**

**Ichigo smirked. "That's what you think." He lifted his sword. "Getsuga Tensho!"**

**The getsuga crashed onto Ulquiorra and in seconds disintegrated him into dusts.**

"Impossible." Ulquiorra stated. "You're pathetic attack will never hurt me."

Uryuu chuckled at how this never got old. "The story thinks otherwise."

"I'll admit I walked right into that one."

**With nothing in his path Ichigo flew towards Aizen, who had practically shitted his pants.**

Everyone but Ulquiorra convulsed into laughs.

**"Ichigo I never meant to attack here, my espada forced me!"**

**"Give it a rest pansy, you're through."**

**Aizen trying to be strong, prepared to attack. He appeared behind Ichigo and readied to fire a Bakudo. "Bakudo number 27, BABBABOOPA!"**

Byakuya narrowed his eyes. "Was that suppose to be a Kido?"

**Ichigo easily dodged it and placed his sword on Aizen's neck from behind. "Any last words?"**

**He began crying. "Spare me please!"**

"Man I almost feel sorry for you espada." Rukia said and then caught herself. "Oh wait, I forgot I don't like any of you. Screw you all!"

**"As if." Ichigo said and he beheaded him, the blood sprayed right out of him like a faucet.**

**The end folks.**

**Yeah it was awesome I know. Hopefully this is how Ichigo kills these fags (except Starrk).**

"Keep dreaming bitch!" Nnoitra snapped.

Rukia stood up and dusted off the invisible dust from her hakama. "So, who's next?"

The group turned to Kon.

Kon gulped. "Oh boy."

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><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**Sorry for taking a while on this one. Rukia is quite the good friend isn't she, taking the bullet and all. Anyways, looks like Kon is in for it now. The plushy couldn't escape this forever.**

**I might add Starrk and Aizen later on, until then see ya.**


	22. Chapter 22

**Oh it was you **_Lightingblade49_**, thanks. ****Not much to say today I guess, except 'hey!' The Jeanette is back for another one.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary**

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><p><strong>To <strong>_Jaki Stratos: _**I've taken your idea into serious consideration, it's just that reading Fanfiction from a giant screen might be a little uncomfortable**

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><p>Chapter 22: The Nnoitra and Nel Love Story<p>

Kon backed away slowly as the eyes of his assailants approached him. "Wait up, isn't Ichigo still a little hurt? We shouldn't force him, right?"

Ichigo flexed his muscle. "Nope, I feel great." He then glared at Kon. "And since when did you care about me you fuzzball!"

"Enough talk." Yumichika said. "Its work time."

"It's time for you to take one for the team." Renji declared and he reached for Kon.

Kon jumped over his head and landed across the room. "Like hell, if you want me you gotta catch me. That's if you can."

"Get him!" Grimmjow ordered.

Ichigo, Renji, Grimmjow, and Ikkaku jumped towards him, only for Kon to jump up and cause them to painfully collide onto one another.

"Watch it!" Ichigo snapped.

Grimmjow roughly pulled him by his shirt. "You bumped into me moron!"

"He's getting away!" Shuhei said. He chased Kon and ended up bumping into Yumichika.

"Its to freaking cramped in here!" Nnoitra yelled as he collided with Renji.

"We're obviously to blame for that." Toshiro irritatedly said as Rangiku pushed past him in a failed attempt to capture Kon.

"Yay, capture the lion!" Yachiru cheered. "Hey Byakushi, don't you wanna play?"

"No thanks." Byakuya said.

"Get back here!" Ikkaku shouted.

Kon patted his rear mockingly. "Kiss my ass, you'll never catch me."

Nnoitra reached for him, but Kon easily evaded him by sliding under him.

Ichigo gruffed. "Damn bastard is quick when he's running."

"He can't run forever." Rukia said. "Ichigo let's get him." Ichigo grinned. "Right behind you."

"Surely there must be another way." Orihime said as the group scrambled about for Kon.

Only Byakuya, Ulquiorra, Toshiro, and Ukitake stayed composed. While Orihime was the only one worried about the painful headbutts and collisions being caused, and Hanataro cowered in the corner.

"I got you!" Uryuu shouted as he charged in for Kon, who dashed over him and made him collide with the wall.

"Stupid doll! " Nnoitra jumped over to him and only ended up colliding with Rangiku onto the bed. He although, considered this to be not bad. "Hey baby, you're quite the looker y'know."

Rangiku grunted and angrily shoved the taller man off her. "Get off me espada and focus."

Grimmjow rubbed his face as he backed off the wall. He had just tried another failed attempt.

"We're getting nowhere!" Shuhei complained.

Kon noticed the huge hole, that previously was the window, and smiled. That's his ticket out.

"Damn it Kon! Be a man and read!" Ichigo said.

"Suck it!" Kon replied and he jumped over a couple of heads. Dashing over them he could see it; his freedom inching closer and closer.

"See ya losers!" Kon shouted as he dove out.

"No you don't!" Ichigo yelled and he dove out and caught the plushy by its paw. Unfortunately for him he hadn't thought it through and felt himself falling too, but he felt someone grab his leg. He looked upwards at his savior. "Rukia!"

"Reckless fool! Don't do crazy stunts." Rukia said as she held his ankle.

"Take your own advice." Renji added as he held Rukia by her leg. "Don't just jump out."

If a regular human passed by they would be baffled to see a girl and a teen boy hovering over a broken window, whilst holding onto a plushy.

"Thanks guys." Ichigo called out. "Pull us up."

After successfully pulling them up, Ichigo prepared himself for the ritual. "Now it's time to pay Kon."

Kon squirmed around trying to free himself, but failed. Ichigo dug his hand down his mouth and pulled out the pill. In a quick motion he swallowed it down and drifted out of his body.

Once inside Ichigo's body Kon again tried to escape, but was pulled down by Grimmjow.

Ukitake sighed. "Well that solved the volunteering issue, to say the least."

Kon grumbled in defeat and began scanning the list of stories. As he searched Ichigo stared at the huge hole. "We need to do something about that window."

"Don't worry Ichigo, I'll fix it for you." Orihime reassured. "All I need is tape."

Ichigo smiled and passed her his duct tape. "I'd really appreciate it if you did, you see my dad would probably go nuts if he saw this."

In a quick instant Orihime had the hole completely taped up. "Ta-da, looks totally brand new."

Ichigo scratched his head. "Well, I guess that's as good as it gets. Thanks Orihime."

Orihime blushed and smiled. "It was nothing."

"Hey lovebirds I found one." Kon called out.

Ichigo frowned. "Instead of making stupid comments make yourself useful and read."

**The Best Love Story**

"Not another one of these!" Ikkaku complained.

Kon smirked. "That's what you get, deal with it."

"Please be me and Rangiku, please be me and Rangiku." Shuhei prayed again.

**By EspadaRomancesRule**

The three espada paled.

"Oh this is just to good to be true." Kon joked.

"H-Hey c'mon now, we're not the only espadas." Grimmjow said. "It could easily be anyone else."

Nnoitra snorted. "Somehow I doubt anyone would wanna see a love story about Yammy or Zommari."

"It could be Halibel." Ulquiorra added tonelessly.

The other two nodded their heads vigorously, but secretly hoped it wasn't them.

**Summary: This is set after (SPOILER ALERT) Nnoitra gets beaten by Zaraki Kenpachi.**

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Nnoitra shouted, not caring that he almost broke poor Orihime's ears.

Ichigo pumped a fist in the air. "Score one for the good guys."

"Yay, mean'ol Nnoitra finally gets it." Nel cheered

"Who would've thought." Ukitake said with a smile.

Grimmjow grinned and nudged Ulquiorra. "Ibguess it's not about us."

"That's a relief." Ulquiorra responded.

**He supposedly was left for dead (AN: no I don't mean the game)**

"Good Xbox game." Ichigo said.

"Xbox, What's that?" Rukia asked, but realized that her asking Ichigo to explain another machine for her would most likely turn out not good. "On second thought, nevermind."

**on the ground after Kenpachi's final blow and after he betrays Grimmjow.**

Grimmjow slammed Nnoitra onto the wall, creating more damage for poor Ichigo. "You fucker! You'd really betray me?"

Nnoitra pushed Grimmjow off him. "How can you believe this when it says 'I' get killed, you moron. That alone should've been enough to tell you this is unrealistic, made up crap."

Grimmjow eyed Nnoitra warily. "Fair enough, but I've got my eye on you."

Ichigo groaned as he noticed the big dent in the wall. "Oh come on! That's why I told dad to get some insurance on this freaking house."

"I'll fix that for you too Ichigo." Orihime said and soon that was also taped up. "Wow, I think I could be a great mechanic."

"Thanks, I guess." Ichigo said. "But you shouldn't get so carried away hehe."

**Luckily for Nnoitra, there's a special someone who cares for him.**

" Bull! I don't need anybody's pity."

Nel gagged and dramatically pointed her finger down her mouth. "Ew! Who can like a bully like you. Not like my hero Itsygo, he's the best."

Yachiru frowned. "My Byakushi is way better than your Ichi."

Nel blew her a raspberry. "In your dreams."

**Let the story begin.**

**It was minutes after Nnoitra's battle with Kenpachi, yet it felt much longer. He could feel his life slipping away.**

**This was humiliating. He didn't get the victory or the death he had wanted. Why was he weak?**

Grimmjow snickered. "You sound so wimpy."

"Shut your mouth bastard! This dumbass story is just portraying me in a shitty way, that's all."

"Like you don't do enough of it yourself." Kon said mockingly.

Nnoitra cuffed him upside the head.

"Hey, it's still my body!" Ichigo said.

Nnoitra chuckled. "Oh believe me, I know."

**He was left to die here. This was the end of the road. Nnoitra then felt a familiar presence nearby. Apparently not everyone had forgotten about him.**

"I knew that bastard Aizen wouldn't have ditched my ass, I'm to useful." Nnoitra boasted.

"Keep telling yourself that." Ikkaku muttered.

Shuhei slumped down in the emo corner. "I guess it isn't me and Rangiku."

"You should appreciate lord Aizen more." Ulquiorra suggested.

**Nnoitra managed to weakly look up, he quickly regretted it when he saw the person. "Nelliel."**

"What?" Nnoitra spat. "Give me a damn break, as if being beaten wasn't bad enough. Now a woman has to see me all flattened out, especially 'her'."

"Why does it bother you so much if Nel sees you all hurt?" Nel asked.

"Cos' I hate your ass." Nnoitra said, as if she had just asked him 'what's two plus two' was.

Hanataro eyed Nel. "How can you hate such a sweet little kid?"

Ukitake smiled. "I agree."

Nnoitra rubbed his frustrated head. "You just wouldn't understand."

Yachiru went near Nnoitra and gave him a chesire cat grin. "Is spoon head in love?"

"Never!" Nnoitra said defensively.

**Seeing her only made Nnoitra feel even more miserable. Why of all people did it have to be her? As she leaned down he noticed another thing. " You're in your adult form? "**

**"I transformed a few moments ago, hopefully it's permanent this time."**

Nnoitra jabbed a fist to his chest proudly. "Even in my condition I'd fight you Nelliel, or anyone."

**Nnoitra averted his gaze, he couldn't fight her or anyone in his condition.**

Nnoitra stood there mouth agape as the group laughed at him.

**He just couldn't bare to look at her, he didn't want her to see him like this. Weak, Humiliated, and defeated, this is what he was showing her.**

**"Why do you turn away Nnoitra?"**

**"None of your business, now either kill me or let me rot in peace."**

"This is why Nel doesn't like Nnoitra, because Nnoitra is mean to Nel." Nel said.

**"I can't kill a beast like you Nnoitra, I thought I told you that before-"**

**Nnoitra scowled. "Well then get out and leave my ass to rot then."**

**"You didn't let me finish, I said I can't kill you.. but, I can't just leave you like this."**

"And this is why Nnoitra can't stand Nelliel." Nnoitra said, in the same manner as Nel. "Cos' you don't mind your own business. I don't need anybody's damn pity."

Nel frowned. "Just cos' Nel helps doesn't mean she pities you, you're just dumb."

Grimmjow smirked. "You know Nnoitra, if I didn't know any better I'd swear you had a thing for Nel. I mean you argue like an old married couple."

Nnoitra groaned in frustration. "None of you'd understand, how many times must I say it? I would never allow 'her' to help me, that's all. There's nothing more to it."

**Nnoitra felt relief wash over him. He secretly hoped she'd help him.**

"I-.. that-.. what?" Nnoitra fumbled for words. Why did this author contradict everything he had worked hard to build? His image was being destroyed.

"Do you really secretly hope that?" Nel asked with childlike confusion, and a hint of hope.

"NO!"

Nel sadly lowered her gaze, so much for him turning over a new leaf.

**That's why he didn't complain when she began patching his wounds. She began drooling on his wounds-**

"Of course I'd complain at such a disgusting act!" Nnoitra said, completely grossed out.

"You just voiced my thoughts." Yumichika said.

"You ungrateful jerk, I could of left you dead." Nel snapped. Her aura changing for a brief second.

"I'd much prefer death!"

"I second that." Byakuya said. He'd make sure to thank captain Unohana for training her squad well.

"Yeah, I mean drool?" Uryuu stated, in slight awe and disgust. "It's a good thing I rely on your healing methods Orihime."

"I'll never take your's or Hanataro's healing abilities for granted, that's for sure." Rukia added.

Ulquiorra mentally agreed. Good thing his lord was interested in that women's power and not the child's powers.

**to heal him. Nel was doing her best to save him. She wasn't sure why she was trying so hard? Who's to say he wouldn't just betray her? For once in her life she didn't want to listen to facts and instead wanted to believe in hope.**

"Wait!" Nnoitra cut in. Finally it sunk in. "Does this m-mean that this love story is about m-me and.." he trailed off, hoping someone would deny it.

To his displeasure, they all nodded.

"Nooooooo!" He made sure the 'no' was drawn out dramatically for emphasis.

**"I don't need your help and I didn't ask for it either, so why?"**

**"I told you, I can't leave you- I mean I can't leave you like this." Nel said. She mentally berated herself for letting that slip.**

**Unfortunately for her, Nnoitra had caught the slip up. "Were you worried about me?"**

Nnoitra ran his hands in his long hair. "No, no, no, no, no! This is fucking torture! Anyone but her!"

Grimmjow couldn't help but laugh. "C'mon Nnoitra, you're big wish has come true."

Nnoitra narrowed his eyes. "Now you listen to me you blue-haired turd, I have never wished for this."

"Nel likes Itsygo anyway, Nel would never date Nnoitra. Yuck!" Nel said.

"And I don't like you either you brat!" Nnoitra retorted.

"Someone's jealous." Renji said.

**This time it was Nel who faced away. "Maybe a little." **

**Nnoitra wouldn't admit it, but the blush on her face made her look cute.**

"How can I see a damn blush when you have a freaking red sticker on your face!"

"I's not a sticker you jerk!" Nel retorted and she pointed to her crimson birthmark.

"And you're NOT cute either!"

**Nnoitra wanted to slap himself for even thinking that. He decided he'd say something more like him. "Why don't you just beat it, I don't want your help."**

**Nel lowered her gaze in sadness at that.**

"Way to ruin the moment you big, dumb, butt face! That's why Nel wouldn't date Nnoitra." Nel said.

"Gimme a break Nelliel! I wouldn't date you either, you're soft personality contradicts my tough exterior."

"Well, they do say opposites attract." Hanataro stated.

"Does that mean Nnoitra likes Nel?" Nel asked happily. Who knows, maybe they could be friends after all. She didn't really like fighting with him.

Nnoitra pulled Hanataro up to eye level. "Hey, don't go putting ideas in this kid's mind, got it!"

Hanataro nodded nervously. "Loud and clear."

**Nnoitra felt a stab in his insides as he saw her dejected face. He needed to say something and quick, and so he did. "But... I appreciate it."**

**Nel smiled. "I see."**

"You appreciate Nel!" Nel said more in a statement then a question.

Nnoitra groaned. "Sure whatever, I'm done trying to make my feelings clear."

"Wait! You have feelings for Nel too?"

Nnoitra kept to his word and didn't respond.

**She was glad he said that. She didn't like battling with him, deep down she just wanted to be on equal ground with him. Nel really did care about him. She was so deep in thought that she didn't realize he was sitting up. **

**"Guess your drool crap works." He looked at her and was surprised to see a sad face.**

**"Are you leaving now?" She asked.**

**Nnoitra blushed."Look Nelliel, uh.. I don't like staying in debt. If you want you can follow me, until I repay you that is."**

**Nel didn't know what came over her, but she swung her arms around him. "I'd love to."**

Nnoitra gagged.

**When she pulled away she was staring at his face. The fact that he wasn't moving meant he was okay with this. This was her big chance.**

**She began inching her face closer-**

"What is Nel doing?" Nel asked obliviously.

Nnoitra wasn't so oblivious. "No don't read!"

Kon laughed like a maniac. "Cue the revenge."

**and pressed her lips onto his. **

Nel blushed as it sunk in. "Nel is- is- k-kissing-"

Nnoitra was on the verge of going into shock. Did nobody understand his feelings? Why were they always misinterpreted? Why him?

**Nnoitra was stunned by this, but found himself kissing back. He slid his tongue inside her.**

"Mmmmm slurp mmmhh!" Yachiru mocked as she slobbered on her fist, as if it were a set of lips.

Nnoitra's mouth was hanging down, hands trembling. He'd never felt so mortified.

"Itsygo! What is Nnoitra doing to Nel?" Nel wailed as she shook Ichigo's leg. That aura from before slowly appearing again.

**Nel moaned as he kissed her. They separated for air. "Nnoitra..." She was surprised he had allowed her to do that.**

**Nnoitra faced away. "Just shut up." He quickly stood up. She was starting to think he'd leave her, until he faced at her. "Ya' coming or not?"**

**Nel gave him a big smile. "Yes, I'm coming."**

Ikkaku chuckled. "Oh I bet you are." His comment earned him several laughs.

**End of the first chapter. I'll put the next one up later. I told you it'd be the best love story!**

A violent spiritual pressure enveloped Nnoitra and he approached Kon. "YOU! You're dead!"

Kon raised his hands up in defense. "W-Wait."

"How dare you put that story, I'll rip you apart!" Nnoitra spat. "I can still feel the vomit in my mouth you fucking bastard!"

Nel glared daggers at Nnoitra. "You're insulting Nel with your mean words!"

In a fit of rage Nnoitra picked Nel up by her head and tossed her towards Ichigo. "I don't give a rat's ass if I am!"

"You're so mean to Nel and Nel only wants to be friends with everyone!" Nel shouted and soon an enormous spiritual pressure was surrounding her.

A huge cloud of smoke burst out of Nel and fogged the room. Everyone huddled to the corner to get away from it, squishing poor Toshiro in the process.

When the smoke cleared, albeit it taking long due to no window, a new Nel had appeared.

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><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**That's right champs, big Nel is on campus. Guess Nnoitra has pissed her off again. When will he learn?**


	23. Chapter 23

**Hello my loyal minions, it's time for us to wreak havoc! I'll get us started by introducing a new chapter. I haven't done one of these types and they're very popular among Fanfiction.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary **

* * *

><p><strong>To <strong>_Reaper7_**: lol don't take kid Nel to serious, kids always change their minds on things**

* * *

><p>Chapter 23: Not Another High School Story (Part One)<p>

Everyone stared as Nel emerged from the smoke. She was no longer a child and had transformed into an older version of herself.

"Nel! Is that you?" Rukia asked, being the first to recover from the shock. Some of the males were staring at her intently, for she was a beauty.

"Yes, it's me." Nel replied

"WOW! YOU'RE A BABE!" Kon shouted. He ran up and embraced Nel. "Marry me you goddess!" It pleased him that she was practically naked.

" Kon you bastard! You're disgracing my body!" Ichigo growled.

Before Nel could say anything, Kon was pulled off her and thrown aside by Nnoitra. Nel looked at Nnoitra with shock. Had he really defended her?

The others also stared at him with suspicion.

Sensing their thoughts he scowled. "Don't twist my actions for something else. I only did that so I can fight you Nelliel. Shall we take this outside?"

Nel shook her head. "You just can't understand Nnoitra, I don't wanna fight you."

Nnoitra angrily grabbed the tiny cloth covering her top and glared at her. "But I wanna fight you! I've just suffered some major damage and you're the perfect ventilation for my anger."

Nel had enough of his attitude, she slapped his hand away and threw him out the taped window.

Orihime pouted. "Aww, I just fixed that."

Grimmjow whistled as he watched the scene. "I think that's what you humans call a home run."

"Nel that was amazing." Hanataro praised.

"And hot!" Kon cheered. "Where have you been in my life?"

Ichigo punched Kon on his head. "To hell if it's my body, I won't let you talk to her like that!"

Nel smiled and glomped Ichigo." Ichigo! Thank you for carrying me on your back and protecting me from Nnoitra."

Ichigo began gasping for air. "You're _*cough*_ welcome Nel, but I can't _*cough*_ breath."

"Nel you're hurting him." Orihime cried.

Nel noticed and released Ichigo. "Sorry, I got a little carried away."

"Why does Ichigo get all the girls?" Kon grumbled.

"No kidding. " Shuhei muttered, somewhat jealous.

"I can't believe you were really actually older." Renji said.

Byakuya wasn't that surprised, he'd seen stranger things. One of them being this Fanfiction and the other one being a cat who is actually a woman.

"I guess this means your back." Grimmjow said.

A loud voice interrupted Nel from responding.

"You bitch!" Nnoitra roared as he climbed back into the house. "Now it's definitely on."

Nel sighed. "Here we go again."

Nnoitra entered with a pissed look. "I'm going to enjoy cutting you up."

"Must we fight Nnoitra?" Nel asked.

"Damn right! You think you can get away with tossing me out the freaking room? "

"I wouldn't have done that had you complied with my decision from the beginning."

"Blah, blah, blah," Nnoitra taunted. "That's all you do Nelliel is talk. I'm nothing like you, I don't waste time with that."

"At least I don't partake in senseless fighting."

"You two argue like Rukia and Ichigo." Uryuu said.

"Maybe you like each other." Ikkaku joked.

Nel blushed and faced away. "What?"

"'Maybe' I oughta snap your neck!" Nnoitra replied.

"Enough fighting." Ukitake ordered. "There's an empty seat here with someone's name on it."

Ulquiorra motioned for Nel to sit. "Since you no longer are a child it'd only be fair if you read."

"Fine." Nel said and she sat on the chair. "Can I see the manual?"

"Yes you may." Rukia said proudly.

Nel took a moment to study the doodles. "I really like your pictures Rukia."

"Thank you Nel."

Kon pushed to the front, so he can stare at Nel's half-naked form. "If that Nnoitra guy doesn't want you I sure do."

Nnoitra scoffed.

Byakuya wouldn't stand for such rude behavior in front of his sister, so he draped his haori around Nel. "Cover up. You don't want any unnecessary attention."

Nel blushed. "Oh sorry, didn't notice." With that she resumed her searching.

While she was searching Ichigo tapped Orihime on her shoulder. "Hey Orihime, would you mind fixing my window again?"

"No I wouldn't mind Ichigo."

"Ichigo I found one." Nel called out.

**The Life in High School**

"What is this high school?" Nel asked.

"Is it in the sky?" Grimmjow cluelessly added.

"It's where humans learn." Ukitake clarified.

Ulquiorra glared at his fellow espada. "Lord Aizen had informed us about this in one of our previous meetings. Don't tell me you forgot?"

Nnoitra folded his hands behind him. "You actually pay attention in those shits?"

"I suppose someone has to." Ulquiorra replied.

**By GrimmjowIsMyHusband**

Grimmjow frowned. "I'm nobody's object of affection, and at least it better be a girl."

**Summary: The gang is now in high school, that's right everyone you heard right. This means espada, humans, and Soul Reapers. **

Renji raised a brow. "Us, in school with espada and humans? Now this I gotta see."

"I agree, it seems interesting." Byakuya added.

**We'll see how they struggle with love, drama,-**

"Sounds gay, it just lost my attention." Nnoitra said.

**woman, and fights.**

"Got my attention back."

**It's gonna take place in Soul Society.**

"Lost my attention again."

"Mines too," Ichigo agreed. "How the hell can there be high schools in the Soul Society?"

**It was a beautiful morning out in the Soul Society, but for many students that meant it was school time.**

**One of those students was Kuchiki Rukia.**

"Nooo!" Rukia cried. "Not me, I thought we were done with me!"

Byakuya placed a firm hand on her shoulder, letting her know he'd be here for her.

"Thank you Nii-sama."

**She walked towards her school, Zanpaktou Academy.**

"How long did it take the author to think of that brilliant name?" Toshiro sarcastically said.

**Although normally she'd take the bus-**

"How the hell can there be busses in the Soul Society?" Ichigo said.

**she decided against it, due to the nice weather. Along the way she met her best friend Debbie.**

"Wait, who? I don't know a Debbie " Rukia said.

"I never heard of her. It doesn't sound much like a Soul Reaper name either? "Ukitake answered.

**Debbie had long golden hair with a perfect body. **

"Mary Sue! Mary Sue!" Rukia shouted with fear.

**"Hey Rukia, what's up."**

**"Not much, just school I guess."**

**Debbie placed her arm around her. "So tell me, how was your hot date with Ichigo?"**

"What?" Rukia, Ichigo, and Orihime said.

Rukia gritted her teeth. "Why is it that me and Ichigo are always paired up?"

"Because you two are so adorable," Ikkaku taunted.

**Rukia smiled. "It was good, he picked me up in his sports car after class and we went out to eat at a restaurant around here."**

"How the hell can there be cars and restaurants in the freaking Soul Society?"

"**That's good, I'm glad you hooked up."**

**Rukia chuckled. "I can't believe I thought he'd dump me for that skank Orihime."**

Tears welled up on Orihime. "But Rukia, I thought we w-were friends?"

"Wait Inoue, it's not true." Rukia replied, desperately trying to explain it to her. "We are friends, I would never say that about you."

"Promise "

"I promise "

**Debbie snorted. "Pfft, that girl never had a chance in hell with Ichigo."**

**The two girls laughed their way towards the school. It was gym time and the subject was soccer. Rukia being a pro easily won it for her team.**

**It was in the locker room where things got crazy.**

"Got my attention again."

**Rukia was getting out of her gym clothes and began feeling like someone else was there.**

"What pervert sneaks inside the woman's locker room?" Yumichika said with disgust.

Kon coughed nervously. "Yeah, hehe who'd do something like that?"

**She definitely sensed someone else here. When she looked towards her left she could've sworn she saw someone duck their head.**

**Rukia tip-toe'd toward the corner to make sure the person didn't hear. She cornered the person and was shocked at who she saw.**

**"Renji!"**

All eyes landed on Renji now, but he was mostly trying to avoid Byakuya's deadly ones.

"Renji that is disgusting." Rukia snapped.

Ichigo roughly pushed Renji. "You respect her you bastard."

"Renji, I can guarantee you I would decapitate you where you stand if this is true." Byakuya added.

"It's not true!" Renji retorted. "Do I look like that type of person to you?"

**"Wait it's not what it looks like Rukia!"**

**Rukia glared at him and began beating him up. She managed to knock him on the floor and kept hitting his face.**

"Wow Rukia, you are vicious." Hanataro said.

Nnoitra smirked proudly at Rukia. "That's right, show no mercy in fighting."

"**Oh no please stop hitting me."**

Renji frowned. "That's not how I act!"

Grimmjow grinned. "I guess your good luck has run out. It's about time you get bashed."

**Rukia ignored his pleas and continued to mangle his face. She kept pounding into him, each blow harder then the previous. Her fist was dripping with blood.**

"Daayyyuum Renji you got knocked the fuck out!"

Everyone turned to Ikkaku who had just said some weird outburst.

"Rukia and captain Hitsugaya weren't the only ones watching films here." Ikkaku said. "How do you think I killed time while living with Keigo."

Toshiro glared at him. "I remember you specifically told me you were training."

**Rukia gave him one final blow before collapsing next to his bruised body. She was out of energy and was gasping for air.**

Renji snorted. "Oh I'm sorry beating my ass was so tiring for you."

"Well if you weren't such a pervert I wouldn't have to do that now would I?" Rukia replied.

"That's right Renji." Rangiku said.

"I'm not a pervert!" Renji shouted and he shot Uryuu a glare. "I know you're about to say your stupid comment so don't!"

"Joy killer." Uryuu muttered.

Nnoitra gave a gentle shove to Rukia. "Now that's what I call 'no mercy'. Hey Nelliel, you can learn a few things from this girl."

"**Why would you do this Renji?"**

**He was pretty beat up, but being a Soul Reaper made these wounds not so much. This was nothing his buddy Hanataro couldn't heal. Now back to her question: "it's because I love you!"**

"No I don't!"

Yachiru climbed onto Rukia's shoulder. "Wow Ruki, you sure have a lot of guys after you."

"Huh? What're you saying?"

"**What did you say?" **

"**I know I shouldn't have done what I did, but I couldn't help myself. I love you so much, but you're dating Ichigo. I knew you'd never go for a guy like me."**

**He was surprised to see her tears.**

"**My relationship isn't as perfect as it seems. It's all fallen downhill ever since he became a captain. We never go out anymore. Just today I lied to my friend that we went out, but we didn't. I bet he thinks we broke up already."**

"Ichigo you douchebag, how dare you hurt Nee-san like that!" Kon barked.

"Do you think you're allowed to disrespect Rukia like that, Kurosaki Ichigo?" Byakuya said.

"This is bull! I'd never hurt Rukia like that." Ichigo said. "I can't believe someone would write this type of story."

**"Come with me then Rukia. I've always liked you, I'll treat you better than Ichigo."**

Nnoitra scoffed. "You're such a pussy, she whoops your ass and yet you 'still' confess."

"Shut your mouth, I don't act like that!"

**"I know Renji, being with Ichigo has been a huge mistake. It's time I fixed it."**

**They stared at each other for a good second before crashing lips.**

"Nooo!" Rukia and Renji cried out.

**There was a sudden knock before the door burst opened.**

**Standing by the doorway clad in glasses and a gray suit, was none other then the hated, fat teacher Hitsugaya Toshiro.**

"FAT?" Toshiro snapped.

**Ever since Aizen was defeated, enemies like him stopped appearing again. This caused Toshiro to get lazy and let himself go. He was already pretty awkward to begin with, but now he was even more miserable.**

**Due to him being out of shape, Hyorinmaru abandoned him and he lost his powers, so he became a teacher.**

Shuhei chuckled. "It looks like Renji isn't the only one being bashed."

Ikkaku was laughing hard. "Okay, who else just pictured a fat captain Hitsugaya?"

Byakuya's mouth slightly turned upwards.

**"What are you children doing?"**

"Why is he calling you children?" Grimmjow asked.

**Toshiro said. "I can't believe you were here doing naughty things. What in gosh darn were you thinking? It's all this internet and TV that's messing you youngsters up."**

"I'm completely out of character!" Toshiro barked.

"How the hell can there be freaking internet and TV in the-"

"SHUT UP ICHIGO!"

**Rukia frowned at him, he had just ruined the moment. "You're just jealous you haven't been laid."**

**She hit a bullseye with that one, truth was Toshiro was a walking virgin.**

Toshiro blushed angrily as the room had pretty much died laughing.

**"I'm taking you to the principal! " He wheezed, the walk here had exhausted his fat self.**

**Renji took a hold of Rukia's hand and ran out, he knew the fat guy wouldn't capture them.**

"How can I be FAT? I happen to be one of the hardest working captains in the entire Soul Society! It'd be believable if it were Kyoraku who got fat, but ME? REALLY?" Toshiro spat, losing his patience as the seconds progressed.

"Geez Toshiro, relax." Ichigo said.

"IT'S CAPTAIN HITSUGAYA TO YOU!" Toshiro shouted.

"Captain, enough!" Rangiku scolded. "Don't make me send you to the corner for a time-out."

"No you can't give me a time-out! I'm the captain not you! "

"That's it captain, to the corner you go."

"But-"

"No buts!"

**They made it to the hallway laughing.**

**"You sure told him Rukia."**

**"Totally, that fat ass is the worst teacher."**

Toshiro growled in the corner, but said nothing.

**Renji turned to Rukia. "Does this mean that we're together?"**

**"Yeah it does."**

**"What about... you know?"**

**"I'm done with Ichigo. " Rukia said sadly. "I know he doesn't love me anymore "**

"I knew you were not to be trusted, Kurosaki Ichigo. You've neglected Rukia's feelings and abandoned her." Byakuya angrily said.

"That's not true!" Ichigo roared. "I'd never hurt her, ever!"

Renji crossed his arms. "Apparently you did, now it's up to me to patch up the wound."

Ukitake eyed Renji suspiciously. "You mean you're okay with how your character is courting Rukia."

"Granted it's not the way I'd wanna heal the wound that Ichigo left, but as long as Rukia feels better it's okay."

Rukia smiled in total flattery. "Thanks Renji, it's good to know I have at least ONE real friend."

"Hey, stop making me look like a bad guy! This retarded story is making me do things I'd never do." Ichigo retorted.

"Oh, now do you understand me?" Toshiro muttered from the corner.

**Renji embraced her. "I'm here for you now Rukia, and I'll never abandon you."**

"To sappy, lost my attention again."

Nel rolled her eyes.

**I'm sorry for never noticing you before Renji, but now we'll make up for lost time."**

**End of chapter one. Next one will have loads more of drama and will include Ichigo too.**

"That sucked severely!" Ichigo shouted.

"There's a next chapter." Hanataro said as he read over Nel's shoulder.

"We're not reading another page of that shit." Nnoitra said. "It's way to queer."

"I don't know?" Ukitake said. "I'm kind of curious as to where this is going, especially if Ichigo makes an appearance."

Before Ichigo could make a response, there was a loud noise. They all turned towards the broken/taped window.

Standing there was none other than the primera espada and the leader of the espada himself.

"So this is where my espada have been."

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><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**I decided on adding these two. There was one particular reviewer who wanted Starrk in here and I just had to add in the notorious Aizen. **

**I mean who else wouldn't go investigating if their army of espada randomly never reported back.**

**Jeanette out!**


	24. Chapter 24

**Okay so I'm getting requests to do a crossover story. I like that idea, but I'm not a fan of what you've been requesting. Such as I'm not a fan of Harry Potter or Ouran High School Club. If you suggest something else I'll make it happen.**

**Also, I only intend to do stories where the guys can get a laugh at. So don't go suggesting a story like a parent dies or someone loses their kid, cuz that isn't funny. I could probably do a corny character death, but that's as far as it gets.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary **

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you <strong>_GGCharms_** for being my 300th review. Yay *throws confetti and balloons* **

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><p>Chapter 24: Not Another High School Story (Part Two)<p>

"Lord Aizen, Starrk?" Ulquiorra said in disbelief.

"You've got some nerve showing your face." Byakuya spat.

"We oughta take him out now." Ikkaku added.

"Can't anybody knock in here?" Ichigo shouted as he eyed his window.

"Technically, me and Orihime knocked." Uryuu stated.

"Sure Ichigo, don't worry about the fact that the most wanted enemy is in your room." Renji said.

"I stopped caring about stuff like that after the first freaking espada showed up!"

"Touché."

"I was wondering why my espada were suddenly disappearing, I see now you were all huddled in here." Aizen said.

Ulquiorra was the only one to bow. "My apologies my lord, I can assure you there's a valid explanation."

Starrk shook his head. "What a pain in the ass, and here I thought this was an emergency."

"Did you not hear him lazy ass, he said there was a valid explanation." Nnoitra snapped.

"Give me a break already." Starrk muttered.

Ichigo stepped past his shock friends and pointed to his window. "Hey, are you gonna fix that shit or not?"

Aizen took one glance at the window and back to Ichigo. "My apologies for that, but there are more important matters here. Such as the explanation."

Grimmjow shoved Ulquiorra forward. "Tell em."

Ulquiorra shot him a glare before he went down on one knee. "Lord Aizen, our reason for being here is that..." he trailed off unsure of how exactly to describe this.

He glanced back at Nnoitra and Grimmjow who both had a look that said 'dude you're on your own'. He mentally cursed himself for being the loyal one. "There's this... machine that we've been getting intellect on."

"Computer." Rukia corrected.

"Yes, a computer."

Starrk yawned. "I can't believe you made me get up for this." He casually strode through the cramped room to lay down on the bed.

"You haven't heard the rest." Ulquiorra added, telling it more to Aizen then Starrk.

"Carry on." Aizen replied, as Starrk plopped down on Ichigo's bed.

"Fix my window damn it! And get off my bed!" Ichigo demanded, but was ignored.

"This computer runs on a network called," a pause occurred and Ulquiorra eyed Rukia.

"The internet." Rukia casually said, as if talking to a friend.

"Yes, the internet. Then we stumbled upon a particular domain called Fanfiction dot net."

"Fanfiction dot net?" Aizen repeated.

Nnoitra pushed past Ulquiorra. "You're dragging it on way to much, cut to the chase. Fanfiction dot crap has these weird stories on us."

Aizen did a double take on that and Starrk raised his head from the pillow. Now it definitely had their interest.

"Are you.. serious?" Aizen asked.

"Dead serious." Nnoitra replied.

"I would like to see it."

Ichigo scowled. "If you fix my freaking-"

Renji put his around Ichigo and took him to the back of the room. "Don't lose your head Ichigo, this could play to our advantage."

Ichigo contemplated his choices. "Fine."

"Can't you see, we have new readers now. We'll let their asses read after Nel."

Ichigo grinned. "Yeah." He turned to his new guests. "You're only going to be listening for right now. You can try it once Nel finishes."

This caused Aizen to freeze. "Nel? Do you mean Nelliel?" He then noticed the said girl sitting comfortably on the chair. "Nelliel, It's you."

Even Starrk shot a look at her.

Nel went numb as Aizen saw her and slightly trembled under his gaze.

Aizen slowly approached her. "I'd never thought I'd see you again, my dear." He frowned when he saw Byakuya's haori on her. They won't take her.

"Aiz- lord Aizen... I-" Nel stammered. She didn't know what to do, technically she was an espada. She did work for him, but what about Ichigo? He had been so nice and protective of her; he wouldn't want her to go back. But Aizen, he changed her, gave her a purpose.

Nel placed her hands on her head, frustrated by the revelation of it all. Was he going to take her back? Was he mad at her for disappearing?

As if reading her mind, Aizen placed his hand gently on her cheek. "Were you thinking I was angry at you, I'm not. On the contrary, I'm relieved to have you back."

Nnoitra crossed his arms. "We can't just take her back."

Aizen sent him one of his infamous calm looks that held death under it. "If it weren't for you Nnoitra this wouldn't have happened."

Nnoitra knew that was true, but he'd be damned if Nelliel were to return. "But we already have Halibel, or did you forget?"

"Nelliel has been one of my strongest espada and she still is. She can easily replace one of the lower ranked espada." Aizen replied.

Grimmjow decided to give his two cents into the conversation. "I vote to kick out Szayel." Who knows what rumors Ulquiorra and Nnoitra would start once they returned.

"But that wouldn't be fair!" Nnoitra said.

"..." Everyone gave him a blank stare.

"Okay I got desperate in that one, but still we can't let her back in."

"You will not go against lord Aizen's wishes." Ulquiorra stated. "Keep your personal issues to yourself." Nnoitra faced away angrily.

"Then it's decided." Aizen said.

Ichigo rushed between Aizen and Nel. "Hold it! You're not taking Nel anywhere."

"She is my espada, a part of us." Aizen replied.

Ichigo wasn't having any of that. "She's my friend. I'm not going to let you take her away!"

Rangiku stepped in and lightly pushed them away from each other. "Not now boys. Can we finish reading already?"

Desperate for a change of topic, Nel quickly agreed. "Yes, allow me to finish."

"Kurosaki Ichigo, aren't you forgetting something?" Byakuya said. "You have new guests now."

Ichigo made an 'X' sign. "No way! I'm not explaining them this site."

"Must I repeat my speech about manners?"

Ichigo grumbled loudly before explaining to Aizen and Starrk everything they've read so far.

"So that's why Hitsugaya is in the corner." Aizen said with a smug smile.

"Piss off, you're lucky I'm over here." Toshiro muttered.

"So shall we begin?" Nel suggested.

"Wait." Ukitake said. "It's getting awfully crowded here."

"That's true." Ikkaku agreed. He was practically shoved up against the wall.

"I don't mind." Shuhei said as Rangiku was pushed up against him.

Grimmjow smirked. "I know how to make room." He grabbed Ichigo's bureau and tossed it outside, making a loud 'bang' noise as it landed.

"The fuck is wrong with you?" Ichigo snapped.

"Making room." Grimmjow simply replied.

"Thank you Grimmjow." Aizen said.

Ichigo was fuming. "You could've put it in the hallway!" Grimmjow merely shrugged. "Didn't think that." This caused for a scramble between the two.

Rukia sighed. "Just continue Nel."

**Wow thanks for the reviews guys. Here's the next chapter XD**

**Chapter 2- The Horror: Ichigo Appears **

**The next day came quickly. Toshiro was in the teacher's lounge with Nnoitra.**

"Fucking great, I don't wanna be in it." Nnoitra mumbled. "Especially with that fat loser."

Toshiro winced at being called fat. "Screw you."

**"So what's up with you?" Nnoitra asked. He didn't really like Toshiro, but he was the only one else here besides him.**

**"It was horrible Nnoitra. Yesterday I caught Renji and Rukia doing nasty in the locker room."**

**"Is that all, I bet loads of kids do that." Nnoitra said. He was the cool, hot teacher in the school.**

"As if Soul Society would actually make your ass a teacher." Toshiro growled.

"You're just jealous this author doesn't find you sexy." Nnoitra said.

**Nnoitra quickly became popular as a teacher, along with his espada brethren. Many girls swooned when they saw him.**

**It's too bad he was off limits though, since he already had a girlfriend.**

"Please no..." Nnoitra groaned.

**He was going out with Nelliel-**

"My, my, my." Aizen said. "I had a feeling you two had some secret affair going on."

Nel blushed. "It's nothing like that."

"Damn right it's nothing like that." Nnoitra added.

**and he had a tattoo of her name on his chest, because he loved her so much.**

"Aww how sweet." Grimmjow taunted.

"It is flattering." Nel whispered and she then faced Nnoitra. "It's to bad you're incapable of feeling any emotions other then anger."

Nnoitra only grunted in response.

**Toshiro could only stare at Nnoitra with jealousy. He wish he had the attention Nnoitra got. He just sighed sadly.**

**At class was Debbie with Rukia-**

Rukia rolled her eyes. "Joy."

**"So how was your date with Ichigo?" **

**Rukia froze. "Oh uh, good."**

**"Don't hold out on me, give me the details."**

**"Well, we er.. went out."**

**"I meant the 'dirty details' "**

"Can't these freaking women talk about some interesting shit, seriously." Grimmjow said, rubbing his temples.

"Excuse me! Don't talk about me like I'm not standing an inch away." Rukia snapped.

"I'm actually interested in how it'll all play out." Rangiku added.

"That makes two of us." Yumichika agreed.

**The bell rung and Rukia couldn't be happier. She rushed out before her friend could follow. Most of her time was spent with Renji, albeit in secrecy.**

**At some captain's office was where Ichigo was. He was currently with his lieutenant.**

**"What's wrong captain Kurosaki?" Grimmjow asked as he bowed down.**

"Bullshit!" Grimmjow barked. "I'd never become a Soul Reaper and I'd never bow to anyone."

Aizen coughed awkwardly.

"Er, no offense."

**"It's Rukia." Ichigo replied.**

**Grimmjow knew about how busy Ichigo was and that it affected his relationship. "Have you talked to her?"**

**"No, and that's the problem." Ichigo said sadly. "I'm so busy in this damn office. My superiors tell me that being with her only distracts me from what's important. I wish we never had to be apart. I didn't want to hurt her." Ichigo was clenching his fists.**

"SEE!" Ichigo said. "I told you guys I'd never hurt Rukia, but nooo you didn't believe me."

Renji laughed nervously. "Heh, I didn't doubt you for a second buddy."

Rukia faced away. "I'm sorry for that Ichigo."

Nnoitra snickered. "It's to bad you played him with the pineapple head."

"Don't ruin this apology moment!" Rukia retorted.

**Grimmjow lowered his eyes in sadness. This must be hard. He brought Ichigo into a hug.**

"Gay, lost my attention."

"Shut the hell up Nnoitra! You know I'd never do some shit like that." Grimmjow retorted.

"Man this is so stupid." Ichigo grumbled.

"Somehow I'm getting a bad feeling." Uryuu said. "I could be wrong though."

**Ichigo blushed. "Gr-Grimmjow?"**

**"Don't worry Ichigo, you don't have to be sad anymore."**

Aizen raised a brow. "Grimmjow, is there something you want to tell me?"

"The fuck is going on?" Grimmjow said incredulously.

**"I just want to be with her Grimmjow."**

"Aww." Yachiru said. "Ichi loves Ruki."

"No I don't!"

**"So let's go and get her." Grimmjow replied with slight sadness. Ichigo could be quite dense sometimes, otherwise he'd of noticed that he loved him.**

Kon busted out laughing. "Oh geez."

Nnoitra was laughing just as loudly. "I told you it was queer."

"Fucking piece of shit story!" Grimmjow shouted.

**"What are you saying?" Ichigo asked.**

**Before he could say anymore, Grimmjow grabbed his wrist and dragged him out. He ignored his protests and headed towards the school. They made right as the last bell rung.**

**At that same time Rukia came out with Renji. The two were hand in hand, and that's how Ichigo spotted them.**

**"Rukia." Ichigo whispered, completely heart broken.**

"Geez, way to cheat on me Rukia."

"Well, at least I wouldn't do that Ichigo." Orihime said.

"Thanks Orihime, it's good to know I have at least ONE real friend."

"Ichigo, you know I wouldn't do that." Rukia said seriously. "We're friends."

"I'm only messing with you." Ichigo replied, lightly flicking her forehead. "So relax."

Ukitake watched the scene with a small smile.

**Suddenly anger burned inside of him-**

"Here it comes." Hanataro said.

**and he approached them, with Grimmjow right behind him. "Rukia!"**

**Rukia turned around with fear. "I-Ichigo." ****She released Renji's hand. "W-What are you doing here?"**

"I definitely sense a fight." Ikkaku declared.

"Got my attention again."

**Ichigo ignored her and walked past her. He slammed Renji onto the wall. "And you! I thought we were friends."**

**Renji flinched. He knew he wouldn't last two seconds against Ichigo,-**

Ichigo smirked.

"I'm no punk! I'd take your ass out any day!" Renji barked.

"The story thinks otherwise." Uryuu said.

**but if he wants a fight, then he's getting one.**

"Alright, this is more like it." Renji said.

"Get ready for a beat down Renji." Ichigo replied.

Nnoitra grinned. "It's definitely fight time." He secretly hoped his character would jump in and beat up both of these guys.

**End of chapter two people. Review.**

"What?" Nnoitra said in disbelief. "That's it? That's the end, no fight? Hey Nelliel, check if there's another chapter."

"Nnoitra, there's no other chapter." Nel assured him.

Nnoitra snatched the mouse from her and scrolled down. "There isn't, there really isn't. You can't be serious, hang on I'm leaving this bitch a big ass flame."

"Damn, I wanted to know what happens next." Rangiku whined.

"Such a disgusting author, how dare they leave us with a cliffhanger." Yumichika added.

"It sucked anyway, so why bother?" Starrk said.

"Why don't you pick the next one than, huh princess?" Grimmjow mocked. "You aren't scared are you?"

"Nope." Starrk replied with a yawn. "I'm just to tired."

"Of sleeping all day I presume." Ulquiorra said.

Aizen chuckled. "Starrk, give it a try."

Starrk groaned and forced himself up. "If you insist, then I'll do it."

Nel was pretty relieved to give up the chair, these Fanfiction stories were no joke. "Be my guest Starrk."

As soon as Nel stood up Aizen quickly pulled her towards his side. "Do not worry my dear, soon we'll be home."

"Y-Yes."

"She IS home!" Ichigo retorted.

"I said no fighting!" Rangiku scolded.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**Yeah Nnoitra, I don't like cliffhangers either. They always seem to get to me, ****Although unlike Nnoitra I wouldn't leave a 'big ass flame'.**** Anyway, so now Starrk is reading. **

**Poor Ichigo, his house is being destroyed. **

**See ya next chapter friends.**


	25. Chapter 25

**Never fear my buddies, I'm back at it. I'm not exactly sure how far I'll take this story though. I was thinking maybe 5 more chapters.**

**You guys got some good ideas. This one was an idea from **_Bunny153539 _**and**_ I'm Not Starrk _

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary**

**Guys I'm going to do a High School of the Dead crossover, so look forward to that.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 25: Oh No! Ichigo Betrays<p>

"How does this thing work?" Starrk asked.

That was Rukia's cue. "Oh yeah, here's the manual." She passed him the flip book.

He began going through it.

"Hey Ichigo, do you want me to fix your window again? I can if you want." Orihime said.

"You sure it's not to much, I don't want to take advantage of you." Ichigo replied.

Orihime smiled. "Of course not."

"In that case, could you make a hole in the middle for air to pass through."

"Yes please." Uryuu added. "It's suffocating in here."

"Yeah, someone might get claustrophobic." Hanataro said.

Orihime gave a salute. "You got it." She quickly began working on the task given to her.

"Can I get out the damn corner already?" Toshiro growled.

"Not with that potty mouth mister." Rangiku replied.

Nnoitra threw himself on the bed. "Yo Starrk, lemme know when you find some shit."

"Whatever, just don't get to comfortable; that's my spot."

Nel sat down on the bed, relieved that Nnoitra wasn't complaining. "Good thing you're not yelling out obscenities, though it's a bit weird."

Nnoitra lazily opened his eye. "This whole experience has taught me to tolerate shit. Also that there's something I hate more than you."

"I don't know whether that was a compliment or not?" Nel said as she leaned back on the wall.

"Take it however you want Nelliel."

Rukia walked over to Ichigo. "In the meantime maybe you should make more space."

"Yeah, you're right. I wouldn't want some lunatic flinging my stuff out." Ichigo replied whilst shooting Grimmjow a glare.

Ichigo began moving his furniture. "Renji, you mind giving me a hand?"

"No, I'll help you." Renji replied and the two began taking Ichigo's furniture onto the hallway.

"Now that's much better." Ukitake said as the room was cleared out. All that was left in the room was the bed, the chair, and the computer.

Ichigo groaned as he saw his hallway packed with his furniture. "Man, feels like I'm moving."

"Don't worry Ichigo, we'll put it back later." Rukia said.

"I guess..."

"I'm serious, so quit making that face."

"I guess." A vein popped onto Rukia.

_*PUNCH* _

"Lighten up Rukia." Ichigo said and he sat down on the floor. The search for a story was taking surprisingly long.

"Ichigo, Rukia," Hanataro called out. "Come play cards with us." Just as he had said, him, Renji, Uryuu and Ikkaku were playing cards.

"Why not," Rukia said and she dragged Ichigo over as well.

Grimmjow plopped down onto the bed next to Nel. "Don't mind me right," He rudely said.

Nel would've responded, had she not dozed off into sleep right over a sleeping Nnoitra.

(An hour later)

"Okay, moment of truth." Uryuu said. "One of us is going to walk out of here richer." He placed his cards down. "Two of a kind."

Ikkaku sighed. "I got nothing."

"Neither do I." Ichigo grumbled. "Wonder who the rich one is gonna be?"

Renji slammed his cards down. "That's me baby, I got three of a kind."

"Darn, I only got two of a kind." Hanataro whined.

Renji was about to grab the monopoly money, but Rukia wacked his hand away. "What gives?"

"Sorry Renji, but I'm the rich one." Rukia placed her cards down. "Full house."

"I never win at these." Renji groaned and he looked at the rest of the guests, whom were also lounging around. "How long has it been?"

Just at that moment Nnoitra was waking up. He then noticed Nel's head on his stomach and Grimmjow's on his knee. "Get off me!"

Grimmjow yawned. "What a good nap."

"Has Starrk found anything?" Nel asked.

"Ulquiorra he's your pal, you check." Ichigo said.

"I take no orders from you."

"Check on him Ulquiorra." Aizen said.

"Yes, lord Aizen."

"Was that really necessary?" Ichigo asked.

Ulquiorra walked over to Starrk and just before he reached him, a noise came out of him.

"Zzzzz..."

"Wait a minute, is he... sleeping?" Shuhei asked.

"Yes he is." Ulquiorra replied.

Everyone fell down anime style.

"Wake his ass up!" Renji shouted. "Or I'll wake him up with my Zabimaru!"

"Starrk, can you wake up?" Ulquiorra calmly said.

Ikkaku pushed him out the way. "What is he your grandma, he won't wake up like that." Ikkaku began roughly shaking Starrk by his shoulder. "YO, GET UP!"

Starrk lazily got up. "Quit being damn noisy."

"He wouldn't have to if you weren't asleep." Yumichika defended. "Did you find a story?"

"Oh yeah, the story." Starrk replied, before turning to the story he had picked but forgot to read.

**A Twist to the Bleach Plot**

"Bleach?" Aizen questioned. "Is this going to be about a cleaning substance?"

"It's a reoccurring theme in these stories." Ulquiorra explained. "Somehow lord Aizen, it's related to us."

"Odd, carry on."

**By UkitakeXRukia**

Rukia gagged and Ukitake went into a coughing fit.

"Dear lord, these people are vile." Ukitake said.

**Summary: This is an alternate story plot, done my way. It will take place after Orihime gets captured. We all know the Soul Society had said they wouldn't negotiate for her,**

Aizen smirked, that was good to know.

"What!" Ichigo said and he glared at the Soul Reapers present. "You'd just let Orihime stay with these sick freaks!"

"Whoa, watch it." Nnoitra retorted. "Standing right here y'know."

Ukitake frowned. "Surely it must be an error."

"This is why you Soul Reapers shouldn't be trusted." Uryuu said. "Don't worry Orihime, I assure you we Quincys aren't like that."

"Shut up Uryuu." Ichigo replied. "I put my friends over my Soul Reaper duties, I'd never allow Orihime to get captured."

**and Ichigo takes it rough. So Ichigo begins feeling betrayed. That's when he joins Aizen.**

Ichigo stiffened. "Say.. what?"

"Ichigo.. you wouldn't." Renji said, trying to convince himself his friend wouldn't betray.

"No, Ichigo wouldn't betray us!" Rukia snapped, she would never believe he'd abandon them.

"This is interesting." Aizen said.

**"They have Orihime, do you expect me to leave her?" Ichigo said, trying to hold in his anger. He was currently trying to talk sense onto the head captain of Soul Society.**

**"She left on her own free will-**

"Just as planned." Aizen mumbled.

"Huh? You say something?" Hanataro asked.

"No, I didn't."

**and we do not tolerate traitors."**

**Ichigo watched as Rukia, Renji, and every other Soul Reaper were ordered to go back. Leaving him alone to grieve.**

**Nobody was going to help him. They expected him to stay put and do nothing.**

"I can't believe you'd actually leave Orihime alone in Hueco Mundo." Ichigo muttered angrily.

"Orders are orders." Byakuya replied.

Ichigo frowned. "So you'd leave Rukia if the orders told you to?"

Byakuya hesitated for a second.

**If they think he's going to sit and do nothing, then they're dead wrong. He ran out of the room and headed towards Urahara's shop.**

**"Hey Ichigo, what's up,"**

**"Send me to Hueco Mundo, I have to save Orihime. I'll do it myself if I have to."**

**Urahara gave him a serious look. "Hueco Mundo is no joke Ichigo."**

"Oh Ichigo, I wouldn't want you to go to such lengths for me." Orihime said sadly, though she really appreciated the sentiment.

"Are you kidding me? I'd do this for any of my friends, whether it's you, Uryuu, Rukia, or anyone."

"Oh, right."

**"I'm going anyway! I'll join with Aizen if that means Orihime will be alright."**

"Another Soul Reaper error." Uryuu said. "A Quincy like me would stage a rescue mission instead of treason; not like I'm bound to anything though, so I can't be named a traitor by the Soul Society."

"I'd do a rescue mission too! I'm just being portrayed out of character." Ichigo retorted.

"Be glad you're not being made into the best friend of a Mary Sue." Rukia cringed at the remembrance.

**"Okay, I'll open the gate."**

"Wait, so he doesn't open the gate when you say you're rescuing a friend, yet opens it when you say you'll join Aizen?" Shuhei said.

"Retard." Ikkaku added, making some in the room chuckle.

**Ichigo soon found himself alone in the Hueco Mundo dessert.**

"Yummy, desserts!" Yachiru squealed.

The others laughed at the obvious typo.

**He headed straight for Las Noches, he knew that's where Orihime would be. Ichigo ran past the barren wasteland.**

"It's good to know that security isn't tight." Ukitake said half joking.

"Actually the place is surrounded by hundreds of hollows." Ulquiorra corrected.

**Nothing would get in his way. He finally reached the door and entered. **

"This is ridiculous. It's as if he's entering his own house. There's nobody there." Ulquiorra said.

"Yeah, I'm just waiting for him to go and yell out 'honey I'm home'." Grimmjow joked.

**"Aizen!" Ichigo yelled.**

**Aizen appeared and smirked when he noticed Ichigo. "So you've come."**

"It feels quite strange to be in these stories." Aizen said.

"Tch, newbie." Ikkaku replied.

**"I'm here to join you Aizen."**

"Well, that didn't take much." Kon joked.

**"Good choice Ichigo, I assure you that together we'll annihilate the Soul Society."**

**Ichigo smirked evilly. "Good." He'd get revenge for the way they betrayed him.**

"Betray you, really?" Toshiro said. "How did we betray you when the girl left of her own volition, it's you who's betraying us."

"I can already tell this'll be stupid." Ikkaku said.

"Aren't they all," Rangiku replied.

**Ichigo was given his espada uniform and his own room. "I'll destroy those traitors."**

"You were suppose to rescue Orihime moron. What the hell are you doing?" Renji said.

"You just did a whole 180 turn on her, that's messed up." Ikkaku added.

"Zzzz..."

"Quit falling asleep!" Rangiku shouted, jolting Starrk up.

"I think you suffer from SCT or something." Hanataro said.

**"Ichigo there's going to be a meeting." Tousen said as he entered his room.**

**Ichigo followed him towards a long hallway and were soon by a huge table.**

**The espada started making their entrance.**

"God damn it! I hate being in these stories." Grimmjow complained. "I'm the most tortured out of us."

"Tortured you say?" Aizen said, confused. "Do these stories have such an effect?"

"You're lucky you're new to the party."

**Ichigo stood by as the espada all took their seats. Aizen soon appeared too.**

**"What's with the new guy?" Nnoitra asked.**

**"What's he doing here?" Grimmjow barked.**

**"Calm down my espada, he's one of us."**

"This plot is freaking ridiculous." Shuhei groaned. "How does it go from saving the girl to becoming Aizen's pawn?"

"I knew this was a waste of time." Starrk grumbled.

**"Are you joking," Yammy mocked. "He's a total pansy."**

"Didn't I whoop his ass when he attacked?" Ichigo said.

"And from what I heard, he whooped it right back," Grimmjow laughed. "Until some chick showed up to help you."

Ichigo blushed in embarrassment as some began to snicker.

**"Unfortunately there can only be ten espada, so Ichigo will be replacing one of you. Since he is an arrancar now."**

"What? When did he become an arrancar?" Yumichika asked.

"There's like a thousand plot holes in here." Toshiro added from the corner.

**"Are you saying you're going to demote one of us?" Szayel asked.**

**"Yes, that's what I'm saying." **

**Everyone gulped. The process where one gets demoted is usually gruesome.**

**Aizen pushed a button and an arrow symbol appeared on the table. "Now to spin it and see who it lands on."**

"That sounds fun." Orihime said.

Ikkaku started a laughing fit. "You're kidding me! And we're suppose to be intimidated by you wusses?"

Nnoitra frowned. "We've never done some stupid thing like that."

Grimmjow scratched his head. "Well uh, we do have an occasional tea here and there, but not this lame spin the arrow bull crap."

Ichigo snorted. "Because drinking tea sounds soooo much more bad ass."

"Actually, it's quite relaxing." Ulquiorra responded.

"Nothing like a cup of tea before a talk of world domination huh, you sickos." Rukia sarcastically added.

Ichigo chuckled. "You tell'em Rukia."

**The arrow spun and landed on Grimmjow,-**

"Not fucking fair! Why am I always the one brutalized out of us?!"

**who shitted his pants **

Starrk took a moment to chuckle, while the others broke out laughing.

"Now who forgot his diapers, huh?" Uryuu smugly joked. He'd been wanting to repeat that insult to him, after he had been humiliated for that weird Mpreg chapter.

"Shut your ass up four eyes!"

**Aizen's smile grew dark. "Too bad for you." He then beckoned his espada. "You know the drill everyone."**

**The other espada started looming over a scared Grimmjow.**

**"W-Wait, can't we talk about this?" Grimmjow pleaded.**

"Now hold the Garganta, I do NOT plead or run from anyone! Not even if you bastards all jump me. I'll take all of you on!" Grimmjow declared.

**All of the espada brought out their swords and began chopping Grimmjow into pieces.**

"My goodness." Ukitake said in awe. "I knew you people were cruel, but that's just sick... no pun intended."

"'You people'?" Nnoitra leered at him. "Got something against us espada?"

"Um, is that a trick question?" Hanataro asked.

**All that was left was his remains.**

**"Ulquiorra, go and hand his remains to the Menos." Aizen ordered.**

**"Yes." In a flash Ulquiorra picked up his organs and disappeared to the Menos area.**

**A six appeared on Ichigo's stomach, under his hollow hole.**

"WHAT? When did he get a hollow hole!?" Yumichika snapped.

"I think the better question would be 'where's the plot'?" Rangiku said.

"Actually, an even better question is 'what happened to the plan to rescue Orihime'?" Nel added.

**Two years later.**

"Seriously! A time skip, really?" Nnoitra said.

"As if the plot- or whatever this is, wasn't bad enough." Rukia murmured. "Now an even bigger plot hole has been added."

**The world was now Aizen's-**

"Congratulations lord Aizen, it seems we won." Ulquiorra applauded.

"My ass!" Renji retorted. "This'll never happen, got it!"

**and he ruled over everything. Ichigo had become his most loyal minion. Together they killed the head captain.**

"Geez, now I'll admit that old guy gets on my freaking nerves with his 'old philosophy' crap, but I wouldn't kill the guy." Ichigo stated.

"Like you even could." Toshiro mocked.

"Do not disrespect him boy." Byakuya growled.

"What, he's not my superior." Ichigo replied.

"Nor mines." Aizen added.

**Ichigo made sure to kill all the people he personally never liked. Such as Zaraki, Kon,-**

"You big bag of douche!" Kon snapped.

**Tatsuki,**

"How could you..." Orihime whimpered.

Ichigo rushed over to her, hoping to console her. "No don't listen to this, I wouldn't- no wait, don't cry Orihime."

**his principal, Toshiro,-**

"If I wasn't in this damn corner, I'd give you a beating you'd never forget."

**and Byakuya.**

Byakuya being composed as always, brushed off the comment.

Rukia punched Ichigo on his chin. "Ichigo! How dare you hurt Nii-sama."

"God damn it Rukia, it's just a story!"

**A/N: there you have it people, that's the end.**

"What happened to Orihime? That was suppose to be the point of this story, right?" Rangiku said.

"Clearly that wasn't the case, Matsumoto Rangiku." Byakuya replied. "Though you shared my same thoughts."

"That was awful, just plain awful." Yumichika complained.

Starrk stood up from the chair. "What a damn waste of time." He slouched back on the bed.

Ichigo grinned mischievously and turned towards Aizen. "I guess it's your turn."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**As mentioned above, a crossover story of High School of the Dead is next. Aizen will have the honor of reading that... well, it won't really be an honor since it'll suck.**

**Oh yeah, sorry about my lateness.**


	26. Chapter 26

**Alright people, get ready for the crossover story. It's going to be awesome... well, not that awesome. After all, it's going to be written by an invented noob author.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary**

* * *

><p><strong>Guys I know the best thing to do is request a character, but keep in mind that I'm not a fan of every character, especially minor ones.<strong>

**So I won't include people like **_Isane_** the **_Fullbringers, _**or Ichigo's**_ school friends._** They won't really mesh with the espada present.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 26: Crossover From The Dead<p>

"..."

Aizen stared at the computer screen that had been causing so much pain to his subordinates.

"Go ahead, read." Ichigo repeated.

"Do not rush my lord." Ulquiorra retorted.

Aizen sat himself down on the chair. "Thank you Ulquiorra, I'll handle it from here."

Grimmjow lightly elbowed Nnoitra. "This oughta be interesting."

"That's for sure, let's see how ol' Aizen copes with this site."

"Wonder what suck fest we'll hear this time?" Shuhei asked.

"I'm just relieved that I haven't been mentioned lately." Yumichika answered.

Rukia scoffed. "That's because it's always me and Ichigo in these things."

"Yeah, what's up with that? Are we like the main characters in this Bleach crap or what?"

"I don't even understand anything anymore Ichigo, this whole day has gone to hell."

"It's not how I expected my Saturday to go."

"Sorry Ichigo, I know it's my-"

"It's not your fault Rukia, I told you that already. Blame these weird Fanfiction authors for ruining my Saturday."

"Thanks Ichigo."

Ikkaku sighed from across the room. "I just hope no one else pops up."

"Yes, even if we did pretty much clear this room, we don't need anymore guests." Uryuu agreed.

"Hey Ichigo, since Kon read already you should go back in your body." Ukitake suggested.

"Oh yeah, good thinking."

"Wait! " Kon interjected. "I don't wanna go back yet, not when I can finally hug my Nee-san." He reached over to hug Rukia, only to be kicked in the stomach.

"Get real Kon, like I'd let you do that."

Ichigo returned himself to his body. "Good, now Kon won't ruin my image."

"Plus we have more space." Renji added.

"Great, you ruin everything Ichigo." Kon complained. "I put your body to better use."

Ichigo kicked the plushy away. "Oh yeah, you mean flirting with my friends, piss off."

"This looks interesting." Aizen whispered to himself, before casting a glance over his shoulders. "I believe I found one."

**Bleach of the Dead **

"There goes that Bleach crap again." Renji said.

"Maybe we should look it up." Hanataro suggested.

"I don't think that'd be smart, we're already creeped out enough." Ichigo replied. "Who knows what we might find, I don't wanna be further scarred."

"I agree with Kurosaki Ichigo." Byakuya added.

**By ZombiesWithZanpaktous**

"Ew, sounds scary." Yachiru said from Byakuya's shoulder.

"Zombies, what's that?" Nnoitra asked.

Rukia smiled with pride, here was another thing she knew and others didn't, being in the human world really paid off. "Their the undead."

"The undead?" Hanataro repeated, with a whimper.

"How do they look?" Grimmjow asked, now curious to the topic.

Rukia eyed Ulquiorra. "Well... pale. I've seen my share of zombie movies in this house. Once me and Yuzu watched one late at night, we got so scared that we built a fort to keep them out."

**Summary: An AU story on the Bleach plot. It'll be a crossover with my favorite show High School of the Dead.**

"No way! I love that series." Rukia said.

"High School of the Dead? I never heard of that show." Orihime said.

"I'm surprised, it's actually quite popular." Ichigo replied.

**It will star Shuhei as Takashi-**

"Me? Not looking forward to this." Shuhei said.

**and the rest will be introduced as we go.**

**Ever since they were little, Shuhei and Rangiku have been childhood friends.**

"Huh?" Rangiku said.

"YES!" Shuhei cheered. "Finally a story about us." He then coughed nervously when everyone gave him a stare. "Er.. carry on."

"I guess you're playing Rei." Rukia stated.

"I don't wanna be in this mess." Rangiku whined.

**The two had promised each other they'd marry each other when they grew up.**

"No we didn't!" Rangiku said.

"Sshhh!" Shuhei retorted. "Some of us are trying to hear this story."

"Speak for yourself." Ikkaku said.

**Unfortunately for Shuhei, it hadn't played out like that. He was now in high school and Rangiku already had a boyfriend. Gin.**

"He's not my boyfriend." Rangiku muttered. She was slightly sensitive to anything involving Gin.

Shuhei breathed a sigh of relief. "Good."

"So Hisashi will be played by Gin." Rukia said.

**He was currently sulking on the roof.**

**"Cross my heart and hope to die, yeah right" He knew deep down it was his fault for holding in his feelings and never confessing.**

**Suddenly he noticed some strange man approaching the school gates. Two of the teachers, Misato and Kagine approached the man.**

**The man suddenly bit Kagine and he fell to the floor. He got up after being presumed dead and bit Misato.**

"Gross." Kon said.

"Wait, do these 'zombies' bite you?" Yumichika asked, disgusted by the story.

"Yes they do." Rukia replied. "A zombie has absolutely no sense of stability. They live on only one principle; the basic 'need to feed', that's all that wills them to stay alive."

"It sounds like a hollow." Byakuya stated.

"Yes Nii-sama, it's sort of like a hollow."

**Shuhei rushed to the class he'd been cutting to inform Rangiku. He wanted her to be safe. He barged in and grabbed her arm, ignoring the teacher's scolding remark. "Come with me, we gotta get outta here."**

**"W-What are you talking about?" Rangiku snapped.**

**"Dude what are you doing?" Gin said as he approached Shuhei.**

Aizen chuckled slightly. "Pardon, but I just found that part funny. I know Gin has a comedic way of speaking, but 'dude'? It was quite humorous."

**"People just got killed by the front gate, no bullshit."**

**"Are you serious?"**

**Shuhei scoffed. "Yeah, I'm making shit like that up." His voice was laced with sarcasm.**

Rukia frowned. "Hmm... so far the dialogue is the exact same as the original, but I'll give it a chance."

"Lazy ass author, can't even come up with their own dialogue." Toshiro remarked.

"This zombie thing sounds interesting." Ulquiorra stated.

Nnoitra grinned. "Heh, I'd love to fight those zombies."

Nel rolled her eyes. "It's typical a beast like you has nothing more but fighting in their head."

"Shut up! I'll say what ever I wanna say!"

**Rangiku pulled her arm away from his strong grip. "Jesus, what's going on? I can never understand what's-"**

**She was cut off by a hard slap from Shuhei.**

Rangiku frowned and slapped Shuhei. "Now you listen to me buddy! Nothing gives you the right to hit a woman, especially ME!"

Everyone in the room backed up away from the pissed woman.

"B-But Rangiku, I didn't. I'd never..." Shuhei trailed off, to scared to speak.

**"Listen, Listen to me!" Gin noticed Shuhei was serious and the three soon found themselves running through the hallways.**

**"Just tell me what's going on?" Rangiku asked.**

**"There was someone in the school gate, P.E teachers went to check it out and now those P.E. teachers are killing each other!"**

**"That's insane!"**

"This is boring, where are the zombies?" Nnoitra complained. "I wanna see action, not you pussies running around."

"Hey, shut up!" Shuhei snapped.

**Gin went towards one of the equipment lockers and began opening it.**

**"What, you forgot something?" Shuhei asked.**

**"If what you told me is true, then we'll need some weapons, right?" Gin made makeshift spear out of a broom and handed it to Rangiku. "Here Rangiku."**

"Damn it! It's the same freaking dialogue as the original. It's bad enough these stories suck, but they dare mock one of my favorite animes."

"Relax Rukia, don't get so worked up about it." Ukitake said.

**"What about you?" Shuhei asked as he grabbed a bat.**

**"I've got a blackbelt in karate, c'mon we gotta pull get outta the school."**

"It's still the same damn dialogue!"

"Rukia, control yourself." Byakuya ordered.

Rukia clenched her fists. "This is just insulting."

**An announcement was then heard, ordering the students to listen to their teachers as a horrible incident was occurring.**

**"It's happening." Shuhei said and then all that was heard was the screams of the man through the intercom.**

**That was all it took for turmoil to start. The students began running rampant.**

"Now we're getting somewhere." Renji said.

**Gin lead Shuhei and Rangiku towards another route, so they can avoid the crowd.**

**Unfortunately, one of 'them' was blocking their way.**

Rukia smiled. "Ah, this is the first part of the action."

"Boy Rukia, you really love this anime." Ichigo said.

"Of course I do." Rukia opened the closet to reveal all sorts of books and DVDs. "This is my collection of their mangas and dvd, among other things."

**Upon closer inspection, Rangiku recognized the person. "That's Uryuu!"**

Uryuu scoffed. "Oh lucky me, I get to be in the story."

"And as a zombie too." Nel added.

Ichigo laughed. "Oh the mental image."

"That's different." Rukia pointed out. "In the original it was a teacher they encountered, not a student. It's about time they switch things up."

**He charged for Rangiku first,-**

"I'm not surprised." Grimmjow said and he gave Rangiku a suggestive wink. This earned him a bloody nose for the second time today.

**but she stabbed her weapon into his heart.**

**It wasn't enough to stop the zombified Uryuu. He began advancing closer to her.**

**"Get off her!" Gin shouted. He rushed in and grabbed Uryuu from behind.**

"Don't do that you moron!" Nnoitra shouted.

Ulquiorra eyed him suspiciously. "You seem rather interested in this."

"S-So what if I am!"

**"Be careful!" Shuhei warned.**

**"Don't worry this is nothing." Gin replied.**

**In a horrific display, Uryuu's lifeless body began twisting its own head backwards; to the point where normal heads can't turn to.**

"Ew!" Most of the group said in unison.

"Oh shut up!" Uryuu retorted. "Half of you have holes in your bodies and you Ichigo wear some mask that a serial killer would wear."

Yachiru sunk herself into Byakuya's shikakusho, much to his irritation. "Byakushi I'm scared, pencil has turned into a zombie."

Byakuya smirked very slightly. Now he had a method to keep her away from his manor.

**"What the fuck?" Gin spat. Zombie Uryuu then sunk his teeth down onto his arm.**

"What'd I say, I told you not to do that!" Nnoitra said.

**Gin screamed in pain as Uryuu bit the flesh right of him. Blood splattered all onto the floor. Gin's arm was missing a great amount of skin and organs.**

"The damage wasn't THAT graphic." Rukia said.

"These zombies are quite strong." Aizen stated in admiration. "How would one create these?"

"Well, there are many theories to it." Rukia replied. "The most common method is- wait! Why do you wanna know?"

"Just curious," Aizen responded with his trademark fake smile. He couldn't exactly tell her he planned on making a zombie army so he could take over the world, right?

**"Gin!" Rangiku cried. She then glared at Shuhei. "Don't just stand there Shuhei, do something! You're a man aren't you, hurry!"**

**Shuhei felt his adrenaline kicked in and he slammed his bat on Uryuu's head, cracking it open. His brain flew right out.**

"Mind you it wasn't this graphic in the anime." Rukia said.

"Yeah, now we're getting to the good parts." Nnoitra cheered.

"I think zombies are your calling Nnoitra." Starrk said from his spot on the bed.

**Rangiku ran to Gin. "Are you okay?" She tore a piece of her sleeve off and wrapped it around his bloodied arm. "We have to go!"**

**Shuhei watched as Rangiku began walking away with Gin. He sighed. "Sure, don't even thank me. You ungrateful bitch."**

Grimmjow laughed. "Haha, now that's how you tell her."

"Whoa, they didn't say that. Takashi isn't like that at all." Rukia remarked.

**"Shuhei, hurry!" Rangiku called.**

**Shuhei caught up with them and they found a classroom.**

"Huh, wait! Where's the rooftop scene? That was one of the most key scenes in the first episode." Rukia snapped.

**Inside was Keigo and Hiyori-**

"So Keigo is playing Kohta and Hiyori is playing Saya." Rukia said. "How stupid, Keigo acts nothing like Kohta."

"What were you expecting, a masterpiece." Uryuu replied.

Rukia ignored him and continued. "Well if you paint Keigo's hair black and add some more meat in his bones, I suppose he could look like Kohta. Hiyori's personality is identical to Saya's, but that's where you draw the line on the similarities."

"I want a moment with Rangiku already." Shuhei growled lowly. He'd been sitting down patiently waiting for one.

**"Guys we need help, Gin has been biten and he needs help." Rangiku cried **

**"Do I look like a freaking doctor?!" Keigo retorted in an angered panicked state.**

"HUUUH? It should be Hiyori who snaps, after all she IS playing Saya." Rukia said.

**"Relax Keigo, shouting won't help." Hiyori said. She approached the newcomers. "I'm Hiyori Sarugaki, you?"**

**Shuhei shook her extended hand. "I'm Shuhei Hisagi, this is Rangiku, and Gin."**

"They should've already KNOWN each other. Saya and Takashi were childhood friends!"

**The door then burst opened and in came Yoruichi alongside Nel, whom was holding a wooden sword. Nel was the captain of the school's kendo club.**

"So Yoruichi is suppose to be Shizuka and you Nel are suppose to be Saeko, whom personally is my favorite character. They better not screw her character up."

"I don't really want to be in a zombie story."

"Are you kidding me?!" Nnoitra shouted in Nel's face. "This is like a dream come true!"

"How so?" Nel retorted, now glaring at his face.

"You get a fight to the end, no restrictions. Just pure killing to make your existence clear."

Grimmjow smirked. "Doesn't sound half bad."

"Man, you guys need fucking therapy." Ichigo said.

**"Nel, Yoruichi!" Shuhei said. "I'm glad you're alright."**

**"We have to get out of here!" Keigo said. **

**"Let's go." Nel replied.**

"Hold it, hold it, hold it!" Rukia shouted. "What happened to Saya's- I mean Hiyori's nervous breakdown scene? That was one of the most emotional scenes. What about Gin, he should've long been infected and can this story be anymore fast paced?"

"Rukia, you must be like the biggest High School of the Dead fangirl." Uryuu said.

Rukia blushed. "W-Well, it's not like that. I just need a pastime for when we're not battling some hollows or..." She eyed the villians in the room. "You guys I guess. "

**"Don't worry Gin, we'll find you a hospital soon." Rangiku reassured.**

**"Er..." All that came out of his mouth was a low growl.**

"What's going on?" Nnoitra asked as he pushed to the front of the room. He was obviously interested in this zombie topic.

"Pay attention Nnoitra, if what I'm assuming is correct, then this might be the best part." Rukia answered.

"Oh yeah."

**"Gin? Gin, are you okay, answer me." Gin lowered his head and began coughing out blood.**

**"What the fuck's wrong with him?" Keigo yelled.**

**"Oh shit, he's got it." Shuhei muttered.**

**"He's infected!" Hiyori shouted.**

"Say what?" Rukia said angrily, throwing her hands in the air. "The characters didn't jump to that conclusion right at the beginning."

"Infected, you can get infected?" Nnoitra asked, his question directed at the petite girl.

"When you're body gets contaminated with the ubdead's disease then you become infected, and you turn into 'them'." Ichigo explained, since Rukia was blowing off steam.

Hanataro gulped. "Y-You mean you can turn into those m-monsters."

"Yes Hantaro, one bite or scratch is usually all it takes."

**"Arrgh! Help me, help me please!-**

"Excuse me!" Rukia barked. "Hisashi's character wasn't a pitiful weakling. He was a man, even to the point where he realized he was infected."

**I don't wanna die." Gin was screaming and was frantically swinging his arms around.**

**"Kill him Shuhei!" Rangiku demanded as she tossed Gin off her shoulder. "Hurry!"**

"NEVER! Rei never wanted Hisashi to die, let alone have Takashi kill him. She was devastated by his transformation, not jumping the gun ready to kill him off."

"Rukia, not all of us watch High School of the Dead you know. Stop saying facts about it that we obviously wouldn't know." Renji groaned.

**"Thought you'd never ask." Shuhei replied and he happily bashed his bat against Gin's skull. His brain rolled right out of him.**

"You don't say." Toshiro muttered sarcastically.

"Gah! They're destroying a great anime!" Rukia roared as she clutched her head.

Ukitake eyed his subordinate with worry. She was losing it again. He wasn't the only one worried about her sanity, many in the room had noticed her odd behavior.

**Rangiku jumped into Shuhei's arms. "I was so scared Shuhei." She sobbed profusely.**

"You didn't look so scared to me. You looked more demanding." Starrk said.

"I'm no defenseless woman, I don't need anyone to defend me. I'm a lieutenant and this author dare portray me so weak!" Rangiku retorted.

"I don't care about any of that or how this is insulting to the original." Shuhei stated. "I'm just glad I finally got my story with-" He stopped in mid-sentence when he noticed Rukia was in his face growling like a tiger.

"Did you just say you DON'T care if this is insulting to the original?"

Shuhei had never been this terrified in his entire life. The short girl could be very intimidating. He had no idea how Ichigo dealt with her. "N-No I didn't, you must've heard wrong."

"I thought so."

**"Slut." Nel thought. She always liked Shuhei.**

"Um.. no I didn't."

"No, that's all WRONG," Rukia grabbed a hold of her hair in frustration. "Saeko didn't like Takashi right from the get go, her feelings were developed as the series progressed, and plus she doesn't act like that."

Aizen paused to look at Rukia. The previous Hogyoku holder wasn't looking so good.

**"C'mon let's leave now." Yoruichi said.**

**Shuhei took a hold of Rangiku's hand and rushed out.**

**A/N: End of first chapter, more later**

"They destroyed the plot and characters that I cherished!" Rukia snapped angrily. "I- I should, should..." Rukia started shaking. "Feed them to the sand people and- and-"

"No Rukia! Don't turn into emperor Palpitine again!" Ichigo pleaded as he rushed to her side. His cry unfortunately was falling on death ears.

"Must g-get them in the d-dark side, must get Skywalker and- arrgh!" Rukia was now losing her control.

"Rukia snap out of it please." Orihime cried.

The guests who had arrived after Rukia's manifestation had occurred, were more or less clueless as to what was happening to her.

"Hurry, knock her out cold. That worked before so it should work again." Grimmjow said.

Ichigo was about to do it but was pushed away by Byakuya. "Stand aside Kurosaki Ichigo, Rukia is my responsibility."

"Lord Va- Nii-sama... i-is that you, I can't-"

"Hurry Byakuya or we'll lose her!" Ukitake ordered.

Using his flash step Byakuya appeared behind Rukia. She didn't have time to react as she felt a sharp pain against the back of her neck, causing her to drift into unconsciousness.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**Ooohhh so close. Rukia almost went all Star Wars again. When you see obvious symptoms then knock her out cold.**

**Sorry guys, but I just don't think I'll be using any of the characters that are hardly ever mentioned in Bleach. Like I said before, there's no way they'd mesh with the espada. There's only so much they could tolerate and we can't waste a spot.**


	27. Chapter 27

**Alright here's our vampire fic, can't believe I haven't covered this one. Thank you **_DAIrinchan _**for this magnificent idea**_._

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary**

* * *

><p><strong>To <strong>_ChieLuvsBleach_**: I know that, but it wouldn't exactly be noobish if I did use the correct characters now would it **

* * *

><p>Chapter 26: Twilight Bleach<p>

_"She's okay right?"_

_"Of course, I told you knocking her out would work and I was right."_

_That was Ichigo and the blue-haired espada. She could feel somebody holding her, a hand on her shoulder; supporting her weight._

_" I think it was a reckless thing to do."_

_"What the fuck was wrong with her anyway?"_

_"Can you be any more vulgar when you speak Nnoitra?"_

_"Bitch, I speak how I wanna speak."_

_"I told you this Fanfiction is no joke."_

These guys were to loud. "I'm alright." Rukia managed to utter.

"She's awake!" Orihime happily said.

The grip on her shoulder softened and she traced it back to Byakuya. "Nii sama." He was currently kneeling down and had her leaned against him. His expression was stoic as ever, but had worry etched deep within his eyes.

"What happened? Did I pass out?"

"You almost went all crazy on us." Grimmjow answered. "Thanks to me you're okay, so you oughta be grateful."

"Don't talk to Rukia like that." Ichigo retorted.

"My goodness, I had no idea of the dangers this Fanfiction held." Aizen said, slightly creeped out.

Byakuya helped Rukia onto her feet. "How are you feeling Rukia?"

"Thank you Nii-sama, I'm fine now." Rukia barely had time to adjust to her awakened state before she was pulled into an embrace, courtesy of Orihime.

"Oh Rukia, please stop scaring me like that. I thought I'd lose you to that thing again.'

"Thing? I don't really know what you mean, but.. I'm back. It's definitely me speaking." This caused for Orihime to hug her more tightly.

Ichigo smiled at the display.

"Guys we have a problem." Renji said.

"Yeah, somebody has to read." Ikkaku agreed.

"Any takers?" Byakuya asked.

"Why don't you do it Nelliel?" Nnoitra suggested rudely.

"If you'd ask more nicely than maybe I would."

"You read Ulquiorra." Grimmjow demanded.

"Since when were you my superior, I take no orders from you. I'm loyal only to lord Aizen."

"So if Aizen told you to jump off Las Noches half naked, would ya?" Nnoitra asked, half serious.

"I don't see why he'd want that, he is sophisticated unlike you."

"Enough." Nel said. "Can we pick someone already?"

Aizen placed a hand on her shoulder. "Thank you for that my dear."

Nel bowed timidly. "Y-You're welcome lord Aizen." She still wasn't sure what to do, but she settled on at least being polite to her former master.

She was pulled up by Ichigo. "You don't have to bow down to this douchebag Nel, so don't."

"As I have said before Kurosaki Ichigo, Nelliel here is one of my dear espada."

"No she isn't, so get off that already."

Rangiku sighed. "Someone of you have a one-track mind."

"I know how we can settle this!" Yachiru said.

"Whatever, not like anyone's going to volunteer, so I'm all ears." Renji replied.

Yachiru comfortably sat on Byakuya's shoulder and placed her head on his head (he had long since given up on trying to pry her off).

"I'm going to pick a number from 1-1,000 and whoever picks it has to read."

"I think you should pick a smaller number, or we could be here forever." Ulquiorra suggested.

"Okay fine then, I'll make it 1-30. Now we'll start with you baldy."

Ikkaku glared at her before responding. "Uh, is it 23?"

"Yes, it is! Wow are you psychic?"

"That's bull! How could I guess it right off the bat, you tryna mess with me?"

The others began towering above him (well, except Rukia).

"Too bad Ikkaku, you gotta read." Yumichika said.

"That's no fair. The damn kid is just messing with me." Ikkaku retorted.

"Tough titty, get your ass over there." Nnoitra said.

Ikkaku dragged himself towards the chair, muttering some swears along the way.

"For the sake of Rukia's sanity, I implore you to pick a decent one." Ukitake said.

"Did something happen to me?" Rukia asked.

"Nope, no, don't worry about it." Ichigo replied nervously, hopefully Rukia doesn't find out about her... dark side (for lack of a better word).

"Let's try this story out." Ikkaku called out. The group took their seating positions.

**Bleach of the Twilight**

"This title sounds dangerously close to the crap we just read." Uryuu said.

Rukia's eyes widenen. "No, I won't be able to handle another one."

Ichigo rushed to her side. "Easy Rukia, don't jump to any conclusions."

"Check if it's the same author." Hanataro added.

**By CrossoversRocks**

Renji blew a sigh of relief. "Phew, don't worry Rukia, the previous author was called ZombiesWithZanpaktous."

"That's a relief." Rukia replied.

**Summary: Hello there guys, this is my new account, since some jerks hacked my previous account.**

Nnoitra snickered.

**I specialize in crossover fics, especially with Bleach. My old username was called ZombiesWithZanpaktous.**

"NOOOO!" Rukia cried. "Say it isn't so!"

Ichigo facepalmed. "You have got to be kidding me, of all the authors we could've land on, THIS is the one we land on."

**Now we're going to do a crossover story with one of my favorite books. TWILIGHT!**

This time it was Uryuu who facepalmed. "Of all the books she could've picked, THIS is the one she picks."

Orihime pouted. "Well, I for one like this book Uryuu."

Uryuu sweatdropped. "N-No don't take it the wrong way Orihime. I didn't mean to offend you."

"What's wrong with it?" Grimmjow asked.

"Nothing is wrong with it." Orihime replied, with a slight bitterness in her tone.

"Seems like you're the only fan of this book woman." Ulquiorra said.

"Actually I am too." Rangiku added.

Renji chuckled next to Uryuu. "These two are known for having bad tastes in everything."

Uryuu chuckled to himself. "Tell me about it."

**Our stars will be Ichigo Orihime and Ulquiorra.**

Grimmjow started laughing. "Dahahah! Sucks to be you losers."

"Why do I have to be butchered, I've suffered enough already!" Ichigo shouted.

"What pitiful excuse for a story will I be in this time?" Ulquiorra said in his emotionless tone.

"I'm obviously Bella." Orihime stated. "I wonder who's Jacob and who's Edward?"

"Hopefully Edward is played by Ichigo." Rangiku whispered to her friend, causing Orihime to blush.

**Orihime walked to her school in Forks, a small town near the Washington Coast.**

**Orihime was the new girl who had just moved into the town. She's shy and self conscious about appearance. Orihime didn't really fit in or open up much.**

"Pussy." Nnoitra said, making majority in the room laugh.

Rangiku jabbed a finger to his chest. "How dare you, watch your tone."

"I'm just saying, the hell is she shy for, not like those punk ass humans are gonna eat her."

"You're stupidity is like no other Nnoitra." Nel added.

"What you say to me, you wanna fight," Nnoitra was already prepared for a battle, but Nel only ignored him.

**At Karakura High School she is befriended by several students on her first day.**

"Wait, if she's shy and doesn't open up, then how the hell does she already have a shit load of friends?" Starrk asked with a tired yawn.

"And on her first day too." Ikkaku added.

"This is what I meant before, it's such a horrible book; no offense to Orihime that is." Uryuu answered.

"I agree." Ichigo added.

"What's it about?" Shuhei asked.

"It revolves around a vampire and a wolf, that's about all I know from this crap." Uryuu explained.

"The hell is a vampire?" Nnoitra asked.

"It's a mythical being that is said to feed on the life essence of creatures, albeit it's mostly in the form of sucking blood out." Rukia explained.

"Sounds disgusting." Hanataro said.

"One can contract several diseases like that." Ulquiorra added.

"I think they're immune to stuff like that." Rukia replied.

Ukitake smiled proudly at his subordinate. "I see you have gathered quite an intellect over human world topics Rukia."

"Thank you captain Ukitake, I don't just slouch around doing nothing. That's Ichigo's job."

"Hey! I don't lazy around. That's Starrk's job."

"What you call lazying around, I call conserving energy." Starrk replied.

**The one who caught her attention though, was the mysterious quiet boy, Ulquiorra Cullen.**

Uryuu laughed. "I'm sorry but you could actually pass off as him."

"My surname is Cifer, not this Cullen nonsense that this author dare give me."

"Aww, I wanted Ichigo." Orihime mumbled.

"Woohoo, I'm not Edward!" Ichigo cheered, throwing a fist in the air. "Don't get me wrong both characters suck, but Jacob is what Toshiro would call the lesser of two evils."

"That's captain Hitsugaya to you!"

Rangiku suddenly realized her captain was still in the corner. "Oh my, captain come out of there. You're not in time-out anymore, but I hope you've learned your lesson."

Toshiro muttered his complaints to himself and made his way over to his previous spot.

**It was on one special day where her view on him changed. She was about to get in her car, when suddenly a car was speeding out of control.**

**Orihime had no time to escape and she closed her eyes in fear, but the crash never happened. She opened her eyes to find Ulquiorra blocking it with one hand.**

"Aww my hero." Grimmjow mocked. "You should've just let the van hit her. "

"It's clear that you lack a brain. What use would lord Aizen have for a dead woman?" Ulquiorra replied. "My actions always benefit lord Aizen."

Aizen nodded in response. "And I admire your strong loyalty Ulquiorra."

**Orihime was about to thank him, but he left very quickly.**

**She really wanted to know about him, so she decided to figure out through her old childhood friend Ichigo Black.**

"My name is NOT Ichigo Black! It's Kurosaki Ichigo, Ku-ro-sa-ki I-ch-go, geez get it right!"

**Orihime managed to get information out of him by flirting with him a little.**

"Slut." Grimmjow muttered.

**Eventually she figured out he was a vampire and unbeknown to her, that was when Ichigo got a crush on her.**

"Give my ass a break already." Ichigo grumbled.

**Most of the boys at her school had a crush on her, while it made some girls jealous.**

"Mary Sue Mary Sue! Kill it with fire!" Rukia shouted as she cowered behind her brother.

Uryuu placed a hand on his chin. "Now that I think about it, the character Bella does seem like these Mary Sues portrayed in Fanfiction."

**The next day Orihime approached Ulquiorra at school.**

**"How we're you able to get to me so fast?"**

**"I was standing next to you Orihime."**

**"No, you were by your car."**

**"You just won't let this go will you?"**

**"I'm not going to tell anybody, I just wanted to know the truth."**

Nnoitra yawned. "Boring! Where's the action?"

"If you're waiting for any sort of action then prepare to wait a while. This crap only focuses on boring romances and glorifying Bella's character to no end." Uryuu replied.

"There's more to it then that." Orihime retorted.

**Ulquiorra had incredible powers, such as super speed, strength, immortality, and could read anyone's mind. The only mind he couldn't read was Orihime's.**

"HUH?!" Shuhei said, clearly confused. "Did I miss something, why is it that she can't be read? I thought he could read anyone's mind."

"What did I say about glorifying her character, it's obvious the author of the book inserted herself onto her own story as Bella Swan."

"Bella Swan, really? That's as terrible as Emerald Gem Beauty." Renji said.

Ichigo grimaced. "Don't even remind me of that crappy ass story."

"Mary Sue, Mary Sue, Mary Sue." Rukia chanted to herself as she rocked herself slowly.

"I think Rukia's definitely the most traumatized one out of all of us." Nel said.

**Being a vampire, Ulquiorra had to drink blood to sustain himself. He usually drank from animals and never humans.**

"That's animal cruelty, can't you vampires just drink water?" Hanataro protested.

**He warned Orihime about befriending him, but she just wouldn't listen.**

**Slowly he fell in love with her.**

By now Grimmjow and Nnoitra were laughing, along with a couple others.

Aizen raised a brow in curiosity. "I had no idea you had taken a fancy to Orihime, Ulquiorra."

"I have no interest in this woman, my loyalties are strictly to you my lord."

**Ulquiorra soon introduced her to his family and everything was good. Unfortunately for them, a trio of nomadic vampires took in interest in Orihime.**

Ikkaku scoffed. "Because everyone just suddenly took an interest in this reserved girl, who supposedly doesn't want to open up yet is chased by everyone. She sounds horribly boring yet is the belle of the ball; is the only one immune to the mind reading ability, when no one else is. I can see why people dislike this bull, I can shit out a better story in seconds."

"Wow Ikkaku." Yumichika replied, amazed by his friend's speech. "That was a beautiful and well articulated speech."

"I completely agree with you Ikkaku." Uryuu said.

"Shut up already, and take your junk somewhere else." Rangiku snapped. "I like this book and so does Orihime."

"Yeah, keep all those negative comments to yourself." Orihime added.

**Ulquiorra vowed to protect Orihime with his life.**

"Nonsense, I never made such a vow."

**One day when he was out with her and his family, whom took a liking to her too,-**

"Why am I not surprised," Toshiro shook his head as he spoke.

"Mary Sue, Mary Sue." Rukia kept on chanting.

**when those enemies suddenly appeared.**

**"They're here." Orihime whispered.**

**"I'll protect you." Ulquiorra reassured.**

**That's it, hope you enjoyed this awesome story. Next chapter will include the battle scene and more of Ichigo.**

"That was the most lamest story ever!" Grimmjow said.

Ichigo kneeled down by a pained Rukia. "It's okay now Rukia, the horrible Mary Sue is gone."

"Is she really?" Rukia asked.

"Yeah, she won't get you."

Ikkaku jumped off the chair. "That was my turn, now someone else go."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**I don't necessarily hate Twilight, I just dislike Bella cuz let's face it, she's a huge Mary Sue. I find Twilight to have a pretty good plot, they just effed it up bad by inserting a Mary Sue.**

**On a side note, I really appreciate all the nice compliments you've all given me. You folks are some awesome reviewers.**


	28. Chapter 28

**Our next chapter is here my minions, let's get to it. This one is for **_ExpectoPatronum11_** who suggested more Byakuya stories and for **_Rainb0wNinja_** who wanted a ByakuyaXRenji story.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary**

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you I'm Not Starrk for being my 400th reviewer, *hands over a plate of cookies* take it. You've earned them.<strong>

* * *

><p>Chapter 28: Byakuya the Drunkard<p>

"It seems like the child is going to have to play her game again, since nobody wants to volunteer." Ulquiorra said.

"Gee I wonder why?" Rukia sarcastically said.

"Yay, I can pick another number," Yachiru cheered.

"No way!" Ikkaku interjected. "It has to be someone else, you'll only purposely pick me!"

"You're no fun baldy, not like my Byakushi," Yachiru hugged Byakuya for emphasis. It was pretty amusing how Byakuya kept his usual calm look through it all.

Renji grinned evilly. "I could do it."

"Screw you, you just want to do it so you can torture us espada." Grimmjow retorted.

"It's obvious you'll be biased against us." Nnoitra added.

"And you wouldn't be biased against us?" Yumichika snapped.

"Nelliel, I think you should be the one who picks a number." Aizen suggested.

"Me?" Nel said.

"HER?" Nnoitra spat.

Aizen sent Nnoitra a slightly annoyed look. "Yes, her. Nelliel is a compassionate espada, she would not pull anything on anybody," a pause so Aizen could send Nnoitra another annoyed look. "So I think she should be the one who does it."

Nel was flattered. "If you really feel like that, I can do it, lord Aizen."

Aizen smirked at how she called him 'lord Aizen'. He'd take her back with him to Hueco Mundo and she'd replace one of the other espada (maybe Szayel since Grimmjow kept suggesting it) and it'd be that much easier to accomplish his plans.

"The problem is solved then." Byakuya said.

"Seems like it." Ukitake replied.

"Pick a number then." Nnoitra ordered in an irritated way.

"Be patient, I'm thinking." Nel retorted.

"Well think faster!"

"Quit rushing her," Ichigo defended. "You're only making it worse."

"Okay, I got it." Nel said. "We'll start from where Yachiru left off, since Ikkaku already read he doesn't have to pick."

"Oh God, thanks Nel!" Ikkaku shouted in relief.

Nel gave him a smile before turning to Renji. "It looks like it's your Renji. Choose a number between 1-30."

Renji gulped. "Is it 8?"

"Luckily it isn't, Grimmjow it's your turn."

"Tell me it's not 13."

Nel chuckled. "It's not 13, Grimmjow."

Grimmjow almost cried of happiness, but he settled on hugging her. "I'm forever indebted to you. I tell you, once Szayel's ass gets replaced I'll be in your debt." He knew he was acting out of character right now (which was weird for him) but that's what Fanfiction dot net has done to him.

"I uh, will hold you to that then." Nel awkwardly replied.

Aizen coughed to get their attention. "I have said before that espada PDA was prohibited in my presence or on the job."

"Yeah Grimmjow, I mean Nelliel? Ew." Nnoitra cringed as he spoke.

Nelliel wouldn't give in to his childish behavior, unfortunately Grimmjow wasn't as submitting.

"Jealous cos' I stole your woman, eh Nnoitra?"

"As if bastard! If she were my woman then she'd never leave my side."

"Oh, so you're saying she 'isn't' your woman, haha I expected as much." Grimmjow said, insulting Nnoitra's pride.

"I can have her anytime I want, I just don't want her!"

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here!" Nel said, losing her patience with them.

"You two are beyond immature." Ulquiorra added. "You should follow my example, or at the very least you could sleep off your anger like Starrk does."

"I'm awake you know."

"Continue my dear." Aizen said.

"Right," Nel twitched as she faced the next person in line. "Nnoitra, it's your turn."

"Okay, I'm picking 5. Now hurry up and tell me I'm wrong bitch."

Nel glared daggers at him, he just had to pick the wrong number. "You're-..." She trailed off, wait. She knew this was underhanded, but for once she'd humor him. "Right. It was 5." It was actually 3, but they didn't need to know that.

"NOOO! Tell me you're lying!"

"I'm not."

Kon started laughing. "Haha, you're girlfriend just sold you out!"

Nnoitra stomped on the plushy. "She is NOT my girlfriend!"

"I guess you're not use to it yet." Ichigo said and he beckoned Rukia. "My character has been said to love Rukia like a hundred times, not to mention in real life it's no different; I'm getting use it."

"Likewise." Rukia added.

Nnoitra angrily walked over to the chair and sat down, muttering how he doesn't like Nel.

Aizen tossed the haori on Nel back to Byakuya and instead placed his arrancar jacket over her. This was him telling these Soul Reapers that she belonged to him.

Ichigo frowned, but decided to let it slide.

"I got one." Nnoitra said.

**Byakuya's Life**

Byakuya deadpanned.

"Nii-sama's life isn't anyone's business." Rukia snapped, speaking for Byakuya. "Nobody wants to see this."

"Speak for yourself Rukia." Renji said.

"I agree with Abarai, I'm quite interested in hearing this." Aizen added.

**By SosukeAizen**

Everyone stopped whatever they were doing and stared at Aizen.

"I knew it!" Rukia shouted, pointing an accusing finger at Aizen. "You created this Fanfiction dot net in order to make us lose our sanity!"

The group dropped down anime style.

"I highly doubt that Rukia, although it's a good theory, but this site also has stories on his espada. I don't think he'd want to make his own underlings lose their sanity." Ukitake explained.

Rukia blushed, embarrassed by her outburst. "I see, my apologies."

"Wait up," Ichigo cut in. "You're name is Sosuke?"

Now the stares were directed at Ichigo, although instead of shock, these stares mirrored an 'are you serious' look.

"Please tell me you're not seriously asking that Kurosaki." Toshiro said.

"Hey, it's not my fault you all always call him Aizen."

**Summary: The story will be about Byakuya-**

"Nooo really?" Ikkaku sarcastically said.

**and his new life. Takes place after Ichigo saves Rukia.**

"Oh yeah, thanks for that Ichigo."

"No problem."

**Byakuya has been feeling lonely and depressed lately. He drowns out his sorrows on the bar, but someone special will change his life forever.**

Byakuya twitched, but said nothing.

Grimmjow chuckled. "This I gotta see."

"How dare they, Nii-sama isn't a drunk!"

"The story thinks otherwise." Uryuu joked, he hadn't been saying his new catchphrase lately.

**It was another day in Byakuya's life. Another routine in his pathetic life.**

Ichigo was on the floor laughing. "Rangiku was right, it IS funny when it isn't directed at you."

Renji was sniggering to himself.

"Don't laugh at Nii-sama like that."

"We can't help it." Ikkaku replied through laughs.

**He swung his legs off the bed and loads of sake bottles fell off his stomach.**

"My goodness captain Kuchiki, you should see someone about your addiction." Ukitake said.

"I do not have an addiction problem." Byakuya replied slightly irritated.

"The funny thing is that it should be Rangiku." Yumichika said.

"Shut it." Rangiku retorted.

**Byakuya had been feeling miserable ever since the whole Aizen incident, and to top it off Rukia had left with that Kurosaki brat.**

"You probably scared her off with your drunk attitude." Grimmjow joked.

"I bet." Ichigo added.

"Actually I stayed with Nii-sama after the fight with Aizen, I didn't go back with Ichigo." Rukia stated. "This stupid author should get their facts correct."

**His room was a mess, but not as much as him. He had been depressed when the realization of not doing anything for Rukia hit him.**

Byakuya narrowed his eyes.

**It was true, he hadn't done anything and instead was battling Kurosaki like a moron.**

Ichigo grinned. "Yeah, that's one way to put it."

"Why is this dumbass author only mentioning Ichigo, we ALL pitched in to rescue Rukia." Renji barked.

"Ichigo shouldn't be taking the credit when it was a team effort." Uryuu said.

"It's true, I tried to rescue Rukia too." Hanataro added. "So did Chad, Yoruichi, Orihime, and Ganju too."

"Hey, I helped too." Ukitake said, slightly offended that he wasn't mentioned.

"Hey I'm not taking credit for anything." Ichigo said. "I'm just being credited, it's different."

**Byakuya was in reality a loser.**

Byakuya was quickly losing his patience with this stupidity.

"Is this like an anti-captain Kuchiki or something, cos' I thought it was centered on him." Shuhei said.

"I'm starting to think that Aizen did write this." Kon said.

"You know," Rangiku started. "If an author is planning to bash a character they should place that somewhere in their summary, so it's not misleading."

"I couldn't agree more." Yumichika said.

"It also wouldn't kill them to write 'warning my story sucks' on their summary either." Nnoitra added.

**Without another thought he left his mansion and headed to the bar in the Rukon. To his relief, it wasn't a busy night. The bar was more or less empty, only about three other people inside.**

**He would always leave his captain haori at his mansion; he enjoyed the secrecy it gave him. Not one person would recognize him.**

"Hopefully there's a bar fight, or anything to make this emo story interesting." Grimmjow said.

"This was probably written by Ulquiorra." Nnoitra joked, making the group chuckle.

Ulquiorra simply ignored them.

**"Captain Kuchiki is that you?!" A familiar voice called out. Just his luck.**

"Careful guys," Renji warned. "Here's the part where one of us might join in."

They all tensed up.

**With a groan he turned around.**

**"Not surprising to see you here Matsumoto."**

"Damn it, damn it, damn it!" Rangiku yelled as she banged her head on the wall.

"Don't worry Rangiku, it'll go away soon. I promise, so stop." Orihime said, trying to console her friend.

"Good, it's not me." Ikkaku muttered.

"It doesn't surprise me that you'd be drinking instead of working Matsumoto." Toshiro said.

**"Well, it's surprising to see you here. Why are you here?"**

**"Surely it's obvious."**

**"You know that's not what I meant."**

"Did we not read a story like this already, damn it all." Rangiku snapped.

**"I don't owe you an explanation."**

**Rangiku shrugged and didn't ask him anymore. They just drank in silence. It was only after about a few moments that he spoke. "It's about Rukia."**

Rukia paled and could feel herself getting nauseas. She prayed that this wasn't THAT kind of story.

Byakuya's hand was already on his Senbonzakura, ready to slice down the computer if it said the wrong words.

**"What about her?"**

**"It's lonely without her." Byakuya truly missed his sister. He wished he hadn't treated her so bad, then maybe she would've felt comfortable in his house, and wouldn't have left to the human world.**

"Aww, Nii-sama." Rukia cooed.

Byakuya dropped his hand away from his sword.

**Rangiku eyed him from the corner of her eye. He really did look like a mess. "Next drink is on me."**

"Why do you buy free drinks for Captain Kuchiki, but when we go out I'm the one who ends up paying for everything." Shuhei said.

Rangiku gave him a wink. "It's because you're the only one I can depend on."

"Really?" Shuhei asked, completely in cloud nine.

"Really." Rangiku said, making Shuhei grin. He'd fallen for it yet again.

"Idiot." Toshiro mumbled.

**Hours later they exited the bar. Rangiku was helping him walk, since she was use to being drunk this was nothing for her.**

Yumichika scoffed. "Hah, I'm not surprised."

"Quiet you."

**She managed to get him over to his squad barracks and luckily Renji was there.**

"Fuck!"

**"Whoa, what're you doing with my captain?"**

**"We uh, went out for a drink and he almost passed out." Rangiku said. "What're you doing here so late?"**

**"I had some damn work to make up." Renji groaned. "I'm done now, so I could take it from here."**

"I'd rather you just let me pass out." Byakuya said, making the group laugh, even though that wasn't his intention.

**"Thanks Renji." Rangiku handed a semi-conscious Byakuya to him. "See ya."**

**"Take me home Renji." Byakuya mumbled in his drunken state.**

**"As you command." Renji carried him up bridal style-**

"AHAHAHA!"

Renji buried his head in his hands as the room exploded into laughter.

Nnoitra fell off the chair laughing. "Haha oh damn, I'd rather carry Nelliel."

Byakuya had never been so disgusted in his entire life.

**and headed to his mansion. He'd been here before so he was able to maneuver himself towards Byakuya's room.**

**He placed him gently down on the bed and was about to leave, but Byakuya grabbed his sleeve.**

**"What's wrong captain, ya' need something?"**

By now everyone had an idea on where this was heading to, but didn't want to admit it.

**Byakuya's mind was to clouded to process what was going on. "Stay." He pulled Renji down on the bed-**

Nnoitra jolted away from the chair as if it were poison. "No, I'm not reading that!"

"I won't hold it against you." Byakuya said.

"Me neither!" Renji added.

"Too bad, you picked it already. You're ass has to finish it, all of us did it!" Grimmjow barked. He realized it was in his DNA to lash out at anyone who didn't finish reading the story they chose.

"I'll get you for this." Nnoitra growled. If he was planning on staying a comrade to Grimmjow before, now all he wanted to do was turn on him.

**and held him. Renji was shocked. His captain would never do this. It then sunk in, he was drunk right now and not in his right mind.**

**"I need you Renji."**

Bare in mind that as Nnoitra read he kept gagging through every sentence**.**

**"C-captain?" Renji couldn't take advantage of his captain in his drunken state. Even though he really wanted this.**

"This is bull man!" Renji shouted. "Thanks for giving us a warning first, bitch."

"No kidding, this is disgusting." Grimmjow said.

"And forbidden." Rangiku added.

Ichigo snorted. "Trust me Rangiku, I think Byakuya knows he's breaking the rules."

"My 'character' is breaking the rules, Kurosaki Ichigo." Byakuya replied with a deadly tone to his voice. "I assure you that the real me would 'never' do that."

**Renji felt Byakuya tighten his hold on him. This wasn't helping his situation. It was making him lose control and he couldn't stop himself anymore.**

"What's wrong with this stupid ass author?!" Renji was fuming like crazy.

Aizen was amused to see his ex co-workers in such a frustrated state. He just didn't like that his name was being used to write such filth.

**He pushed Byakuya down on the bed and trailed kisses along his collarbone.**

"Damn it I can't do it!" Nnoitra shouted. "It's to much for me."

Grimmjow almost felt sorry for him, but if he wasn't allowed to stop reading then Nnoitra won't either. "Tough shit, continue."

Nnoitra slammed his head down on the keyboard, causing the keyboard to make a beep noise.

**He enjoyed the moaning sounds Byakuya was making. **

For once Byakuya was feeling sick to his stomach. He could feel the food he had eaten in the Soul Society threatening to fall out.

**"Oohh Renji." Byakuya moaned.**

Ichigo stuck his head out the makeshift window Orihime had made. "God I need air." This was to much for his stomach to handle.

"I think I'm going to be sick." Ikkaku said.

"You?! Imagine how I'm feeling!" Renji retorted.

**Renji was on fire. This was turning him on.**

"This is some dirty junk you've written Aizen. I didn't know you swung that way." Uryuu joked.

"I didn't write this." Aizen replied. "And I do not 'swing' that way." He may be dead set on having world domination, but that didn't mean he didn't have a personal life.

"I can't tell if a guy wrote this or a girl." Starrk said.

"With a username like Sosuke Aizen you'd think it's a guy, but when you read the fanfiction you'd say it's a girl." Nel replied.

Grimmjow laughed. "Let's just say it's a transvestite. I mean since we can't decide the gender."

Another laughing outburst occurred.

**He knew once Byakuya got to his senses he'd kill him, but right now he didn't care.**

**An: That'll be it for this chapter. I'm such a tease I know that 3**

Nnoitra shoved past everyone and puked out the puke he had been holding out the window. He was panting hard. "Please," shit got serious if Nnoitra was pleading. "Don't make me read again Nelliel, at least for a while."

Nelliel hadn't meant to hurt him that much. "I won't."

The others panicked as Nel faced them. "Let's find out who'll read now."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**Yes people, Nnoitra has been scarred. He'll have nightmares forever. This is why he turns on Grimmjow, because Grimmjow made him read Fanfiction.**


	29. Chapter 29

**Time for the next installment of my Fanfic story. I think I'm going to take this story up to 40 chapters and I already have something in mind for the last five chapters.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary **

* * *

><p><strong>Who would you like as our next guests:<strong>

**1.) Kisuke and Yoruichi**

**2.) Shinji and Hiyori**

**3.) Gin and Szayel**

**4.) Kira and Hinamori**

**And guys you can PM for any thing you have in mind. Don't be shy, we're all friends here. Since I can't always reply to your reviews.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 29: A Good Story (Yes I mean it)<p>

Nnoitra crawled over to the emo corner and huddled in a ball. "No more, no more..."

"Uh... is he gonna be okay?" Ichigo asked.

"I'm sure spoon head will be fine." Yachiru replied.

"You oughta be worried about me, damn it!" Renji barked. "I'm the traumatized one here!"

"And you're assuming Nii-sama wasn't affected by that junk of a story." Rukia countered.

Ikkaku studied Byakuya's calm face. "Hmm.. he looks fine to me."

Poor Ikkaku didn't know how wrong he was. Byakuya was always shown to be apathetic, but that didn't mean he wasn't suffering on the inside.

"Let's just get this over with already." Yumichika suggested.

"Oh right that's my cue," Nel rubbed her head sheepishly. "It's time for-"

"Hang on," Renji cut in. "It seems unfair that Nel is the one who picks a number, she's dodging the bullet."

"Yeah that's true." Shuhei added. "At this rate she'll never read."

Nel sighed. "Someone could take my place. How about you lord Aizen, I mean it was your idea to use me, so I'll return the favor."

Aizen smiled. "How kind of you my dear, if you insist on it then so be it."

"Great." Shuhei muttered.

"Well pick," Ichigo rushed rudely.

"And you better be honest too." Rukia added.

"Rest assured Rukia, I can see through deception. I'll make sure he's honest." Ukitake said.

"Then his betrayal should of been anticipated from the beginning." Ichigo replied smugly.

Rukia kicked his leg. "Oh shut up mr. Perfect."

"Ow..." Ichigo grumbled. "That hurt."

"I'll take over then." Aizen said. "But before I start, how about some tea?"

"Come to think of it, I am pretty thirsty." Shuhei added.

"Me too." Uryuu said.

" I'm also thirsty." Orihime replied. "Ichigo, if you don't mind, can you get us something to drink?"

"You're kidding me, that's like twenty cups." Ichigo said. "You expect me to bring drinks for all of you?!"

"We're your guests." Byakuya replied.

"No you're not, you crashed over here without my consent. Besides, I don't have enough for all of you."

Hanataro timidly raised his hand. "Uh, well would you mind buying some stuff from the convenience store."

"Yay, I want candy Ichi!" Yachiru said.

"And I want some sake." Rangiku added.

"They won't sell alcohol to minors you idiot." Ichigo snapped. "There's no damn way I'm going to the store for you guys."

"That's messed up, here I thought we were friends." Renji said. "I guess you're that type of person Ichigo."

"So much for friendship." Ikkaku added.

"Hold on, I just..." Ichigo trailed off, feeling slightly guilty now. "Damn it all, fine." He began pushing his furniture out the way.

"Yay, Ichi you're the best- no wait second best, Byakushi is the best."

"Hey Rukia, since you're in your gigai you mind coming with me?"

"Not at all, I'll go."

Orihime crossed her arms in a huff. "I can go with you Ichigo."

Ichigo gave her a smile. "Nah, don't worry about it. You've done enough for me by fixing my window, so just sit tight." Orihime was a sweet friend to him, he wouldn't trouble her anymore.

Rangiku sighed at how Ichigo could be so oblivious.

(At the store)

"I can't believe I'm wasting my hard earned money on you guys." Ichigo complained as Rukia loaded their cart with drinks and all sorts of snacks.

"So now your loyal comrades are wastes, huh Ichigo?" Rukia sent him a death glare.

"Just shut up already, I meant the espada and Aizen. Anyway, are you finished yet?"

"Yeah, let's pay it up." Rukia said.

"This day sure has gotten out of hand right?" Ichigo asked as the cashier placed their stuff in bags.

"Yeah, how weird that what began with you showing me the internet escalated into having our enemies as guests."

"And now we're even buying snacks and drinks for them too." Ichigo joked.

Rukia chuckled. "Yeah I mean you'd think we were friends with them or something."

"Some Fanfiction stories think so."

The two broke out laughing.

Once they paid they headed back into the room, laughing along the way.

"We're back." Ichigo said. "Have you picked a reader yet?"

Kon angrily raised his paw. "Yeah they did."

"Haha you have to read." Rangiku taunted.

"God damn it, now I have to get out of my body again." Ichigo grumbled.

"Yummy, candy," Yachiru began shoveling through the bags. "Yay!"

"Ichigo and I brought enough for everyone."

"Hey, I want some." Grimmjow demanded.

"Don't get your hollow hole all in and out, there's enough for everyone." Ichigo replied.

Toshiro and Byakuya were the only ones not eating, due to their dislike of sweets.

Kon, who was now in Ichigo's body, went to search for a story in the meantime.

Nel approached a still frightened Nnoitra with some candy. "Here Nnoitra, try some candy." She didn't mean for her prank to go to far, this was why she never stooped to Nnoitra's level.

"Mustn't read Fanfiction- crazy people." Nnoitra muttered. He grabbed onto Nel's shoulders and stared directly at her eyes. "We must kill Fanfiction Nelliel, you and me; we could do it."

Nel didn't even recognize this Nnoitra anymore and as sad as it sounded, she wanted the old Nnoitra back. "Relax, you aren't yourself."

Nnoitra collapsed on her and continued his rant to himself. Nel sadly smiled and carefully leaned him on the wall. "Try to take it easy."

"Hey Nel, we found one." Ichigo called out.

Nel took one last glance at Nnoitra before walking over to the group.

Kon inhaled and exhaled, preparing himself to put his sanity at stake.

**Reflections Over Time**

"Now that's a nice title." Uryuu said.

"You should know not to get your hopes up." Yumichika replied.

"Yeah, have you learned nothing?" Ikkaku added, as he stuffed his mouth with chips.

**By MonstersInOurClosets**

"Cool username." Renji said.

"It could almost be taken as a metaphorical statement." Shuhei replied.

"I agree." Ukitake added.

"I still say it'll suck." Rangiku said. "They always do and this one won't be any different.'

**Summary: This will be a drabble-**

Kon stopped and turned to the group. "Do you guys know what's a drabble?"

Grimmjow shrugged. "Beats me."

"Your guess is as good as mines." Toshiro added.

**story about stuff that's been going on in Bleach. It'll be from Ichigo's point of view.**

"Freaking hell, the torment just won't stop."

**Lol hopefully I don't get sued by Tite Kubo.**

"Who?" The whole room questioned.

**This is Ichigo's thoughts from after the fight with Ulquiorra.**

"That means I whoop your ass."

"Do not kid yourself, you're a million years away from being any match for me."

**I have to be strong, I can't show fear. I was given these powers to protect. I'll protect everyone no matter what!**

Ichigo cocked his head to the side in confusion. He was expecting to get butchered as soon as the story they had started. Hopefully the damage isn't that bad.

**He rushed alongside Unohana as they headed into Karakura. Now that he had beaten Ulquiorra-**

"Impossible!" Ulquiorra shouted, that sentence had taken him by surprise.

"Score one for us." Ikkaku joked.

"I told you I'd win." Ichigo said with confidence.

**and saved Orihime-**

"Ichigo you saved me." Orihime said.

"Of course I did, you didn't think I'd just leave you there," Ichigo would never abandon any of his friends. "I'd do it again too."

"You're so reliable Ichigo."

**he had to return.**

**I didn't want to leave Rukia, but she's always so stubborn. **

"That's my line." Rukia said.

**Hopefully Byakuya and Kenpachi could beat Yammy. Who would've thought he was espada number zero.**

"WHAT?! I thought he was ten." Ichigo said.

"He is," Aizen kept his cool, but on the inside he was screaming. How did these people know about Yammy? "Surely you don't believe this Fanfiction, after all you were the ones who told me about its many lies."

"True enough." Renji replied. "Next thing you know it'll say Aizen actually wins." His comment made his friends snicker.

Aizen felt his nerves cool down when the others brushed off the topic.

**Now I must stop Aizen once and for all! **

Kon suddenly stopped reading and stared at the computer in surprise.

"What's wrong?" Ukitake asked.

Just at that moment Nnoitra began stirring from his mental breakdown. "Shit, my head hurts."

Nel was washed with relief. "Nnoitra you're awake!" Her childish nature took over and she embraced the tall espada. "I thought you had lost it."

"Ew, hands off." Nnoitra replied as he tried to pry her off.

"You won't believe it, we actually found a decent story." Grimmjow said.

Nnoitra froze in his tracks. "Really?"

"He's right." Starrk added. "It's not as shitty as the other stories we've read."

"I gotta see it." Nnoitra said and he rushed by the computer. He nudged Kon. "Go on, read."

Kon scrolled down in an attempt to find more of the story, but it was a futile attempt. There was no more of the story. He didn't know what to do.

"Kon continue already." Ichigo demanded, getting annoyed by Kon's wait.

"Yeah, are you going to read or not?" Rukia added impatiently.

"That's it." Kon replied.

"Huh?" Rangiku said.

"That's it." Kon repeated. "That's all there is to this story."

"It can't be." Ichigo muttered. He took the mouse from Kon and began reading over the story to himself. It turned out Kon was right, the story was done.

"Well, is there more?" Hanataro asked.

Ichigo was to much in shock to respond. His hands were beginning to tremble.

"Ichigo are you okay?" Orihime asked.

"That really is it." Ichigo mumbled, his voice sounding hoarse as if he had yelled for hours. Ichigo just couldn't believe it, no, he refused to believe it. Finally they had found one that sounded not to bad, and yet...

"Great, we finally find a decent Fanfiction and it turns out to be shorter than Yachiru." Uryuu said, oblivious to Ichigo's inner turmoil.

"This is such shit." Nnoitra added. "I went and got my fucking hopes up for nothing."

Ichigo suddenly bent down and clutched his orange hair. "Damn it, damn it, damn it."

"Ichigo, hey what's wrong?" Renji asked with concern.

Ichigo seemed to be battling with himself as he continued thrashing about. "No, I can't give in to this!"

Rukia approached Ichigo. "What's going on? What's happening-" Rukia was cut off and pushed back by a large spiritual pressure. A dark spiritual pressure that didn't resemble Ichigo at all, it seemed evil-like.

A dark aura engulfed Ichigo. "I can't control it!" When it disappeared Ichigo had transformed. Much to his friends horror, he was now donning a hollow mask.

"W-Who are you?" Hanataro stuttered.

"Who am I? I have no name!"

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><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**Yeah peeps, hollow Ichigo is in the house! If only Ichigo knew that drabbles were short stories, than maybe this could've been prevented. Poor Ichigo was holding in his anger and this just set him off.**

**Don't forget to vote on the next (and probably the final) guests of honor.**

**On a side note, I think maybe I will take this up to 40 chapters. Like that I can take up some more requests from you guys :)**


	30. Chapter 30

**Okay people, I'm back at it again. Thanks for putting me on your author alerts. Expect more stories from me in the future. Anyway, it's time to announce the next guest. Our reviewers have spoken and the most votes went to...**

***Drum roll plays***

_Urahara and Yoruichi!_

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary **

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><p><strong>Just a reminder guys, Ichigo's room has been completely cleared out. There is absolutely no furniture inside.<strong>

**This idea came from **_TerminatorPunk_**. Make sure to leave a signature in your review if you don't have an account, so I can properly credit you for your ideas.**

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><p>Chapter 30: Aizen and Orihime's Kid<p>

Byakuya tensed when he saw the familiar face as before. Unlike most in the room, this wasn't his first time seeing this thing.

"What have you done with Ichigo?" Uryuu asked with a sharp tone.

"Let's just say the king is taking a break." Hollow Ichigo replied.

"Don't you dare hurt Ichigo." Orihime snapped.

"Why would I wanna do that, as much as I despise it, me and him are connected. We're one in the same."

"Ichigo is nothing like you, give him back!" Rukia barked.

"Sorry, I don't take orders from you, half-pint. I'm going to enjoy my time here."

"What the hell are you?" Shuhei asked.

"Now that's a stupid question, why ask that? I am who I am. It's as simple as that."

"Release Ichigo already." Rukia angrily said.

"You don't give up do you, I told you that I'm calling the shots now."

Ukitake frowned. "What could you possibly want to do here?"

Hollow Ichigo pointed to the screen. "That."

"HUUHH?!" The group all said in disbelief.

"I can see everything Ichigo has been seeing and I know that's been the source of Ichigo's pain."

"Are you saying that you want to help Ichigo?" Ikkaku said.

"Get real, you may not now this but when Ichigo is feeling pissy, then it rains like shit in my world. I have to take over, since Ichigo is weak."

"Shut up and give Ichigo back." Rukia retorted.

Grimmjow pulled Rukia to the back. "Just let this freaking nutcase do what he wants."

"Maybe you can leave your comrades to suffer, but I can't."

"Listen, if you get Ichigo out he'll only suffer more. I sure as hell don't want to read, so I have no problem if this guy volunteers."

"I suppose, maybe if he suffers enough then he'll bring Ichigo out."

"See, now you're using your head."

Rukia returned back to her spot. "Fine, let him do as he pleases."

Hollow Ichigo grinned. "I thought you'd see it my way."

Nel eyed the new Ichigo. This wasn't the Ichigo she knew, it seemed like a whole new person.

"You don't have to worry about his well-being Nelliel." Aizen said, noticing her worried gaze.

"I can't help it, Ichigo is my friend."

Aizen frowned, she had grown to attached to these people. Taking her back might be a little harder then he had anticipated.

Starrk yawned from the bed, being the only one who was unmoved by the events that had just occurred. "Can this, whoever-the-hell he is guy, read already?"

Nnoitra folded his arms behind him. "Yeah go, after all you wanted to try it out."

"Since you were able to see what Ichigo saw, then you should know how it works." Rangiku stated.

"You're right, I do know." Hollow Ichigo replied and he sat himself on the chair.

"It's amusing that someone is actually volunteering." Ulquiorra said.

"I'm not stopping him." Grimmjow replied.

"I want Ichigo back." Orihime murmured.

"He'll pull through Inoue, I know it." Rukia reassured.

Shuhei turned to Renji. "I feel horrible for saying this, but at least we don't have to read."

"I agree, just don't let Rukia hear you or she'll flip."

Nnoitra sat himself on the edge of the bed, after all he had read he was relieved that someone had volunteered. He scowled when Nel sat next to him. "What do you want?"

"I only wanted to apologize, or are you to childish to accept an apology?"

Nnoitra crossed his arms and faced away. "I could care less about your apology. I'm a man Nelliel; nothing could kill me, not even Fanfiction. You don't have to freaking worry about me."

"Good, I don't feel guilty anymore." Nel gave him a smug look, one he'd never seen before. It almost felt like she was hiding something, and then she spoke: "Especially since I did that on purpose."

Nnoitra's mouth went agape. "W-What?" Had she actually done mischief? Wow, she got him good. He rose to his feet. "Damn you Nel-"

"Found one," Hollow Ichigo cut in.

**Future King and Queen**

Hollow Ichigo grinned. "This must be about me and how I dethrone Ichigo."

"Ichigo would never lose to you!" Rukia countered. "So dream on."

"I don't care who it is, so long as it isn't me." Renji added.

"I agree." Yumichika said.

**By GirlThatLovesVillians**

"What planet are you living on, dumb bitch." Ikkaku said. "Villains are the bad guys."

"She must live on the stupid planet." Rangiku replied.

**Summary: The world has been taken over by Aizen-**

"Wooo! We won bitches!" Grimmjow cheered.

"You'd only win in the Fanfiction world." Byakuya said. "Never in reality."

"I beg to differ." Aizen replied.

"Tch, guess it isn't about me." Hollow Ichigo muttered.

**as they took victory against the Soul Society. He made sure to leave Orihime alive, since he was interested in her.**

Aizen narrowed his eyes. Surely they didn't mean what he was thinking, or it could be a typo.

"Now this is interesting." Uryuu said. "You left Orihime alive."

"Actually it sounds weird." Hanataro replied.

"There's most likely an explanation for this." Ulquiorra added.

**Hueco Mundo was no longer where Aizen was situated at. His throne chair laid in his new castle, at the center of Karakura town.**

**After the war had ended he had gotten everything he wanted. There were no more Soul Reapers.**

Renji frowned. "As if you'd really beat us."

Grimmjow smirked. "Apparently the story thinks otherwise."

"That only works for me." Uryuu replied, annoyed that someone else used his catchphrase.

**That pathetic substitute Soul Reaper was also gone too.**

Hollow Ichigo shook his head. "Typical, that Ichigo is useless without me. I have to hold his hand for everything."

"Ichigo doesn't need you for anything." Rukia retorted.

"Hey, I bet I didn't die." Uryuu said. "I haven't been mentioned after all."

**The weak Quincy was also disposed off.**

Uryuu sighed. "I stand corrected."

"I told you before not to voice your thoughts. It always backfires." Ukitake said.

**This victory didn't come so easily, some of his soldiers were lost in battle.**

The espada in the room tensed.

**Majority of all his espada died. Such as-**

The espada were now holding their breaths.

**Szayel,-**

"Yes!" Grimmjow cried, much to Aizen's confusion.

**Aaroniero, Zommari, Yammy, Nnoitra-**

"Fuck whoever killed me!" Nnoitra snapped.

**Barragan, Starrk-**

"Fuck me." Starrk muttered**.**

**and most importantly Ulquiorra.**

"Impossible." Ulquiorra said.

"Wait, most importantly?" Nnoitra questioned angrily. "So I don't count as important?!"

"Wait, I don't die!?" Grimmjow added. "I knew nobody could've defeated me."

"Looks like Halibel didn't bite the dust either." Starrk said. "The hell makes you two so special anyways?"

"When your numbers up your numbers up, no pun intended." Grimmjow replied.

"You're only saying that shit cos' your ass didn't die." Nnoitra retorted.

**Oh well, Aizen didn't care at all, it was a small price to pay for his victory.**

The espada all shot a rather unfriendly look at Aizen.

That line was actually close to the truth, but his espada didn't need to know that, so he gave them a smile. "My dear espada, surely you don't believe this nonsense."

"Honestly though, you guys are all retards to even work under this guy." Ikkaku said.

"Keep out of this." Aizen replied.

**The problem now was the life after the war. Everything had been going well ever since his victory, especially with his new wife Orihime.**

"HUUHH?!" Orihime said.

Aizen was also taken aback by this.

"You monster!" Rukia snapped.

Renji glared at Aizen, hand on his sword. "If you touch her you're a dead man."

"Now I seriously want to take you out." Rangiku said.

"I thought Ulquiorra liked Orihime." Nel said.

Ulquiorra twitched. "I don't."

**He was glad when she agreed to marry him.**

"I'd never agree to that, especially since you hurt my friends." Orihime angrily said.

Aizen was getting pissed by the second, to the point where he wanted to flat out tell her she was useless to his plans.

"Wow, that must've been a disastrous wedding. I'm interested to see who went, since everyone is dead." Yumichika said.

"It was probably just Grimmjow and Halibel." Nnoitra replied.

"And some hollows too." Kon joked.

"Hmm... did I die too?" Nel asked.

**Then things took a turn for the worse. She was never home anymore. How could she, they had TWO kids already.**

"You sick bastard, how dare you?" Renji barked, standing in front of Orihime.

Aizen gave him a cold look. "It's not true."

"It better not be true!" Rukia added, also standing protectively in front of Orihime.

**His son Tim Aizen-**

"Wow, the author must have put a lot of effort in naming him." Toshiro said sarcastically.

**and Tina Aizen were everything to him.**

Aizen clenched his fists. Now he was beginning to understand why his espada and everyone else despised these stories.

**They seemed unimportant to Orihime though. All she did was go out and shop.**

"Shop for what, everyone is dead." Shuhei said.

Rangiku chuckled. "I know, what a ridiculous author."

**His son took after him a lot,-**

"Is that good?" Hanataro said, making most of them chuckle.

**strong and smart. His daughter took after Orihime. She was outgoing, nice, and super beautiful; able to get any boy she wanted.**

Rukia began shaking Orihime's shoulders. "Oh no, this is horrible! You're daughter is going to be a Mary Sue!"

"Rukia..." Everyone groaned.

**It's too bad he did everything. It stressed him like crazy, so much that it turned him into a lazy drunk. **

"Hah." Nnoitra laughed.

"This is so out of character. How is Orihime the good-for-nothing character, it'd make more sense if it were Aizen." Ukitake stated.

"I guess anyone can be an author nowadays." Yumichika replied.

**After several hours, Orihime finally arrived. She had several bags as usual.**

"Really though, I'm no shopaholic." Orihime said, annoyed by her depiction. "Oh, unless it's for food, I make a great vegetable soup with honey. Yummy."

"Sounds delicious." Rangiku replied.

The others gagged

**"I'm home!" **

**"Mom!" The children ran up to her and hugged her.**

**Aizen wasn't so happy though, he slammed his fist down on his throne. ****"Where's my beer woman!****"**

"I'm... not like that." Aizen murmured, clenching his fists even more.

Hollow Ichigo paused to let some laughs out.

**Orihime tossed her bags angrily. "All you ever think about is beer! Beer this, beer that, it's never me!" The children scrambled away.**

**"Maybe if you had a heart-**

Renji began choking on his chips. "What?! You're the one who killed everyone, and yet she doesn't have a heart."

"Goodness, this is giving me a headache." Ukitake murmured.

"You need some ice on that?" Orihime said. "I can get you some."

"That'd be nice." Ukitake replied with a smile.

Orihime turned to Toshiro. "Hey Toshiro, we need ice."

Toshiro nodded. "Right, sit upon the frozen-"

"No, no nevermind." Ukitake cut in. "I'm feeling better." That be catastrophic to Ichigo's house and something tape wouldn't fix.

**then I'd spare you a thought."**

**"I'm not getting you alcohol! Don't bother."**

**"Damn it bitch, I want my beer!"**

"I'm not like that!"

The group shivered when Aizen started to raise his voice, he wasn't that type of person.

**Orihime threw her bag on him. "Screw you! All you care about is yourself, you selfish bastard."**

**Aizen dropped down from his throne and landed in front of her. "You only married me for my money.-**

"Money?! Everyone is fucking dead!" Shuhei repeated. "That's the last thing you'd need."

**Well listen here, I'm all you have left. Your friends are gone and so is Ichigo. You do as I say or I'll kill you."**

"Because that's what every wife wants to hear." Rukia sarcastically said, sending Aizen the stink eye.

**"Try it then!"**

**Aizen frowned and backhanded her.**

"That's the pimp hand." Hanataro said.

"..."

At their stares he spoke up. "I saw it in a movie once when I came here."

"I don't think movies and Soul Reapers mix." Uryuu concluded.

**"I make the rules here, and if you don't like them, heh it's not like you can make a difference."**

**Orihime faced away.**

**"Look, I didn't want it to turn out like this but it didn't have too. Now get my beer."**

"I'm not a drunk." Aizen said, trying to hold his frustration.

Uryuu smirked, this never got old. "The story thinks otherwise."

"Hah." Nnoitra said with a laugh.

**Orihime would've protested more, but he was right. Everyone was already dead, so what the hell. "Okay, let's drink up."**

**Fin**

"..."

The room was silent. Nobody could comment on the horrible story with an equally horrible end.

Grimmjow was the first to break the silence with a loud laugh. "Damn it my sides are killing me."

"I should break this computer into pieces." Aizen said and he started pulling out his sword.

"You can't, Ichigo specifically said not to break the computer." Nel interjected.

"Speaking of Ichigo," Rukia glared at the hollow still in the room. "Have you had your fix already, good, now return Ichigo."

"Are you kidding me girly, I've only just begun." Hollow Ichigo said.

"Now why weren't we invited to the party?"

Everyone turned to the makeshift window. Urahara and Yoruichi had arrived.

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><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**Yeah it was a close one between Urahara and Yoruichi and Gin and Szayel, and I mean very close.**

**Sorry Rukia, but hollow Ichigo isn't ready to disappear just yet. Anyway like I mentioned above, if you don't have an account make sure to leave a signature so I can credit you.**


	31. Chapter 31

**I can't believe some of you guys wanted Tousen in here lol he can't read fanfiction. Anyways I'm back. Here's a request from **_BleachGirlNel _**for an AizenXNel story. This is technically considered ultimate crack and there's very little of this pairing here on FF.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary **

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><p><strong>Guys the story is almost done so send in your requests before it's to late.<strong>

**I appreciate you guys being good sports about this story I've created. As I had said from the beginning, this is only a parody. It's not directed at anyone.**

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><p>Chapter 31: More Aizen Torture: Aizen vs. Gary Stu<p>

"Urahara, Yoruichi?" Uryuu said.

"Yay, more people." Yachiru happily said.

"What are you doing here?" Yumichika asked.

Urahara decided he'd cover that one. "I was on my shop as usual and Ururu came over telling me how there was a hole in Ichigo's house, as well as a huge sword clinging to his roof."

"Hah," Nnoitra laughed again, knowing it was his Santa Teresa.

"So I figured you must've been throwing a big party and-" Urahara froze dead in his tracks when he saw Aizen and several espada. Even Yoruichi was speechless.

"Well, isn't this two nostalgic faces." Aizen said.

Yoruichi frowned. "What in the world is going on here Ichigo?" It then dawned on the pair that Ichigo wasn't exactly on the room. There was only an Ichigo with a hollow mask.

"Yo," Hollow Ichigo said in a casual tone.

"Ichigo?" Yoruichi gasped. "What happened?"

"About that.." Renji said. "It seems Ichigo is... taking a break and his er- other half came out."

"You guys have Aizen and the espada here too, are you crazy?!" Urahara added.

Everyone groaned and wished Ichigo was back. He was usually the one who explained everything to the newcomers.

Rukia cleared her throat and successfully got their attention. "As a member of this household I'll take the role of explaining, also since Ichigo is currently not here it's my responsibility."

"God damn it, more guests? It's jam packed here already!" Nnoitra complained.

"Sshh!" Starrk said. "I'm trying to rest while you guys explain this situation and find another story. Try to make the explanation long and detailed."

"You remind me a lot of captain Kyoraku." Toshiro replied.

"Nnoitra is right though, this place is packed." Grimmjow said.

"I say we get rid of the bed." Ikkaku stated.

"It would be helpful." Ukitake said.

"And once Ichigo returns he could get his body back." Rangiku added.

As Ikkaku approached the bed Starrk sat up abruptly.

"None of you are touching this bed." Starrk said.

"It's Ichigo's bed." Renji countered. "And as Ichigo's friend, I say it's going overboard."

"This is now my bed and I'm taking it back to Hueco Mundo with me. Our mattresses aren't this soft or comfortable."

"You can't just take Ichigo's bed." Orihime said.

"I say we give these two new guys the boot." Nnoitra suggested. "That'll settle it."

"That's rude." Orihime said.

Urahara coughed irritatedly. "Still here."

"Yeah and that's the problem." Nnoitra replied.

"Cut it out Nnoitra, you're not helping." Nel scolded.

"Can you let me explain already?" Rukia snapped, before turning to the new guests. "It started with Ichigo showing me the internet and from there a certain chain of events took place, which led to what you're seeing here."

"What kind of events?" Yoruichi asked, trying to grasp the delicate situation at hand.

"Fanfiction." Rukia said.

Urahara cast a glance at Yoruichi before facing Rukia. "Fanfiction?"

"It's a site with stories on us."

"What, that's madness!" Yoruichi said.

"No, this is Sparta!" Kon replied.

Uryuu rubbed his aching temples. "Let me guess, you saw that in a movie."

"Actually yeah, I did."

"Anyways," Rukia continued. "We've read loads of stories involving us and they all sucked."

The two stared at Rukia dumbfounded.

"I know freaky. Trust me this is one party you don't want to jo-" Rukia trailed off, remembering what Grimmjow told her about how they lacked readers since no one was volunteering. "On second thought, come in."

"Are you nuts, there's no damn room!" Nnoitra angrily said. "That does it, Starrk that bed has GOT to go!"

Starrk stood protectively in front of the bed. "I said no."

"Just put it outside, we're not going to break it fool." Ulquiorra said, losing his patience. "We just need it out of the way."

Starrk grumbled and placed the bed on the hallway. "Once this thing is done I'm taking it."

Rukia beckoned the chair. "So, give it a shot."

Yoruichi was about to go, but Urahara stepped in front. "Allow me."

"Sure, knock yourself out." Yoruichi replied. She sat next to Byakuya. "Byakuya-bo good to see you."

Byakuya resisted the urge to slam himself on the wall like Rangiku did to ease herself. As if having Yachiru annoying him wasn't bad enough.

Rukia held the manual to Urahara. "Here's how the computer works."

"Oh don't worry, I know how to operate a computer."

"Huh?" Rukia said, disappointed that now she didn't know more about the human world then everyone in the room.

Nel eyed the 'other' Ichigo. "How long do you plan on staying here?" Truth was she wanted Ichigo back.

"I have yet to find something that pleases me, so for a while."

Rukia scowled. "Or until Ichigo lets you."

"You better get use to me toots, cos' once I dethrone your precious Ichigo I'll be running things."

Rukia glared at him. "Like that'll ever happen."

"Oh but it will."

"Will not."

"Will too."

"Will not!"

"Will too!"

"You know," Ukitake started. "It amazes me how you two still argue as if it were still Ichigo."

"Huh?" The two said.

"Hey I got one." Urahara called out.

**Aizen's Love Rival **

"Holy crap, you're getting burned two times in a row." Grimmjow said.

Aizen gritted his teeth slightly. "I can see that."

Urahara grinned. If what Rukia said was true about these stories sucking then he'd definitely enjoy this.

**By HopelessRomantic**

**Summary: Takes place in Hueco Mundo. A new espada has entered the field and is taking the attention away from Aizen's prize.**

Orihime clasped her hands together. "Oh please don't let it be me."

Aizen also prayed for the same.

**This'll include my OC Zander who's Aizen's rival. In the end true love will prevail.**

"Great, the author is throwing in their imaginary friend into the story." Ikkaku groaned.

"At least it can't be a Mary Sue, since it's a guy and all." Rukia added.

"Still though, can't they just use a normal character; these made up characters are always exaggerated." Hanataro said.

Byakuya nodded in agreement.

"Hmm... I wonder who's the chick." Nnoitra muttered.

**Aizen was at his room and was pissed as usual. That new guy was trying to steal his female espada's interest.**

"Aha, it's Halibel." Grimmjow said. "She's the only girl in our group."

Aizen could feel a migraine coming up.

**He resisted the urge to order Ulquiorra to kill him off. Since Zander was espada number 6.**

"My ass! Nobody could replace me." Grimmjow barked.

"Didn't that little girl Luppi replace you?" Nnoitra said.

"Yeah and look what happened to her." Grimmjow retorted.

"Luppi was a man." Ulquiorra corrected.

"Say what!" Grimmjow and Nnoitra said in unison.

"You didn't know?" Ulquiorra said.

"You notice how we got a lotta arrancar that resemble chicks." Grimmjow said. "Such as Luppi."

"Yeah something is wrong with that." Nnoitra replied. He then smirked. "Hey Grimmjow, I bet you're into that stuff."

Grimmjow frowned. "That's how you want to play huh, you're on."

**Grimmjow had been replaced and he became espada 7. Since Aizen was mostly busy he couldn't watch what his espada did behind his back. **

**Although that didn't mean he didn't hear the rumors. Those rumors going around were about how Zander and the third espada were getting to 'friendly'.**

"It really is Halibel." Starrk said, trying to get comfortable on the floor, but failing. Oh how he missed the bed.

"The female in the group is the third espada huh." Rukia mumbled, taking mental note of that.

**This was unacceptable. She belonged to him.**

Aizen twitched, but said nothing.

Grimmjow chuckled and faced Nnoitra. "Hey Nnoitra why is it that your fracción Tesla idolizes you so much? Is it a special reason, huh?"

Nnoitra knew Grimmjow was trying to get back at him for his earlier comment, but he wasn't about to let him have the last word. "You're gay for saying that. Actually, you wanna know how I know you're gay? You wear a similar shirt to Halibel's."

"You wanna know how I know you're gay? You look at Nelliel with no intentions."

Nel frowned. "Don't bring me in your games."

"Let me guess, again. Is this from a movie you watched?" Uryuu added.

"What's a 'movie'?" Grimmjow replied.

**Frustrated by it all he stood up and went for some air. He wondered how she felt about the attention Zander was giving her. Did she hate it.. or did she enjoy it? **

"Grimmjow, you wanna know how I know you're gay? You just told me you're not sleeping with women anymore."

"You wanna know how I know you're gay Nnoitra? You read yaoi Fanfiction."

"Most I separate you two?" Ulquiorra said. He couldn't deal with such childish behavior.

**It didn't help at all that Zander was popular among the ladies. He was extremely talented and hot. He had a well built body as if he had been working out for decades. **

Urahara gagged at the stupidity.

"It sounds like a Mary Sue." Rukia muttered in fear.

"You wanna know how I know you're gay Grimmjow? You're one of the people attracted to Zander." Nnoitra said.

"You wanna know how I know you're gay? You have a shirt that says 'I love it when round ceros are in my face'." Grimmjow countered.

An angry vein popped onto most in the room, while others found their banter amusing.

**(A/N: Before you flamerz speak it's not a Gary Stu)**

"Gary Stu, Gary Stu!" Rukia cried and she dove near her brother.

**Aizen had it going too, but this was to much. He wouldn't quit though. He will tell his crush how much he loves her and how he's way better than Zander.**

Renji snickered. "Weren't you the one who said espada romances were forbidden, hehe."

Aizen sent him a death glare that silenced Renji immediately.

"I gotta admit though, this Fanfiction is a good way to piss someone off." Urahara said with a mocking grin aimed at Aizen.

"Nnoitra, you wanna know how I know you're gay? You have a girly hairdo."

"Oh, you wanna know how I know you're gay? You wanna plow Szayel and Ichigo."

"Bitch, you just HAD to bring that up, now it's really on."

**With his newfound resolve Aizen headed to search for her. He knew she liked hanging around the roof a lot.**

"Halibel enjoys the roof?" Starrk asked.

"How should I know, I don't pry into your personal lives." Aizen replied. "Besides, she's the most mysterious one, even Gin couldn't figure her out."

"I enjoy the roof." Nel said, before glaring at Nnoitra. 'That is, before a certain someone knocked me off."

Nnoitra ignored her to continue his game. "Do you wanna know how I know you're gay?"

"How, cos' you're gay and you can tell who other gay people are." Grimmjow said.

Nel frowned when Nnoitra ignored her, but instead focused on the soda Ichigo had given her.

**Aizen walked up to the rooftop and luckily there she was. Unfortunately he was there too. He walked up to the two. **

**When they noticed him the two bowed their heads to him, albeit Zander's looked forced.**

**"Lord Aizen, what brings you here?" Zander asked.**

**"I came to see Nel."**

Nel quickly began choking on her beverage and Orihime began patting her back.

"Wait, What?" Shuhei said. "I thought it was about the other girl. Damn, now I'm confused."

Nnoitra stopped his insult and turned to the story he had been half zoning out. "You mean... it's not about Halibel?"

Nel backed away from Aizen. "H-How could I forget that I am the tres espada too? This story was about me all along."

Aizen couldn't believe how he was being used. He had never felt so violated in his entire life. This was pissing him off and Toshiro's smug look wasn't helping at all.

Yachiru laughed. "Haha! Evil man and Nel sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G."

"No we're not." Nel retorted. "Quit getting the wrong idea."

Yoruichi smirked. "Well then, how do you explain that jacket on you?"

Aizen twitched. "Clearly you have yet to understand Fanfiction."

**"You came to see me, what for?" Nel said.**

**"It's confidential." Aizen replied.**

**Zander frowned. He knew Aizen was trying to get rid of him so he could be alone with Nel. He took the initiative and walked out, but not before winking at Nel.**

"Oh joy, now I'm the center of attention." Nel muttered.

"Grimmjow, you wanna know how I know-"

"Shut up Nnoitra, just shut up!" Nel cut in angrily, surprising him and herself.

"What's up with your ass?!" Nnoitra barked, before it hit him. "Oh yeah, the Fanfiction."

**"You and Zander, what's going on there?"**

**Nel raised her eyebrow. "That's what you wanted to talk about?"**

**"You know how I feel about this type of relationship."**

**Nel chuckled, surprising him. "Is that what you think is going on, well you're wrong."**

"Thank goodness." Nel said.

**"That's a relief." Aizen said, almost to happy and Nel caught it.**

**"Are you really that relieved to hear that?"**

**Aizen blushed-**

Ikkaku was on the floor laughing. "Oh God, the day I see you blush is the day pigs fly."

Aizen reached for his Kyoka Suigetsu dangerously.

**and decided now was the time. "I'll be honest with you Nelliel, I am happy to hear that... really happy."**

**"Huh?"**

"This is so freaking mushy." Hollow Ichigo said.

**"Haven't you seen the way I look at you, or how I treat you better than the others?"**

"Now that I think about it, he has been a little to 'friendly' to you." Uryuu said.

A shocked look came over Nel and she hid behind Byakuya (whom had long since excepted his role in hiding embarrassed people). "It can't be true, it's not."

"It's isn't." Aizen said, trying to reassure her.

Nel tossed the arrancar jacket back to him, to embarrassed to hand it to him. "Ichigo, I need you!" Her child dependency on Ichigo was taking over.

"Sorry, Ichigo ain't here." Hollow Ichigo replied.

**"Now that you mention it... I suppose it did strike me as odd."**

**"In reality it's because I love you."**

"Ahaha!" Nnoitra broke out in laughter. "Can you imagine how he'd sound saying that?!" This caused for a lot of the others to join in the laugh.

**Nel's face went beet red. "Y-You what?!"**

**Aizen edged closer to her. "Does that surprise you?" It didn't help Nel at all that Aizen reeked of sex appeal. **

"Gah, I don't have those thoughts." Nel said.

Aizen on the other hand was slightly flattered by the compliment. Although he knew he was handsome it felt endearing to hear it. After all, it's not like anyone complimented him nowadays.

**Before she knew it, Aizen had pressed his lips to hers.**

Nel buried her face on Byakuya's haori, trying to hide away as much as she could.

"Nnoitra you wanna know how I know you're gay? You're jealous of Nel instead of Aizen."

Nnoitra scoffed. "Fuck off, I'm not jealous." He didn't realize his mistake until Grimmjow laughed mockingly.

"You didn't counter me back, you lose."

"Fuck!"

Kon chuckled. "Maybe you were so distracted by that line that we just heard to notice."

"Whatever." Nnoitra muttered, crossing his arms and facing away.

**Nel quickly responded and kissed him back. She had secretly liked him, but just kept quiet about it.**

**Aizen broke the kiss and smirked. "When I become king you'll become my queen."**

**"I wouldn't have it any other way."**

"Actually, I'm going to be king." Hollow Ichigo stated. "I don't give a rat's ass about a queen though."

**End**

**There ya have it guys, hoped you liked it.**

"We didn't." Aizen said.

"I did enjoy the effects it had though." Urahara added smugly.

Yoruichi stood up. "Move it Kisuke, It's my turn now."

Urahara got off the chair. "By all means."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**Like I said, ultimate crack. Aizen got pawned twice in a row, that's what he gets for being the bad guy. Yeah guys, hollow Ichigo is not ready to leave just yet.**

**Remember, send in those requests if you have any, cuz I'm almost done. I could probably take 5 more.**

**Movie references used:**

**300**

**The 40-year-old Virgin **


	32. Chapter 32

**You guys and your reviews keep me going. Glad you liked my story. Now I've been getting quite a few request for this pairing. Thank you **_ChappyrulzD_** for your Hichigo/Rukia request and for being my 600th reviewer, and thank you **_RabidOffspring_** for the love triangle idea.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary**

* * *

><p><strong>Just letting you know that I've finally uploaded a picture for this. It's not much, but I like it.<strong>

**I also have a Deviantart account with this same username, check it out if you can.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 32: The HichigoRukia/Ichigo Story

Aizen closed his eyes in an attempt to calm himself down and avoid Nel's suspicious look. He could feel her burning a hole in his face.

Rukia, who had now discovered the male equivalent to a Mary Sue, was trembling in the emo corner. "Gary Stu, Gary Stu, Gary Stu."

Ukitake kneeled down by her and placed his hand on her shoulder. "Easy Rukia."

"These stories really are hell." Urahara said as he examined Rukia. "I didn't mean to hurt Rukia, I was aiming for Aizen."

Byakuya glared at him. "You hurt her anyway."

"Byakuya-bo, relax." Yoruichi called out from the chair.

"Trust me woman, if you had been here as long as we had, then you wouldn't be saying that." Grimmjow said.

Byakuya couldn't agree more.

"I agree with Grimmjow." Nel replied, still hiding behind Byakuya.

Nnoitra opened up a soda can. "These human world drinks taste good. It's a lot better than the damn tea we always get. I might just steal some with me. I'm sick of fucking tea."

"I don't think it's better." Ulquiorra replied.

"You're such a suck ass." Ikkaku said.

Grimmjow snickered. "Ulquiorra you wanna know how I know you're gay? Because you're such a suck ass."

"Guys cool it with the gay!" Uryuu snapped.

"I can't stand these damn stories." Renji muttered. "Especially since I've been here since pretty much the start of it."

"Come to think of it, I've lost track of how long we've been here." Yumichika said.

Hanataro turned to the setting sun. "Definitely a while, that's for sure."

"Shouldn't we be expecting Ichigo's family?" Shuhei said.

Rukia shook her head. "No, they said they'll be coming home late. It's still to early."

"At least they don't have to witness the torment. That's more than I can say for us." Rangiku said.

Rukia nodded. "I wish I had tagged along, then maybe this wouldn't have happened." She turned to the hollow. "And Ichigo would still be here."

"Don't blame yourself Rukia, it isn't your fault at all." Orihime reassured.

"Thanks Inoue."

"I don't know why you're so depressed." Hollow Ichigo spat. "I'm a lot better than Ichigo and much stronger too."

"Depressed isn't exactly the word." Starrk replied. "Hell, I'd like some inner me to take over and hear these shitty stories in my place."

"Funny, I've been thinking the same thing." Toshiro replied.

"Are they really that bad?" Urahara asked.

"You haven't seen the mental breakdowns we've seen." Ulquiorra said, referring to Nnoitra's.

"Or the inner dark side of shorty over there." Grimmjow added, pointing to Rukia.

"I still have no idea what you're talking about." Rukia replied. "Dark side?"

"And you haven't seen the murder attempt." Yumichika added and Hanataro rubbed his head sheepishly.

Yachiru cringed at that and snuggled Byakuya.

Some wondered how Byakuya could keep his cool throughout this all. He had Yachiru clinging onto him since he had arrived and now he had Nel hiding in his haori.

"You can come out already Nelliel." Byakuya said.

"No!" Nel replied and buried herself more. "I won't come out until Ichigo comes back!"

Aizen narrowed his eyes. Now it'd definitely be a task to bring her back. He will just wait for her to settle down and then he'll get on her good side again. Hopefully there are no more pairings between him and Nelliel.

"Ichigo isn't coming back." Hollow Ichigo said.

"Yes he is." Rukia retorted. "It's only a matter of time."

"Aha, I found one." Yoruichi said, getting their attention.

**The Heart of a Hollow **

"Hollows don't have hearts." Hanataro said.

"We don't need those shitty ass things." Hollow Ichigo replied. "Hearts are for the weak."

"A monster like you would never understand." Rukia spat. He had triggered a nerve with that one. After her talk with Kaien about the 'heart' it became the most valuable thing to her.

**By IchigoANDHichigoRock**

"Hichigo... who's that?" Kon asked.

The others shrugged.

**Summary: Hichigo can't stand Ichigo-**

"At least Ichigo won't have to see himself get butchered." Shuhei said.

"Yeah, true." Renji added.

**one bit. It's always about him. Ichigo is the one who always sees Rukia,-**

"Not me again!"

**while he's stuck being inside of him.**

All eyes fell on the hollow in the room.

Hollow Ichigo scoffed. "The hell you looking at me for?"

"Well who else is inside of Ichigo?" Orihime replied before blushing intensely. "Oh my, that sounded so bad."

"Oh great." Uryuu muttered, knowing what was coming next.

"Yo other Ichigo, you wanna know how I know you're gay? You like being inside of Ichigo." Grimmjow joked, making several laugh and Uryuu facepalm.

"Kiss my ass." Hollow Ichigo retorted.

**That's all about to change now.**

**Rukia walked out of the school once the bell had rung. **

**"Yo, Rukia hang on!"**

**Rukia smiled when she saw her friend. "Hey Ichigo."**

Urahara grinned mischievously. "I sense a love triangle."

Byakuya frowned.

Rukia paled. "You mean between me and..." She trailed off unable to finish. "Noo! I don't want to be in the triangle."

"I can't be in this type of shit!" Hollow Ichigo snapped. "And I have no damn name! What the hell is this 'Hichigo' shit?!"

"This oughta be good." Yoruichi mumbled, interested in how it'll play out.

**"So uh... you wanna get some ice cream with me?" Ichigo said without facing her.**

**"Yeah!" Rukia said eagerly. She loved ice cream.**

"Why do I always have to be paired up with Ichigo?! It's so frustrating!"

"Yeah." Orihime added.

"Now they had to throw me in this mess." Hollow Ichigo muttered angrily.

**What they didn't know was that a certain hollow was pissed.**

**The two entered the store and Ichigo being the gentleman, bought the treats.**

"Aww." Orihime cooed. "Ichigo is the sweetest."

Rukia also liked that about Ichigo. Whenever the two went to buy snacks after school, he'd pay.

**They sat together on one of the booths.**

**"Thanks Ichigo, how did you know vanilla is my favorite?"**

**Ichigo chuckled. "How long do you think we've known each other for, I know everything about you."**

"I knew Ichi loved Ruki." Yachiru said.

"Give it a rest." Rukia replied.

Aizen contemplated that. "Hmm... perhaps I should kidnap Kuchiki Rukia instead." He whispered.

**"I can say the same about you Ichigo. I know everything about you too." Her comment made him laugh.**

**"Do you know that-" Ichigo stopped mid-sentence to grab his head. It was aching like crazy.**

**Rukia noticed his pained expression. "Are you okay Ichigo?"**

"Damn it, I don't want to be in this." Hollow Ichigo said. "Hopefully I don't appear yet, though I doubt Ichigo could stop me, so I'm shit out of luck."

"Hah, don't flatter yourself." Rukia replied.

**The pain subsided and Ichigo rose his head back up. "Yeah, I'm okay. C'mon, let's head home."**

**They made the trek back home. It was a comfortable silence until Ichigo spoke. "Hey can I t-tell you something?"**

**Rukia stopped right by his house door. If he's nervous than something is up. "Sure."**

"And cue the confession." Grimmjow joked.

"Not a confession." Rukia grumbled. "What ever happened to taking it slow?!"

**"You know how I r-really care about you, and how I'll always... look out for you."**

**"I feel the same way." Rukia said, oblivious to his true meaning.**

**Ichigo turned around, his back facing her. It'd be easier this way. **

**"Ichigo..." Rukia said with a serious tone, now she was on alert mode. "You're not acting like yourself. Are you sure you're-"**

**"I like you!" Ichigo blurted out.**

Yoruichi snickered. "Somehow I can see Ichigo blurting out a confession like that."

"How sweet, young love." Ukitake said.

"There is no love!" Rukia shouted, embarrassed by the story.

"Yes, there isn't." Byakuya added.

"Of course there isn't." Orihime said, Ichigo will be with her... at least, she hoped so.

**Rukia blushed. "I-Ichigo."**

**"I like you." Ichigo repeated, it felt like the more he said it the easier it became. He turned back to her. "I really like you.. a lot."**

"Such useless emotions." Ulquiorra stated

"Oh what would you know about emotions anyway." Yumichika retorted.

"I know that their useless."

**"Ichigo... heh. To be honest, I like you too. I like you a lot."**

"Spare me." Rukia muttered.

**A smile of relief appeared on Ichigo. His insides warming up and he felt lighter all of a sudden. **

**Rukia smirked. "Aren't you going to kiss me now?"**

"No don't!" Rukia snapped. "Don't say that!"

Starrk yawned. "I can't believe people can actually read this mushy crap."

"Tell me about it," Nnoitra agreed. "I need to see action in here."

"Typical Nnoitra." Nel said from under the haori.

"Hey I'm me." Nnoitra replied. "I won't ever change."

"That's like the only thing you've said that I agree with." Grimmjow said.

**Ichigo didn't need to be told twice. He leaned down and pressed his-**

"Can't we skip this?" Orihime asked. "I mean since it'll hurt Rukia."

Yoruichi wasn't dumb, she knew why Orihime wanted to skip it. The line will hurt her feelings, since it was obvious she liked Ichigo. "Well, I suppose we can."

_*BAM*_

The group watched as Grimmjow punched a hole in Ichigo's already torn up wall. "Now listen up and listen up good, cos' I ain't repeating this; since you're new I'll let it slide this time, but under no circumstances are you allowed to skip or stop reading what you've picked out. Got it?"

Yoruichi sweatdropped. "Uh... okay."

"You should know by now Grimmjow won't allow any of that Orihime. " Renji said.

**lips onto hers. It was a sweet kiss. Unfortunately for the two, Hichigo had witnessed it.**

"He wasn't the only one." Byakuya said, disgusted by the mere thought of Ichigo and Rukia being together.

**It was at night when things took a turn for the worse.**

**Rukia was sleeping in the closet as usual, when she heard Ichigo mumbling. She opened the closet door and found him tossing around the bed and sweating. " Ichigo, wake up. "**

**Smoke blew around Ichigo and Rukia immediately rushed to his side. " Ichigo! " It was bad timing for his family to be away.**

"Here comes you, other Ichigo." Nnoitra said, deciding to call the nameless person by what Grimmjow had called him.

"Don't remind me."

**A hand reached out from the smoke and grabbed Rukia's arm.**

**" Ichi-"**

**"Hello there queen."**

Hollow Ichigo twitched. "I said I didn't need a damn queen."

"Does nobody listen to me when I say don't voice your thoughts?" Ukitake asked in disbelief.

**"You're not Ichigo!"**

**"But I share Ichigo's feelings." Hichigo said.**

"Damn it all, this ISN'T me!" Hollow Ichigo barked. "It's not me because I'm not this 'Hichigo' they keep repeating."

"It's still referring to you." Ulquiorra replied, refusing to allow anyone any mercy from the hellish stories. "The author merely named you because you lack a name."

"Hah, Ulquiorra told you." Nnoitra said.

**"What the hell does that mean?"**

**Hichigo pulled Rukia into an embrace, surprising her. "I'm the one who wants you. I'm the one who needs you."**

"Bull, I don't need you." Hollow Ichigo said, while pointing a finger to Rukia.

"Gee I'm heartbroken." Rukia replied sarcastically.

**Rukia was stunned by this. "W-What?"**

**"I can see you, when Ichigo looks at you, so do I." Hollow Ichigo murmured. "I like you."**

"So that's what the story was referring to, about the 'heart' thing. It was the other Ichigo they were talking about." Hanataro said.

"Duh." Kon replied.

"I'm acting out of freaking character." Hollow Ichigo snapped. "I'm about power, I have no use for this baby shit."

**Rukia broke out of the embrace. "I don't understand, what are you saying? Who are you?"**

"I am who I am."

**"I'm the other side of Ichigo, I'm Hichigo."**

"That isn't me! Do these freaking people even know anything about me at all?!"

**"Hichigo..." Rukia repeated.**

**Hichigo stepped closer to her and backed her into the wall. "I'm not Ichigo, I'm my own person; I have my own feelings."**

"Bo-ring." Ikkaku said. "These types of stories suck."

"No shit, I could never get into this." Nnoitra added.

"This is exactly why I stick to reading books." Nel said. "Because those are made by official licensed authors, not some kid trying to pin us together with someone." She eyed Aizen with a small blush, cringing a little in the process.

"Actually, reading in general sucks." Nnoitra replied. "Warriors like me don't need that."

"You know Nnoitra, there are other things in this world besides fighting." Nel replied. "When this is over, I'll show you."

**"But... that's just it." Rukia sadly said. "You aren't Ichigo. I can't be with you."**

**Hichigo frowned, his tears threatening to fall.**

"Pussy." Nnoitra said.

Hollow Ichigo twitched and gritted his teeth angrily. When he had said he wanted to see himself in a story this wasn't what he meant.

**"Then I'll fight Ichigo for you."**

"I'm not a trophy to be won." Rukia said.

**"Hey, I'm no trophy."**

"Heh, told ya so."

"How come it didn't backfire on her?" Uryuu grumbled.

**"I will have you Rukia!" Hichigo snapped. Suddenly a burst of light erupted and Ichigo popped out of it.**

"It isn't THAT easy." Hollow Ichigo said. He'd love it if he could fully appear as himself without having to take control of Ichigo.

**Ichigo stood fiercely in front of Rukia. "I won't let you take her away."**

**Hichigo pulled out his Zangetsu. "Then I'll just get rid of you."**

Nnoitra perked up. "A fight, it's about time."

**Ichigo placed his substitute badge to his chest and in seconds he was in his Soul Reaper form. "Just try it."**

"Although nothing is a fight without me in it," Nnoitra started. "I'm all for changing the flow of this sappy story."

"Yes, please." Ikkaku practically begged.

**Ichigo attacked first and blasted Hichigo out the window.**

Starrk chuckled as he stared at the broken window. "Heheh, irony much."

**He dove right out. "Getsuga Tensho!" A wave of spiritual energy crashed onto Hichigo and he was sent flying backwards.**

"Uou suck." Grimmjow mocked.

" Shut your ass up, I'm not weak. " Hollow Ichigo retorted.

**Hichigo was taken back by Ichigo's will to not give up. That means he wasn't going to give up Rukia without a fight, well neither was he. It was time for him to get serious. "Bankai!"**

**Ichigo mirrored his move. "Bankai!"**

**Hichigo had to think hard, he knew he wasn't a match for Ichigo.**

"I could kill Ichigo in my freaking sleep!" Hollow Ichigo shouted. Bit by bit he was becoming more and more irritated.

**He managed to land some hits on Ichigo, but it was nothing compared to the deep gashes he had.**

**"Unlike you I'm being driven by my heart." Ichigo said.**

"Oh that's cold." Kon said.

**"Shut up!" Hichigo roared as he recklessly charged in. That's all it took for Ichigo to swoop in and deal the finishing blow.**

**"Nooo!" Hichigo cried in agony. "How could I lose?"**

"Wow, you DO suck." Nnoitra said.

"Says the loser who gets his ass handed to him by a girl." Hollow Ichigo replied.

"Burn!" Kon added.

**Ichigo watched as Hichigo began disappearing into nothing. "Have fun in hell bitch."**

Many in the room broke into laughter, while hollow Ichigo only grew more pissed.

**That's all folks. Read and review :)**

"That's it, I'm breaking that shit." Hollow Ichigo snapped and his Zangetsu appeared in his hand.

"You can't!" Nel shouted. "It's Ichigo's computer and he said not to break it."

"Didn't I tell you already, Ichigo isn't-" Hollow Ichigo suddenly stopped and began shaking around. "Damn it, not yet! Not until I read a good story!"

"What's going on?" Ikkaku asked.

Everyone watched as Ichigo tore the mask off himself. His head was positioned downwards and his hair was covering his eyes.

"I-Ichigo..." Rukia murmured, hoping that it was him.

As if reading her mind, Ichigo lifted his head and gave her a small smile. "Yo."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**Kurosaki Ichigo is back in action. I know some peeps wanted Ichigo/Hichigo but I kinda wanted to take a break from the yaoi. It's not exactly my favorite thing to write. Maybe I'll do another one, If I get a request.**

**YoruichiXByakuya is next!**


	33. Chapter 33

**Only a few more chapters to go :( I'll miss you guys. I'll be writing more stories later on. Thank you **_Luafua_** for your ByakuyaXYoruichi request.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary **

* * *

><p><strong>To <strong>_nokturnallight_**: wow a fan since I started this story, thanks I really appreciate that**

* * *

><p>Chapter 33: Yoruichi and her Man<p>

"Ichigo! You're back." Orihime cried happily.

Ichigo took a moment of silence to adjust back to his body, before replying. "Yeah, I'm back."

"Oh Ichigo!" Nel said happily and she glomped him in a tight embrace. "I missed you."

Ichigo smiled and patted her head. "Thanks Nel. When that bastard took control I could still see what he saw, and I saw how you made sure nobody broke my computer."

"It was thanks for you carrying me around and always looking out for me."

Renji playfully shoved Ichigo. "Good to have you back Ichigo."

"I knew you would pull through Ichigo." Rukia said. "There was no doubt in my mind."

"Heh, you know me well Rukia." Ichigo replied.

"What the hell was that guy anyway?" Grimmjow asked.

Ichigo sighed. "It's a long story and I'll-" He paused as he finally took a good look at his surroundings. "Wait... is it me or are there more people than before?'

"But I thought you could see what he saw?" Ukitake said.

" Are you crazy, you think I was fully paying attention? Not when I finally had a break all to myself." Ichigo replied. "Do what did I miss?"

"Besides the junk stories, not much." Kon replied.

"Hey there Ichigo, hope you don't mind us crashing in." Urahara said.

Ichigo ignored him to peer at another pressing matter. "What happened to my taped up window and who punched a freaking hole in my wall?!"

"You remember Kisuke saying we crashed in?" Yoruichi said. "Well, he meant literally." She then pointed to Grimmjow "The hole was him."

Grimmjow shrugged. "Guilty as charged.'

Ichigo began searching for another item. "Hey, where's my bed? "

Starrk twitched. "If you mean MY bed, then it's in the hallway. By the way, when you were in dreamland I claimed it as mine."

"Now I'm wishing I never came back, whatever, so who's turn is it?"

"..."

"You mean both of you read already?" Ichigo said, referring to the newcomers.

"Yeah." Urahara replied.

"This calls for a game of rock-paper-scissors." Rukia suggested.

Uryuu groaned. "That wouldn't work Rukia, there's to many of us."

"I know." Rangiku said. "Let's draw straws."

"Good idea Rangiku." Ichigo replied. "Hang on, I'll go get them." Ichigo opened his door only to see all his furniture stuffed outside. "Oh... right. You know what I'll just take the window, guess it's a good thing I'm in my Soul Reaper form."

Moments later he reappeared with a cup full of straws. "Okay, one of these straws has black marker marking on the bottom of it, whoever picks it out reads."

"Hey, you probably know which one it is already. That's cheating." Yumichika said.

"Look I randomized it, but if you're really suspicious then you can randomize it too."

Yumichika took the cup from Ichigo. "Don't mind if I do." He began mixing the straws. "Okay, let's do this."

One by one they each picked out a straw, praying on the inside that they didn't pick out the wrong straw.

"So who is the unlucky person?" Shuhei asked.

Toshiro grumbled. "It's me."

"Haha, you have to read captain." Rangiku joked.

Toshiro willed himself to get this over with. He approached the chair and began searching.

"So how are you guys holding up?" Ichigo asked, while Toshiro searched for a story.

"More or less." Ikkaku replied.

"I'm so happy you're back Ichigo. Don't scare me like that." Nel added.

"Don't worry Nel, he won't be coming back." Ichigo reassured, earning a big smile in return.

Aizen was hoping the hollow stayed longer. Now how could he get Nelliel back when she was attached to Ichigo, not to mention she was kind of creeped out of him at the moment.

"To clear some room, I'm going to return to my body." Ichigo said and he began the process of placing Kon back into the plushy form.

"I found one." Toshiro said and he prepared himself to lose a good amount of brain cells.

**You By My Side**

"Another pansy ass story." Ikkaku said.

Nnoitra cringed. "Man I can't take this stuff."

"The genre isn't so bad." Nel added. "You just don't like it because the author makes it seem so terrible."

**By TheLovelyYoruichi**

"Aww, I didn't know I had fans." Yoruichi said sheepishly.

"And here I thought only that obsessive subordinate of yours appreciated you." Aizen replied, referring to Suí Fēng.

"Pssh, at least I have people who like me, unlike you." Yoruichi countered. "Nobody likes you."

"Oh burn!" Kon said.

"Unlike you woman, my lord doesn't need trivial things such as amity and gratitude." Ulquiorra replied. "All he needs is loyalty and the job being done, which makes him far more superior than you."

Aizen smirked. "Well said Ulquiorra."

"You don't get out much, do you Ulquiorra?" Yoruichi said.

**Summary: Yoruichi reflects upon the man who changed her life. **

"Hel-lo, what's this?" Ikkaku asked, now interested. Hopefully these guys got bashed too, it'd only be fair.

Everyone besides Yoruichi and Urahara felt the same way as Ikkaku did, they wanted the two to get tortured.

**The first bits are Yoruichi's thought.**

**Oh how he changed my life, the man of my dreams. Byakuya.**

Byakuya narrowed his eyes. "What?"

"Ahahah!" Ichigo was laughing. "To think I almost missed this."

"Nii-sama... with lady Yoruichi?" Rukia murmured. "That's as strange as Nii-sama with Rangiku."

"I guess we've got another crack pairing on our hands." Hanataro said.

"Crack pairing?" Urahara repeated.

"It's basically when they pair you up with someone whom you'd never actually be with." Renji explained. "Like something unexpected."

**I remember my life before meeting you.**

"Of course I do, I'm not some amnesic idiot who lost her memory." Yoruichi said.

Nel cleared her throat, slightly offended.

"Oh, I didn't mean any offense."

**I was weak and pitiful. I was a loser...**

"My life was never like that." Yoruichi growled, her mood going from flattery to annoyance.

Urahara chuckled at his best friend's depiction, only to receive a glare from said person.

The others were chuckling amongst themselves.

**Life was so plain and boring. I had no one...**

"Now hold the phone," Urahara cut in. "She was never alone, she had Tessai and me."

"Exactly, does this author even know anything about me?" Yoruichi asked.

"No they don't," Shuhei answered with annoyance. "They never do."

**Then you came along and everything turned around. He was my knight in shining armor...**

"How original." Rukia muttered.

Byakuya closed his eyes and attempted to ignore this story with all his might, but his lieutenant's chuckles kept bringing him back to reality.

**I would no longer be the loser I was...**

"And this person dare call themselves a fan of me, Shihoin Yoruichi, goddess of flash step!" Yoruichi roared, regarding the computer screen with a nasty glare.

Aizen smirked. "Not so funny now is it?"

"Quiet you." Yoruichi snapped.

**You are so hot with that sexy face and mega hot six pack...**

Byakuya twitched, an angry vein popping into his forehead.

**It was a good thing they were going to meet up at his house today. They hadn't seen each other in a week**

"And here I had hoped this would only be about your indecent thoughts about me, now it seems I 'will' be included." Byakuya said.

Ichigo shifted and got more comfortable. He opened a bag of popcorn chips from his previous trip to the store. "This I gotta see."

**She felt giddy and tingly all over. "Ohh, I can't wait to see him."**

"Great, now I'm some ridiculous schoolgirl with a crush."

Rukia stole some popcorn from the bag Ichigo was eating. "More out of character junk."

**She arrived and easily maneuvered into his manor. Luckily Rukia wasn't here.**

"Yes!" Rukia cheered. "No Rukia in this story, nope not a chance."

**So she just found Byakuya sitting alone in his room. He instantly took notice of her and turned to face her. "You're here."**

**"Of course, I missed you."**

**"I did too, I'm glad you could make it."**

"As if I'd want you in my manor," Byakuya was definitely irritated.

"Byakuya-bo I told you to relax. I should be more annoyed since I- or rather my character, has been insulting herself nonstop."

"These pathetic stories are nothing but trash." Ulquiorra said. "I don't see why one would bother writing such trash."

**Just seeing him made Yoruichi melt. She could remember when they did it like wild dogs once.**

"Ahahaha! My sides are freaking killing me!" Ichigo was laughing hard now and he wasn't the only one.

"To much information." Ulquiorra said, disgusted by the mental image.

Yoruichi frowned. Now this was REALLY bothering her.

"It's really hard to picture some serious dude like you cutting loose." Nnoitra said as he faced Byakuya. "But that's what the funny part is."

"What gets me laughing is that I can imagine Ulquiorra too, since they're practically both emotionless." Grimmjow added.

"Hey, that makes them zombies. Right," Nnoitra asked Rukia, since he deduced that she was the expert in zombies.

"Hmm... technically." Rukia replied.

**"Oh Byakuya, I've loved you since the first day I met you."**

"Wait," Ichigo cut in. "Didn't you meet Byakuya when he was a kid, yet you just said that you liked him since you met... get my drift?"

Yoruichi slammed her fist on his head. "Don't ever assume I'm some sick pedophile!"

"Ow, hey you said it not me."

**"I did too, I only acted as if I hated you."**

Yoruichi gave Byakuya a smug look. "Oh, is that right?"

"I'm- my character is lying. I never held such feelings for you, nor will I ever." Byakuya was now clenching his fists.

**She had been waiting for this and she wouldn't wait anymore. ****Yoruichi slowly approached Byakuya and hugged him.**

"Aww, captain how sweet," Renji mocked. He was just loving the effect this had on his captain.

Byakuya made a mental note to give Renji extra paperwork to do.

**"I wanted to see you right away." Yoruichi said.**

**"I'm glad Rukia isn't here, she tends to bother me a lot. It's good to be away from her."**

Rukia gasped lightly and lowered her eyes sadly at hearing that. "Nii-sama, is that what you..."

Ichigo shot daggers at Byakuya. "Nice one."

Byakuya ignored Ichigo and instead focused on his sister. "Pay no attention to this. I've never once thought of you as a nuisance or a burden."

Rukia's eyes brightened with happiness and adoration for her brother. "Nii-sama." She grabbed onto his hand and smiled.

"Aww.." The other girls cooed.

**"I'm glad Kisuke isn't bothering me,-**

"Heeeey, I don't bother you." Urahara said.

**he's always trying to get in my pants."**

Ichigo was pounding his fists on the floor. " Hah, I can't lie, I did miss seeing others get tortured by Fanfiction dot net. "

"Why am I being insulted here?" Urahara asked.

"I said it before and I'll repeat it, you have yet to understand Fanfiction." Aizen answered.

**Byakuya felt anger boil inside him. "Shall I teach him a lesson?"**

"Not to toot my own horn, but I am pretty strong Byakuya; it won't be an easy task." Urahara said.

Byakuya gave him a death glare and Urahara quickly dove behind Yoruichi.

**"Don't worry about it, He's just a retarded pervert."**

"Oh man, you're killing me over here." Ichigo said.

Urahara crawled to the emo corner. "So much for being friends."

Yoruichi sighed. "I don't really think that Kisuke, well at least not the retarded part."

Urahara hugged Yoruichi. "I knew you weren't serious. Now who's your daddy, who's your daddy?"

**"True."**

**"Now forget about him, let's focus on us."**

"There is no 'us' and there never will be." Byakuya said, his voice getting slightly louder.

**Byakuya smirked. "Oh, what do you have in mind?"**

**"You."**

**"I suggest we make up for lost time." Byakuya replied and he shoved her onto the floor without wasting time.**

"Whoa, someone does it rough." Nnoitra joked.

"Here comes the poorly executed love scene." Yumichika said.

**"Oh Byakuya, give me all you got."**

**"I am going to have you screaming baby."**

Byakuya raised his brow in half confusion and half irritation. "Why would I refer to a woman as an infant?"

Rukia snickered at her brother's lack of human world knowledge. "In this place calling someone 'baby' is the same as saying darling."

Byakuya gave her an 'are you serious' look.

"I know Nii-sama, it makes no sense."

**"You know just how I like it Byakuya." Yoruichi brought Byakuya down into a kiss.**

Byakuya began feeling woozy. All this damage to his character was having an effect on him.

**One which he responded to with his tongue.**

"I will never have any feelings for you were-cat!" Byakuya snapped. "Why can't this idiotic author understand that? Were they dropped as a child?"

"I think my captain's cracked." Renji whispered.

"Can you blame him?" Shuhei said. "He's been bottling it all up."

Yoruichi's smirk only grew. "My, my, Byakuya-bo, isn't this nostalgic. You're reminding me of your youthful days."

**I don't have to explain where the rest goes now do I, (wink wink) now review. **

**If you review, Ulquiorra will enter your house and sex you up ;)**

"I shall do no such thing." Ulquiorra said. "This person needs medical help."

"What kind of idiot would even fall for that?" Rukia asked.

"Apparently 345 people would." Yoruichi answered as she eyed the number of reviews.

"Some of you humans need some serious rewiring." Nnoitra said.

Toshiro genuinely smiled as he got off the dreaded chair. "It seems I've done my hell, who's next?"

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**Aahh, I just love writing these. Well, that's another chapter done. Just wanna let you know that I don't intend on having anymore guests, this is it. Until next time.**


	34. Chapter 34

**Good to see you guys laughing, that makes me happy. Recently I've gotten a few reviews saying Starrk hasn't been tortured, now I had planned on Urahara being burned this chapter, but I decided on throwing in Starrk too. I'm killing 2 birds with one stone. Special Ukitake appearance as well.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary **

* * *

><p><strong>This chapter was all me this time XD!<strong>

* * *

><p>Chapter 34: An AU: Enter Detectives Urahara and Starrk<p>

"I guess we're picking out straws again." Ukitake said.

"Seems that way." Ikkaku replied.

"Since I already read, I'm not going to participate in this." Toshiro added.

"Fair enough." Ichigo said. "Let's do this."

Everyone but Toshiro began picking out a straw.

"Alright guys, no funny business; show out your straws." Ichigo ordered and he showed his.

Hanataro sighed and showed his. "It's me."

"Get to work then." Nnoitra taunted.

Yoruichi gladly gave up the spot on the chair to sit down next to Urahara.

Hanataro dragged his feet over to the chair and began searching.

"I'm glad I don't have to read." Ikkaku said.

"No kidding." Starrk replied.

A loud grumble was than heard, but not just any grumble, it was a stomach grumble one normally gives out when hungry.

Renji blushed and scratched his head. "Sorry, I kinda skipped breakfast."

"You know..." Urahara said. "I haven't eaten either. I've been in my shop since morning and I rushed over here."

"Wow, here I thought only I was the one that was hungry." Shuhei added.

"You too Shuhei?" Renji asked. "Hey, who else is hungry in here?"

Much to Ichigo's dislike, a good amount of guests raised their hand. To add more salt to his wounds, they all stared at him.

"What are you all looking at me for?"

"Well, you are our host." Yumichika said.

Ichigo frowned. "I don't remember ever inviting any of you, with the exception to Rukia who was already here."

"I can cook us something." Orihime suggested.

"Yay!" Rangiku cheered. "I'd love that."

"And you'd be the only one." Toshiro replied.

Ichigo pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Look, I don't have enough food in my house to accommodate all of you."

Rukia grinned. "I say this calls for pizza takeout."

"Pizza?" Ukitake repeated. "I don't think I've ever eaten that."

"Me neither." Byakuya added. "I'm curious as to what it tastes like."

"It's actually quite delicious." Aizen said. He had actually tried it before. "I'm sure you'll agree with me once you taste it. That is, should Ichigo decide to buy pizza."

"That was a great idea you thought of Rukia." Urahara said. "Let's order some pizza for us."

"Are you nuts!" Ichigo retorted. "I'm not buying pizza for all of you."

"Kurosaki Ichigo, you truly are a dense person. Haven't I already told you the responsibility that comes with being a host." Byakuya replied.

Ichigo made an 'X' gesture. "No way, I'm not falling for that again. I'm not buying pizza and that's final."

"Hey, don't be like that Ichigo." Yoruichi said, truth was, she was also hungry. "Order pizza."

"No, now drop it."

Orihime pouted. "Aww, but Ichigo, I'm hungry too."

"Orihime..." Ichigo groaned. He didn't mind making the others starve, but he'd feel guilty if he made Orihime starve. This was definitely not his day. "Fine."

Rukia shot a fist in the air. "Yes."

"Oh hey Ichigo, may I suggest a separate box specially for Yoruichi." Urahara said. "She may not look it, but she's got a big appetite."

"Joy." Ichigo mumbled.

"Whoa, my appetite right now is big too." Renji said. "I'm starving like a dog."

"Hey, I'd really like a pizza too." Hanataro called out as he continued searching. When Unohana had once sent him to the human world, he had tried several of the unfamiliar food; pizza had been one of them.

"So I have to order like three freaking orders of pizzas?" Ichigo asked incredulously.

"Since there's like twenty of us here and lady Yoruichi wants her own order, and each box comes with eight slices, I'd say more like four orders." Rukia said.

"Good math Rukia," Uryuu praised. "I'm glad to see you took my advice and put some more interest in our education system."

Rukia smiled. "I couldn't have passed my math without your tutoring help Ishida."

Uryuu smiled with pride. "It's nothing really."

Orihime stared at the two suspiciously. She knew they liked each other, her woman's intuition was never wrong. (A/N: Silly Orihime, wrong again)

"I'll go order than, be back in a flash." Ichigo said and he leaped down his window, since his hallway was impassable.

"Don't forget the drinks!" Rukia shouted from the top.

Hanataro eyed the story he found. "I suppose this'll have to do." He clicked it and turned to the others. "Okay, I found one."

"Let's hear it." Urahara said.

"Wait," Nel cut in. "Shouldn't we wait for Ichigo to return?"

"Nah, he won't mind. Trust me, he'll thank us later." Grimmjow replied.

**The Big Crime **

"This sounds different." Ulquiorra said.

"Hopefully it is different." Renji added.

**By TheBestDude6556**

"Tch, I'm the best." Nnoitra said.

**Summary: A big crime is going to take place in downtown Karakura and it's up to our top notch detectives to crack the case.**

"A detective story, no way." Rukia said with glee.

"What's a detective?" Grimmjow asked.

"It's like this special officer who specializes in solving mysteries." Rukia answered. "I've read several books on this type of thing."

"Seems interesting." Ukitake pondered aloud.

**It was a busy day in the office for detective Urahara.**

"Me, a detective?" Urahara said. "Heh, I could be 'that' handsome detective; it suits me well."

"Don't go and inflate your ego Kisuke." Aizen replied. "You being a detective will be as successful as your rundown shack you call a store."

"Whoa," Urahara cut in angrily. "What's with the personal attacks?"

**He was currently working on a hard case with his partner Starrk.**

"Huh?" Starrk said. "Why pick me as a partner, I've never even met this guy until today."

"Hopefully this isn't some weird gross crack pairing." Renji said.

Yumichika chuckled. "That would be like ultimate crack."

"I find it interesting, let's see where they go with this." Yoruichi said.

**It was mostly him who did the work while Starrk slept all day. Sometimes he wondered why he was partnered with him. The two were both lazy and stupid.**

Both Urahara and Starrk winced.

"Heh, looks like I'm not the only character who insults themselves." Yoruichi joked.

"Yo!" Ichigo called out from the bottom. "Can someone give me a lift up there?"

"Why don't you just jump up here?" Renji said from the now windowless room.

"I'm not in my Soul Reaper form dumbass, now c'mon already."

Renji grumbled and jumped down. He grabbed Ichigo and jumped back up.

"Alright, pizza guy says he'll be here in thirty minutes."

"AWWW!" Everyone whined. They then began to get Ichigo up to speed with what he missed

**They had never really solved anything.**

"I may not be a detective, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be a good one if I were one." Urahara said.

"Meh, seems like to much work for me." Starrk replied.

"How can you say that?" Rukia said. "A detective is an admirable job. Don't go insulting the job of the great Sherlock Holmes and Jimmy Kudo. "

Starrk gave her a tired look. "Who?"

Rukia jabbed a finger to his face. "That's it you lazy good for nothing, once we're done here I'm going to convert you into a non-lazy person."

"Careful," Ichigo warned. "She'd really do it."

**Honestly the chief only had them there because he needed some comedy in his life, so having two losers was convenient.**

"Hah." Nnoitra said.

At that Starrk frowned. "Loser, me a loser, oh please. This author is a dumbass."

"They ALL are." Yumichika replied.

"And who is this 'chief' who thinks he's better than us?" Urahara crossed his arms.

**Right at that moment chief Ukitake entered.**

Starrk and Urahara turned to a stunned Ukitake.

Rukia dashed in front of her captain. "None of you are touching captain Ukitake.X

"Relax Rukia, let's see where they take this." Ukitake said. "Surely there's an explanation."

**"Listen, I have a super-ultra-mega-awesome job for you."**

The room began laughing at Ukitake's horrible characterization.

"I... don't talk like that."

**"It's about time." Urahara said. "What is this mission you're talking about?"**

**"We're having strange activities occurring in downtown Karakura and we need you and Starrk to check it out."**

**"Count us in chief." Urahara said, speaking for both of them, since Starrk was asleep.**

**"We suspect that it could be the notorious Aizen we're looking for."**

"I thought we were done with my character." Aizen said.

**Urahara dashed out and dragged the still sleeping Starrk with him,-**

"That's a bit of an exaggeration on my character. I'm not ALWAYS asleep." Starrk said.

**not even realizing that they weren't sent for their talent.**

**Ukitake walked out to meet his other workers, whom all had hope in their eyes.**

**"Yes," Ukitake affirmed. "They will finally die."**

**"YESSS!"**

Nnoitra went into a laughing fit. "That's fucked up."

Ukitake nervously shifted under the angry glares Urahara and Starrk were sending him.

"Don't worry captain," Rukia assured. "If they want you, they have to go through me."

**Ukitake grinned. "I couldn't take those queers anymore either."**

"Ahaha!" More laughter occurred and Ukitake could almost feel a hole burning into his head.

**At a secluded warehouse in downtown Karakura, Kisuke and Starrk were currently on a stakeout.**

"Yummy, steak." Yachiru said.

**"This is so my kind of job." Starrk said as he folded his arms behind him. "Sleeping until you notice something."**

**"I could so agree with you." Urahara replied and he mimicked his partner. "Us lazy losers need to stick together."**

Aizen chuckled to himself. "These things are quite humorous when it isn't directed at you."

"I've been saying that all day." Rangiku added.

**Suddenly they noticed a strange person dressed in black entering.**

**"Let's check it out." Starrk said. Urahara nodded and the two stealthily followed the suspicious person.**

**They were each on opposite sides of the door. They peered inside.**

"Is this thing suppose to be suspenseful, cos' it sucks." Nnoitra said.

"Ssshhh!" Nel retorted in his face. "I'm trying to hear."

**Inside were Aizen and his nasty henchmen, Ulquiorra and Nnoitra.**

"No! Fuck you, I don't wanna be in this load of garbage." Nnoitra complained.

"I share those exact feelings, though I am above voicing them out explicitly." Ulquiorra added.

**"So what's the plan boss man?" Ulquiorra said.**

"Boss man?" Ulquiorra repeated. "I do not refer to my lord as 'boss man'."

**"The plan is we're going to use this woman right here as our hostage." Aizen said, as he beckoned the gagged woman. "Then we'll negotiate for the world." Aizen replied.**

Ikkaku chuckled. "That plan is so half-assed."

"I'd never devise such a ridiculous plan." Aizen said in his defense.

"Oh the irony." Grimmjow joked.

**Urahara nudged Starrk. "This is bad, they got a hostage in there. We need backup."**

**"Fuck backup, I'm going in." Starrk said like a dummy and he dove right out of cover. "Yo! You three people are under arrest."**

Urahara facepalmed. "Starrk you make a horrible detective. Don't you know we have to stay incognito."

"I know that, but my character here is stupid." Starrk replied.

"Don't worry partner, I'm sure my handsome character is about to save the day." Urahara reassured.

"You guys DO know that you're not really detectives, right?" Ichigo said.

**"Who the hell are you bastard?" Nnoitra asked.**

**"Don't worry about who I am, just put your hands where I can see them."**

**Aizen aimed his gun at the hostage. "I'm calling the shots."**

Kon snickered. "Heh, get the pun?"

**Starrk's eyes widened when he recognized the hostage. "Nel?!"**

"Aww, why me?" Nel whined.

**Urahara also visibly tensed. Nel was a good friend of his and Starrk's.**

**"Let her go you damn coward!" Starrk barked.**

**Nnoitra smirked. "Not after I have my way with her first."**

"Jerk!" Nel angrily swung an unsuspecting Nnoitra out the broken window.

Grimmjow whistled. "Daaaamn, that's some arm you got there Nelliel."

"Um.. should I continue reading?" Hanataro asked.

"Yeah, these types of things are regular now." Toshiro answered.

**"You disgusting monster, don't you dare!"**

**"Drop your weapon." Aizen ordered.**

**Starrk glared at him and dropped his gun. He hoped Kisuke would pull through.**

**"We got em' boss hehe." Ulquiorra said.**

"I don't talk like that."

**"Ulquiorra get his weapon." Aizen added.**

**"Yes boss." Ulquiorra picked up the gun and Starrk was shooting daggers at him. Ulquiorra frowned and pistol whipped him.**

Grimmjow laughed. "Man the image of that is to hilarious."

"Kiss my ass." Starrk replied. He made mental note to pistol whip Grimmjow and Ulquiorra later with his resurrección.

Just then an angry Nnoitra climbed into the window and stalked over to Nel. "You bitch! What the hell was that for?"

"For trying to have your way with me." Nel replied.

Nnoitra gritted his teeth. "Oh please Nelliel, like I'd ever."

**It hurt a lot, but Starrk wouldn't give him the benefit of a scream; despite how rough it was he wouldn't give in. ****Once Ulquiorra was satisfied he walked back over to Aizen. **

Nnoitra paled, getting the wrong idea. "What the fuck did I just hear?"

Yoruichi chuckled. "It's not what you're thinking, although it could definitely be taken out of context."

**"Here's how it will go down detective," Aizen said. "I want the world in return for the girl."**

**Starrk looked at him like he was crazy. "Huh? What, are you smoking meth,-**

The humans in the room were laughing like crazy, the others seemed clueless.

"Byakushi, what's meth?" Yachiru asked.

"I have no idea, but I suggest you refrain from using it."

**that would never work."**

**Aizen did a double take. "It won't? But I had it all planned out. I'd be the new ruler of the world and Ulquiorra and Nnoitra would be my loyal henchmen."**

**"You can't do that sort of negotiation."**

**Aizen frowned. "Then I guess I have no use for you or your girlfriend now do I?"**

"Girlfriend?" Nnoitra repeated. "Wow Starrky, that's sinking low; I mean dating Nel, really?"

"Spoon head is jealous, spoon head is jealous." Yachiru sang.

"Damn it, no I'm not!"

**Aizen readied his gun at Nel.**

Nel shot a glare at Aizen.

Aizen sighed, he could probably go and forget about re-recruiting her.

**"No don't!" Starrk cried. He shut his eyes closed as a bullet was blasted. When he heard Aizen yelp he opened his eyes. What he saw surprised him, but also relieved him.**

**"Kisuke!" **

Urahara smirked. "What did I say, the handsome devil would come through. Yes, I can definitely be a detective. From now on call me detective Urahara."

Ichigo groaned, he knew this would've went to his head.

**"The one and only." He had shot Aizen's gun away. "Now back away from Nel, unless you want a bullet where your brain is."**

**Starrk handcuffed the three criminals and untied Nel. "Are you hurt Nelliel?"**

**Urahara stepped closer, also worried. "Don't worry Nel, we're here."**

**Nel brought the two into a hug. "Thank you guys, I believed in you, I knew you'd come."**

Urahara put one arm around Nel and the other around Starrk. "We make a good team."

Ichigo facepalmed.

**Back at the office...**

**"WHAT?!" Ukitake exclaimed. "You retar- I mean you two actually caught Aizen?"**

**Urahara smirked. "I think this calls for a party."**

**Starrk also smirked. "And a raise."**

**A/N: Might continue it lol, but for right now that's all.**

"Scoot over Hanataro." Urahara said and he shoved Hanataro off. "Detective Urahara is leaving this gentleman a request to continue."

Ichigo slammed his head on the wall. This just possibly couldn't get any worse.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**Hehe, Urahara thinks he's a detective now. I decided on doing something different this time, so I didn't do the usual 'pairing' story.**

**Btw, I wrote this after I ate pizza hehe.**


	35. Chapter 35

**Thanks **_UniAniGi_** for your brilliant idea. I'm glad you gave me something different. Your review was appreciated. I also see you've picked up on those subtle messages in between the lines, I was wondering if someone had caught those hints.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary**

* * *

><p><strong>I fixed my format, thanks for the help my reviewers. I'm the type of author who listens to reviewers :)<strong>

**I already have something planned for chapters 37-40, so...**

* * *

><p>Chapter 35: For The Love of Rukia<p>

"Hey Kisuke, if you're so happy why don't you read?" Ichigo suggested.

"Huh, oh I would but I'd much rather do the straw thing." Urahara replied. "And it's detective Urahara now Ichigo."

"Whatever." Ichigo said. "Now, let's draw straws again."

With a sigh the group resumed to draw straws.

"Damn it." Grimmjow muttered.

Ichigo smirked. "Well, what are you waiting for? Go ahead and sit."

Grimmjow shoved him out the way. "Shut up bastard, I'm going. "

Hanataro edged off the chair. "Here you go."

"Hey Ichigo, has it been thirty minutes already? " Renji asked. "I'm starving. "

"No it hasn't been thirty minutes, it's barely been ten minutes. " Ichigo replied.

Shuhei groaned. "I'm so hungry."

"Don't worry Shuhei," Rangiku reassured. "I'm sure thirty minutes will fly by in no time."

Shuhei blushed. "Y-Yeah."

Starrk leaned back on the wall. "Freaking floor is so uncomfortable. I want my bed back."

Ichigo raised his brow. "The hell are you talking about, you mean my bed."

Starrk frowned. "No, I mean my bed."

"I'm not even going there, you're most likely going through a phase right now, caused by to much Fanfiction. I'll let it run its course."

"Ichigo, do you want me to fix your window again?" Orihime asked.

"Thanks Orihime, but that's okay. Every time you fix it someone always breaks it, so don't sweat it; and besides, we need some breathing space here."

"I guess I could fix it when everyone leaves." Orihime added. "Like that no one will break it."

Ichigo smiled. "I'd appreciate that."

"So would I." Rukia added. "This is my house too, and I sure won't like living in a broken house."

"I hate to break it to you Rukia, but we're going to be doing a lot of renovating in order to fix this mess."

"Don't worry Ichigo, us Kuchikis never stay in debt." Rukia replied. "I'll stay up all night if that's what it takes to fix our home."

"I could stay too." Orihime said.

"I'm not going to have you here all night working Orihime." Ichigo replied. "Just leave it to me. After this trauma is over I want you to rest."

Nnoitra scoffed. "I'm going to need a lot more than rest to get this shit out of my brain."

"I say it's a good thing for you, at least you'll have something other than killing in your mind." Nel said.

"Choke on it Nelliel." Nnoitra retorted.

"Can you two ever cooperate?" Ulquiorra asked.

"It's Nnoitra the one with the problem, not me." Nel replied. "I don't understand why he's always in a bad mood."

"It's not a mood if he's always in it y'know, it's his personality." Ikkaku said.

"Hey I got something." Grimmjow said and the group huddled closer to the computer.

**A Shot at Love with Rukia Kuchiki**

"How original." Rukia exclaimed. "Wait, that's me!"

**By RukiaXHarem365**

"Harem! I don't want a harem!"

Byakuya scowled. As if he'd allow his sister to be surrounded by several men.

Nnoitra smirked. "Heh, I wouldn't mind one."

"You're disgusting Nnoitra." Nel growled.

**Summary: Get ready for the biggest show ever. Watch as several males attempt to win the ice princess's heart.**

Rukia blushed. "Ice princess huh, doesn't sound to bad."

"Doesn't sound to bad? Rukia they're about to burn you." Renji snapped.

"Believe me, I know. It's just ice princess has a nice ring to it."

"It's not better than detective Urahara." Urahara mumbled.

**Hosted by our beautiful Yumichika.**

"Noooo! I don't want to- hey, I got complimented." Yumichika said. "That's more like it."

"Well, this is a first." Kon added.

**Ps: Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo**

"What, who?" Yoruichi asked.

"Oh yeah, I forgot you're new." Uryuu said. "This 'Bleach' thing is some weird show based on us or something, and apparently it belongs to Tite Kubo."

"..Wow," Was all Yoruichi could mutter.

**Yumichika: Hello there audience and you're watching 'A Shot at Love with Rukia Kuchiki'.-**

Grimmjow scoffed. "Oh really, I think I'd now what I'm watching if I'm watching it. Dumbass."

"Hey! Don't talk about me like that."

**Where these bachelors all try to win her heart, but only one will succeed**

"No duh only one will succeed. What person would be okay with sharing his woman?" Nnoitra spat.

"Dumbass." Starrk added.

Yumichika crossed his arms angrily. "You're all just jealous I'm not being ridiculed."

**Now let's meet our eight bachelors,-**

"Eight bachelors!" Rukia gasped. "What kind of woman puts herself up for something like that."

Grimmjow snickered. "Technically, you."

_*PUNCH*_

"It was a rhetorical question, fool!"

Grimmjow rubbed the bruise on his head. "Damn Ichigo, how do you live with all these blows?"

"With great effort." Ichigo said. He off all people knew just how much those fists hurt.

**from right to left-**

"What is this a manga?" Uryuu joked.

**our first person is Kurosaki Ichigo**

"No! What is it with this freaking Bleach crap pairing me and Rukia against our will, don't they need our consent first or something, and who the hell is this 'Tite Kubo' bastard?"

Nnoitra shrugged. "To me it looked like you two were already together."

Rukia glared at him. "Oh is that right, well to me it looked like you and Nel were already together."

"Hey!" Nel said.

Nnoitra eyed Rukia. "Touchè."

**Yumichika: Our next one is Grimmjow,-**

"What! I could understand Ichigo, but me?"

Toshiro frowned. "Could we just stop with the constant interruptions? I'd hate to think that I have to deal with this for every other person included in this story."

**next is Toshiro,-**

"WHAT!"

"Take your own advice before you give it." Ulquiorra said. "Otherwise you look like a fool."

**next is Ulquiorra,-**

"What!"

Toshiro smirked. "Now who needs to follow their advice?"

**then Uryuu and Renji,**

"I could understand Renji, but since when did I like Rukia?" Uryuu asked.

"Huh? I thought you did like Rukia Uryuu." Orihime said.

Uryuu raised a brow. "Hmm? Where did you get that idea from, it's Renji who likes her."

"Hey! I don't like Rukia." Renji barked.

"So Rukia, you sure are popular." Yoruichi joked.

"I don't even want any of this attention!" Rukia retorted. "I'm a Soul Reaper not some prize to be won."

Byakuya was extremely relieved to hear that. He was glad Rukia wasn't thinking of any nonsense and was a dedicated Soul Reaper. "Well said."

**and last but not least, Hanataro and-**

"Me? Oh man, I thought my torture was over."

"Who's the eighth?" Shuhei asked.

"It's definitely me." Kon answered. "I'm the one who's destined to be with my precious Nee-san."

Rukia stomped him with her foot. "Like hell you are, don't make stupid jokes like that!"

**Aizen**

Rukia gagged. "Ew!"

In an out of character fashion, Aizen facepalmed. His new main goal was to destroy the whole Fanfiction staff, Soul Society could wait.

**Now for our main attraction, let's bring out Rukia.**

**Rukia: Thank you Yumichika, I'm nervous though. They all look so hot. I wish I could take them all,-**

"Slut." Nnoitra muttered.

_*KICK*_

Nnoitra clutched between his legs in pain. "Right in the r-round ceros."

**but only one will take my love.**

**Yumichika: This is how the game works, I'll ask you a question in private and you'll answer. Depending on what your answer is, you'll advance to the next stage. Bare in mind that only some of you will advance.**

**The members gulped.**

**Yumichika: Okay Ichigo, follow me for your first question. (They wait, while Ichigo goes inside a special room)**

"Hopefully my character gets it wrong, then I won't have to be in this mess." Ichigo pleaded.

"Where is that damn pizza?" Renji said. "I'm dying here."

"No kidding." Shuhei agreed.

"This is a job for detective Urahara and his partner Starrk!" Urahara exclaimed. "Okay people, let's get our clues together."

Starrk yawned lazily. "I'll let you handle the clues, I'm the action guy."

"Fine by me. So if we called the pizza about twenty minutes ago, and they said-"

"You're not a freaking detective Kisuke." Ichigo snapped.

**Okay question, what does Rukia love drawing?**

**Ichigo: Chappy, duh.**

"Can't argue with that. I love Chappy, Chappy's so cute." Rukia said.

"Why'd they give me an easy question?" Ichigo grumbled.

**Yumichika: Good job Ichigo, you pass.**

**(Ichigo leaves and Renji enters)**

**Yumichika: Okay Renji, time for your question. Who does Rukia hate the most?**

Rukia scoffed. "Aizen, duh."

"Come now, what have I ever done to you?" Aizen asked, wearing his fake smile.

Rukia frowned. "You mean besides shoving your hand inside my waist to pull out some diamond."

"The Hogyoku, " Aizen corrected. "And you're still alive aren't you, besides, it was Urahara who placed it there in the first place."

"Oh yeah..." Rukia muttered. She shot an angry look at Urahara. "I never did get my payback."

Urahara backed away from her. "H-hey, I thought we were past that Rukia." In one quick motion Rukia jumped over to him and began whacking his head.

**Renji: That's easy, Orihime**

"Huh?" Orihime said.

Rukia stopped her beating to glare at Renji. "Are you stupid Renji, I don't hate Inoue."

**Yumichika: Correct.**

"Rukia, you... hate me." Orihime mumbled sadly.

"No!" Rukia shouted. "I could never hate you- gah, what's wrong with these stupid stories? Listen to me Inoue, you're a very important friend to me, never forget that."

"Do you promise?"

"I promise."

The two embraced and assured their friendship, while everyone aww'd.

**(Renji left and Hanataro entered)**

**Yumichika: Ehh... how did you even get accepted in this show?**

**Hanataro: Easy, I slept with the director**

"Whoa, lucky dog," Grimmjow praised. "You actually scored with a chick."

**Yumichika: *Pales* The director was a guy.**

"Hahah!" Nnoitra laughed.

"I take my compliment back." Grimmjow said.

Hanataro sighed. "When will my luck change?"

**Hanataro: ...**

**Yumichika: Let's just start the question. What does Rukia call her brother?**

"That's obvious, she calls him Nii-sama." Hanataro said. "I've heard it so many times."

**Hanataro: She calls him Nii-sama**

**Yumichika: Oohh, tough luck. You're wrong,-**

"What?" Hanataro said, slightly annoyed. Even the others were confused.

**she calls him Byakuya. **

"I don't call Nii-sama Byakuya!"

**(A/N - I'm using the english dub of Bleach XD)**

"The what!" Everyone shouted.

**Now there's the door Hanataro.**

**(Hanataro exits sadly-**

"That's not fair, I got the answer right." Hanataro complained. He then faced Yumichika. " You squad eleven guys are all the same, you pick on us little people."

"No you got it all wrong." Yumichika said. "I detest cheating and dirty plays, I'm not like that."

**and Grimmjow enters)**

**Yumichika: Okay let's start our question. So Grimmjow, who is Rukia's favorite person?**

**Grimmjow: Is it... Ukitake?**

**Yumichika: You're right.**

"Why Rukia, I'm very flattered." Ukitake said, sending his subordinate a smile.

Rukia happily returned the smile. That bit wasn't a lie, she really did care about her captain.

"My character better win this shit." Grimmjow said.

"Like I'd let your ass near Rukia." Ichigo replied.

"It's not even about that, you dumbass. I just don't like losing in anything, especially to all the losers competing."

"I am no loser, trash." Ulquiorra replied.

"Nor am I, you should watch what you say." Aizen added.

**(Now Toshiro enters)**

**Yumichika: Your turn Toshiro, what type of people does Rukia hate?**

"How should I even know?" Toshiro asked. "I hardly even talk to Rukia."

"The answer is easy captain Hitsugaya." Rukia replied. She cast an angry look at Aizen. "The type of people I hate are the ones who think they're gods."

"I see you aren't referring to me, since I don't 'think' I'm a god." Aizen said smugly.

**Toshiro: Um... people like... Hanataro.**

**Yumichika: Wrong, she hates people like Kon**

"No! Say it isn't so!" Kon weeped.

**(Ulquiorra enters and Toshiro leaves)**

**Yumichika: Question, why would Rukia be interested in you?**

**Ulquiorra: Because I am not trash.**

"How is that a good answer?" Hanataro said.

"That is a valid answer." Ulquiorra responded.

**Yumichika: Eh... good enough, you pass.**

"This is no way for Rukia to be treated, I despise pointless things such as this." Byakuya said.

"Tell me about it." Ichigo added. "I can't stand these types of shows."

**(Now Uryuu enters)**

**Yumichika: I can't even believe the show accepted your application.**

Uryuu narrowed his eyes and he turned to Yumichika. "I see what it is, you're being spiteful against me because I'm a Quincy, right?"

"What, no. Didn't I explain myself alre-"

"I got news for you, there's nothing wrong with a Quincy."

**Uryuu: I'm the perfect match for Rukia. I've never mistreated her and I never will.**

"I thought Quincy people hated all the Soul Reapers, yet you're so friendly with half-pint over there." Starrk said. "Maybe you do like her."

Both Uryuu and Rukia blushed.

"Don't be stupid, Ishida has no feelings for me. He's just being a gentleman, and it's Kuchiki Rukia, not half-pint!"

"She's right, although I may be a Quincy, I'm also a gentleman."

**Yumichika: Hmm... admirable. Anyways, on with our question. When is Rukia's birthday?**

Uryuu smirked with pride. "Easy, January 14."

**Uryuu: January 14**

"Hmm.. I was half expecting the story to get it wrong." Kon said.

**Yumichika: Congrats Uryuu, you're in.**

**(Aizen enters)**

"Oh please get it wrong." Rukia pleaded. " I'd hate to be won by you."

"I'm already done with you, I have no more use for you." Aizen replied.

**Yumichika: Alright, you're the last one Aizen. There's a good reason why you're last.**

**Aizen: And that reason is?**

**Yumichika: Listen, you don't have to answer any questions.**

"Say what!" Grimmjow barked. He roughly pulled Yumichika by his collar. "And why is he so special, answer me you fruitcake!"

Yumichika smacked his hand away. "Don't ever touch me. I have no idea, so don't look at me. I wasn't the one who created this nonsense."

**Truth is that Rukia hand picked you for this show herself.**

Rukia felt sick to her stomach. "I'd never!"

**Aizen: Hmph, I expected as much. Since I'm such a sexy beast.**

The group laughed at Aizen's depiction.

Aizen on the other hand wasn't so happy. "How could people even consider this a story?"

**Yumichika: Now, time for you to see your competition.**

**Aizen: Bitch please, have you seen this sexy bod, I have no competition.**

Again the room exploded in laughter, further pissing Aizen off.

**(Yumichika lines up the contenders)**

**Yumichika: Look around you, you'll soon be facing off in the next challenge.**

**AN - Okay guys, I already have chapter 2 half complete. I'll post it up ONLY if I get more than 10 reviews.**

"How childish." Ulquiorra stated. "Begging like trash."

"No one in their right mind would want this horrible story to continue." Rangiku said.

Nnoitra pushed Grimmjow off. " Hang on, I'm leaving this bitch a nasty ass flame for being so desperate."

"Nnoitra don't, that's not nice." Nel scolded.

Nnoitra ignored her and mumbled his review to himself. "...and that's why this shit sucks and you should run yourself through with my Santa Teresa. Signed by: Nnoitra Gilga." He finished up by clicking on the 'Post Review' button. "There."

Ichigo chuckled. "Nice one."

Suddenly the doorbell rung.

"Pizza delivery!" A man called out.

"Finally!" Everyone but Ichigo said, he angrily began fishing for his wallet.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**Being the host is hard work, just ask Ichigo. Anyways, there goes another chapter.**

**To all the FF writers, if you ever encounter a flame, it's most likely Nnoitra being a troll.**


	36. Chapter 36

**This will be the final request I will take, since I've already planned out my last chapters. Thanks for giving me all these cool ideas and t****hanks **_xXRedPokerGirlxX_** for this idea. It was actually something you requested earlier.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary**

* * *

><p><strong>To <strong>_DAIrinchan_**: happy be-late-ed birthday, I hope you enjoyed it.**

**Thanks **_LazyFoxLover_** for being my 800th reviewer.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 36: Killer on the Kuchiki Mansion (Part One)<p>

"God damn it, where's my frigging wallet?" Ichigo muttered as he searched through his pile of furniture.

"Hurry up Ichigo, I'm hungry." Renji ordered.

"Yeah, I can feel my stomach eating my stomach already." Ikkaku added impatiently.

"Freaking shut up already, I'm looking for it." Ichigo snapped. He finally found it stuck between his bed and his drawer. "Got it."

"Alright, finally." Rangiku cheered.

Ichigo dove down the hole and ran to the front door, where the pizza man was waiting. "Sorry I had you waiting."

"That's fine, but.. why didn't you open the door?"

"Uh... you see, well," Ichigo began pondering for something clever. "My house is... being fumigated." Okay that was far from clever.

The man stared at Ichigo for a second before handing him the four pizza boxes and the two sodas. "That'll be $56.75."

Ichigo winced as he reached for his money. "Here you go." Once he handed him the money the man stayed, staring at Ichigo as if waiting for something.

It took Ichigo a moment before realization hit him. A tip, the man wanted a tip. No, there was no way he was going to spend more of his precious money for these horrible guests in his house. His hard earned money was flying out of him in one day.

So Ichigo gave the man a stare, he really didn't know what type of expression was on him, but the man fled the scene immediately.

"Ichigo, you need a lift?" Orihime called out.

"Yeah, I wouldn't mind one." Ichigo said.

Orihime placed her hand on her hairpins. "Let's do it, Santen Kesshun, I reject!" Soon an orange triangular barrier appeared under Ichigo, easily hovering up to his room.

Ichigo placed the soda down and used his free hand to give Orihime a high five. "Thanks Orihime, brought me up here like a badass."

"No problem Ichigo." Orihime replied happily.

"Yay, pizza time!" Yachiru cheered.

"Alright you freeloaders, time to eat." Ichigo said.

Renji didn't need to be told twice, he opened one of the pizza boxes and pulled a slice out. "I don't care if this food looks weird, but I'm starving."

"There were plates in the bag, dumbass." Ichigo said and he began passing them out. He passed one of the boxes to Yoruichi. "Here you go, Kisuke told me you wanted one for yourself."

"Thanks Ichigo." Yoruichi replied.

As Nel was about to grab a plate, Nnoitra snatched it away from her. "Oh you wanted this, well reach up and get it."

Nel frowned. "You're such a child Nnoitra."

Aizen smirked, this was his ultimate chance to get Nelliel back on his side. Like a gentleman, he handed her a plate and put extra effort in making his fake smile seem real. "Here you go my dear."

Nel eyed him warily. He might try to kiss her or point a gun at her, but she dismissed these thoughts as Fanfiction overdose. "Thank you.. uh, lord Aizen."

"Nelliel, I hope we can put this mess behind us and simply label it as Fanfiction trauma."

"I don't see why not, I think I took my frustration to far. You have to understand that I was severely creeped out by your character."

"I was creeped out as well."

Rukia walked over to her brother and handed him a plate with a pepperoni pizza. "Nii-sama I got you a pizza, try it."

Byakuya took the plate. "Thank you Rukia." He took a small bite of the pizza and made sure to savor the taste. He noticed everyone was staring at him expectantly, oh right. "It's... delicious."

"Success!" Rukia cheered. She then passed one to her captain. "It's your turn captain Ukitake."

"Thank you, I'm curious about this food. If captain Kuchiki likes it, then so will I." He wasted no time and bit the pizza, hinting to the others that he was also hungry. "Mmm delicious."

"Another success."

"This shit really is good." Nnoitra said in between chews. "Good thinking on ordering this pizza half- I mean Rukia." He didn't want to be on the receiving end of her blows.

Rukia nodded proudly. "I don't wanna brag or anything but I do know my way around the human world already. No need to thank me."

"I paid for this pizza y'know! Where's my thanks?"

"Thank you Ichigo." Everyone groaned.

"Heh, that's more like it." Ichigo said. "Now since I paid for this, it's only fair that I don't participate when we draw straws."

"Fair enough." Renji said.

The others began the dreaded process of drawing out straws. Ichigo comfortably leaned back, it felt nice knowing he wasn't going to read.

"Woohoo! It's not me." Ikkaku cheered.

"Or me." Yoruichi said.

"Damn it, it's me." Yumichika grumbled.

Ichigo handed him a napkin. "Clean those filthy hands before you touch my mouse."

"Oh shut up Ichigo." Yumichika retorted. He sat down and angrily started searching for a story.

"Don't hurt yourself princess." Grimmjow joked, making the room chuckle.

"Is it funny that we aren't trying to kill each other?" Rangiku suddenly said.

"..."

A silence ensued. Nobody had noticed how true that statement was. It seemed strange. The 'bad guys' hadn't tried to attack the 'good guys'. Fanfiction dot net had blossomed an awkward bonding between the ones in the room. Enemies were sharing conversations and laughs with supposed enemies.

The eerie silence was broken when Yumichika spoke. "Hey I found one." It was a good thing too, everyone was starting to tense up.

**Mountain Villa Murder **

"A murder story, hell yeah!" Nnoitra cheered. "I definitely wanna see this."

"I'm not surprised." Nel said.

Yachiru clung onto Byakuya. "Hide me Byakushi."

"This is a job for detective-"

"Shut up Kisuke, enough with that." Ichigo snapped. "Geez, you're as bad as the emperor Rukia thing."

"Emperor Rukia?" Rukia repeated. "Huh?"

**By Nnoitra'sBiggestFangurl**

"And here I thought Tesla didn't know about fanfiction." Grimmjow joked and Ulquiorra slightly chuckled at that.

"Shut up!" Nnoitra retorted. "You think I can't have fangirls?"

"Face it Nnoitra, Tesla's your only fangirl." Grimmjow replied.

"And your only fangirl is Szayel."

Grimmjow frowned. "Trust me, you DON'T wanna go there again."

**Summary: Everyone is invited to the Kuchiki mansion-**

"Like I'd ever allow you mongrels in my mansion."

**for a big reunion, but things take a turn for the worse when someone suddenly dies. Friends can no longer be trusted and dark secrets are revealed in this horror plot.**

"Hey Rukia, you seen any good murder movies or books?" Nnoitra asked. He figured she's the expert on human world stuff and all.

"Why yes, yes I have. I tend to stay away from them though, I'm prone to nightmares after I watch one."

"Pssh, this is nothing. We fight hollows and other crazy shit on a daily basis." Ikkaku said. "The hell is a killer gonna do?"

**This is an AU. There will be no Zanpaktous, Quincy powers, or hollows.**

"Ahh, you hear that, that's the sound of irony Ikkaku." Yoruichi said.

"No powers, that makes it all the more challenging." Ikkaku replied.

**Ichigo approached the-**

"Great, I'm in it."

**huge Kuchiki mansion. He was really excited to see his friends again. He hasn't seen them in a long time, not since he entered college.**

**It was past 6 and he was right on time. There was a nice breeze. He parked his car and rang the doorbell. He was greeted by someone he'd truly missed.**

**"Ichigo!"**

**"Yo, Rukia."**

Rukia frowned. "I think I've been featured in absolutely every story we've read, whether it was verbally or physically, I'm always included."

**"Long time no see." Rukia said, hugging Ichigo. **

**"Yeah it's been a while. So who else is here?"**

**"Come in, our friends are waiting." Rukia led him towards the living room, where the other guests were.**

**Ichigo eyed the guests. "Uryuu, Orihime, Tatsuki, Toshiro! I'm glad to see you guys."**

"Damn it all." Toshiro muttered. "I think I heard my name."

"I'm in it as well and so is Orihime." Uryuu added.

**The guests began chatting about life after high school. After a while another guest rang the doorbell.**

**"I got it." Rukia said. She opened the door and smiled. "Took you long enough."**

**Outside were Grimmjow and Aizen.**

"Aizen is the killer." Urahara said. "Don't thank me, it's my job."

"You're not a detective, and why should I be labeled as the bad guy?" Aizen replied.

"Who else would it be?" Yoruichi added.

**"Yo Rukia, what's up," Grimmjow greeted.**

**"Hey there you two." Rukia said happily.**

**Another car arrived and inside were Renji, Hinamori, and Izuru.**

Renji sighed. "Of course they'd include me."

Toshiro narrowed his eyes. "They dare add Momo."

**"Since everyone is here,-**

"Woohoo, I'm not in it." Nnoitra said. "I hope you die first Grimmjow."

"Keep dreaming stick, no one could kill me."

Urahara frowned. "How could I solve the case if I'm not even in it?"

"You can't solve anything because you're NOT a detective!" Ichigo shouted.

**let's start the party." Rukia said and she led her new guests inside the living room.**

**As Grimmjow entered the living room he instantly started a glaring contest with Ichigo.**

Ironically the real Grimmjow began glaring at Ichigo, whom glared back.

**They had never liked each other. Grimmjow had attended the same high school as Ichigo and they've always had some bad blood.**

**Uryuu noticed the tension and spoke up. "So Rukia, where's your brother?"**

Byakuya began praying he wouldn't be in this.

**"Oh he's away on a business trip."**

Byakuya sighed happily.

**Izuru popped the wine open. "That means you have this house all to yourself, let's get this party started."**

**"Definitely." Rukia replied.**

**They all began engaging in lots of talks, joke telling, and even some games. It wasn't until the clock hit 11 that things started steering into the wrong direction.**

"Finally." Nnoitra grumbled.

**Rukia peered out the window and noticed it was pouring outside. "I think you should all stay the night here. There's plenty of room here and my brother won't be back yet."**

**"Sweet." Renji said. "I'm feeling a little light headed, so I'm off to bed."**

"Renji is so dying first." Shuhei joked.

"Like hell I am, I'm to important to die first."

**Soon afterwards the others began heading into their respective rooms. Rukia collapsed onto her bed. Being with her friends was fun. Her door suddenly began opening.**

"Rukia's dying first!" Rangiku said.

"Good, it means I'll be out of this mess."

Ichigo laughed, Rukia was definitely one of a kind.

**Her head shot up, but she sighed in relief when she noticed it was just Grimmjow.**

"What are you doing visiting Rukia at such a late hour?" Byakuya asked with a deadly tone.

Grimmjow raised his hands up in defense. "Hey, whoa, how should I know?"

**"What do you want Grimmjow?"**

**"I'm glad you're awake. I got a little thirsty, but your house is so huge... so I figured I'd get lost. Mind helping me out?"**

**Rukia sighed. "Sure, why not." She began taking him towards the kitchen and indeed someone could've gotten lost, but they made it. She watched as Grimmjow gulped up the glass of water.**

**"Thanks Rukia." Grimmjow said. He than suddenly went nervous and eyed the empty glass. "You know... I really missed you."**

"I smell a romance." Yumichika said.

"Oh come on! Why does this romance shit always have to be included?" Grimmjow snapped.

Rukia pinched the bridge of her nose. "This is exactly why I wanted my character to die."

**Rukia stared at him in shock. **

**"The truth is... I really liked you back in high school, but I just couldn't work up the nerve to tell you."**

"Pussy, can't even talk to a girl." Nnoitra mocked.

"Bite me you assbag." Grimmjow retorted.

"Why can't you be considerate of others Nnoitra, will it really kill you?" Nel added.

**"G-Grimmjow, are you messing with me?"**

**"I'm not." Grimmjow seriously said. He slowly leaned in towards a shocked Rukia and their lips met.**

"Rukia would never date some damn espada, this story is just as dumb as the others." Renji said.

"Hey Rukia, you're always the girl featured in these romance stories." Rangiku added.

"I'd hate to see who else these authors have paired me up with." Rukia replied.

**Suddenly a terrified yell echoed across the mansion.**

"Looks like Aizen has killed his first victim." Urahara said.

"So you assume just because I want to get rid of you all that must make me the killer."

"You're the killer Aizen, trust me I'm a detective."

"The first victim..." Nel muttered, now getting a little scared. It didn't make it better that it was starting to get dark. She huddled closer towards Nnoitra who seemed excited instead of scared.

"Sweet, first dead person. I hope it's Grimmjow... oh wait."

**Rukia pushed away from him. "That was Momo." Without waiting she dashed upstairs with him not to far behind. They found everyone outside on the hallway.**

**"What just happened?" Renji asked. **

**It was then they saw a terrified Momo on her knees, pointing towards a room. "T-There.."**

**Ichigo checked the door and instantly felt his stomach drop. "Holy shit!" **

"The suspense is killing me!" Kon said. "No pun intended."

"Tell me about it," Ikkaku agreed, "I wanna know who it is already."

**Renji peered and inside and quickly looked away. "Oh God! What the fuck!" The others slowly checked in and they immediately turned away feeling sick.**

**"Oh my God!" Orihime cried in fear.**

**Inside was the dead body of Izuru.**

Shuhei flinched, that line didn't sit right with him.

"Uh... who?" Nnoitra asked.

**It wasn't just that he was dead, but it was how he was dead. He was cut open from the stomach and his insides were outside.**

"Damn... that's gruesome." Kon said.

"Aizen is the killer." Urahara repeated.

"So now you're assuming that I'd cut someone open, what do you take me for?"

**"Oh God, Izuru." Momo whimpered.**

**"Fucking call the cops!" Toshiro barked.**

**"I'll go with you." Ichigo said as Rukia began descending the stairs. She reached the house phone and lifted it up, but almost instantly she slammed it down.**

**"What is it Rukia?" **

**Rukia stared at him in fear. "There's no dial."**

"A smart killer." Uryuu said. "Cutting them off from any outside help is genius."

"Uryuu is the killer!" Orihime cried, ducking behind Ichigo.

Ichigo facepalmed.

**Ichigo placed his hands on her shoulder to calm her shaking. "We have to return to the others, let's go." He grabbed her hand and they rushed back.**

**Grimmjow frowned when he saw them like that,- **

"Love triangle." Yoruichi said.

"Oh boy, just what I wanted to see." Ichigo replied with fake enthusiasm.

**but was interrupted by Uryuu.**

**"Well?" He said.**

**"That psycho cut the phone lines." Rukia said.**

"Now this is getting interested." Nnoitra said.

"No, you mean it's getting scarier." Nel replied.

**"We gotta get the hell out of here! There's a freaking killer here." Tatsuki said. "I'm driving out of here, let's go Orihime."**

**Ichigo grabbed Rukia's hand again. "Good idea, c'mon Rukia, you can't stay here."**

**Once outside they headed for their cars, only to find their tires had been punctured and several broken trees blocking the path.**

"Wow Aizen, you really thought this through." Urahara murmured.

"I'm not the killer."

**"Are you shitting me!" Renji shouted. "Come on, back inside guys!"**

**"What are we going to do?" Momo asked once they were inside.**

"No, don't go back inside. That's what the killer wants." Nel said, by now she was grabbing a hold of Nnoitra's arm.

**"I'm not getting near any of you, it's like I don't even know any of you." Tatsuki said.**

**Grimmjow angrily pulled her by her shirt. "Do you fucking think one of us did it!"**

**Suddenly the lights flickered off and darkness seeped into the mansion.**

**End of Chapter one.**

"No!" Nnoitra shouted. "Tell me there's another chapter."

"Actually..." Yumichika said. "There is."

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><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**This was originally going to be one chapter, but it turned out longer then expected and I just couldn't leave it at that. I couldn't do that to my awesome reviewers, so I had to continue. On a side note, wouldn't these guys be the best of buds if they just all got along?**

**Heheh, can you guys guess who the killer is?**


	37. Chapter 37

**Okay I'm back, this is the last installment of the killer in the Kuchiki Mansion story. After this the conclusion chapters begin. Some of you had actually guessed who the killer was. Thanks **_asia411_** for being my 900th reviewer.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary**

* * *

><p><strong>Since this was the last request, I wanted it to half suckhalf be good.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 37: Killer on the Kuchiki Mansion (Part Two)<p>

Yumichika paused and turned his head. "So should I read the second chapter?"

"No way!" Nel retorted.

"What are ya, chicken? Of course we're reading the next chapter." Nnoitra said.

"Why, it's obviously gonna suck." Ichigo added.

"Yeah, it may seem good now but put your faith in the story and you're setting yourself up for disaster." Rangiku stated.

"Plus, we already know who the killer is. Thanks to me that is." Urahara added.

"I say we just skip it." Kon suggested.

"Yeah." Yachiru added. "Scary stories stink."

"No way, don't tell me you're all scared?" Nnoitra said. "This is the only story I've been interested in besides that zombie story."

"I must agree with Nnoitra." Aizen added. "I don't particularly find this excuse of a story good, but I want to see the look of Urahara's face when I turn out not to be the killer."

Urahara smirked. "Is that a challenge? You actually think a detective will get it wrong?"

"Perhaps not a real detective, but you, yes."

"That does it, let's read the second chapter." Urahara declared.

"Yes!" Nnoitra cheered.

Yoruichi shook her head. "Oh Kisuke, what am I going to do with you?"

Yachiru hugged Byakuya. "If I stay with Byakushi, nothing will happen."

"Ichigo will protect us all from the killer." Nel added. "Right Ichigo?"

Ichigo sighed. "Sure Nel."

Yumichika clicked on the next chapter. "I guess it's settled than."

**A/N- thanks for your reviews guys, let's start the final chapter. **

**"What's with the damn lights?" Renji asked.**

**"Is the rain messing with the lights now?" Toshiro muttered.**

**"I can barely see shit." Grimmjow said.**

Ikkaku flipped the light switch off. "It'll make it more scarier."

**Footsteps could be heard approaching down the stairs.**

**"Who the hell is that!" Ichigo shouted.**

**"It's the killer, run!" Uryuu said.**

"I think you're role in this story is to be the paranoid scaredy cat." Rukia said. "There's always at least one in these horror movies."

Uryuu frowned. "How original."

"Hey, that's my line Ishida. Stick to your 'the story thinks otherwise' lines." Rukia replied.

**"No, don't separate!" Renji shouted, but it was too late. Everyone had scrambled into different directions.**

"You idiots are going to be picked off one by one." Nnoitra said.

"It's common to see everyone being idiots in horror movies," Rukia explained. "This is definitely following an average horror plot."

"That can't be good for you guys." Rangiku said.

"They dare portray my lord as a brainless idiot." Ulquiorra growled. "Such trash this is."

**Renji dashed away as the footsteps became louder. He didn't even know where he was, this place was huge. The first door he saw was the first he entered.**

**It was pitch black in here and only the moonlight gave some light, but he was able to figure out that there was only one door to this place. Therefore he'd immediately notice if someone were trying to enter.**

"Hmm.. that was surprisingly smart of you." Byakuya stated.

"Hey, what's that suppose to mean?" Renji said.

**Renji locked it up and leaned back on the door. He hadn't realized that he was holding his breath. He truly was terrified.**

**At least he was safe here. ****Suddenly he felt a sharp pain in his stomach. Looking down, he saw a knife impaling him through the door.**

"Talk about irony." Yoruichi said.

Nnoitra chuckled. "Now that's what I call getting stabbed in the back."

Ichigo snickered as well. "I always tell him to watch his 'back'."

"Whatever, at least I can't be humiliated anymore." Renji muttered.

"Yeah, you already been 'butchered' enough." Grimmjow joked, making the room laugh.

**The killer pulled the knife upwards before pulling it out, assuring Renji's death. He than disappeared in the darkness.**

**(Ichigo)**

**Ichigo didn't know where he was, he had climbed like three sets of stairs.**

**A bright light enveloped him and he was about to book it, but the voice halted him.**

**"Ichigo!"**

**"Rukia!" Ichigo dashed towards her and embraced her. "I'm glad you're okay."**

"Not like I care, but it's kinda fucked up how you're ignoring my character's feelings." Grimmjow said, glaring at Rukia.

"Hey, you- I mean your character kissed me, not the other way around." Rukia retorted. "For all we know my character could've liked Ichigo."

**"I got this flashlight, now let's go search for the others." Rukia said.**

**"Ichigo, Rukia, is that you?"**

**They turned around to see Tatsuki at the end of the hallway.**

"Who the hell is Tatsuki?" Nnoitra asked.

Grimmjow shrugged. "Beats me."

**Rukia was about to go to her, but Ichigo held her back. "Tatsuki, where's Orihime?"**

**"I don't know. One minute we're together and the next she's gone. I think the killer got her."**

**Ichigo frowned. "Why did you let her outta your sight? I don't know if I believe you."**

"Stupid Ichigo, Aizen's the killer." Urahara said.

"I am not the killer, perhaps you're the killer." Aizen calmly replied.

"Me? I don't have killer in my DNA, but you've got it written all over you."

**"Don't you even begin to accuse me!" Tatsuki barked. "She's my best friend!"**

**The door besides Tatsuki opened and a hooded figure appeared."**

**"Look out!" Rukia shouted. It was too late and the killer pushed Tatsuki out the window, killing her instantly.**

"Have a nice trip." Nnoitra childishly joked.

"Oh my God, is the window okay?" Grimmjow added with a laugh.

"Shut up!" Orihime snapped. "Don't make fun of my friend."

"Sheesh, calm your tits. It was a joke." Nnoitra replied.

**"Son of a bitch!" Ichigo yelled as he charged in.**

**"Ichigo!" Rukia cried.**

**The killer managed to evade him and sneak away.**

Rukia crossed her arms pensively. "So the killer isn't Renji, or Tatsuki, or Ichigo and me."

"I bet Orihime is dead already too." Ikkaku added.

"I told you it was Aizen." Urahara replied.

"Don't jump the gun, the author could easily include a random person as the killer." Starrk said.

"Ahhh, you're right my partner in justice." Urahara responded with a grin.

**Before Ichigo could follow Rukia held him back. "Just stop Ichigo, I don't want you to die."**

**Ichigo stared down at her sadly. "I'm sorry, I promise I won't leave your side."**

"Aww, how sweet." Yoruichi said.

"Please, I'd do that for any one of my friends." Ichigo grumbled. "Don't make much of it."

**(Toshiro and Momo)**

"Damn it, I had forgotten I was in this story."

**"I'm really scared." Momo mumbled as she hugged her Toshiro's arm.**

**"Don't worry." Toshiro assured her as they wandered the hallways. In reality he was scared, but he had to keep his cool so Momo could feel safe.**

**"Hey what's that?" Momo whispered and she pointed to a door.**

**Toshiro's eyes widened when he saw red liquid on the bottom of the door. "Sshh." He grabbed a nearby lamp and slowly opened the door.**

Nel ducked behind Nnoitra. "Oh no, the killer is definitely in there."

"You're such a chicken Nelliel." Nnoitra said.

**He had to apply some force since the door appeared to have something behind it. He managed to open it, but what he saw shocked him.**

**"Renji!" Lying on the ground was Renji's lifeless body. **

**"What is it?" Momo said.**

**Toshiro stepped out with a scared look. "Renji is dead, we have to get outta here."**

"Be careful, Aizen could be lurking anywhere." Urahara murmured.

A vein threatened to pop onto Aizen. He was seriously getting irritated with this.

**Toshiro froze when he saw a figure behind Momo, holding a knife.**

"What did I say, I told you to be careful."

"Oh she's getting it." Starrk said.

Toshiro clenched his fists. He couldn't bare to see his closest friend get hurt, not even in Fanfiction.

"Damn Aizen." Shuhei muttered angrily. Momo was his friend as well.

"I am NOT the killer." Aizen said, making sure to add emphasis on the 'not'.

**The knife swung down and everything began moving in slow motion. Surprising himself, Toshiro slammed himself onto the killer.**

"Alright, way to go captain." Rangiku cheered, pulling him into a bear hug.

Toshiro squirmed in the hug. "C-Can't breathe."

"Good job captain Hitsugaya." Ukitake praised.

**Unfortunately the knife was still able to plunge into his shoulder, leaving a big gash.**

**"Run Momo!" Toshiro shouted as he tried his best to hold the killer back. His wound was hurting, but he'd endure it. "****Get away!"**

**"Get away from him!" A voice yelled.**

**The killer quickly pushed a wounded Toshiro and ran away.**

"Pussy." Nnoitra said.

"You DO realize you're insulting your own boss, right?" Urahara questioned.

Aizen decided he'd kill Urahara first when he initiates his plans.

**Toshiro turned to his savior. "Grimmjow."**

Grimmjow smirked. "Hah, of course that killer would run away after seeing me."

"You see Aizen, it's definitely you!" Urahara exclaimed. "Since we know it isn't Grimmjow, Momo, or Toshiro, and it's certainly not Uryuu."

"I still believe it isn't me." Aizen replied.

**Grimmjow gasped when he saw his cut. "Shit, that cut looks freaking deep."**

**"Grimmjow we have to help him please." Momo pleaded.**

**Grimmjow broke a piece of his shirt and wrapped it around Toshiro. "Let's find the others."**

**(Uryuu)**

"Since you're playing the whiny baby I'm sure you're going to do something stupid." Rukia said.

"This is so stupid, how am I the moron in the story? It should be Ichigo, he's the reckless one."

"I like to think of myself as recklessly smart Uryuu." Ichigo replied.

Uryuu sighed. "Does that even make sense?"

"Yeah, it recklessly makes sense." Orihime added.

"Now you have Orihime doing it too." Uryuu mumbled.

**Uryuu was all alone, he didn't even know where he had ran too. He knew he was in the first floor still. He'd watch several scary movies and he'd learned a few things. There were several ways to guarantee your safety.**

"Wait, there are?" Nnoitra said. He looked to his side where Rukia was. "You must know them."

"It seems far-fetched to me." Rukia replied. "I only agree with is the one where you can never say 'I'll be right back', because you won't."

"Ichigo, may I use your facility?" Hanataro asked.

"Sure go ahead, it's down the hallway." Ichigo said. "But take the front door, that hallway is blocked."

"Right, I'll be right back." Hanataro froze and quickly slapped his hands to his mouth. "Oh no."

Nnoitra grinned. "Oooh, you've done it now. I'll see you in the kitchen with knife in your chest."

Hanataro gulped and jumped down.

**It's too bad he had pretty much broken all of them. He had already drank alcohol and he wasn't a virgin anymore.**

Uryuu blushed intensely.

"Pfft as if, you're probably going to die a virgin." Grimmjow said.

"Shut up!" Uryuu snapped.

**If only he didn't have that one night stand with Rangiku.**

Rangiku began choking on her soda. "Excuse me, why do these authors portray me like that?"

Shuhei shot daggers at Uryuu. "Rangiku would never be interested in you."

"I'm not interested in her either, that line was obviously false." Uryuu replied.

**Plus he wasn't gay either.**

"Are you shitting me, those are the rules for safety?" Ikkaku said.

"I told you it was far-fetched." Rukia replied.

"That means we're probably all going to die." Grimmjow stated.

"Not necessarily, I've seen many movies that ignore those rules." Rukia assured.

**He silently crept through the halls, making sure to look back every now and than.**

**"Uryuu." A voice whispered behind him.**

**Uryuu froze in his tracks and he slowly turned.**

"Dead man walking." Kon joked.

"I think I really like this horror junk." Nnoitra exclaimed. "Rukia, you wouldn't happen to have some extra movies lying around, would ya?"

Rukia nodded and pulled out some stuff off her closet. "These are some movies and books I'm already done with. I'll lend them to you."

Nnoitra stared at the collection with interest. "I can't wait to watch these shits." He turned to Rukia. "If I should ever encounter you anywhere on the battlefield, I... won't kill you."

"Uh, thanks... I think." If someone had a telescope they would've notice Nnoitra's smile.

**"Aizen?" Uryuu muttered.**

Uryuu slumped his shoulders. "I'm doomed."

Aizen twitched, how many times must he say it? He felt like unleashing hell on these guys.

**"I'm glad to see you're alive Uryuu." Aizen whispered. "Be careful, there's some sick maniac in here. I just found Tatsuki dead, she was thrown out the window."**

"And how exactly did you know she was thrown out the window, huh?" Urahara asked, trying to play detective.

"Maybe because there was a body laying under a broken window." Aizen answered sarcastically.

"Or was it because you did it?" Urahara countered.

**"Shit, we gotta get out!" Uryuu yelped.**

**"No wait!" Aizen shouted and he chased Uryuu. He stopped when he noticed he didn't hear Uryuu anymore. "Uryuu." He said, amongst the darkness.**

**A thunder outside caused the small hallway to be illuminated. It was only for a second, but it was enough for him to see Uryuu lying on the floor, knife to the head.**

"Aizen isn't the killer!" Majority of the room yelled, quiet ones like Byakuya, Toshiro, and Ulquiorra opted for a widening of their eyes.

Urahara felt something pull at his heartstrings, he failed, he had gotten it wrong.

"Yeaahh in your face!" Aizen shouted in Urahara's face.

"..." Everyone took a moment of silence at that.

Even Aizen was surprised by his outburst. It seemed the people in the room had rubbed off on him. "I-I don't know what came over me."

**(Ichigo and Rukia)**

**"Did you hear that?" Rukia whispered. "It sounded like Uryuu."**

**"I know." Ichigo made sure to stay right by Rukia's side, he'd protect her.**

**-Bang! Bang!-**

**"Was that a gunshot?" Rukia said in fear.**

"You mean the killer has a knife and a gun too?" Uryuu asked. "That's new."

"I was expecting him to only have a knife." Ichigo said.

**"Rukia turn off the flashlight." Ichigo said and Rukia quickly turned it off. They hid behind the kitchen counter and Ichigo grabbed a knife.**

"You see Uryuu, I am smart. I'm grabbing a weapon." Ichigo boasted.

"You should know not to bring a knife to a gun fight, same with don't bring a Zanpaktou to a Quincy fight." Uryuu joked.

**They then heard someone running down the hall. Ichigo motioned for Rukia to stay silent.**

**"I'm going to do a sneak attack." Ichigo whispered. As the person passed by them Ichigo leaped out, but he stopped when he saw who it was. "Grimmjow?"**

"I bet Grimmjow's the killer." Nnoitra said.

"You're the killer, you're probably the psycho who escaped the mental institution." Grimmjow retorted.

Ichigo scoffed. "You're one to talk, you fit that description too."

"What you say bastard!" Grimmjow snapped.

**"That fucker has a gun, h-h-he killed them. He killed Toshiro and Momo." He punched the floor. "I wasn't able to do anything."**

"So the only ones alive are Ichigo, Rukia, Grimmjow and Aizen." Yoruichi exclaimed.

"Maybe it is Grimmjow." Starrk said.

"It can't be, he was there when the killer attacked Momo and captain Hitsugaya." Yumichika replied.

Yoruichi then noticed Urahara was slumped in the emo corner. She sighed and went over to him. "Are you still bummed out about getting it wrong?"

Urahara turned away.

"Hey, even detectives make mistakes. You just have to get back up from the fall." Yoruichi said.

Urahara smiled. "You're right, detective Urahara's back on the case!"

"Great, way to inflate his ego Yoruichi." Ichigo said, but Yoruichi was just glad her friend was back to his regular self.

**"Im glad you're okay Grimmjow." Rukia said with tears. "I don't want to lose more people I care for."**

**Grimmjow pulled her into a hug. "I'll protect you with my life Rukia, you won't die."**

**"C'mon we have to hide." Ichigo said, getting between him and Rukia.**

"Tch, cock blocker." Grimmjow said.

"That does it!" Ichigo snapped and he lunged at Grimmjow, resulting in a brawl.

**The three made it to the front door and opened it, only to find the killer outside with the gun facing them.**

**"Move and I shoot you." They said.**

**"Who are you!" Grimmjow barked.**

**The killer led them back inside and removed their hood.**

The entire room gulped in anticipation.

**They all stared in shock at the face. Rukia was the first to talk. "Why.. Orihime?"**

"Holy shit, I did not see that coming." Ikkaku said, speaking for everyone.

**"Why, why!" Orihime shouted. "You're the reason why Rukia, blame yourself!"**

Rukia stared at Orihime in shock. "I-Inoue..."

"I wouldn't yell at you." Orihime said.

**"What the hell did she do to you!" Grimmjow angrily said.**

**"Why did you do this..?" Ichigo added sadly. **

**"It was always about Rukia, everyday, that's all you ever talked about Ichigo. Ever since she entered your life that's all you've thought off. She stole you away from me!"**

"Love triangle." Yoruichi joked again.

"There's no damn triangle." Ichigo retorted.

"Since when did I steal Ichigo?" Rukia said.

**Ichigo frowned. "Then tell me why, why did you have to kill my friends, our friends!"**

**Orihime snickered evilly. "Well I couldn't leave witnesses, right?"**

"Can you imagine if that were to really happen?" Kon said. "Though I must say, a dark and evil Orihime is a hot Orihime."

Ichigo kicked the plushy. "Don't talk about her like that you dumb, stuffed doll."

**"What are you planning to do?" Rukia asked.**

**"My original plan was to kill you all and leave Ichigo alive, but he just wouldn't leave your side. Now thanks to you again Rukia, I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you all."**

"B-but I could never hate Rukia." Orihime said.

**Both Grimmjow and Ichigo stood in front of Rukia, further angering Orihime.**

**"So you choose to protect her even to the end, so be it. Have fun in the next life." **

**None of them noticed a figure behind her. They slammed a bat onto Orihime, knocking her down. They then retrieved the gun. **

"Now who is it?" Rangiku murmured.

"I wonder." Starrk replied.

**"Aizen!"**

"SAY WHAT?" Everyone but Aizen yelled.

Aizen had the biggest smirk plastered on his face. Finally a good Fanfiction in his favor.

**"Heh, the hero always saves the day." Aizen said, before turning to Orihime. "You, you killed my friends and you threatened to kill my last remaining friends. I should blow your fucking brains out, but I'm nothing like you. I'll let the authorities handle you."**

"Does anyone else find it weird to hear him play the hero role?" Ukitake asked and they all nodded. "Good, I thought it was just me."

**The rain finally cleared and dawn began to kick in; the sun shining through the house. The cops arrived and placed Orihime in the cop car, while the four survivors got patched up by the ambulances.**

**Rukia stared sadly at the ground. To think her best friend in reality hated her.**

"I don't hate you Rukia, I swear I don't!"

Rukia smiled. "I know Inoue."

**"Hey," Grimmjow approached her.**

**"She hated me Grimmjow." Rukia mumbled, burying her face in her hands. "All this time she hated me."**

**"I'm here for you Rukia, I'm always here."**

**"She thought I liked Ichigo, but I didn't. It was you... I've always liked you."**

"Oh spare me." Rukia said.

**"You... did?"**

**"Yeah, it's true. I was shocked when you kissed me, I thought we were only friends." **

**Grimmjow eyed her sadly, this must've been very hard on her. He placed his arms around her. "It's okay now Rukia, it'll be okay."**

**Ichigo and Aizen watched the scene with a weak smile.**

**One thing was for certain for the survivors, they were glad to be over with this mess.**

"That's the end of it." Yumichika said. "It wasn't so bad."

Nel released her hold on Nnoitra's arm. "Are you kidding, it was scary."

"Yeah, too scary." Yachiru said.

"Don't worry, it's over now." Ichigo reassured.

A dark figure suddenly jumped into the room and was unrecognizable due to the lights being off.

"AAAHHH!" They all shrieked.

"What's wrong with you guys and why's it so dark in here?" Hanataro said as he entered.

"Damn it Hanataro, not cool." Ichigo replied.

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><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**Congratulations on identifying the killer people. As I have said, this'll be the last request I'll be taking. Heh, Nnoitra and Rukia are buds.**

**Next up, the discovery of fanfiction inside of a fanfiction. Featuring my very own story. Hehehe, oh yes, there will be insanity.  
><strong>


	38. Chapter 38

**Okay thanks for giving me those cool requests guys, I had fun using your ideas. ****Seriously **_Scaevola2_**, you're a genius. Sadly, we're almost done with this story :(**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary**

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><p><strong>This and the next chapter will be like a whole summary on our past stories.<strong>

**To **_silver dragon_**: I'm glad you mentioned that, it's amazing to see my reviews skyrocket like that. It makes me happy **

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><p>Chapter 38: Mind Rape (Part One)<p>

"Turn on the lights." Nel said.

Ikkaku flipped the lights on. "Whoops, sorry about that Nel."

"So who was the killer?" Hanataro asked.

"It was Orihime." Renji answered.

"What!"

"Yeah, we all had that reaction." Uryuu said.

Hanataro scratched his head. "Wow, didn't expect that. So who's turn is it now?"

"I guess we're drawing straws again." Ukitake said.

Ichigo grabbed the cup full of straws. "Let's get to it then."

The group began the process again.

"Moment of truth." Grimmjow said and he held up his straw. "I dodged the bullet."

"So did I." Ulquiorra added, holding up his straw.

"No!" Rukia cried as she held the straw no one wanted to hold. "When will it end?"

"Don't worry Rukia, I'll stand by you through it all." Orihime said.

"Thank you Inoue, I'm glad you're my friend."

Orihime smiled sheepishly. "Oh it's nothing really."

As Rukia searched for a story Nnoitra busied himself with his collection. "All these movies look interesting. There's so much to choose from."

"Can I see?" Nel asked.

He tossed her one of the books. "You can borrow that one, since you like reading. You have to give it back though, cos' I gotta return them to Rukia."

Nel smiled. "There's something different about you Nnoitra."

"Huh? What are ya' babbling about Nelliel, I'm the same as ever."

"Whatever you say."

"Hey, I found a story." Rukia said.

"Let us begin the suckfest." Kon added.

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary **

"It's not even about judging, they all suck." Renji said.

"That's for sure." Rangiku replied.

**By TheMusemOfJeanette**

**Summary: ****Chaos will ensue when the Bleach characters-**

"There's that damn reference again." Kon said.

**discover fanfiction. Some may go insane. The 4th and probably 3rd wall will be broken. **

"Hold it," Shuhei cut in. "Isn't this 'Bleach' thing a show on us?"

"What's your point?" Renji asked.

"So that means it's technically saying we'll be discovering Fanfiction." Shuhei answered.

"That... sounds scary." Nel said. "That's saying something, considering that we just read a horror story.

**Chapter 1: The Disaster Begins**

**Ichigo slumped down onto his bed. He was relieved that it was a Saturday, meaning school was out. His house was peacefully silent due to his dad and sisters being out. Apparently a new amusement park had opened up nearby. **

Ichigo did a double take, that sounded very similar to his Saturday. Did he really just hear that? Nah, it must be coincidence.

**This was peace, no hollows, no damsels in distress, and certainly no homework. Just a perfect Saturday. It was a little past noon and Ichigo had the day pretty much to himself.**

Funny, that's exactly what Ichigo had been thinking of earlier today.

**"Man this feels good." Ichigo said aloud, enjoying the quietness.**

**"I told you before Ichigo, if you lay in bed all day you'll get fat."**

**Ichigo groaned at the familiar voice. He leaned on one elbow and turned to the person lounging on the floor. "Rukia you're doing the exact same thing."**

Rukia paused and gave Ichigo a terrified look, one that mirrored his own. "This sounds like the conversation we had earlier."

"I know Rukia, I know." Ichigo replied, feeling somewhat frightened by the similarities.

"What the hell are you two talking about?" Renji said.

"Call it a theory," Rukia started. "I think this story is telling how me and Ichigo started this day."

"That's stupid." Grimmjow said.

"So is finding a site that has several stories about us." Ulquiorra replied.

"Ulquiorra is right Grimmjow." Aizen added.

"I'm going to skim through some of it, hope you guys don't mind if I skip some of it." Rukia said, telling it more to Grimmjow than the others. By now everyone knew he had something against people who skipped their fanfiction.

The group nodded and waited patiently for Grimmjow's response.

"Normally I'd say no, but... I'll let it slide this once. I'm interested in this theory of yours." Grimmjow said.

With that approval Rukia scrolled down to the middle.

**-Ichigo followed her hand to where it pointed to. "Oh, that's a computer."**

**"A... computer?" Rukia repeated.**

**"Yeah it's this thing that works on something called the internet. You can do a whole lot with-"**

Rukia stopped her reading to vent. "Wait, this is exactly how Ichigo explained everything to me!"

"That's weird." Renji said.

"It has to be a coincidence, keep reading." Ichigo added. He kept calm but in reality he was freaking out.

"I'm going to skip some more." Rukia replied.

**-"That's weird, there's this section that has our names on it."**

**At this Ichigo turned his head to her. "Eh, really? Are you serious?"**

**Rukia motioned for him to come over. "Yeah, come take a look for yourself."**

"Holy crap, this is exactly how things went." Ichigo said. "It's completely identical."

"How's is that possible?" Ukitake replied.

"I've been asking myself that all day." Ulquiorra said. "How is any of this possible and I don't just mean the stories, I mean everything."

Ichigo angrily turned to his guests. "Okay, which one of you bastards placed a camera in my room?"

Rukia pointed an accusing finger at Aizen. "It must've been you. You placed a camera here without us noticing just so you could monitor Ichigo's movements."

"I didn't even know about fanfiction until you informed me about it, how could you accuse me of uploading something onto something I knew nothing off." Aizen replied.

Ichigo then glared at Byakuya. "It must've been you than, you probably placed a camera in my room because you don't trust me around Rukia!"

Byakuya narrowed his eyes. "I may not trust you but I trust Rukia, I don't need to place a camera."

"Whoa, there's like thirty chapters." Rukia exclaimed.

"Skip some, maybe it'll show us." Yumichika said.

Rukia nodded. "Right."

**Chapter 5: Pairing Included**

**"Ikakku? Yachiru? What are you two doing here?" I**

**"Hi Ichi!" Yachiru happily said as she jumped on his shoulders.**

**"Well captain Kuchiki ordered us to find out why Renji just ditched his paperwork?" Ikkaku explained**.

"That's just how it went when me and Yachiru came here." Ikkaku said, now shocked.

"That's so cool!" Yachiru said.

"What the hell is going on?" Renji snapped. "I don't understand any of this!"

"Now this is some creepy shit." Starrk murmured.

"It seems my theory was correct." Rukia said.

"This is like the twilight zone." Orihime murmured.

"Aren't you freaked out about this Nnoitra?" Nel asked the seemingly calm Nnoitra.

"Yo Nelliel, did you know girls can get possessed by demons?" Nnoitra replied obliviously as he continued reading one of his borrowed books called 'The Exorcist'.

**-Ikkaku clicked on a story that seemed interesting enough. "How's about this one?"**

**"Read it baldy." Yachiru demanded**.

_**The Soul Reaper's Problem: The Rukia Files**_

"Wasn't that the lame story about you and Ichigo?" Ikkaku said.

"The story about what?" Byakuya replied angrily.

"We don't need to read that again." Ichigo said nervously.

"Now hold on, I wanna see it." Grimmjow replied.

"But why?" Rukia said. "I thought you hated these things as much as we all do."

"Oh I do, it's just I know this thing won't involve me, and when it doesn't involve me it's funny."

Rukia glared at him.

"Look, if you REALLY don't like a part than you could skip it." Grimmjow said.

"Fine." Rukia grumbled.

_**-The person smiled in their sleep, almost as if noticing her presence.**_

_**"Ichigo." she whispered.**_

Ichigo carefully avoided Byakuya's death glare.

"How is it that the Fanfiction story we read is inside of another Fanfiction?" Renji asked.

"Do I look like a Fanfiction expert to you?" Ikkaku retorted.

_**Ichigo woke up and noticed Rukia **_

_**He smiled. "Hey Rukia."**_

**"I'm not even going to question why Rukia is in my house in the middle of the night."**

"They're repeating my freaking comments!" Ichigo barked. "Skip, skip, skip!"

"You don't have to tell me twice." Rukia replied.

"You chickens." Grimmjow said.

**Chapter 11: A Quadruple Femslash**

"Woohoo! Don't skip, don't skip!" Kon cheered.

Nnoitra stopped his reading and turned to the story that now had his attention. "Whoa, now what do we have here; I say read it Rukia."

Nel glared at him. "You're such a pervert."

"This sounds gross." Yoruichi added.

"I'm cutting to the middle of it." Rukia said, ignoring Kon's protests.

_**-Yoruichi walked to the center of the room and began stripping.**_

"What!" Yoruichi snapped.

"Oh God, I think I know which story this one is." Rukia muttered.

"Yeah, it was the one that featured you girls in a foursome." Grimmjow said.

"Damn, I should have gotten here earlier." Urahara added with a perverted smile. "This is my type of story."

"Skip it!" Orihime shouted.

_**-They approached each other and were soon oh so close. They were all so horny and began kissing-**_

"Skip, skip, skip!" Yoruichi shouted.

"Some of these authors are so perverted." Yumichika said. "That being said, that makes the readers just as perverted."

Rukia clicked on another chapter.

**Chapter 15: Byakuya's Historic History **

"Skip." Byakuya calmly said.

"Anything for you Nii-sama."

**Chapter 20: The Horrors of Mpreg**

"SKIP, SKIP, SKIP!" Ichigo and Uryuu shouted in Rukia's face.

**Chapter 21: The Ultimate (Not Really) Showdown **

**There was a silence in the room. An atmosphere of pure silence. The chair laid vacant right next to the room. No movements whatsoever were made to fill the void.**

**Can you really blame the group though,this site was hell. It held traumatizing contents that could drive even the strongest Soul Reaper mad.**

"Are you guys really not finding this weird at all?" Rangiku said. "This is just how it went for us, doesn't that creep you out at all?"

"Nope." Ichigo replied. "I've finally come to an answer to all this."

Rukia stopped her actions and eyed Ichigo with curiosity, the others did the same. "And what did you land on Ichigo?"

"The best explanation to this is that..."

Everyone edged closer to Ichigo in anticipation.

"I must be dreaming."

Everyone fell down animatedly.

"Is that the best damn explanation you could think of!" Grimmjow shouted.

"Given the insanity that has occurred this day I wouldn't be so quick to deny that theory." Toshiro said.

Nnoitra scoffed and return to his collection. "You wasted my freaking time."

"I'm skipping to the story inside of the story." Rukia said.

_**The Battle Begins: Ichigo vs. Aizen's Army**_

This caught Aizen's attention. "I don't remember hearing this one."

Ichigo grinned, this was one he remembered. "It was one we read before you came."

"Hell no, this one sucks!" Grimmjow said.

"I suggest you skip this trash." Ulquiorra added.

"Why, what's it about?" Aizen asked.

Rukia smirked. "You'll find out." She scanned through the story searching for the parts where Aizen got bashed. "Ahh, found it."

_**-Aizen was starting to shake like a leaf. His army was easily dying. All he had left was Starrk and his manwhore Ulquiorra.**_

Aizen twitched. "My what?"

"Bwahaha!" Ichigo laughed, wiping a tear. "Damn I had forgotten how funny this one was."

Urahara and Yoruichi were also hysterically laughing, along with some others.

_**-With nothing in his path Ichigo flew towards Aizen, who had practically shitted his pants.**_

Urahara was rolling on his sides. "Ahaha, I can't believe I missed that story."

"Who wrote that nonsense?" Aizen said with a deadly tone.

"Do you mean this story or the story inside of the story?" Rukia replied.

An annoyed Renji grabbed his head. "Damn it! This is to confusing!"

_**-"Ichigo I never meant to attack here, my espada forced me!"**_

_**"Give it a rest pansy, you're through."**_

"I am horribly being portrayed." Aizen said.

"Join the club." Toshiro replied. "We've all been there."

"Whoa, there's actually a guy eating another guy in this book." Nnoitra said. "This Hannibal Lecter creep reminds me of Szayel who eats his own fraccion."

"Ahh, I take it you landed on 'The Silence of the Lambs'. That one is a great book, scary but a good book nonetheless." Rukia said. "There's actually a film adaptation to it."

"What!" Nnoitra replied ecstatically. "I must see that shit."

"I suppose I could lend you it."

Ichigo cleared his throat. "Uh Rukia, the story."

"Oh yeah, whoops."

_**Aizen trying to be strong, prepared to attack. He appeared behind Ichigo and readied to fire a Bakudo. "Bakudo number 27, BABBABOOPA!"**_

"That's not even one of my kido techniques." Aizen angrily said.

"The story thinks otherwise." Uryuu replied smugly.

_**-Ichigo easily dodged it and placed his sword on Aizen's neck from behind. "Any last words?"**_

_**He began crying. "Spare me please!"**_

Toshiro began chuckling to himself. He wasn't much of an Aizen fan, so this was music to his ears.

_**-"As if." Ichigo said and he beheaded him, the blood sprayed right out of him like a faucet.**_

_**The end folks.**_

"Now that there was genius." Urahara said in between laughs.

"No, no it wasn't. It was trash." Ulquiorra corrected.

"On to the next story." Rukia said.

**Chapter 22: The Nnoitra and Nel Love Story**

"What! We aren't in love!" Nel exclaimed.

"Huh, who's in love?" Nnoitra said, he wasn't even paying attention.

Starrk smirked. "You and Nelliel are in love."

"The fuck, what chapter is this?" Nnoitra snapped and he peered at the screen over Rukia's shoulder. "Hell no, skip!"

"That does it!" Rukia shouted. "I'm not going to read all of these, someone else take over!" She jumped off the chair and crossed her arms, determined to stand by her demand.

Ichigo sighed and grabbed the cup filled with straws. "Back to the drawing board."

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><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**Sorry I took a while, it's just I was (still am) revising my previous chapters.**

**I'm not taking requests anymore guys, the story is already planned out. **


	39. Chapter 39

**Woohoo! I did it, I've reached the 1000 reviews mark! I couldn't have done it without you guys. Thanks **_Tobzoska-chan_** for giving me that 1000th review. I never expected to get this many reviews when I started this story that's for sure.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary **

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><p><strong>Okay everyone, one more chapter to go. Thanks for sticking with me to the end, don't worry I'll write more stories.<strong>

**Don't worry fans, ****I have no favorites. ****I appreciate all of you. It makes me happy to hear you are happy.**

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><p>Chapter 39: Mind Rape (Part Two)<p>

"Can't one of you just volunteer?" Hanataro asked, fearing that it may land on him. He wasn't exactly having the best of luck.

"Well let's see," Uryuu answered. "Does anyone want to volunteer?"

"..."

"Didn't think so."

Hanataro lowered his head. "Darn, oh well. It was worth a shot."

"I'm not participating." Rukia said, arms still crossed. "So enjoy drawing straws without me."

"Whatever." Ichigo muttered. He held the cup up and the group began pulling out a straw they prayed wasn't the bad one.

"Okay, who is it?" Toshiro asked, holding up his straw.

"Not me." Rangiku answered happily.

"Damn..." Yoruichi muttered, holding up the straw from hell.

Urahara grinned. "Tough luck Yoruichi. Now who's your daddy, who's your daddy, huh?"

Yoruichi shoved him aside and took her seat.

**Chapter 23: Not Another High School Story (Part One)**

"Gimme a break, not another high school story." Ichigo complained. "These things are always so common."

**Everyone stared as Nel emerged from the smoke. She was no longer a child and had transformed into an older version of herself.**

"Hold up," Urahara cut in. "Nel you were a kid before."

"I was originally an adult," Nel paused and gave Nnoitra the stink eye. "Until someone knocked me across Las Noches and turned me into a child, then I managed to revert back into an adult."

"A very hot adult." Kon added. "That Nnoitra is such a sucker for letting a bombshell like you slip past his fingertips."

Nnoitra twitched and slammed his fist onto the plushy's head. "I heard that!"

"You don't have to read the story Yoruichi, we don't wanna hear our reactions and freak out." Ikkaku said. "Just read the story inside the story."

Yoruichi nodded. "You got it."

_**-The Life In High School**_

_**-It was a beautiful morning out in the Soul Society, but for many students that meant it was school time.**_

_**One of those students was Kuchiki Rukia**_.

This time Rukia made an 'X' gesture like Ichigo usually did. "No, skip! Anything with my name in it should be skipped."

"Fine I'll skip."

_**-She definitely sensed someone else here. When she looked towards her left she could've sworn she saw someone duck their head.**_

_**Rukia tip-toe'd toward the corner to make sure the person didn't hear. She cornered the person and was shocked at who she saw.**_

_**"Renji!"**_

"Hey I remember this one, it's the one where Renji gets beat up by Rukia." Ikkaku said.

"Don't read it, this one was retarded." Renji exclaimed. "It'll be a waste "

"Yeah it sucked." Ichigo added.

"I want to see it." Aizen said.

"You only want to get back at us for laughing at your expense, am I right!" Rukia barked.

Aizen chuckled. "Perhaps."

"I didn't see it either." Urahara said. "So I'd like to see it too."

"So it's settled." Yoruichi replied.

_**-"Wait it's not what it looks like Rukia!"**_

_**Rukia glared at him and began beating him up. She managed to knock him on the floor and kept hitting his face.**_

_**-"Oh no please stop hitting me."**_

Aizen began snickering. "My, that must hurt."

Renji gritted his teeth. "Shut up!"

"Why you," Rukia growled. She lunged at Aizen but Ichigo held her back. "Let me at em' Ichigo."

"Don't lose your cool Rukia." Ichigo replied.

_**Rukia ignored his pleas and continued to mangle his face. She kept pounding into him, each blow harder then the previous. Her fist were dripping with blood**_.

"Goodness, someone has a hollow in them," Aizen continued to taunt Rukia.

"Oh I'll show you a hollow," Rukia squirmed trying to break Ichigo's grip. "Just one hit."

_**-"Why would you do this Renji?"**_

_**He was pretty beat up, but being a Soul Reaper made these wounds not so much. This was nothing his buddy Hanataro couldn't heal. Now back to her question: "It's because I love you!"**_

Renji scoffed. "No I don't."

"Guys this is really insane, we're reading what we already read." Rangiku said, feeling more paranoid by the second.

"Oh relax already." Nnoitra replied.

Rangiku grabbed his shirt and began shaking him. "Are you nuts, that's the last thing I'd do!"

"Are you okay Rangiku, you seem off." Orihime said, worrying more when Rangiku ignored her to begin mumbling to herself.

"I should be waking up anytime soon." Ichigo murmured. "And this mess will all be over with."

"Skip this nonsense already." Ulquiorra ordered.

_**-There was a sudden knock before the door burst opened.**_

_**Standing by the doorway clad in glasses and a gray suit, was none other then the hated, fat teacher Hitsugaya Toshiro.**_

"Skip now!" Toshiro demanded.

This time Aizen managed a grin. "Let's not be so hasty now."

"I said skip!"

"Alright, alright." Yoruichi said.

**Chapter 26: Crossover From The Dead**

"Which one was this one?" Shuhei asked.

"Beats me." Kon replied.

Yoruichi scrolled to where the story inside the story was.

_**-Bleach of the Dead**_

"Hmm? I don't think I remember this one." Urahara said.

"This one is that zombie story." Nnoitra replied. "I'd love to slice up some zombies."

"Zombies, I love zombie stuff." Urahara exclaimed happily.

"This is the story with me and Rangiku." Shuhei said happily.

"Crack pairing." Yumichika replied. "Like the one with Rangiku and captain Kuchiki."

"That was a strange story." Byakuya said. "I recall hearing that story say that Matsumoto Rangiku actually wanted hollows to appear. Surely you women don't really like that..."

Rukia frowned. "This is the pathetic story that insults my favorite anime, High School of the Dead."

_**-Gin lead Shuhei and Rangiku towards another route, so they can avoid the crowd.**_

_**Unfortunately, one of 'them' was blocking their way**_.

"I remember this part, it's where zombie Uryuu appears." Orihime said.

Uryuu groaned. "Oh yeah, I had forgotten."

_**Upon closer inspection, Rangiku recognized the person. " That's Uryuu! "**_

"Why don't we skip to the part with me and Rangi- I mean skip more." Shuhei suggested.

"Why not," Yoruichi agreed.

_**-In a horrific display, Uryuu's lifeless body began twisting its own head backwards; to the point where normal heads can't turn to.**_

"Ew,ew,ew!" Yachiru said. "Pencil is so gross."

Uryuu rubbed his temples. "You just had to land on this part."

"Say Rukia," Aizen started, "You never did tell me how you create zombies."

"I told you, not until you tell me why." Rukia replied.

Aizen sighed. He still was eager on creating a zombie army, but he couldn't tell Rukia that now could he? "I told you, I'm only curious."

_**-The door then burst opened and in came Yoruichi alongside Nel, whom was holding a wooden sword. Nel was the captain of the school's kendo club**_.

"Aww, Yoruichi was in the zombie story but not me." Urahara whined.

"Don't worry, it sucked." Rukia assured.

_**-Rangiku jumped into Shuhei's arms. " I was so scared Shuhei. " She sobbed profusely**_.

Shuhei smile contently. "Okay, now you could skip."

**Chapter 27: Twilight Bleach**

"SKIP NOW!" Everyone but Orihime and Rangiku shouted.

**Chapter 28: Byakuya the Drunkard**

"If you know what's good for you were-cat, you'd skip." Byakuya said.

"Oh I don't know Byakuya-bo, why would I skip when you're asking like a bad boy?" Yoruichi teased.

"I will not repeat myself." Byakuya growled.

"Sorry Byakuya-bo, that's the wrong answer."

_**-"I need you Renji."**_

"NO! Skip this." Renji shouted.

"I second that!" Nnoitra yelled. "This is the hell that Nelliel made me read, I won't hear it again!"

"Oh yeah, sorry about that." Nel said.

**Chapter 30: Aizen and Orihime's Kids**

"If you would kindly skip this one." Aizen said.

"Nah, nah, I wanna see this one." Urahara replied.

"No, skip." Orihime pleaded.

Yoruichi smiled. "I'll skip the parts with you in it."

_**-Aizen wasn't happy though, he slammed his fist onto his throne. "Where's my beer woman!"**_

"Skip this at once." Aizen said.

"Like I'd pass this moment up." Yoruichi replied.

"That's not fair, it was my espada who gave you permission to skip. Everyone else has been allowed to skip, therefore I deserve that chance too."

"Just skip it already and stop the whining." Starrk said. "I'm getting a headache."

"Babies." Yoruichi mumbled.

**Chapter 32: The Hichigo/Rukia/Ichigo Story **

"Who's Hichigo?" Ichigo asked, before realization hit him. "Oh yeah, it's suppose to be my hollow."

"Is that really what you're thinking about?" Rukia said. "This is the dumb story featured on us."

"Skip!" Ichigo quickly shouted.

**Chapter 33: Yoruichi and her Man**

"Oh, what do we have over here?" Urahara asked with a smirk. He remembered how back in their old days Yoruichi would always tease Suì Fēng about liking him, now it was good to see the tables turned.

"Now it's your turn to get some damage." Ikkaku said.

"Permanent damage." Ulquiorra added.

"Unlike you guys I find the stories to be amusing. I won't whine or complain." Yoruichi said.

Nnoitra smirked. "Now that's my type of lady."

_**-I was weak and pitiful. I was a loser...**_

Yoruichi quickly regretted her previous speech. She realized that this was the story where her character constantly insulted herself. "On second thought... maybe I could skip a little."

"That'd be wise." Byakuya added. His good memory reminded him that he was in this story too.

"I want to hear it." Aizen

Yoruichi sent him a mean glare before returning to the story.

_**-Life was so plain and boring. I had no one...**_

"Ugh," Yoruichi groaned, rubbing her temples. "I think I need an aspirin, would someone mind taking over?"

"..."

Yoruichi should have expected that one.

Nel being the kind hearted arrancar that she is, stood up and placed a hand to her chest. "I'll take it over from here."

"Wow Nel..." Yoruichi said in disbelief and in a flattered way. "That's very nice of you."

Nel smiled and took Yoruichi's spot. "Think nothing of it."

**Chapter 34 An AU: Enter Detectives Urahara and Starrk**

Ichigo twitched. "Nel, please skip this."

"Are you insane?" Urahara questioned. "This is the only good story out of them all."

"I'll say," Starrk agreed. "Except for a few things here and there, but the plot was good."

"Say Nel, why don't you skip to where I save you and my buddy Starrk." Urahara suggested.

Nel nodded. "Can do."

_**-Ulquiorra frowned and pistol-**_

"No not that part Nel." Starrk quickly said.

"Oh sorry Starrk."

_**-What he saw surprised him, but also relieved him.**_

_**-"Kisuke!"**_

Urahara grinned. "Yeah I know, I'm very handsome and cool."

"And oh so modest." Kon muttered sarcastically.

"You see, we read this already!" Rangiku exclaimed rather loudly. "Are you guys not finding this weird at all? Can any of you even explain how we have our own section on Fanfiction? Are we a fanfiction too? Is someone typing our words, is there a higher power somewhere? We should be scared crapless!"

By now everyone was eying Rangiku with a terrified look.

Toshiro stared at the woman in front of him, no longer did he recognize her.

"Did our brains suddenly break as soon as we landed on this site! This isn't normal, we need answers damn it! A girl like me needs answers!"

Shuhei carefully approached Rangiku. "Rangiku are you alright?"

"No I'm not! Do you know why, cos' I don't have answers! None of you have yet to grasp how insane this is... wait. Unless I'm the only sane one in here, yes that must be it! Haha, I'm the only sane one."

Seeing Rangiku vent out her emotions made Ichigo realize how frustrated he truly was. "Why haven't I woken up? Someone wake me up!"

Rukia chuckled. "You two sound like you're in a bad Freddy Kruger movie. Wait, is that it? That must be it, we're all under Freddy Kruger's spell!"

"Oh no." Orihime cried. "We're all going to die."

Uryuu pulled at his hair in frustration. "No Rukia, I assure you we're not dreaming. Lay off the horror movies, you're giving bad influences."

Nnoitra perked up. "Whoa, there's a guy who can knock you off in your dreams? That's a technique I must master."

"Shit, a technique like that is scary." Starrk said.

"How do you even fight a guy like that?" Hanataro whimpered.

"Goodness, this has gotten out of control." Ukitake murmured as they all ranted on.

"Guys have no fear, detective Urahara will solve the mystery of Fanfiction dot net." Urahara said.

"Don't worry everyone, it's only a dream. It's our fear that gives Freddy his strength, so stay calm." Rukia added.

Uryuu slammed his head on the wall. Everyone here was losing their heads.

Nel was about to click on the next chapter when she noticed something. "Hey Rukia."

Rukia stopped her rant and turned to Nel. "Yeah."

"How many chapters were there when you were on, give me an exact number."

Rukia grabbed her chin and tried to remember the number she saw. "It was 37."

Nel paled in horror. "Because there's 38 now."

"A-Are you s-saying the chapters are increasing?" Renji stuttered. Much to their horror Nel nodded.

The whole room suddenly became silent. Rangiku had even stopped her rant and Ichigo was no longer asking to be awakened. It seemed as if everyone had lost their voices.

Ulquiorra was the first to break the eerie silence that had invaded the small room. "Hey Nelliel, click on the last chapter."

"Are you stupid, who knows what could happen!" Kon shouted. "We could freaking die."

"We have no choice." Yoruichi added.

Nel hesitantly reached for the mouse, she wished she had never volunteered to take over. Her hand hovered over the mouse but didn't dare reach any further. It was then she realized that she was frightened.

She closed her eyes and reached down only to feel another hand. Nel shot her eyes open and gasped. "R-Rukia?"

Byakuya stared in shock as Rukia held the mouse. The others were also shocked.

Rukia gave Nel a smile. "I'll take over from here Nel, you've done enough."

"But why?" Ichigo said.

Rukia lowered her eyes. "It's my fault that we're suffering. I was the one who found this hell, so I will be the one who reads the last chapter." She didn't wait for their response and clicked on the final chapter.

**Chapter 38: Mind Rape (Part One)**

The air in the room could practically be cut with a knife. That title was how everyone was feeling.

Rukia scrolled to where the story began. She gulped as she read it to herself. She then cast a glance over her shoulders. "Brace yourselves, this will shock you."

_**-Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary **_

"It c-can't be." Orihime whispered.

"Did I really just hear that?" Hanataro said in a low voice.

"Are you saying that there is a higher power... higher than even my lord's." Ulquiorra muttered, never has anything shocked him this much.

Aizen stood silent by his equally silent espada.

"This shit is crazy!" Kon yelled. "This world is crazy!"

"Now I need answers!" Uryuu shouted into his hands.

Ukitake was in a coughing fit, this was to much for his body to take.

Byakuya's eyes were widened and his hands were actually trembling. Yachiru stared at the computer as if trying to figure it out.

Toshiro and his lieutenant stood motionless.

Yoruichi and Urahara were for once scared, which contradicted their usual carefree nature.

Ikkaku and Yumichika kept exchanging glances between them and the computer.

Renji and Shuhei stood still, mouth agape.

Rukia slowly backed away from the computer.

The group watched as Ichigo walked over to the computer, his movements looking mechanical. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his substitute Soul Reaper badge. In one quick motion he was in his Soul Reaper form.

Ichigo raised his sword up, tearing up some of his sealing, and he slammed it down on the newly bought computer. The poor computer broke instantly and a big chunk of the wall where it was situated at was now missing.

Without turning back Ichigo spoke. His voice sounding hoarse, yet frightening. "All of you get the hell out of my room."

The guests stayed quiet for a moment, not able to register that they were finally free, or that a small part inside them didn't want to leave. After a few more moments the group began leaving.

Aizen opened a garganta and his espada along with Nel silently entered it.

Yoruichi jumped down from the window and headed back to the shop, with Urahara right behind her.

Ukitake opened a senkaimon and the Soul Reapers each slowly entered, except for Rukia.

Uryuu jumped down from the torn hole that use to be the window, but not before wordlessly motioning for Orihime to follow.

Orihime remained still for a moment. The only ones left inside were Ichigo, Rukia and Kon. She took one last glance at Ichigo before jumping down to catch up with Uryuu.

It was ironic how the last ones in the room were the very first ones to start this adventure.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**Yeah guys, that's it. Their fanfiction journey is over. The final chapter is next.**

**Next chapter will be the aftermath.**


	40. Chapter 40

***Crys like a baby* No, this is it, this is the last chapter. I had so much fun writing this and hearing your reviews. It's been swell guys. ****I decided to throw in a few other characters that couldn't make it onto the story.**

**Just because you didn't review all my chapters or were a fan since the first chapter doesn't mean I appreciate you less than someone who has. I like all of you guys.**

**Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary**

* * *

><p><strong>I have fully revised all the previous chapters so feel free in rereading them.<strong>

**This is what happens when the Bleach cast discover Fanfiction. **

* * *

><p>Chapter 40: Post Traumatic Fanfiction Disorder<p>

_(Ichigo, Rukia, and Kon)_

"Yay, I can't wait to tell Ichigo how much fun we had!" Yuzu said happily as she skipped to her house. "I bet Rukia will be happy too."

"Slow down Yuzu or you'll fall." Karin replied.

Isshin raised a confident fist in the air. "Don't you worry my angels, good ol' dad will never let you get hurt. Now let's give dad a big-"

He was cut off by a kick to the face courtesy of Karin. "Give it a rest dad."

Suddenly a scream came from Yuzu who had reached the house already.

Karin and Isshin quickly dashed over to her. What they saw stunned them.

"What happened to our house!" Isshin shouted as he took it all in.

The house no longer resembled a house, it looked like a house that was stopped in mid-demolition. There were two huge holes in it, one where the window use to be and the other where the computer was. The roof also had several dents and scratches everywhere.

Karin pinched her nose as she approached their destroyed home. "Gross, it smells like puke here."

"Why is the computer chair lying on the ground?" Isshin asked as he pointed to the chair that Nnoitra had thrown earlier.

"Oh no, Karin what about Ichigo and Rukia?" Yuzu asked. "What if they're in trouble?"

Karin frowned. "Somehow I doubt that, c'mon let's go." The three headed towards Ichigo's room only to be met with a hallway blocked with furniture.

"What the heck is all this?" Karin said.

Isshin began pushing his was through the furniture and successfully passing. If they thought the outside look bad they took it back, Ichigo's room was a catastrophe.

There were chips, drinks, and pizza boxes everywhere. As well as chipped walls.

Ichigo was crouched on his knees facing the hole where the computer use to be, with Rukia standing a few inches behind him.

"What in the world happened here?" Isshin snapped. "What in the heck did you two do? This is definitely coming out of your college fund."

"Dad." Ichigo replied in a weak voice. "Call your therapist and sign me and Rukia up... tell him he's a rich man."

Rukia placed a hand on Ichigo's shoulder. "We'll get through this together Ichigo." Ichigo smiled at the gesture, yes, they will get through this.

Kon simply lied motionless on the floor, he'd definitely attend the therapy seasons.

_(Orihime)_

Tatsuki eyed Orihime strangely. "And you're telling me you found a site with us in it?"

Orihime nodded. "Tatsuki you should've been there with us. There were stories about everyone. I was in it, Ichigo, Rukia and even Uryuu. Oh you were also in one too."

Tatsuki chuckled. "No more late night snacks for you Orihime."

Her friend had the weirdest imagination.

_(Uryuu)_

Uryuu tossed and turned on the bed he was on. He feared this would plague his mind forever. All those horrible stories were eating away at him.

He frowned when his father entered.

"Look at you Uryuu, you've gone and gotten yourself in the hospital again. No matter how much I tell you, you don't listen. I told you to stop mixing with the Soul Reapers, they only hinder you."

"You're right." Uryuu said, it was almost mumbled.

Ryuken almost dropped his jaw in shock, he was not expected Uryuu to agree with him.

If Uryuu had just not become friends with Ichigo and Rukia this would've never happened, and he wouldn't be in this hospital questioning his sanity.

_(Urahara and Yoruichi)_

Suì Fēng went about her usual routine in visiting her precious mentor. She despised how she had to go to that dreaded rundown shack to see her.

Upon arriving she was met with something different. All of Urahara's workers were outside moving around several boxes. It looked like they were renovating or moving out maybe.

Jinta's vision was blocked by the boxes he was carrying so he didn't notice Suì Fēng. He bumped into her and dropped all the boxes. "Hey! Watch where you're- oh it's you."

"What's going on here?" Suì Fēng asked.

"We're closing the shop up," Ururu answered as she pulled out a box. "Not for good though, we're just opening up a new business."

"A new business?" Suì Fēng repeated. She entered the shop and found it deprived of it's usual candy. Now it looked more like an office.

"Why hello there Suì Fēng, come for a visit?" Yoruichi greeted as she heaved a table into one of the rooms.

"Hey Yoruichi, how's my office looking?" Urahara asked as he entered. "Oh hey Suì Fēng, you're just in time. I got the sign for my new business up." He placed it down so they could see. "Check it."

Suì Fēng read the sign aloud. "Urahara's Detective Agency?"

_(Soul Society - Renji)_

Mayuri stared at Renji in disbelief. "Are you serious right now, because I'm not in the mood for your games."

"Yes I'm serious. I want you to dissect my brain and erase all the memories of today. Preferably replacing them with another thing."

"You do realize I can get carried away with my test subjects."

"I'll take the heat, just can you do it or not?" Renji replied impatiently.

"No need to get nasty, I'll do it. Nemu, prepare my lab and get me my tools!"

The lieutenant present in the room nodded. "Yes, right away Mayuri-sama."

_(Toshiro and Rangiku)_

Momo happily waited for her childhood friend in his barracks. She found it strange when they suddenly disappeared along with other captains and lieutenants, but now they were back.

Toshiro entered his office to find his best friend waiting for him with a big smile.

"Toshiro you're back, you had me worried for a sec. I found it odd how you just vanished."

Rangiku slowly entered next and collapsed on the office couch, which Momo found weird. Rangiku was being quiet, to quiet.

Toshiro walked over to his desk and was glad to find a stack of reports. He could use the distraction. It was then he noticed he hadn't acknowledged Momo's presence. He nodded in her direction. "Momo."

"Are you two okay?" Momo asked.

No, he wasn't okay. Toshiro desperately wanted to forget everything and pretend it never happened. So he decided on the best way to solve this dilemma. "Tell me, how was your day Momo?"

Denial.

_(Yachiru)_

"Kenny, hey Kenny, I had the best time in the human world." Yachiru said. "I learned a bunch of things."

Kenpachi turned to the girl. "Oh, like what?"

"Like a weird food called pizza, you should try it. Plus, did you know that boys can have babies?"

Kenpachi froze, did he hear her right? "What did you just say?"

"Boys can have babies." Yachiru answered obliviously.

"Where's Ikkaku, I'm killing him."

_(Ikkaku and Yumichika)_

Ikkaku sneezed. "Damn it, now I'm getting sick. It's bad enough I'm already suffering from a case of freaking Fanfiction."

"That makes two of us." Yumichika replied. "This is so disgusting, I can't be seen like this."

"You know what I'd suggest?" Ikkaku said. "We should request to never enter the human world ever again."

"That's a brilliant idea, let's go tell this to the head captain."

Of course the head captain flat out said no and suggested they get a checkup at the fourth division. What kind of reason to skip duties in the human world was Fanfiction?

_(Ukitake)_

Kiyone and Sentaro were currently kneeling down outside of their captains office. It seemed that ever since his return from the human world he had gotten more sicker.

They immediately bolted up when they heard him break into yet another coughing fit.

"Captain, are you okay?" Kiyone said, ready to rush inside.

"Do you need anything captain?" Sentaro added.

Despite his pain Ukitake managed to smile. "I'd like a glass of water." His throat felt dryer than ever.

They quickly followed his command, wondering just what exactly happened in the human world.

_(Shuhei)_

Izuru wondered why his friend had almost immediately buried himself in his paperwork in the editorial office. He had even requested to do all of them and sent his fellow co-workers home.

Izuru, being worried, decided to stay. When ever he asked his friend how was his trip to the human world Shuhei would dodge the question.

"You're killing yourself with this paperwork, why don't you take a break?" Izuru suggested.

"Thanks, but I'd rather not. I want to busy my mind as much as I can." Shuhei replied. "I have to forget it, must suppress it somehow."

"Huh, suppress what?"

"Nothing! I don't remember it." Shuhei said, trying to convince himself more than Izuru. "Today never happened, I must forget." By now he was pretty much talking more to himself than to Izuru.

_(Hanataro)_

"So you say you aren't well?" Unohana asked. She was a bit surprised that he had went to her for medical aid when he was a talented healer.

Hanataro nodded. "I'm sorry for bothering you captain, but I didn't think anyone else had the power to fix me. I don't think my powers would do, but yours could."

Unohana took a good look at him. "You don't seem injured to me."

"Oh it isn't any physical pain, it's a mental pain." Hanataro replied. "Trust me, this pain I'm feeling now is much worse than getting hit by any Bankai in the entire Seireitei."

_(Byakuya)_

He didn't know how he found himself by his wife's portrait, his body had moved on its own. He theorized that his body wanted a break, and what better place was there for comfort than next to Hisana's picture.

Now that he was here he decided to tell his deceased wife about her sister's alter ego.

"This won't be easy to say... but I fear Rukia has been afflicted with a dark entity. Do not worry, I will take care of it. On top of that I realized that some women enjoy the presence of hollows. Hmm, perhaps you might have like it too."

A small crack appeared on the picture.

_(Hueco Mundo - Aizen)_

"Now where have ya' been? It was quite lonely here without ya' and the espada running' round." Gin said.

Tousen greeted him with a bow. "Lord Aizen."

" I have a few new goals." Aizen replied.

"Oh?" Gin questioned.

"I want to create a zombie army." Aizen said.

Tousen gave him a strange look.

"Come again, I didn't quite catch ya' there" Gin asked in disbelief. "You wanna create what?"

"A zombie army." Aizen replied.

"What are those?" Tousen asked.

Aizen smiled. "Come, we will discuss this." Tousen followed him without hesitation.

Gin on the other hand smirked. "Someone's been watching a few films."

_(Grimmjow)_

Grimmjow dragged himself over to his room. Today had been the longest day ever. All he wanted to do was crash on his bed.

"Hello there Grimmjow, have fun in the human world?"

Grimmjow froze upon hearing the voice. He slowly turned around and his nightmares came true when he saw the octava espada there.

"My, you look like you've just seen a ghost." Szayel said.

Grimmjow narrowed his eyes. "Listen here, never talk to me EVER again. Be prepared to be replaced too." With that he resumed his walk.

Szayel stood there watching him as he disappeared down a corner. "Now what was that about?"

_(Ulquiorra)_

Ulquiorra sat down on his bed. His face remained emotionless and unreadable, but his mind was going crazy. Today's events just wouldn't escape him.

Without wasting anymore time he layed down and pulled the covers over himself, desperate to drift into unconsciousness.

"I think I'll skip tomorrow's morning meeting."

He was very tired.

_(Starrk)_

Lilynette angrily followed Starrk as he opened up a garganta. "You just freaking got here and you're going back? How stupid."

"It's a pain I know, but I forgot something."

"Eh, what did you forget?"

"Ssshh, just follow me and hide your presence." Starrk replied. He led her towards the place where he had encountered hell, Kurosaki Ichigo's house.

Luckily for him Ichigo and Rukia were sprawled on the floor asleep, blankets draped over them. It was kind of chilly and he figured those giant holes no longer blocked the wind.

"It's a mess here." Lilynette whispered. "What the hell are we doing here?"

Starrk ignored her and rummaged through the furniture still lying in the hallway. He finally found what he had been looking for and carefully pulled it out.

Lilynette frowned. "Are you telling me we came over here for a damn bed?"

"This isn't your ordinary bed, it's extremely soft and comfortable." Starrk said. "Now let's head back, I'm dying to try it out."

_(Nnoitra)_

Nnoitra had immediately sonido'ed into his room, not even hiding his excitement.

"Nnoitra-sama, welcome back." Tesla greeted with a bow.

"Shut up Tesla." Nnoitra replied and he barged into his room. He peered outside where Tesla was. "Quit being so damn friendly with me, it's weird. Now I'm going to be watching some movies so don't bother my ass!"

Tesla watched as Nnoitra slammed the door shut. "What are movies?"

Now in his room Nnoitra flipped the lights off and closed the curtains, successfully making his room into a dungeon. He pulled out a movie and placed it inside the DVD player Rukia had lent him. He was so visiting her again.

(103 minutes later)

"Whoa! That shit was so gruesome." Nnoitra said. He then smirked. "I want to try it."

... ... ... ... ...

Halibel made her way over to the restroom. She entered and was met with darkness. She flipped the switch, but it wouldn't turn on.

She frowned. Was Szayel messing with the light switches again? He'd always use up all their electricity power for his experiments.

Suddenly an eerie laugh echoed in the dark room. A strange doll wheeled in on a bike and it spoke in a deep voice.

"Hello Halibel, I'd like to play a little game."

_(Nel)_

"Nel you're back!" Pesche said and he was about to embrace her but stopped mid-way. "Did you all of a sudden get taller or is it just me?"

"Nel is back to her old form, don'tcha know." Dondochakka replied.

"Hello you two." Nel said.

"How did this happened? We looked for you everywhere, we thought that Nnoitra had stolen you away." Dondochakka asked.

"You have dark circles under your eyes, Nel what happened?" Pesche added.

It was true, Nel had so much baggage under her eyes, but right now she could care less. "Hey, listen you two, I need you to knock me out."

"HUH!"

"It's so I could revert to my child self again and forget my memories."

"But Nel I can't hit you." Dondochakka sobbed.

"We could try some other options." Pesche suggested.

Nel ran a hand through her hair. "Okay."

And so they tried countless methods to revert Nel back into her child form, but were unsuccessful. Not one thing had worked. The three laid exhausted on the sand.

"It's not working, don'tcha know."

"I know Dondochakka, I know." Nel replied. It was hopeless, at this rate she'd stay like this forever and never forget these horrible stories.

Just as she was about to give up a figure came blasting out of Las Noches. Dondochakka and Pesche quickly cowered behind Nel.

Nel carefully approached the figure and upon closer inspection she recognized him. "Nnoitra!"

Nnoitra angrily sat up and dusted the sand off himself. "Fucking Halibel can't even take a joke." He looked up and noticed a familiar color of green. "I thought I was done having to see your ugly mug."

Nel ignored his insult. "Listen, I need your help."

"Hah, those fanfictions must've really fucked your mind up if you think I'd help you."

Nel gave him the coldest look he'd ever seen. "I am serious, now if you want to cross swords we can, but we both know how that'll end up."

Nnoitra twitched, she was really serious. "I can't stand your ass."

"That's fine." Nel said. She kneeled down next to him. "I'm asking as someone with no options. Nnoitra, will you throw me off Las Noches?"

Nnoitra shrugged. "Yeah why not, let's go."

… … … … … … … … … … … … … …

And that was the end of their horrible journey caused by Fanfiction. They returned to their normal lives of trying to stop Aizen. Not once did they ever speak of this day.

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><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

**I'd like to thank all who read/reviewed my story as well as those who put this or me on their favorites/alert list. ****You guys have been the best audience, let's see each other again in another story.**

**Now group hug everyone *stares at reviews* on second thought that'll be a big group, so I'll just say thanks again.**


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